"Because I wanted you here."

Everything warped into slow motion as those words softly pierced the night air. Grissom's tongue was dry, his heart was still thumping at an extraordinary pace and his hands were shaking wildly but everything around him was a blur. He could only focus on Sara as the world quietly slipped away from him. The beautiful stars had momentarily melted away into the deep blue sky and the firelight was nothing more than a fuzzy, orange glow but Sara's hopeful brown eyes were bright and clear. Grissom could only see her beautiful face as she stared up at him, smiling despite all of the bruises, blood and pain and he could only think about how much he loved that smile and how he'd been living for it for the past ten years. Sara's broad smile always made everything seem right between them. It made Grissom feel like he could tell her anything and everything, even though he never did. It made him feel warm and comfortable but scared at the same time. It usually left him speechless. But tonight was different. Tonight, he was going to talk. For real.

Sara's fingertips danced meekly around Grissom's palm as they stared at each other, both of them letting the long-denied truth sink in. "You wanted me here, Griss," Sara whispered, her eyes full of gentle happiness and utter relief instead of pain. She wasn't questioning him; she was clearly soaking in his words. "You wanted me here," Sara repeated again, so very softly. Then, with a tearful grin, she did question him. "So the–the lab didn't need me?"

Grissom felt his nervous heart skip a beat and he shook his head slowly. "I–" He paused, grasping Sara's hand and slipping his trembling fingers through hers so that they were entwined. "The lab, uh, the lab never really had much to do with it, Sara," he breathed, fumbling over his words. A recent memory flashed through Grissom's mind and he shivered as Sara's meaningful words came back to him.

"Why do you think I moved to Vegas?"

Grissom knew the answer to that. He had known the answer for five years. And she hadn't really asked him that question, either. It was a hopeful reminder, a reminder they both knew that he needed. Sara came to Vegas for me, because of me, Grissom reminded himself again. And she came for the same reasons I called her. Grissom sighed softly, timidly. "I think we both know why you're here, honey," he finally added.

Sara nodded faintly, a tear slipping down her cheek, and then she gave a short laugh. "Here?" she asked, still smiling broadly. "This isn't Vegas, re–remember?"

"No," Grissom replied with a small chuckle. "No, this isn't Vegas."I wanted you here in my arms, Sara, Grissom thought to himself, loving the way Sara was snuggled close to him. I've always wanted to feel you in my arms–just not like this. Not out here in the middle of nowhere when I can't do anything to help you. He squeezed her hand and his mouth opened again, independent of his cautious brain. "I wanted you here as in–with me."

Sara stared at him again, still smiling and clearly holding back a sob of relief. She struggled to speak and Grissom could tell that it wasn't just from her injuries. "Are you re–really saying this?" she whispered, her eyes wide. Her eyelids were certainly not winning the battle now. "Tell me I–I'm not dreaming this, Griss," she begged him, her fingers clutching his. "I can't tell if–if I'm asleep or not. Except for–for the pain."

"You're awake, honey," he reassured her softly. But I'm not sure if I am.

Sara nodded slowly and Grissom reached around her shoulders to carefully brush her tears from her cheeks. She was crying openly now, allowing him to see her relief and her vulnerability, allowing him to comfort her and to be comforted. These tears weren't from the physical pain. They were from years and years of frustration and longing and Sara was releasing those emotions. Grissom knew this and he felt another stab of guilt because he was the cause of that frustration and because he felt the same way. I could have fixed this earlier. I didn't take her pain away when I could have and now I really can't. I don't deserve to feel anything. Grissom felt his eyes begin to water and he quickly shook it off, staring up into the sky for a moment so Sara wouldn't see. Everything was still a blur. Even the accident, which he now remembered, was fuzzy and distant. Grissom remembered feeling as if it were happening in slow motion.

Sara's scream, the sound of the horn, the roar of the engine, the smashing glass, the smell of dirt and gas, the tipping, the tumbling, the rolling, the crunching, the blood and then the silence.

Sara squeezed Grissom's hand, the very slight pressure bringing him back to her before he could map out the memory in detail. "It's okay, Griss," she whispered. Grissom wondered if she had managed to see the tears welling in his eyes but then he realized that she didn't need to see them. She knew. She always knows. She probably knows that I remember, too.

Grissom was actually relieved that Sara knew how hard this was for him. As Catherine once told him, he didn't have personal stuff, and revealing that he wanted it was harder than Grissom ever imagined it would be. He had hesitated for so long. Sara's tears, despite the fact that they were partially out of happiness and relief, revealed that this hesitation had been costly.

"Sara, I'm so sorry," Grissom said gently. "I never meant to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me," she replied, whispering through her tears. "I'm ha–happy. I'm happy you wan–wanted me with you. I just hope you still do."

With his thumb, Grissom nodded and he tenderly wiped another tear from Sara's cheek. "Of course I do." He paused. "But I did hurt you," he told her, his face becoming very somber in the firelight. "I've been hurting you ever since you came here."

Sara didn't answer. Instead, she gave him a small, reluctant nod and then let her cheek fall against his chest again. Their hands were still entwined and Sara pulled them into her own chest. "But that does–n't matter now, Grissom," she sighed. "It–it can be fixed."

Can it? Grissom wondered. Of course it can, he told himself, silently mustering all of his confidence. That's why we're talking–to fix this. We can fix this. I can fix this. Now if only I could fix Sara too. "I want to fix everything, Sara," he replied tensely. "But–but I don't know how to do it."

"Slow–slowly."

"Slowly?"

Sara's head became heavier on Grissom's chest. "We have to ta–take it slowly. That's why I want–wanted to talk." She stopped to catch her breath. "We need to talk everything out. And we need to–to do it slowly. You've spent years av–avoiding me and I want to know why. It doesn't matter that it happened, I just–I just need an–answers. That–that's the first step, Griss." Sara moaned as she finished the last sentence, gasping for breath again.

Grissom could feel the colour draining from his cheeks. She shouldn't be talking at all, he realized, hearing Sara cough quietly. It's only making it harder for her to breathe. I should have known better! Sara's condition was clearly deteriorating and she needed to be kept still and quiet but Grissom also knew that he had to keep her awake. He bit his lip, knowing that he would have to do most of the talking now. Well, this is ironic.

He sighed. "Sara, honey. I know I'm a hypocrite but I'm going to have to ask you not to talk as much."

To Grissom's complete surprise, Sara didn't argue. She just nodded against his chest, her movements stiff and slow. "I know, punc–tured lung," she groaned, forcing her words out between raspy breaths. "Guess you'll have to do most of the tal–talking." She looked up at him then, with a tiny smile on her face.

Grissom didn't smile back. "I don't know if your lung is punctured," he reminded her softly, reassuringly. "But I don't want to take any chances."

Sara still smiled. "And just when I wanted to–to talk too,"she joked.

"I know. Just keep it to a minimum. I–uh, I'll do the rest."

"Good," she whispered weakly. "That's good." Her eyelids flickered again, briefly. Grissom pulled his fingers from Sara's hand and for a second, she looked lost. But then Grissom placed his firm, warm hand against her cheek, securing her head against his chest. She relaxed against his palm and Grissom sighed inwardly, wondering where to begin. Answers. She wants answers. She deserves answers. And so much more.

"Sara, I–" Grissom took a deep breath.

"Why did you–you avoid me, Griss?"

Grissom exhaled. "Because I thought it was the safe thing to do."

"Safe," Sara repeated lightly, letting the word dangle in the chilly air.

"It's complicated."

"Life is com–plicated, Grissom," Sara told him knowingly. But her tone was gentle, loving, forgiving.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered into her ear, telling her again. But I did hurt her! Grissom silently screamed. I hurt her by staying safe. I hurt her by trying not to hurt her. I hurt her because I didn't want her to hurt me. I hurt the one person who means everything to me. I'm not a good person. She deserves better than me. Grissom cringed in fear and regret, again feeling the hot sting of the tears forming in his eyes. He took a few more deep breaths, desperate to stay in control. He swallowed, his head twitching slightly. "I, uh, I wasn't sure what I meant to you, Sara. Or, what I do mean to you." These sound like excuses. I have no right to make excuses!

Sara buried her face in Grissom's chest. "Ev–everything," she breathed, her tiny, strained voice muffled but clearly full of affection. "You've al–always meant everything to me, Grissom."

Grissom brushed his fingertips along Sara's cheek, carefully caressing her skin. Everything, he repeated to himself, over and over again, letting Sara's words reach deep into his heart and deep into his soul. He felt warm and almost calm again. "I'm sorry I pushed you away, sweetheart," he whispered. "It was the last thing I wanted to do." He sighed. "But it happened anyway."

"Why?" pleaded Sara.

"Because–" Grissom felt a lump form in his throat."Because I don't trust myself."

"But you–you trust me?"

"Implicitly."

"Then why don't you sh–share anything with me, Griss?" Sara looked up at him again, still tearful. "I've missed be–being able to come to you and tell you an–anything and being able to feel com–fortable doing it. I've missed you. The old you." Sara heaved in a ragged breath. "I thought it–I thought it was all my fault."

"I know you did," Grissom said quietly. "I shouldn't have made you feel that way. None of this is your fault." He started to stroke her hair again, feeling Sara's chest rise and fall quickly against his body. "Slow, shallow breaths," he reminded her, forcing a gentle smile onto his face. "I know it's hard but try not to say more than a few words at a time."Sara nodded and Grissom was pretty sure that she understood the importance of keeping her sentences short. She was the one in pain, after all.

"I made you feel uncomfortable," Sara said, continuing their conversation between breaths.

"No, Sara," Grissom replied. "You didn't make me feel uncomfortable."

"I–I didn't?"

Grissom shook his head. "No."

"I don't understand–"

"It wasn't you," Grissom interrupted her softly. "I–I've been uncomfortable around you but the only person making me feel that way was me. I avoided you because–"He took a nervous breath, raising his eyebrows. "Because I was confused. I am confused. And I–I've convinced myself that I'm not capable of giving you what you need." Oh my God. Grissom studied Sara's face carefully as he realized that those words had just come out of his mouth. He heard them echo through his mind in a now familiar slow motion, his own voice seeming low and distorted. I can't believe I'm saying this to her. This isn't happening. None of this happening! I'm not awake.

"And wh–what would it take to change that mind set?" Sara's voice was shaking and barely audible. Her eyes were full of desperation "How–how can we fix that?"

Grissom scanned Sara's broken form, wincing at all the visible cuts and bruises. She was lying against him, fighting to stay awake, struggling with each breath and yet she was asking him if he would ever be capable of loving her. Grissom felt an incredible feeling of sadness sweep through him. I already love you, Sara, Grissom told her silently. I'm just confused. And lost. Literally.

"I've never really had a personal life," Grissom finally replied, his words slow, precise."You know that–everybody knows that."

Sara's eyes softened. "But you want one, ri–right?"

Grissom winced. Be honest, he told himself sternly. "Yes–but I'm not even sure I know what constitutes a personal life, Sara."

"Yes, you–you do," Sara whispered. "You were the one who told me to–to find a diversion, remember? That's per–personal, isn't it?" She smiled faintly, a small sparkle in her eye. "I don't think–I don't think I know anything ab–about it either." She shivered and Grissom immediately checked the blanket to make sure it covered Sara's shoulders and then he began to rub her arms quickly but gently. "You're av–avoiding my ques–question again, Griss," she said, her teeth chattering. "How–how do we fix–"

"Shhhh," Grissom soothed, taking Sara's hands and pressing them into his coat to keep them warm. "I know what you mean," he told her, hoping that she would stay quiet for a minute and conserve her energy. "Isn't that why we're talking? To get answers?" he said, his smile briefly appearing again.

Sara groaned. "You–you're supposed to have them all."

"That's not fair," Grissom teased her lightly. Sara smiled for a second but then she closed her eyes, letting out a small breath. Grissom became very somber again and he hesitated for a minute before speaking. "I want to be there for you, Sara. But–but I don't know what you need from me."

Sara sighed."If–if you don't know what I need then how–how do you know that you can't give it to me?"

Grissom was silent. He couldn't even think.

"Why would you conv–ince yourself that you can't?" Sara asked gently.

Grissom's eyes were wide. "Because you deserve someone better than me, someone younger. You need–"

"I don't need any–anything, Grissom."

But you do need me? Right? Grissom felt his heart flutter madly in his chest. Why is this is so hard? Why am I digging a hole around myself? Why am I still trying to keep her at a distance? This is ridiculous! Before Grissom could think about anything else, Sara tugged gently on his coat, forcing him to look into her hazy but beautiful eyes. "Sara?"

She smiled at him, her lips trembling. "The only th–thing I've ev–ever really wanted or needed is for you to want and to need me, Griss," she whispered. "So if–if you can give me that then I don't need any–thing else."

Grissom closed his eyes at Sara's heartfelt words and he hugged her close while being cautious of her injuries. He took a deep breath, deciding that now was the time to let her know how he really felt."I can give you that, Sara," he whispered back to her, kissing her forehead again. This time, he wasn't as timid and his lips stayed there for a little bit longer, delicately warming her cold skin. Then, he carefully pressed his forehead against hers. "I can give you that."

TBC

Author's Note: Okay, this chapter was really hard to write! Actually getting into Grissom and Sara's talk was quite difficult. I tried my best to keep them in character here and I apologize again for the delay. More flashbacks and more talking ahead in the next few chapters! Thanks to everyone for the feedback!

Special thanks to: Sunrays and Saturdays (You're such a doll! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks!), Nina (thanks!), djkittycat (thanks for pointing that out! That one gets me every time! I really appreciate your comment and your examples!), svcmc (thanks so much! I'm so glad it came across as all those things! That means a lot!), DaVinci13 (I'm glad you liked it! Thanks!), Knupje, Silence89, Chicklit, Tracy, Debbie (Thanks to all of you! I really appreciate your support!), jbr12476 (thanks for sticking with me and for all the feedback!), Mochaccino Love (thanks very much! Sorry about the delay! I hope you enjoy this chapter!), LSI (I hope you like chapter 9! Thanks for your comments!), Courtney242, Gracee, LittleSidle, Aidrianna (thanks to all four of you for the lovely reviews and to Gracee for the encouraging message at YTDAW. You all make my day!), Laura and rawk16 (thank-you both!), Katia (thank-you very much for the detailed feedback! I'm glad you like it!), CrysWimmer (wow, thanks so much! Your comments were lovely and I blushed–big time! Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed review! It made my day!), CarbyluvYTDAW (thanks for sticking with me!), jesusfreak30, dreams-of-a-girl, duckyv91 (thanks to all three of you! Lol. I laughed at the poodle thing, ducky!), Jenny70529 (aw, you didn't scare me! Thanks for your comments! You're awesome!), gabesaunt (thanks for sticking with me! I'm very glad you liked Sara's POV), Teenwitch (thanks so much! I'm glad this leaves you warm and mushy! Very glad you liked the last line!), Lin, Dizzy-Dreamer, ToMyGrave, Eaglesei (thanks very much to all of you! I really appreciate your comments!), Christiangirl, Ravenara Erikana, crimsidle, raye, Sponge Hearts, Nick55 (thanks to you all!), DolphinAnimagus (I'm glad you're still reading! Thanks!), Shannon (thanks so much! I'm glad you like it!), Almeida's-Angel24 and brainfear (your reviews really mean a lot! I really appreciate the lovely comments and the fact that you're still reading! Thanks to both of you!)

Jazz