Neon Genesis Excel Saga
Chapter 2: Giving No Permission!
by
Bill Martin
I, Bill Martin, do hereby swear that I do not own any of the intellectual properties represented in the following fanfic (aside from my self-insertion).
Bill stamps his signature
The scene opens with Bill in a convention hall, surrounded by huge piles of letters.
Bill: (grabs a letter and reads aloud) "Dear author, I wish to know why I heard Misato's voice coming from Asuka in the last chapter." Where do they find them, and why do they keep sending them to me? (grabs another letter and reads it aloud as well) "Dear Bill, do you secretly wish Asuka was legal? After all, Misato was portrayed by Asuka's voice actress." (grabs his hair and shouts) WHO GAVE THEM ACCESS TO THE JAPANESE/ENGLISH VOICE CONTROLS FOR THIS FANFIC?"
A figure steps forward from the shadows and starts to speak.
Rikdo: I did. I, Koshi Rikdo, author of the original manga read your little thing after that financial fiasco you put me in, and have decided that I'll force you to keep on writing these fanfics, so that there'll be a basis for a third Excel Saga series. It'll be great to have the manga, anime, and fanfic sagas all under my control!
Nabeshin: (pops up from under some floorboards) Hey, Rikdo, you don't control me! Besides, I've got plans for this dude as well, I'm gonna force him to bring in Puni Puni Poemy into this fanfic, since I am the Nabeshin, and I can do whatever I want.
Rikdo: (leans forward and yells at Nabeshin) Oh yeah! Well, I'm the original AUTHOR, and you know what I'm gonna do?"
Nabeshin (gets right in Rikdo's face, so close they're literally nose-to-nose) "What?"
Rikdo reaches in his loose shirt and pulls out ... a rubber stamp.
Rikdo: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby refuse to give my permission, yet again, to this fanfic, to turn the Excel Saga anime into a crossover special of manga & anime characters!
Koshi stamps his signature on Bill's forehead
Bill: (looks at the both of them) Are you done?
They nod yes, and he reaches up as a rope with a tassel is lowered and pulls it. Koshi & Nabeshin both fall down deep pits.
The opening credits roll with the oh-so familiar music
The scene opens on a beach, blood-soaked rocks and animals scatter the landscape. Several men in environmental suits are seen scrubbing the coastline. The Great Will of the Macrocosm slowly descends to a clearing, and starts waving her hands mysteriously. A sphere of white aura appears, and a figure slowly forms in the center. The sky darkens quickly, rain starts to fall, and lightning starts to strike in various places. The lightning slowly gets closer to the aura sphere as the form starts to resemble a human.
The men in environmental suits run to the nearby storm shelter, and watch at a distance the electrical spectacle that has drawn their attention. The storm clouds get worse, and several lightning strikes are getting very close to the aura sphere. The sphere suddenly grows as several bolts of lighting strike it simultaneously. Three figures emerge naked from the aura as it dissipates, and the sky clears up.
Junpei: (stands up and brushes himself off) Dammit, I told Celcia she had to be naked for the spell. (turns around and shakes his fist at where the aura was) DAMMIT, YOU STINKING PANDA ELF!
Airi: Now, Junpei, such anger doesn't befit you.
Junpei: (embarrassed) Aw shucks, Miss Airi... (looks and realizes Airi & Ritsuko are naked as well) uh... (blood spurts out his nose and he faints)
Ritsuko: Poor Junpei, too innocent for his own good.
GWOTM: Um, not to intrude, but who are you people?
Ritsuko: (turns her head fast to find out who asked the question) Well, we're... (notices what the Great Will looks like, and turns to Airi) ... Miss Airi, when did whirlpools start to float, grow arms, and talk?
Airi: (looks at the Great Will) I don't know, Ritsuko. Um... Pardon us, whatever you are, but we're travelers trying to get home to Japan. Please tell us that we're no longer in the land of the elves.
GWOTM: Don't worry, Airi was it? You're in Japan, but your attire, or lack thereof, is rather odd.
Airi: We were trapped in a land of elves, and we had to gather spell fragments to return home. Looks like we're here, but our clothes were lost in transit. You wouldn't happen to be able to help us out, would you?
GWOTM: I can, just hang on. (waves her hands back and forth, and light glitters around the trio, and as the light fades, their original clothing is restored) I hope those fit, I used the powers I have as the Great Will of the Macrocosm to tap into your conscience and restore what you felt most comfortable in.
Ritsuko: (gets starry-eyed) THE Great Will of the Macrocosm? Wow! What were you doing out here? (looks around) Helping clean up this beach?
In the background, Junpei wakes up and keeps his mouth shut as he doesn't want to interrupt the conversation.
GWOTM: No, I was trying to bring a traveler out of a temporal displacement that I created, but your arrival broke my concentration If you don't mind, I'd better bring him out soon, he can't last too much longer in there.
The Great Will starts waving her arms again, a black cloud-shaped aura slowly expands to roughly the size of a refrigerator and then starts to dissolve. Bill is seen
inside the aura, and catches his breath once the aura is gone.
Bill: Remind me not to do that again. I feel like my head's been bashed by a thin slice of lemon wrapped around a gold brick. (looks around) Miss Will, did I end up in the land of the elves?
GWOTM: No. Funny you should mention that, these travelers say they just came from there.
Bill: (wipes forehead) Whew. As much as stripping elves to find spell fragments to get home sounds interesting, it'd get boring after a while.
Airi, Ritsuko, and Junpei: (in unison) You're telling us!
Ritsuko: Hey, you look American, how can we understand your speech?
Bill: Well... being the writer, I make use of this... (pulls a remote out of his pocket) It's the Japanese/English voice controls for this fanfic. If I push this button like so... (pushes button) ... the reader still reads what I say with those fancy brackets around it in English, but the casual listener is hearing what I say in Japanese.
Junpei: So you're saying... HOLY CRAP! My voice changed!
Bill: Yes, this "electronic babelfish" can do many amazing things, even restoring your Japanese voice. However, I tire of this so I'm going back to English. (pushes a different button) Ahh... much better. Now to get back to the grindstone to push this plot along... (slaps forehead) dammit... quit breaking the fourth wall.
Bill walks off into the sunset, and the Great Will of the Macrocosm and the trio head off towards the nearest town. The scene fades out, and the camera then descends into a secret underground base.
Excel: HAIL, IL PALAZZO!
Hyatt: -zo.
Il Palazzo: THIS WORLD IS CORRUPT! Fan-fiction it the bane of society, as it fosters inspiration among the ignorant masses, and since we cannot control it, we will destroy it. I am sending you to kill the author of a vile fan-fiction before it can spread too far.
Excel: Ooh, which one? Steven King? Tom Clancy?
A rope descends in reach of Il Palazzo and he pulls it. A pit opens beneath Excel, and she immediately plummets and a splash isn't heard for several seconds. She then struggles back up the shaft and finally emerges.
Il Palazzo: Excel, I said fan-fiction authors, not fiction authors that have fans. I am sending you to kill the author of Neon Genesis Excel Saga... I am sending you to KILL BILL!
Excel: Um... Lord Il Palazzo, that movie's not in theaters anymore.
Il Palazzo grits his teeth in anger, and grabs the rope again. Excel drops once again. The splash is heard again.
Hyatt: Lord Il Palazzo, I think she's correct. In fact, Volume 2 came out on DVD, if I'm not mistaken.
Il Palazzo: Hmm... (takes out a pencil and notepad and murmurs while writing) Move Quentin Tarantino up the list of people to kill... (puts the pencil & notepad away)
Excel climbs out of the pit again and keeps her mouth shut.
Il Palazzo: Well then, I shall belay that order until I can find a way to word it that does not confuse Excel. Besides, our Division in Bill's home region can deal with him when he shows up there. (stands up and throws back one side of his cape with dramatic flair) With the Council of 6 that ruled our Supreme Ideological Organization of A.C.R.O.S.S. gone, we've been in a bit of disarray, so any further orders shall wait until I take control. (turns around and laughs) MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (glances in the direction of Hyatt & Excel) Ignore that laugh.
The scene switches from an underground base in F City, F Prefecture in Japan, to an underground base in H City, K State in the United States. A leader in an outfit similar to Il Palazzo's sits as two generic-looking agents salute him.
The two generic-looking agents: (in unison) HAIL, LORD RAMADA!
Ramada: Agents, report!
The agent on Ramada's right: Yes, Lord Ramada. Agent Holiday and myself have set up traps in Bill's neighborhood to catch him when he arrives, and we also have set about an alternate method of capture should he somehow elude the traps. I'll let you explain that part, Holiday.
Holiday: Thank you, Agent Alaskan. We acquired the address of this Bill, and we laced all of his food supplies with a mild sedative, left a detector to let us know when he opens his refrigerator, freezer, microwave, or stove. We've even told some local denizens to alert us when he arrives, it seems our counterfeit $50 bills pass off very easily into the local economy.
Ramada: Very well done, agents. I will leave you to your devices as I must leave shortly for the conference to decide the new ultimate leader of A.C.R.O.S.S., although it seems that Il Palazzo over in F Prefecture is the front-runner. (internally) Damn him, damn his pretty face, damn his suave voice, damn him, damn him, DAMN HIM!
The usual Excel Saga eyecatch is seen with its usual musical accompaniment. The scene opens with Bill still walking in the Japanese countryside, while wearing headphones attached to an AM/FM portable radio.
Bill: Yes! Okay, now to contact ... (pulls the headphones out of the way, whips out a cell phone, and dials some number) ... Yes, it's me, Bill. Uh-huh, I know. Put the rest on the Kisaragi Boys team to win it all from here on out. Yes I know of Hayakawa's Lightning Ball, just trust me on this. I haven't been wrong yet. (hangs up the cell phone and speaks to himself) Alright, I knew that DVD collection would come in handy someday.
The Great Will of the Macrocosm is seen playing with her daughter on a playground, along with several puchuus on the swings and merry-go-round. in the background as Bill starts to enter F City. Bill notices a shaved ice stand on the beach, and he heads toward it after his long journey. He knocks on the window and he starts to speak as the window opens.
Bill: Hello, I'd like a strawberry... CRAP! NABESHIN!
Nabeshin: Hey, Hey! HEY! IT'S YOU!
Bill: So I guess I won't be getting a discount on a dozen, will I?
Nabeshin: Only if it's a dozen whaps upside your head!
The ruckus has roused Nabeshin's wife & kid, they approach the window and speak.
Kumikumi: What's going on, dear husband?
Poemi: Mr. Director, this wasn't in the script.
Nabeshin: (sighs and takes a deep breath to calm himself down) Bill, let me introduce you to my wife, Kumikumi, and my daughter, Poemi Watanabe. For some reason she calls herself Kobayashi and calls me Mr. Director. And... DAMMIT POEMI, PUT ON SOME PANTIES!
Poemi walks back out of sight, and hopefully out of earshot.
Bill: Um... Nabeshin, I don't really care what goes on in your household, and frankly, right now, I don't WANT to know. I would've had to find you anyway, since the funding for my film finally cleared, and with the movie finally being released in theaters, it's turning a profit. I've applied those profits to a business venture that should pay off in a few months, and I'll be able to pay you, and the others that feel I should've paid them in American dollars, what you feel I owe you.
Nabeshin: (glares at Bill) You know, because of you, I had to move into this shack, and take on an additional project just to finish the Quack Experimental Anime Excel Saga.
Kumikumi: We're going to call it Puni Puni Poemi, since we're having to use our daughter as the title character. It's about a girl that transforms with the help of a magical fish.
Bill: Y'know, there's a joke or three there, but I'm gonna keep my mouth shut on that. I'll tell you what I can do right now, I can forward you one million yen and help out on your anime, since you so graciously helped me out on my movie, and I'll send you another million yen once my bets... uh... heh heh... I mean investments... pay off.
Nabeshin: Well then... I can certainly put that money to good use, but rather than a promise of more money in the future, I need you to get more actors for my anime. I need you to see if you can get the Aasu family to help out. One of them goes to school with Poemi. I'd prefer it if you could get all seven sisters to help out.
Bill: Seven sisters, huh? Shouldn't be too much trouble. After all, I got you to work for me...
Bill walks away, as Nabeshin's anger grows and causes him to shake his fist at Bill. The scene changes to the outside of the Earth Defense Family house, which coincidentally, is also the Aasu residence. Bill walks up and rings the doorbell.
The door opens, and the eldest daughter, Nanase greets Bill. After a long and harried discussion at a rather high rate of speed, the house is left in shambles, and Nanase, Mutsumi, Itsue, Shii, Mitsuki, Futaba, and Hitomi all agree to help out, since Futaba seems very keen on Poemi.
The scene changes to the A.C.R.O.S.S. underground base in F City, F Prefecture. Lord Il Palazzo is reading his usual trendy magazine, intently staring at some ad that caught his eye. All of the sudden a figure drops from the ceiling out of a chute. Il Palazzo looks up and sees a strange woman, who gets up, brushes herself off and does the A.C.R.O.S.S. salute and says "HAIL, HELL MISHIMA!"
Il Palazzo: Who are you, and who is this Hell Mishima you speak of? I've not heard of a member of A.C.R.O.S.S. that goes by that name.
Mysterious woman: I am Bloody Akiko, and Hell Mishima is my boss in my organization to take over the world.
Il Palazzo: (muttering under his breath) Not another one. That's the third one this week. (aloud) Well, Miss Akiko, I've got a message for your Hell Mishima, he can relax, as the Ideological Organization of A.C.R.O.S.S. will take over the world for him.
Lord Il Palazzo then reaches up and yanks his cord, and Bloody Akiko falls down the chute, never to be seen again in this chapter. The scene changes yet again, this time to a sidewalk cafe. Excel & Hyatt are sitting with Bill.
Bill: Okay, ladies, I'll try and explain this one more time, I am not going back to meet with Il Palazzo, since you've told me he wants me dead.
Excel: No. He just wants you to watch some Tarantino movie, that's all. The one with Uma Thurman and David Carradine.
Itsue & Shii Aasu walk up to the table next to the one Bill, Excel and Hyatt are at, and a waiter takes their order.
Shii: Whew, these things can be murder on my back.
Excel: (looks at Hyatt strangely and asks) Ha-chan, how did you throw your voice?"
Hyatt: Senior, that wasn't me, that was someone at the next table.
Excel: (looks over at the next table) Ha-Chan... she looks like you, but with bigger boobs... man, those are almost as big as her head!
Itsue: Hey, that sounded like me, but it wasn't!
Bill: (looks at the other table, then back at his table, then back at the other table) Oh, hi ladies, didn't expect to see you here... Hyatt & Excel, these are Itsue & Shii Aasu. Shii & Itsue, these are Excel Excel and Hyatt.
As Bill gets up to pay the check, his electronic babelfish falls out of his pocket and when it hits the ground, the batteries fall out.
Bill: Oh crud, that can't be good.
Excel: Bill, what was that thing? And why can't I understand you anymore?
Hyatt picks up the device puts the batteries back in, and hands them to Bill. Bill pushes a few buttons and then speaks...
Bill: Can you understand me now? Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
Itsue: Did he just say Godzilla's attacking?
Bill glares angrily at Itsue.
Shii: No, silly, we would've been warned by our sisters if he was.
Itsue: Ahh... yeah... so, um... what did he say, then?
Bill pushes a few more buttons.
Bill: What about now? Can you understand me now?
Excel: Yes... but why do I now sound like Sailor Moon?
Bill: Because your Japanese voice actor did that role as well... Hmm, I'll work on this, and get this straightened out. I'd hate to have to do the rest of these chapters in Japanese
A scene transition blurs by, and Bill is seen fiddling with his Electronic Babelfish.
Prop Guy: Ok, finally got a Sony Aibo, why do we need it again?
Bill: (whispering) Sweet! Finally got it fixed.
Nabeshin: (to the Prop Guy) Because I wanted one, that's why. Hey Bill!
Bill: Yeah, Nabeshin? What is it?
Nabeshin: Why aren't you in costume?
Bill: Oh, is it time already? Rats...
Bill stands up, rushes behind a rock on the beach, raises his pen and says the magical words...
Bill: By the Power of Fanfiction, I Have The POWER!
Bill then points his pen at a nearby Puchuu, which turns into a wig that looks like Nabeshin's afro. Bill picks up the wig and emerges from behind the rock wearing Nabeshin's suit.
Bill: So, I'm your stunt double, I can dig it. But you do all of your own stunts anyway, why do you need me?
Nabeshin: Because I'm going to be wearing a costume, since I'm playing two roles, and I don't feel like borrowing from two Dragonball Z characters for myself. Now, you're going to be here with my wife's stunt double, some half-starved woman that wears a bodice just for this scene. She's in that hut, scene starts in about a half-hour, I've got some stuff I need to take care of right now...
Bill walks over to the hut, where he finds Excel in a bodice, eating food she's grabbed from the snack tray outside.
Bill: Well, well, well... (grins) Let the bodice hit the floor, let the bodice hit the floor, let the bodice hit the floor, let the bodice hit the... FLOOOOOOOOOR!
The scene switches to the outside, as controlled chaos happens, various sounds emerge from the hut, as Bill struggles, and Excel tries to keep eating despite Bill's efforts. Nabeshin chases some Puchuus off of the set, and the weather slowly starts to turn gloomy...
scene fades to black and the episode end pops up
Fan fiction Beta
Getting No Permission
Mission Status ... Failed
Ending credits roll w/ music
Original Story
Koshi Rikdo
(Shonen Gahosha)
Screenplay
Bill Martin
Storyboards
None (It's a fanfic)
Vocal Cast
None (It's a fanfic)
Director
Bill Martin
Series Composition
VHSs & DVDs
Character Design
Satoshi Ishino
Main Editor
Bill Martin
Executive Producer
Bill Martin
Written By
Bill Martin
International Coordinator
The UN.
Project Translator
Missing In Action
Next Episode Preview
"Excel here. More random chaos to ensue, Will the glorious Lord Il Palazzo become the new supreme ruler of A.C.R.O.S.S., will Bill finally get Rikdo's permission, will Menchi be used as an emergency food ration? All these, and more to be answered in the next exciting episode... If Bill decides to write it..."