Chapter 4: We're Getting Restless
a/n: so sorry for long delay, school stuff, you know. Now it's Christmas break, and hopefully I can post more!
Previously... Akire tricks Tasuki into pretending to be her bodyguard. Tasuki sees Akire's chaotic duties...and thinks he saw something that doesn't belong there.
Mt. Leikaku
You got to feel sorry for Chichiri. Just a few hours ago he saw Tasuki fall down into a hole that appeared out of thin air; now he's facing an irrational Kouji, who's taking his anger and frustration out on our favorite masked magician. "How—how can he DISAPPEAR just like that, huh?" Kouji yelled, brandishing a dagger at Chichiri. "Calm down, no da," he told Tasuki's second-in-command. "No I won't calm down! I thought you've got some magic mumbo-jumbo that can bring him outta this mess!" Kouji yelled some more, throwing breakable stuff everywhere but mostly in Chichiri's direction. Of course, he dodged the items quite easily.
"You're being unreasonable, Kouji-san," Chichiri said, "I'm not responsible in any way for Tasuki's disappearance." He stepped closer to the bewildered bandit, avoiding a particularly large clay pot in the process. "Oh dear...that must've cost a fortune, no da," Chichiri mumbled, looking at the broken pot. "It's not that, Chichiri! A rival bandit group popped up just on the other side of town, and we need Tasuki's firepower! They command a whole damn legion rivaling any emperor's troop!" Kouji shouted. "They're getting' restless! Any day now they'll send a challenge! 'Course we won't back down, but geez we know when the odds are against us." Chichiri was lost in thought now. "All this is so...strange," he thought, "it seems like the sort of thing that Akire deals with. If only I knew where she was right now, but ever since she left..."
"...ever since I left, things seemed so boring," Akire said, looking at Tasuki with pleading eyes. "...so, please, DON'T make me change my OPINION of you!" It was another stressful day, and Akire had to rouse Tasuki really early in the morning to begin his pretend-duties as bodyguard. "It's an unholy hour, Empress, and a man needs approximately eight hours of sleep," the bandit said, head buried in his pillow. Akire muttered, "Does grogginess make a person smarter, because you sound like a documentary guy."
"Whazzadocumentary? If ya gonna bore me with useless details then---yyYYYYYAIIIIIIII!" He was cut short when a bucketful of icy water got splashed all over him. "Alright, alright you hothead, I'm comin'!" he yelled, after falling out of bed in surprise. Akire nodded before striding out of the room and waiting by the door for Tasuki to ready himself.
The bandit grumbled as he wringed his wet clothes dry. "Stupid...dammit! Arrrr...what an old woman!" he continued to rant. "Good thing...coat not wet...stupid, stupid. Baa—kaa!" he mumbled at the direction of the door. Suddenly, he hatched an idea when he saw his room window open. "Sorry, 'Empress', but I ain't gonna be your gay-gal-pal," he murmured, sniggering as he carefully climbed out. After that, it was only a matter of carefully dodging the servants outside the castle and he was free. With a triumphant yell, he dashed off into the throng of early morning crowds.
Tasuki shook his head, seeing his reflection on a nearby mirror in the market. "Tsk, havta ditch this outfit if she's lookin' for me," he mumbled. Then he saw from another stall blue pants that looked like jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. He also spotted a cap. "Hey cool," he said, grinning mischievously. "I'll charge it on Akire's tab."
"Tasuki, if you don't come out I swear, I SWEAR, I'll come in whether you're undressed or not!" Akire yelled, leaning against the door. "Oh, silent treatment won't work on me, mister, women have learned that trick long before you men did." Silence. Akire rolled her eyes. "Do I really have to do this?" she groaned, bursting into the door. Get ready for..."TAAAAAAAAAASUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
Tasuki winced and rubbed his ears as someone nearby dropped a large bag of noisy pans, but he went on his merry way. "Now, where to go, where to go?" he said, scratching his head but taking care that his flame-red hair is safely concealed under the cap. He had left his old clothes behind and has already eaten in five food stalls (the shop owners scratch their heads in wonder as to why their bowls of porridge have suddenly disappeared). But now he's getting seriously bored and seriously anxious. "Am I gonna be stuck here forever?" he mumbled desperately. "I don't think I can go back to Akire's palace right now, she'll have me killed! Where'm I gonna stay till she gets over her royal anger? Geez, I sound corny..."
Back on the, uh, other side, Chichiri knew this was a very serious situation, one that definitely required Tasuki's help. Using his chi, he concentrated on trying to communicate with the other seishi, but instead found himself staring at a strange orb of light. On the other side, Akire too stood transfixed at the light. "AKIRE!" Chichiri yelled, startled when he saw her image in the orb. "Ch—chi—chichir—chhhh..." Akire, probably out of shock (but most probably out of high blood pressure) collapsed.
When she came to a few minutes later, a ghostly image of Chichiri stood over her. "Relax, Akire," he said, fanning her. Akire, for a moment, followed his advice, and then it all came back to her. "Relax? RELAX! How can I relax with that miserable cretin bounding around pick-pocketing innocent bystanders? I'm doomed, Chichiri, DOOMED!" "My, everyone seems so high-strung today!" he remarked, helping Akire to sit up. "Thank you, but right now I need to be helped into some armor. I want to do some serious butt-kicking today, preferably belonging to a red-headed, fang-toothed trasher."
"You must be the Empress' new bodyguard," said a female voice behind Tasuki. "Yeah, what's it to ya?" he snapped, turning around. A teenage girl with blond hair stood with her hands behind her back. "That's weird, they told me you were, um," she looked at him awkwardly, unable to find the words. Tasuki remembered Akire's ruse and (wonder of wonders!) due to some unexplained impulse he decided to give her a break and go with it. He (with an iron gut and a will of steel) swayed his hips and spoke in a higher pitch. "Uh...why? Does it mean that I'm gay and I havta act like the way you see those other bimbos and dragsters?" The girl giggled, unsure how to speak to him. "Uhm, sorry ma'am, I mean, sir, I mean...what do I call you?" "Nuriko," he said, extremely loathing himself right now. "Don't wear it out...dear." This...is...disgusting, he thought.
The girl led him down more streets and busy corners. "My name's Yna, nice to meet you Nuriko," she said, "though it's always nice meeting someone concerned enough for Her Majesty's health. Tell me, what's she like?" Tasuki paused. "She's...a'right," he replied, girlishly curling a strand of hair around his finger while silently reproaching himself. Yna smiled.
Suddenly, Tasuki hid behind Yna, dragging her away. "Palace guards!" he said. "Why are you worried about Akire's palace guards?" she asked. Tasuki groaned. Being gay is so difficult, he thought. "I..um...flirted with one of the guards and now they're after me." Yna giggled. "That's good enough for me." Tasuki wanted to ditch Yna and run for it, but she might tell on him, so she I mean he grabbed her and yanked her out of sight.
"I want him dea—I mean, alive! Alive, so I can kill him myself!" Akire screeched, strapping her sword to her leather belt. "Really, Akire, isn't that a bit much?" Chichiri said, concerned. "Look, Chichiri, he's your best pal, I know," Akire said, "but he's causing me a lot of grief right now! Doesn't he realize how many enemies I have, how many men are waiting for me to slip up? If I don't find that plague-on-two-legs I'm done for!"
Weird, Tasuki thought as he ran for his life, somethin' feels...familiar. CHICHIRI! HEY, CHICHIRI, YOU THERE! IF YOU ARE...GET ME OUTTA HERE! "Uhm...Yna dear, when I said urgent, I meant run faster honey," he said. But it was no use; he was cornered. "Alrigh' you losers, doncha make me use this!" He brought out his tessen and laughed...nay...cackled is more like it, in triumph. "Wahehehe, howja like me now, huh? Howja like me now?" he snickered, letting tongues of flame dance around his tessen. Then the guards parted into flanks of two as a shadow ominously headed towards him. Tasuki prepped up the tessen. "Jus' come get me you ugly li'l—ohhhh crap." A very irate and irrational (not to mention inconsolable) Akire greeted him from the other end, sword in hand and a not-so-pleasant expression on her face. "Let's dance, you bozo," she said, a wicked snicker on her face.