Moonlit Reflections
By Syf
Chapter Five
Did Clow plan it this way? Was it all part of his ineffable plan?
If so, he's a manipulative bastard.
I don't hate him, far from it. He was my world. I think the word I'm looking for is 'disappointed'. 'Betrayed' is another description of the way I feel. He created me for purposes still unknown; being Kinomoto Sakura's guardian is only part of it, that I am sure of. Clow had a strange way of looking at the world, the present was always overlapped by the future. He does nothing for a reason and I know that he has tried to accomodate for everything, so surely there must be a reason for the cards. If there is a reason for the cards, apart from them being a way to prove his magical superiority over his colleagues, then there must be something else for me, for all of us guardians. We are all linked to the cards in some way or another. But even knowing that Clow had reasons other than a whim for my existence does not lessen his betrayal.
He created me, us, to love him, protect him. He made us powerful, intelligent, beautiful. Still, I myself did not ask to be this way. I didn't ask for my mistress to be afraid of me, for my brother to be irritated with me, for the cards to be scared of me. Most of all, I didn't ask for a false form that is starting to be more 'real' than me.
Yukito is...dear to me. He is someone whom I have known for almost all of my entire life. In a way he is closer to me than Clow or Cerberus ever was. However, as dear to me as he is, I still can't help feeling resentful of him for the way he has taken on a life of his own. He is becoming something other than my false form and that does not sit comfortably with me. Am I not the real form? Do I no longer matter in the scheme of things? One day, my mistress will no longer require my protection. She is already approaching Clow's level of power and soon she will no longer need me. And if I am not a guardian, what will I be?
Maybe when that day arrives...I will simply disappear and Yukito will be all that is left.
"Yuki?"
"Yuki?"
"YUKI!"
THUNK!
Yukito looked up dazedly to find his best friend still holding onto the book that he had slammed down with irritation. "Yes, To-ya?" he asked with a sheepish smile. He moved to push his glasses up, still smiling disarmingly.
"I've called your name at least three times," Touya replied, still frowning, "What were you thinking so hard about?"
"Yue."
The irritated look disappeared from Touya's face to be replaced by confusion. Privately, Yukito thought that the confused look was a lot cuter than the almost eternal protective glare that Touya wore. "Yue? What's he got to do with anything?"
"I'm just wondering…"
Touya rolled his eyes at the vague words. "About?"
"Why Yue doesn't come out as much any more. I mean, he used to come out at least once a month, to check up on Sakura, but now…"
The frown reappeared as Touya considered Yukito's words. That was true, Yue didn't appear as much as he used to. And when he did, it was an extremely short visit. It was odd now that he thought about it. "Maybe he's…er…what do Guardians do in their spare time?" he mused, "Kero plays games and eat, Nakuru shops and creates havoc, Suppi reads. So what does Yue do?"
Yukito blinked. "I…have no idea. He is stuck in my head so maybe he watches what I do."
"Seems kind of boring to me. No offense, Yuki," Touya hurriedly added when his friend directed an affronted look at him. "But you have to admit, it must be really boring watching someone else's life not being able to do anything."
The other boy tilted his head to the side, a strange smile blooming on his lips. "You almost sound sorry for Yue. I thought you didn't like him."
Touya shrugged, throwing himself onto the bench beside Yukito. "He's a prick but he's never broken his promise to me."
"Promise?"
"To protect Sakura, and you of course. Without my powers I can't tell when something bad happens. Yue's not so bad when you get past the whole 'I'm the untouchable guardian' thing."
"So, you think of him as a friend then?" Touya's eyebrow rose slightly. Was it his imagination or did Yukito sound tenser than usual?
"I suppose," the taller youth answered cautiously. "I don't think of him as an enemy if that's what you mean."
"Oh." Yukito looked away, that strange smile still on his face.
"Something wrong, Yuki?" Touya asked, nudging his friend with an elbow. Yukito looked up, a smile on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. Touya was getting worried.
"I'm find, To-ya."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
Touya gives me another concerned look but he doesn't press the point. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not. On the one hand, he's letting me have my privacy, but on the other it doesn't give me a chance to say what I want to say.
Touya's my best friend, sometimes I want it to be more. Most of the time though I'm happy with what we have. Right now, he's mine and even if he doesn't think of me as more than a friend it's fine. He'll leave one day though and I don't know what I'll do then. I keep thinking I should say something but every time I summon the nerve, a disaster strikes. For example there was the whole situation with Nakuru and before that was all the blackouts courtesy of Yue, and I don't even want to think about what could happen this time round.
I wonder if Yue's aware of what I'm thinking. I don't think so. I hope not. My thoughts are my own and my feelings are my own. I like Yue, I have no choice since he does live in my head after all, but I'd rather not share this with anyone. I want a part of me to remain my own.
Admittedly, I also don't want him to know because he's part of the problem.
"Hey, 'niichan, what's wrong with Yukito?"
Touya paused, the knife in his hand halfway through the tomato on the cutting board. He turned to look at his sister, wondering at the suddenness of the question. Sakura was staring back at him with uncertain eyes. Sakura usually never looked so serious, which was why Touya decided to forgo the usual name-calling and get straight to the matter. "What do you mean?"
Sakura hesitated but plunged right in when Touya encouraged her to continue with one arched eyebrow. "He just seems a little…out of it. Is it something to do with Yue?"
"Yue?" Touya repeated. This was getting a little strange he decided. Yue didn't tend to come up in normal conversation but both Sakura and Yukito had both mentioned him in the same day. "What's Yue got anything to do with him?"
"Well, technically Yue is the true – "
" – He is NOT the true form!" Touya cut in firmly.
Sakura gave him an affronted stare. "I was about to say that technically Yue is the true form but we know he's not. He and Yuki are the same people. We know that."
"Get to the point kaijuu," Touya prodded exasperatedly.
Still scowling, Sakura went on. "So whatever's happening to the one should be affecting the other. Maybe Yuki's depressed because Yue is?"
Touya put down the knife, knowing that he wasn't going to finish while Sakura was focused on the idea of working out Yukito's strange mood. "That sounds a little bit far fetched, even for you. Yuki doesn't act like Yue and vice versa."
"I…" she trailed off uncertainly before speaking again, "Something feels wrong. Magically wrong. It's not the cards. It's like something bad is about to happen but I don't know what. I just know that it has something to do with Yuki and Yue."
Her brother gave her a sharp look. It was easy to forget that Sakura was the Cardmistress. And it was also easy to forget that Clow chose her for a reason. She was going to grow up to be one of the strongest sorceresses in the world and perhaps it was time he gave her some respect. But only some; he was still her older brother after all. The mention of Yukito and Yue worried him though. "Have you checked the cards and talked to the stuffed toy?"
"Kero's feeling tired and I don't want to do any readings without Kero or Yue there."
It was at times like these that Touya really wished he had his powers. "Then go wake the toy. I'm sure he'll wake up for his brother's sake." No one knew when they'd begun to refer to Kero and Yue as brothers but it had stuck. Eriol had laughed when he heard and joked that it meant Nakuru and Suppi were their half-siblings. All four protested loudly and managed to change the 'half-siblings' to 'cousins', very, very, distant cousins. Speaking of the English boy, Touya wondered if he had something to do with this. It was unlikely that the Hiragazawa boy would do anything to harm Yukito but pranks could, and sometimes did, get out of control.
"Um…maybe I'll try in the evening," she vaguely said as she turned to leave, still worried as ever.
Touya frowned at how preoccupied his sister sounded. "Don't leave it off too long, kaijuu," he warned.
Instead of flaring up at the insult, Sakura only shrugged, giving her brother a shadow of her usual genki smile. "I'll won't," she promised.
Eriol frowned down at the cards. The actual lay was right but it was as if someone had come along and randomly placed cards in whichever order they liked. Times like these, he wanted the Clow cards back. It was easy to make mistakes with normal Tarot cards but it was near impossible to mess with the Clow cards' ability to tell the future.
"Eriol?"
The boy looked up and found Mizuki looking at him concernedly. The priestess was at Eriol's home at his request but the sorcerer had said nothing about why she was there. Eriol looked back to the cards, tapping his fingers on his chin. There was one particular card that stood out for him; The Moon. It was an upright card, meaning enemies, danger, darkness, terror, deception. It was also Yue's card. His eyes moved to the card close by; The Tower. This time it was inversed, which generally tended to mean imprisonment. This combined with The Moon…"Mizuki-san, I think Yue's in trouble."
The woman immediately took notice. "Of what kind?"
"I don't know."
"You don't – " Mizuki bit off the last word. How could Eriol not know? It was true that he was no longer connected to Kero and Yue but he should have some clue as to what was going on. "Will you go to Japan then?"
Eriol took a while to answer but the answer was one Mizuki did not expect. "No."
To say Mizuki was surprised would have been an understatement. "Why not?" she asked, losing her calm in favour of confusion.
"My instincts tell me my presence would only worsen the situation. This is a prelude to something and Yue will have to work it out on their own. I can't keep running to their side every time they get into trouble."
The woman took a deep breath, trying to view the situation from Eriol's perspective. Unfortunately, she knew he was right. Sakura was growing up and she needed to learn how to deal with problems on her own. Eriol's presence would only confuse Yue and Kero as to whom they should listen to. And beside, her mind piped up, if Yue was in trouble then so was Yukito and maybe this crisis would be enough to push Touya to tell Yukito/Yue of how he felt. "So we wait?"
Eriol inclined his head. "We wait."
A/N
1. Is it me or did it take a lot shorter to get this chapter out?
2. Eriol finally appeared. YAY! That means Fujitaka will have more of a part to play as well.
3. I have a concrete plot now so go me. It involves a lot of Abnormal Psychology themes and terms. I'll try to explain it as we go along.