Chapter 1: Tasuki in Amria!

Disclaimer: I'm only going to say this once, and I am not, under any circumstances, saying this again (because I'm too lazy), so listen up and listen good. I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or any characters related to it, esp. Tasuki.

The world can get pretty lonely when most of your friends are dead and two have gone to some other world. Well, at least Tasuki's lucky he's still got Chichiri on this hot, boring day somewhere near Mt. Leikaku. "Ahh, what happened to the old, wacky days when our lives were in constant threat and we had to run, jump, blast, fly, swim, duck, crush, bang, crash, bash, break, slash, hack, punch, kick and burn our way out of a mess?" the flame-wielding seishi said. Chichiri simply smiled and shrugged. "You're no fun!" Tasuki said, pouting. "All you do is smile and shrug all day! Say something!" Chichiri turned to face him and said, "Alright, Tasuki I…LOOK OUT!"

And just like that, Tasuki got his wish. Well, two wishes. First, Chichiri said something, and second, from that day on, safe to say his days would be far from boring.

"HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!"

Tasuki was then spat out by the wormhole onto a marble floor. He rubbed his aching back and took a good look around. "Oh, hell no, where am I?" he thought. The very large chamber turned out to be some kind of dining room, with a very long and very nicely painted table. Marble pillars from the floor to the ceiling were all around, and richly-dressed servants were bringing food to the table. He immediately hid behind one pillar and followed one servant who was headed up a staircase. He muttered to himself,

"I bet this place is as grand as Hotohori's palace, maybe even more!"

Along the way, he spotted large portraits of generations of rulers. The last one caught his eye. "That empress person really looks like…nah, couldn't be." He turned around and almost lost the servant. Quickly but quietly, he sprinted off after her. "Empress, the food is ready," the servant said. "Oh. Thank you then. I'll be down in a minute," was the reply.

Tasuki's eyes widened. That voice was strangely familiar. "No way!" he thought. "The portraits, the royal treatment, after all that, could she really be…this?" After the servant left, he went out of his hiding place and sneaked into the room. This room was half the size of the gigantic dining hall. A woman was combing her hair, wearing a very elegant violet robe. The woman's appearance (although she faced backwards from him) made her look very dainty. But the sword leaning against her chair was quick to dispel this image, as well as his doubt. After all, it was the same sword that was poking at his neck a long time ago. "'Chief of the Guard', yeah right!" he snickered.

The woman turned sharply, and in one fluid motion unsheathed her sword and positioned into a battle stance. But her ferocity was toned down as a look of recognition fell upon her. "You! YOU!" Her voice sounded angry, but her face betrayed her delight. "All this time, you tricky, tricky vixen, I should've known! All hail yer Highness!" Tasuki said, smiling as he clasped hands with a long-lost acquaintance, Akire.

"What ARE you doing here?" she then asked on their way to the dining hall. "Fell out of a hole," he said, shrugging. Hole? Akire, remembering the past events the last time they met, knew she didn't want to make the same mistake of hiding her abilities from him once more. "Okay, Tasuki, I've got to come clean on this one. Just take a seat and drink this all in." And here she rattled of everything, from her Paladin powers to their last meeting.

Breathing heavily after 5 whole minutes of talking, she said, "There, I said everything. So, are you angry at me?" Tasuki's mouth remained open (as it did while she was speaking), then he replied, "Darn straight I'm mad! You kept this from me for so long! Besides," he crossed his arms and continued, "how am I sure you ain't lyin' to me? Kinda far-fetched story ain't it?" Akire frowned and said, "Far-fetched? Your stupid iron fan spouts fire, and you call my powers far-fetched? You belong to a group of 'celestial warriors' worshipping some flaming bird and you call my powers far-fetched?" Tasuki stuck out his tongue and said, "Show me then."

"Show what?" she said.

"That teleportation-thingamajig-thing you said! Show me!"

"No! Why should I?"

"'Cuz I'll call you a friggin' vixen liar with an imagination gone wild if ya don't. Now show me!"

"You're such a stubborn kid, fang boy!"

"Show me show me show me!"

"Ugh, no way, fox demon."

"Then it's either yer powers aren't real, or they're really, really lame! Lame-o! Lame-o! Darn, knew my powers were cooler than some dumb girl's."

Akire glared at the smugly-smiling bandit, knowing that this round he had won the bout. Pride is always the most obvious thing to attack. Groaning, she rolled her eyes, as she stepped back. "You might want to move out of the way, Tasuki, or I'll make you drop out of another hole into a pile of dung." She rolled back her sleeves and raised her right hand, where the sapphire Ring gleamed from within. Pretty soon, a vertical spiral of light began growing in the middle of the room, white and blue hues dancing around the roof and the floor of the room. But a trace of red enveloped the gateway, and a malevolent wind ensued from it. The wind grew fiercer as it threw Akire across the room. Immediately, the reddening gateway sucked itself into nonexistence.

Panting heavily, she muttered, "That, that wasn't s-supposed to, to happen. My arm, feels like, like d-daggers of ice tore through it." Tasuki immediately helped her up. "What the hell was that?" he asked. Akire shook her head. "Whatever it is," she said, "it's sinister. I don't like this. Thanks for the help, but I can manage now. I better tell Daryll." Shrugging, Tasuki let go of her, sending her falling on her backside with a thud. "Darn it, should've watched what I said," she mumbled.

"Now who the heck is this?" Daryll frowned, staring at Tasuki. Akire said, "He helped me with Ikegai, what did you think? He's not my boyfriend." Tasuki's glance shot at her when he heard what she said. "She ain't my type! Heck, I don' wanna like a woman anyway!" he spat, pointing at her. Daryll brightened up and said, "Well, why didn't you say so? Hey, dude, sit yourself down there's a chair over there." Tasuki, shrugging, grabbed a chair and sat down.

Daryll took a remote out of his pocket, and after pressing a button, a large screen crackled to life in front of them. Tasuki, who obviously hasn't seen a monitor yet, almost jumped back in surprise. "What the heck is that?" he yelled, pointing his iron fan at it. Daryll's eyes narrowed as he looked at Akire. "Just…where EXACTLY did you meet this guy? Or should I say 'when'?" Akire, who instinctively pointed the fan somewhere else, said, "Um, he came from, eh, well, ancient China. Or someplace near. I think." Akire paused, and then said, "And who made you the boss of me anyway? I'm supposed to be the mistress in this place!"

So after a few more mutterings, Daryll twisted a few knobs and made adjustments to some kind of console in front of him. "Whoa! Major anomalies! Your buddy here's gonna be marooned in Amria for awhile, since it isn't that safe to jump dimensions. Besides, I don't think you can open any wormholes at present anyway. We'll have to try and solve the problem here." Akire and Daryll discussed their strategies, while the still confounded Tasuki scratched his head and gave the monitor a tap with his tessen. After a few minutes, Akire turned to Tasuki and said, "Well, my friend, you're stuck with me for a few days, since we can't figure out a way for you to go back to Mt. Leikaku or wherever you are supposed to be. Understand?" Tasuki, his face contorted in utter confusion, pointed at the screen and said, "But what the hell is that?" Akire sighed and slapped her forehead. "The next few days will be the looooooooongest of my life."

And so it was. For Akire, the next two days were spent on saying "Tasuki, don't touch that!" or "Get your hands off that vase or you'll break it!" and sometimes "Put that back, you kleptomaniac bandit!" For Tasuki, it usually was "oooh, whatsis?" or "Cool stuff! What do they do?" and more often than not (though Akire rarely sees it) "Hehe, can I have this for 'safekeeping'?" Needless to say, Akire got quite tired of chasing the "brat in a teenager's body" (as she oh-so-delicately puts it), so she just minded her own empress/Paladin business and surprisingly, she didn't hear expensive china crash or expensive valuables disappearing (except the occasional wine bottle).

For Tasuki's part, life in the palace with the "old nag in a teenager's body" (as he oh-so-delicately puts it) got a bit too boring for him, anyway. The servants got orders from Akire to give the red-head whatever he requested for (except for the wine, which was what he usually asked for, hehe), so he had no reason to do anything at all, and that was quite cramping his style. So off he went one day to Akire's room.

"Room service, open up!"

"You're not fooling anyone, Tasuki."

"Bed an' breakfast, open the damn door!"

"Not listening…"

Tasuki rubbed his chin, and then got an idea. He cleared his throat and said in a low voice, "Akire, are you there? It's Hotohori. Can you tell me where I am?" To his utter delight, footsteps were heard rushing to the door. "Darn good Hotohori impression," he snickered, as Akire opened the door and gasped, "Hotohori! I'm here! Don't go anywhere! Hotohori? Ahh…yeah, laugh it all out, fang-boy, laugh it all out while I stuff my sword down your gullet."

So later, inside her room, Akire sat behind an oak table while Tasuki stood up. He banged his fist at the table and said, "Gimme somethin' to do." Akire raised an eyebrow. "What if I asked you to clean this place, run some errands and practically treat you like a servant, or perhaps something a bit more degrading?" "NO EMBARRASING STUFF!" Tasuki spat, baring his fangs, "Don't you go smart-alecky on me, woman! You know what I mean!" Akire rubbed her temples and sighed. "No I don't, mister. I don't like people who beat around the bush, by the way." The fang-boy scratched his head and said after a while, "Ain't there anyone you want me to beat up? Some guy you need to chase? D'you need me to torture a prisoner or sumthin'? Or steal some other rich guy's loot?" Akire banged her head on the table, moaning and pulling her hair. After awhile, she said, "Alright, fox, I'll think about it…if you will JUST SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY ROOOOOOOMM!" SLAM! Tasuki rubbed his nose after the double-doors banged shut in front of his face. "What's obaasan's problem?" he snickered.

Just then, a servant ran frantically to Akire's room, banging the door. "Empress! Empress!" the servant wailed. "Empress is busy! Empress is busy!" Tasuki muttered in a sing-song voice. The doors burst open, and Akire ushered the servant in quickly. "Not you, fang-boy! Sit, stay! Thattaboy!" Akire said to Tasuki in mock sweetness, before slamming the doors shut again. "Oni-baba!" he said, spitting the words out of his mouth.

After awhile of panicked shouting from within the room, Akire came out, her hands on her forehead in frustration. "Tasuki," she said in a low voice, "you wanted something to do, right? Good. Flex your muscles, tough-guy, you're on crowd-control duty." The bandit grinned, his left fist punching his right palm excitedly.