Chapter 2: Revenge of the Sick!
Previously...Tasuki gets his butt stewed when he falls out of a portal into Akire's kingdom! Akire asks his help with some kind of rebellion. Now, on with the story!
"So tell me again, if you're a big hot-shot empress, how come ya ain't got no bodyguards with ya? I haven't seen a single sentry 'round your place!" Tasuki whispered. "Ssh!" Akire said, putting a finger to her lips. They were hiding behind some wild bushes near the entrance of the palace. Akire peeked first, and gasped as she saw a multitude of males crowding, rushing, trying to break into the palace, all shouting her name. "Heh, some people don't seem too happy with ya warmin' yer butt on the throne," Tasuki said. Akire nodded slowly, keeping her eyes on the angry mob. "There's too many. I…I didn't expect so many!" Akire muttered under her breath. Tasuki grinned, saying, "Don' you worry! Haven't ya learned anythin' since the first time we met? You've got the leader o' the Mt. Leikaku bandits with ya! Those losers ain't got no chance!"
Quietly, they sneaked into the stables and picked two horses. "I know a back way, Tasuki, hey focus!" Akire snapped. Tasuki grumbled and said, "Why'd we have to sneak away? Why can't I just up and burn 'em?" Akire replied, "I don't want them to find me, but I don't want them dead. And you'll only beat them up if we don't have a choice. So they hurried into the nearby woods on horseback. They have gone a considerable distance, when Akire remarked, "Okay, so after awhile we'll be crossing a river-""A RIVER!" Tasuki exclaimed.
"Shh! Shh! Quiet!" Akire said, panicking, but it was too late. The crowd began advancing towards them, first walking slowly, and then breaking into a frantic run. Being on horses, they quickly put some distance between them and their attackers. But they didn't know that the men have posted lookouts inside the woods, which were now jumping out of their hiding places. They surprised the horses so much that Akire's reared up on its hind legs and threw her off. Still on the ground, she was unable to outrun the oncoming crowd.
Tasuki said, "Now THIS requires extreme measures!" Leaping up, backward and off the horse, he landed on one of the men and knocked him out. "Empress said not to burn ya, so I won't burn ya, but she didn't say nuthin' 'bout my fist in your face!" he said in delight, pummeling attacker after attacker. But one of them grabbed a rock and hit Tasuki on the head with it. Incapacitated, everyone then jumped on him one after another like some raging football team trying to maim a quarterback.
Meanwhile, Akire looked anxiously on, seemingly too scared out of her wits to fight them in close quarters. She climbed up a tree branch and shouted, "I'M THE ONE YOU WANT, RIGHT? COME GET ME!" Everyone looked up as they heard her voice, and began to run and climb after her. The minute everyone was up the tree, she blew a kiss towards them and said, "Bye boys!" after which she leaped backwards down the tree. The minute her feet touched ground, she lost no time in dragging unconscious Tasuki to his feet and coaxing him to ride one of the horses. But he was still quite dazed, mumbling, "Ahh, neechan! Get yer ugly hands offa me! I ain't a kid no more!" Akire screamed in his ear, "I'm not your 'neechan'!" and hurriedly climbed on her horse, lifting up the bandit with enormous difficulty.
"Whuh? Hwhat? What happened? AND WHY AM I RIDIN' ON THE SAME HORSE AS YOU?" Tasuki finally came to his senses (after a few minutes of riding with break-neck speed and hitting a tree branch in the process), and found it quite upsetting that a woman took the reins. "Gimme that!" he snapped, snatching the reins from an exasperated Akire. "You know what, Akire?" he said, "You kinda remind me of a little girl named Rei-rei (rest her soul). You're both annoying (though I bet you're more annoying than her)! I thought you got my back down there! What happened to ya, went chicken?" Akire pouted. "Shut up and drive," she muttered.
Finally, they reached the middle of the woods, where a lonely, tattered shed stood. "Okay, princess, I got ya this far, now what?" Tasuki said, rubbing his still aching head. "Oh, geez, whenever I'm around you I get all these serious injuries!" he muttered. "What do we do now? What do we do now?" Akire asked herself, pacing the floor of the shed to and fro, to and fro, fidgeting. "Would you stop!" Tasuki said, getting dizzy from watching her. "Aha! Let's just wait it out here, just wait for them to give up and go home, yeah, that's it, wait and wait, wait and wait," Akire mumbled some more. "Before you drive me crazy, ya hyperactive vixen," Tasuki said, grabbing Akire by the shoulders and shaking her, "lemme ask ya: what did you DO to make 'em so angry at you?" Akire just looked at him, mouth open, muttering, "I…I…I…don't want to tell YOU. It's embarrassing for me." Tasuki, getting really, REALLY pissed, shouted, "WHAT? WHAT THE #! DID YOU DO!" while shaking her really hard.
"STOP IT!" Akire exclaimed, trying to push him away. "Not 'til you answer the damn question!" Tasuki said, still not letting go. "Did you kill someone? Or flirt with someone? Did you steal something, what? Answer me, dammit!" This time, Akire was the one who got mad. "I told you to STOP!" she shouted, hitting him on the stomach with her knee. "Why you little-!" Tasuki gasped, out of breath. As Akire stepped over him, he grabbed her by the ankle, which caused her to trip and land on her face onto the floor. Akire, a lovely, big, bruise blooming on her face, kicked her other foot at Tasuki's face. Now, have you ever seen two incapacitated people who are pissed at each other fight it out while crouching to the ground in agony? Yeah, that's exactly what their sparring match looked like. If those punches and kicks didn't hurt so much, you would've managed a laugh looking at them. Oh, wait, you still can.
Suddenly, the shed trembled, collapsed, as the crowd of angry villagers tore through the ruins like...um...hungry termites. "There she is! And she's frolicking around with a lover!" one of them said angrily. "He's NOT my lover! WHY CAN'T ANYBODY UNDERSTAND THAT!" Akire screamed. Heh, imagine the looks on Akire's and Tasuki's faces that time. "Now look what you did, you flirtatious vixen!" Tasuki yelled, staggering to his feet and carrying Akire over her shoulder. "Let-go-of-me! Lemme go! Get away from me! And I wasn't flirting with you, I was kicking you're aaaAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Akire screamed as she was hoisted over Tasuki's shoulder. "You want to get away from them or not?" Tasuki said as Akire beat him over and over again on his back.
"Hrrg! D-damn you're h-heavy," Tasuki grunted under the strain of Akire's weight, as he struggled out of the ruins and into the open. "Surprised? I'm no Miaka, you idiot," Akire grumbled, "by the way, Tasuki, look out."
"H-huh? WWAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
"Told you to look out."
Tasuki fell into a nearby lake, which was mercifully shallow. But of course he didn't realize that at first. "I'm d-drowning!" he sputtered. "This is just pathetic," Akire remarked, shaking her head. But Tasuki's head didn't surface from the water. "Tasuki? Tasuki!" Akire, alarmed, dragged him out of the water and onto dry land. "Tasuki! Say something, for heaven's sake!" Tasuki's eyes opened a wee bit, and then spat out some water onto her face. "H-ha! Ha, ha, ha! Sucker!"
Akire's eyes narrowed, then she smiled as she heard the multitude of mobsters approach. She stood up, waved her hands like a damsel-in-distress and said, "Help me! Help me! This bandit's trying to have his way with me!" The crowd then stopped, changed direction, and rushed at Tasuki, who hasn't managed to stand up yet. "Hey! What gives! You lyin', connivin' vixen! I want some answers!" Tasuki yelled, while trying to dodge kicks, punches and tackles. Akire, her back turned, replied, "First of all, they don't want to attack me." Tasuki scrambled towards her and said, "What? Then why are they chasing you?" Akire whistled and said to the crowd, "I'm tired. Can any of you carry me?" Many of them volunteered, and started beating each other up to get to her. "Because they are my suitors," she said.