3. You Wanted In

You're where I thought I'd never go.

I can't believe I did.

- Look Out Below, by Closure -

That night, the dreams stayed away, as did sleep. Gippal tossed and turned, finally lying on his back, staring at the dark ceiling. Baralai's words were ringing in his ears.

Grow up.

Where had that come from? Did he really come across as immature? He didn't think so, but maybe others didn't quite share his view on things. Yes, he was known to make cheap jokes at completely inappropriate moments, but that was just his way to cope with the tension. If you couldn't laugh about it, you might as well be dead, because then fear would get the better of you. And Baralai knew that, knew him.

Or so he had thought.

And now Baralai had gone to Luca, and Gippal couldn't shake the feeling that he had seen his friend for the last time. And they had parted in anger.

This is bullshit.

Yeah, well, if anybody had told him the ghost of a ten thousand year old blitzball player would possess his friend and try to destroy Spira because his girlfriend had died, that's probably what he would have said. It had happened nevertheless.

And this felt very familiar. Too familiar. Shuyin had never taken control of him, not really, but he had still sensed the hatred, anger, and loneliness of the man in that cave, back in the days of Crimson Squad. This wasn't quite the same, but close. Very close. And if he concentrated, he could feel it, in the back of his mind, right now. Calling.

It's just a dream, tynmehk.

Problem was, he wasn't so sure about that.

"Gippal, this is crazy."

Nhadala stood in the door and watched him gear up. It wasn't too much he would take along. His weapon, of course. Rope, a light source, some tools. Maybe a little to eat? Yeah, after all, he didn't know how long he would be gone. Might as well take potions, too.

"Gippal."

He sighed.

"Look, I know it sounds stupid, but I have to do this."

"Because of the dreams." It wasn't really a question.

"Yeah, well, what if they're not? I can't risk this, Nhadala. I won't."

"At least take somebody with you. Don't go alone."

He flashed her his easy grin.

"Aw, come on. It's me you're talking to. What could happen?"

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," was her dry answer. Gippal laughed, and drew her into an affectionate hug.

"Don't worry," he murmured into her long blond hair, "I probably won't find anything there, and the only consequence this whole stunt will have is me sleeping at night again."

She pulled back, and smiled one of her rare smiles. It didn't reach her eyes.

"Be careful," she said.

He grinned, and patted her on the back.

"You know me," he winked, and left.

"Yes," she shouted after him. "So do me a favour and be careful."

Gippal laughed.

Reaching Bikanel desert was easy enough. His Al Bhed had a camp there, after all. He used the opportunity to take a tour around the excavation site. The experiment had failed spectacularly, but that wasn't a reason to stop digging. There were other things left to be found.

After a bit of small talk about the new situation in Spira, he left for Home. Or rather, for the hole that was left of it. As he stared down into the bottomless depths his mind wandered back to that fateful day when so many lives had been lost. He remembered the screams, the moans of dying men and women, glassy eyes, explosions, thick acrid smoke that burned in his nose and made his eyes water. He remembered the high-pitched screeches of the attacking monsters, the frantic yelling as the Al Bhed had tried to defend what was theirs. Children crying for their parents. The ground shaking with various impacts. Hands reaching for help that never came. Walls crumbling. Friends falling. And blood, so much blood, its coppery smell almost tangible in the air.

Gippal swallowed against the lump in his throat. Few of them had survived that day. Escaping on Cid's airship, most of them openly crying as its weapons destroyed what was still standing of the place they had called Home. Nothing was left, he knew that. Yet something was drawing him to this place, calling him in the night.

Or it was just a dream, and he was being childish. A man could hope.

Carefully, he made his way down. It wasn't as hard as he had thought it would be. There were more than enough holds for his hands and feet, sometimes even something like a path he could follow. All very different from the sheer drop he had expected. Well, all the better.

He reached the ground after what seemed like an eternity. It was pitch dark, so he took out his small light source and hefted it to the front of his shirt where it wouldn't be in the way. Damp walls glistened in the weak bluish glow. Here and there he could make out twisted pieces of steel, some of them still blackened by soot, others half molten.

And there were bones.

Gippal swallowed again, tears burning in his eyes. He didn't want to be here, didn't want to see this. But he could feel the call again, a deep hatred, pulling at him. Madness that wanted company, wanted him, to… see something, bear witness. He knew now that his nightmares had been anything but simple dreams. And if there was the slightest chance to prevent Baralai's death, he'd take it.

Even if that meant finding his way between stone and other things he didn't want to think about, let alone look at. Still, he watched his footing, careful not to… crunch anything.

He just hoped he'd find his way back. Getting lost down here might well mean losing one's mind.

Deeper and deeper into the ruined remains of Home he went, torn between dreading what he might find, and simply wishing this terrible journey to be over.

And then he saw it.

Looming high above him, blue twin lights piercing the darkness over what looked like cheekbones. Strange symbol on a forehead that might or might not be bone. The giant skull face of a machina that should have never been built.

Vegnagun.