I'm sooo sorry for the delay. I'm blaming it on the distractions of the sweetest girl in the world, who's captured my heart completely. I love you Angel.
So, back to the story. Enjoy and review!

Love,
Jellicos

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Chapter five:

'So I lay my hand on her cheek and caress it slowly as I lean towards her.'

The electricity as your lips brush together is mind numbing. That is why it takes me a while to register the fact that Catherine has pulled away and is now standing with her back towards me and her arms hugging her torso desperately. What the hell is she playing at? My blood is boiling as I rush over to yell at her for toying with me, but as I se the tears falling down her cheeks the words get stuck in my throat.

"I'm sorry…" She whispers, her voice fragile and thick from the tears. Then at last it hits me. Without letting her object, I cradle her in my arms, holding her tight.

"No Catherine. I'm sorry." I say, tears escaping my eyes as well. "I shouldn't have done that." I stroke her hair and feel her relaxing into my embrace. Then it comes. Every ounce of pain she's been hiding for all this time comes out in desperate sobs. For a moment I'm stunned. Catherine Willows, the always so strong, confident and in control super-woman is crying. And she's crying in my arms. I have so little experience in these matters. But the heartbreaking sound of her desperate and painful sobbing brings me back to reality. I can only follow my instinct in this, so I hold her tight, stroking her back and whisper soothing nonsense in her ear. I will not ask her to stop crying. Instead I encourage her to let it all out, telling her that I'll be here, that I'll never leave her side. With my words her crying just intensifies and I'm not sure if I just made everything worse. But she's clinging to me, holding me tight by my waist as she cries on my shoulder.

After what seems like an eternity, her sobbing subsides. She's still holding on to me as if she's afraid that I will run away if she lets go.

I realize that there's much more to this story and that we need to talk this through.

I carefully release myself from her grip enough to meet her eye and immediately realize that I've made a mistake. This time I cannot blame it on hallucination. There is love in her eyes, the same strong, heart wrenching love that she must se in mine. But what throws me even more is the intense desire darkening her blue orbs. I need to pull back, and I need to do it now. We still have some talking to do, and I cannot do that if I'm this close to her.

So I do. Reluctantly I pull away from her embrace; the loss of her warm flesh against mine is pure agony. She's just standing there, watching me. So I tug at her hand to get her to sit next to me on the sofa.

Then I just wait. I sit beside her, watching her and wait. When she finally speaks her voice is cracked and fragile.

"All this time… All these men…" I'm starting to think this might not be such a good idea, I'm not sure I want to hear this. But she continues, staring decisively at her hands, clasped in her knee. "They where just props, something to fill the void." And there she stops. After a few minutes I have to ask.

"The void?" I say carefully, not wanting to scare her off.

"The void that comes when you love someone you know you'll never have." Her whisper is barely audible but the sound of my heart breaking must be ear defining. I had promised to be there for her, but I find it damn near impossible when she speaks of her love for someone else and I cannot face her as she turns to look at me.

"Anyone I know?" My voice is harsher than intended as I turn away from her. Why did I ask that? Do I really want to know who it is?

"Sara, don't be silly." I shoot her a death glare at her soft spoken words.

"Silly!" I'm almost shouting at her. "You come here, playing your little games and then you call me silly!" For what seems to be the hundredth time these past days I find myself standing. I can't look at her so I turn to the window. The weather must have sensed my mood because it's pouring outside, heavy drops of water crashing to their doom on my window.

"Games?" Catherine's voice is heartbreaking. "You think I'm playing games with you?"

"Aren't you?" I snap at her without turning. "You ask me if I want you and when you get your answer you tell me that you love someone else." Catherine's chuckling. How dare she! As I turn to face her in rage I realise that she's standing right in front of me. Her expression changes fast as she sees my anger and suddenly she looks vulnerable again.

"I just assumed…" Catherine's looking down at her shoes again and I get the sudden urge to hold her. "After Grissom and Hank, after all our fights and the way I've treated you…" She takes a deep breath before looking out the window over my shoulder. "I just assumed that you hated me, that there was never any chance that you might…" She trails off. With much effort I place a trembling hand on her cheek.

"That I might what?" I ask, the harshness and anger are gone. Then she looks at me. The deep blue orbs filled with so much emotion that I stop breathing.

And just then it hits me.

"For how long?" I ask, still not able to grasp what is happening.

"Since the time you suggested rootbeer when I asked it there was anything with alcohol in the staff fridge." Catherine is smiling and I chuckle.

"I can't believe it. All this time, why didn't you tell me?" I ask, even though I know the answer.

"I was scared." She looks away again, but her expression is enough for me to realise the struggle within her. "I have a daughter, responsibilities, my whole life is about to be turned upside down and it scares me." She sighs heavily and a tear is falling down my cheek. Then she looks at me again and my breath is caught in my throat for a second time. "But not taking the chance scares me even more. I love you Sara." I wasn't prepared for the effect these words would have on me. For a moment I just stare at her, not sure if I'm imagining the whole thing. But as she leans in to kiss me, every doubt I ever had is flushed away in an instant.

People have always told me that the deepest and most honest emotions can only be communicated by a kiss. I always thought them crazy. But Catherine just proved me wrong.

As her lips meet mine, as her tongue searches for entrance and find it, five long years of repressed love and desire comes washing through us like tidal waves. I hear moaning, not sure if they come from her or me, and I don't care. The desperate hunger, the deep love that surges though our kiss is all that my mind is able to register.

When we break apart, only because the lack of air is threatening to knock us unconscious I watch her. Her eyes are still closed; her lips are red and swollen from the kiss and still slightly parted. She's stunning!

"I love you too Cath" I whisper, my voice husky with desire and she opens her eyes. And there it is, the deep raw lust darkening the usually baby blue orbs.

"Bed. Now." She demands, not able to utter a complete sentence. I look at her for a moment with concern. A moment ago she was crying in my arms, I don't want to push her.

"Are you sure Cath… we can wait..." I don't want to wait, but I don't want her to regret anything.

"I can't. I want you Sara. Take me to bed." Her words, her sultry tone… Every thought of slowing down is gone and I take her hand to lead her to my bedroom.

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Mwahahaaaa… eeeeeeevil cliffies!
But no fear, romance, smut and maybe a little angst coming up :)

OOOoooh, look, a lavender button:)