6. Everything I Am

Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find.

Well, maybe it's too far away, or maybe I'm just blind.

- Love Me When I'm Gone, by Three Doors Down -

Blood was slowly penetrating the cloth around his knees and soaking his trousers, but Baralai didn't care. He was trying to comprehend how this could have happened, how a life so precious could just be gone like that. His vision was blurred, hands shaking as he reached out to touch what he had lost before really having it.

"Gippal," he cried.

And the pyreflies moved. Before he could react, the had stopped their lazy dance around the Al Bhed's body to rise in a fluid wave of movement, before closing in to swirl around him. Too startled to stop his own motion, Baralai just stared at his hand as it connected with the cold flesh of Gippal's cheek, and one of the pyreflies shot towards him. He flinched back, but then it didn't matter anymore, because the moment they met, the world faded…

The thunder of waterfalls was the first thing he registered when his senses returned. That, and the manic jingle and clinking around him. Slowly, Baralai opened his eyes.

What the…

He was lying on his back in a field of flowers, pyreflies dancing above the meadow in wild abandon. A fine mist hung in the air, disturbed by the frantic movements of the small multicoloured beings. Something was wrong with the light, and instead of peaceful like he remembered, the Farplane just looked eerie. Whispers crawled at the edge of his mind, eluding his grasp, making him shake his head in irritation.

What on Spira was he doing here? Why would the Fayth have a human brought here, and him of all people? He wasn't even a summoner.

"Of all to come, it had to be you."

The voice startled him, and he spun around, combat ready without conscious thought. When he saw the boy in front of him, clad in violet with a hood hiding his face, his let his hands sink to his sides. A Fayth.

"Why?"

"Because you do not belong. As does he. You have to go."

"I don't…"

"This death was not meant to be," the Fayth interrupted. "This soul cannot rest here."

"Gippal? Are you talking about Gippal?"

"Find your friend, and take him back. He does not belong."

Baralai opened his mouth to ask another question, but the pyreflies swirled again, and the Fayth was gone. Startled, he just stood, blinking, surrounded by flowers and lights and rocks and waterfalls and without the slightest idea of what he should do now. Mentally kicking himself, he started into the next best direction. If the Fayth wanted him to find Gippal and bring him home, who was he to argue? He could hardly believe his luck in the first place. But without knowing where to look, he might well stumble across the place forever, so he needed at least a hint. Heart pounding, he stopped, and looked around.

The Farplane looked the same wherever he let his searching gaze wander. A peaceful meadow hanging over a bottomless abyss, except that now he noticed shadows where before there had been none. He frowned. The light was still not right, and when he concentrated, he could see movement within the faint dark outlines that didn't stem from pyreflies.

Somehow, he got the feeling that the Fayth hadn't exactly offered to send Gippal back out of the goodness of their hearts. And speaking of his friend, maybe he should try a different approach instead of walking around without a clue. But would the Al Bhed even talk to him after he had let him down so badly? He guessed he just had to try, it wasn't as if he had much left to lose. Mentally shrugging, he decided to give it a shot.

"Gippal?" he called out. The shadows swirled, grew thicker. He swallowed. "Gippal!"

A soft shuffling sound made him peer into the growing darkness. There was an assembly of rocks not too far away, and he walked towards them. Rounding the largest of them, Baralai's heart fluttered when he noticed the man sitting at its foot.

"Gippal?" he asked cautiously.

The young Al Bhed was leaning his back against the cold stone, his eye closed. Although his face showed no emotion, it wasn't hard to notice the air of defeat surrounding him.

"What do you want?" he asked in a tired voice.

"I want you to come back with me," Baralai said softly.

Gippal snorted.

"Yeah, right."

And this wasn't how it was supposed to go, not at all. They had been offered a chance, the chance to live, and only a madman would be stupid enough to decline, yet that was exactly what Gippal was doing. Baralai didn't get it.

"Gippal, I want to go home."

"I'm not stopping you," was the curt answer.

"Do you think I'd go alone?" the ex-praetor asked incredulously. His friend still didn't look at him.

"Well, you'd have to, since I'm not leaving."

"Damn it, Gippal, are you stupid or something? What is wrong with you?" Baralai exploded, feeling hurt.

And finally, finally, he got a reaction as Gippal opened his eye to stare at him with barely concealed fury.

"What's wrong with me? I'm dead, that's what's wrong! Do you get that, or do I have to draw you a picture?"

"I get it just fine! I found your body, you self-righteous asshole!"

"Then I don't see your problem!"

"Have you completely lost your mind?" Baralai shouted, blinking against the tears that burned in his eyes. "Because you're making even less sense than usual!"

"Dead, Baralai. Thus, Farplane. Which is where dead people belong, if you remember."

"But you don't! The Fayth said you could go back!"

"What for?"

"What- Well, to live, of course."

For some reason, the Al Bhed seemed to find that funny, but his amusement passed quickly.

"What are you even doing here, Baralai?"

"What am I doing here? You died for me!"

"Yeah, and look what good it did me," Gippal said tiredly and slumped back against his rock, eye closed again.

Baralai stared at his friend in helpless frustration.

"So you won't come back."

"I thought I made that clear."

"Fine."

Mouth set in a firm line, Baralai turned, and walked to the rock next to Gippal's, where he sat down. His friend looked at him sceptically.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" he snapped.

"You can't stay here," Gippal hissed, but Baralai just shrugged.

"Watch me."

"Baralai, you have to go back," his friend was pleading now.

"Why?"

"Because you're not dead, damn it!"

"And neither are you."

"What, are you blind or something? If it was anything like my dreams, there should be a hole in my chest at least a mile wide. I don't know about you, but I'd call that dead."

"But you weren't meant to be," Baralai tried again. His friend shook his head in anger.

"I don't care if I was meant to be or not! I won't go back!"

"Well, if you're staying, so am I." And that was final.

"Baralai…"

"Both or none, Gippal," he interrupted. "Your call."

Gippal fell silent, his breathing erratic. Strange lights were dancing across his features as the pyreflies around them twirled once again, keeping the shadows at bay.

"Damn you," he finally whispered, and Baralai knew he had won.

"Yeah, I've heard that before," the young ex-praetor said quietly before rising to his feet. He held out his hand. "Let's go home."

Gippal eyed the offered hand resignedly, but took it after a moment of hesitation. And as the pyreflies rose, the world faded once again.