Hold Onto Her Forever

Disclaimer: Harry Potter as well as the characters Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Pansy don't belong to me. They are property of the author J.K. Rowling.

Summary: AU Over the last five years I kept telling myself to move on, that she'd never see me in that light. However, no matter how hard I tried, I found I couldn't deny being in love with her any longer. HHr romance. Please R & R.

Groaning, I restlessly flipped over on my back, squinting into the darkness. The red numbers, glowing in the darkness, read 2:30 A.M. I sighed, pushing the covers back as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and leaned forward, gripping my unruly raven hair. I couldn't stop thinking about her.

Over the last five years I kept telling myself to move on, that she'd never see me in that light. However, no matter how hard I tried, I found I couldn't deny being in love with her any longer.

Unable to go back to sleep, I stood up, yawning as I stretched. Restlessly I shuffled my way down the hallway into the kitchen, and poured myself a cup of steaming coffee. Plopping down in a comfortable, green leather couch, I propped my elbow up on the arm, tilted my face to the side, and leaned my cheek against my open palm, staring unseeingly at the thick layer of morning fog frosting the window.

Currents of water poured down the glass panes, blurring outside objects. Breaths of cold air hissed through hidden cracks. Clutching my mug, I absently watched the puffs of stream curling around my face, while warming my hands. Occasionally the sloshing of cars speeding through water puddles broke the serene and quiet atmosphere surrounding my neighborhood.

Sighing, I turned my gaze to the maze of pictures decorating my walls, staring at one in particular: the image of me towering over my two best friends, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger. Cringing, I turned away. I hate being six foot; it's an uncomfortable height, awkward, because I have to look down while talking to my friends. Besides, no one's this tall.

I think you look fine.

Unexpectedly, Hermione's comforting words flashed through my mind; the ghost of a smile crept across my lips as my mind drifted back to my first time I performing in the school play during first grade. However, while making my entrance on stage, I hit my head on one of the props. Stumbling forward, I had then tripped over my own feet, lost my balance, and crashed into the set, totally destroying it.

"You clumsy oaf!" the shrill scream of the lead actress ricocheted of the walls of the theater. "Not only are you too tall, you can't even walk properly."

"I-I-I—" My muttered apology never got any further.

Someone snickered from the audience, followed by some else. Soon the laughter of everyone filled the stadium. Bursting into tears, I turned and ran off the stage. Hermione had seen the whole thing and followed me.

"Don't pay any attention to Pansy," she had whispered comfortingly, while laying a hand on my shoulder. "She's a stuck up know-it-all who loves putting others down. Besides, there's nothing wrong with being tall. I think you look fine."

After all these years, I never told her how much her words had meant to me that night. A two-way friendship bond had forged between us that day. When Ron began attending school the following year, our duo became a trio. We were inseparable. We always did everything together. However, upon entering high school, everything changed. Closing my eyes, my mind drifted back to the night of our senior ball, where I had noticed my best friend, Hermione, had unknowingly grown into a beautiful young woman. After that night, the thought of her haunted my every waking moment. Although, I didn't fall in love with her at that exact moment, that was the night when my sisterly feelings for her changed, growing into something more powerful.

Shaking myself awake, I pushed myself to my feet and quickly changed. As I walked out the front door, I pulled my jacket tighter, my cheeks stinging from the blast of frigid air. A gust of wind blew through the neighborhood; the leaves and grass blades quivered, touched by the wind's invisible hand. Shadowy images reflected off the ground while tree limbs slapped against the windows of homes whose residents had long ago retired. A thick layer of morning dew frosted the grass blades. A still and quiet atmosphere filled the air, occasionally broken by the low hoot from an owl flying overhead.

Aimlessly I wandered the streets. Shoving my hands deeper into my pockets, I kicked a stray rock lying in my path, watching it skip along the ground before disappearing into the darkness of a nearby bush. Lifeless and damp leaves lay scattered along the ground near my feet.

I couldn't stop thinking about her.

During high school, Hermione and Ron had begun dating. But then, shortly after our graduation, their relationship abruptly ended. Although I had asked, neither of them would explain why they split up. Afterwards Ron went his separate way while Hermione and I ended up attending the same college. Several years later, we graduated and rented an apartment with two other friends. We rarely saw Ron anymore and although their friendship had been strained, he and Hermione managed to remain cordial towards each other.

When Ron moved away, severing our once unbreakable three-way bond, Hermione and I grew even closer. Unintentionally the crush I had had on her since high school deepened. But I couldn't tell if she liked—really liked—me in that way.

Although a bright smile always lit up her face whenever I entered the room, I wasn't sure. She seemed to enjoy spending time with me at our Bible study and I always looked forward to seeing her; we could always talk about anything and once stood outside in a deserted parking lot, talking until a half an hour before midnight. During the years while I had been studying hard to pass my tests and get my pilot's license, she had always been there, encouraging and supporting me, or understanding my nervousness the nights I took the tests.

"Hey, if you enjoy it, more power to ya," she had always told me, laughing.

"Why can't I just tell her how I really feel?" I muttered absently.

Over the previous year, whenever I found myself thinking about her, it had never occurred to me to actually admit the truth to myself that not only did I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I was falling in love with her…Wait a minute. Love? Abruptly, I froze in mid-step.

What was the matter with me? This was my best friend, someone I considered as a younger sister. Someone I looked after and protected. She'd never see me in that light. A taunting voice in the back of my mind jeered as I recalled the one time I had subtly dropped a hint. I had mentioned how I could never tell if girls likes me. Well, I like you. Her words echoed through my mind. Although she had admitted it, her tone seemed to hold that I like you just as a friend and brother weight.

Nothing more.

However, I often found myself wondering, wishing, dreaming, hoping she felt something more. She was so nice and sweet, but then, she was always that way. To everyone…

The light rainfall, which until now had been barely noticeable, intensified; dark, hair strands lay plastered against my forehead, blurring my vision. Water trickled down the sides of my face, soaking my clothes. Hurrying forward, I ducked underneath the outstretched tree branches. Leaning against the tree trunk, I again shoved my hands into my pockets. Tiredly, I tilted my head back, my eyes absently closing only to reopen moments later. Silently, as I stood there, I slowly became aware of the sniffling sounds of someone crying.

Peering out into the darkness, I could barely make out the small figure—a girl—curled up at the base of a nearby tree. As I crept closer, with the intention of only seeing if she was all right, I came to an abrupt halt. Familiar bushy brown hair spilled over her shoulders, which shook slightly due to the soft whimpers erupting from her throat, as she clutched her knees tightly against her chest.

"Hermione?" I whispered, disbelieving as I knelt in front of her, ignoring the muddy substance seeping through my pants.

She gasped, her head immediately snapping up. I frowned at the sight of the silvery tear tracks staining her cheeks.

"Wh-what are you doing here, Harry?" she croaked, her voice breaking as she scooted back into the shadows, as if to hide her already visible tears.

"Why are you crying?" I asked, side-stepping her question.

Her eyes widened as if suddenly aware of her tears. Quickly she jumped to her feet, turning her back to me; hastily she swiped her sleeve across her face, mopping up most of her tears. Slowly I stood up, staring down at her, waiting.

"N-nothing's wrong, Harry. I-I'm fine."

As she turned to leave, I reached out and placed a restraining hand on her shoulder, bringing her around to face me. She stiffened, stubbornly keeping her gaze locked on the ground.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head, refusing to answer. Moving closer, I wrapped my arms around her shaking form. She stiffened, her body going ridged. But when I didn't let go, she gave a defeated sigh, willingly burying her face against my chest, clutching the folds of my jacket. Holding her tightly, I reassuringly rubbed her back. Over the years I had lost count of all the times she had come to me in tears, seeking solitude, even while dating Ron. As she snuggled closer, I rested my cheek on top of her head, my fingers absently stroking the sensitive area of skin on her arm. Just then I felt something cold, like a tear, seeping through my shirt.

"Please tell me what's wrong."

"I-I-I can't tell you…you won't understand…"

"What wouldn't I understand?" I exclaimed angrily, pulling back slightly so I could look at her. We were best friends. Have been for the last twenty-three years. Twenty-three years filled with friendship, heartache, happiness, sadness, joy, laughter, tears, and loyalty. After everything that had happened…after everything we have been through…what couldn't she tell me? "Hermione," I continued, my tone softening, "I can't help you if you don't tell me what the problem is."

"You wouldn't be able to help me even if you knew," she replied, laughing humorlessly as she pulled out of my arms, moved a few steps backwards, turned around, and wrapped her arms around her middle, trembling.

With a frustrated sigh, I slowly made my way towards her. Grasping her shoulders, I brought her around to face me and stepped closer, tilting my face to the side, silently observing her. Her glazed and red-rimmed eyes stared up me, pleading silently for help. Gently I brushed away the residing dampness from her cheeks with my thumb. Suddenly, she lunged forward, throwing her arms around my neck. Caught off guard, I stumbled backwards.

"Hermione, what—"

Her lips crashed against mine, cutting off any further words. Shocked, I automatically wrapped one hand around her waist while my other hand impulsively reached out and began lightly caressing her hair. She stepped closer, deepening the kiss. An unfamiliar passion broke out between us as I slid my tongue along the bottom of her lip, pleading for entry. She relaxed her jaw and my tongue slipped in, massaging the back of hers. Inhaling sharply, she dug her nails into my back. I couldn't think logically, too caught up in the feel of her lips brushing against mine. Maybe she really did feel something for me, I thought hopefully to myself. But then why—

Her lips broke away from mine as an anguished cry erupted from her throat. My eyes snapped open. Breathing heavily, I hesitantly took a step backwards, both of us staring at each other wildly. What had just happened? Swiftly her hand came up and covered her mouth, her face ashen. She started backing away. Opening my mouth, I tried to say something, but she suddenly turned and fled, her footstep echoing in the darkness.

Breathlessly I took off after her. Although she had gotten a head start, I quickly caught up with her beside one of the Redwoods. With lightning quickness, I grabbed her arm, spun her around so she faced me, and seized her other arm. Our gazes locked. Her eyes flickered back and forth with uncertainty. Slowly loosening my grip on her arms, I positioned both of my hands on either side of her head, successfully cornering her against the trunk of a tree between my arms. Helplessly, she pressed her back against the tree, chewing on her lower lip.

"Hermione…" My throat tightened, cutting off my words. Desperately I searched for the right way to convey how I felt.

Tears pooled behind her eyes. "Harry, please…" she whimpered, her words trailing off.

With tears brimming in her eyes, she stared up at me. Abruptly her knees gave out and she sank to the ground, covering her face with her hands, while her tears seeped though her fingertips, dripping onto the ground.

"Hermione…please look at me," I pleaded, sliding down onto the ground and scooting closer. I felt her stiffen as my shoulder brushed against hers, but she didn't pull away. "Why did you kiss me?" The words flew out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop them.

"I-I-I don't know," she stammered, shifting her gaze to her lap as she tugged at a stray string dangling from her sleeve.

Hooking my fingers under her chin, I turned it towards me, forcing her eyes to meet mine. "You have too," I whispered, a note of urgency underlining my words. "You're the only person who can know."

Her eyes flickered with an internal battle. "I-I-I…I like you." Although her confession had been spoken softly, her words barely above a whisper, I still caught every word. "I like you more than I…should."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Because…we're best friends. Why would you fall for someone like me when you could have any girl, especially one who's much prettier than me? I'm nobody special; I'm just a know-it-all girl. What guy would ever want someone like me?"

Unconsciously, my mouth dropped as I stared down at her, hardly daring to believe the words coming from her mouth. Was she even thinking about what she was saying? Although she had always been quiet, while at school, I saw the way some guys looked at her from afar. She'd always been sweet and popular. What guy wouldn't want someone like her?

"I would." Her eyes snapped up to meet mine, disbelief reflecting from within the depths of her gaze. "If a guy can't see what a jewel you really are, that's his lost." Her eyes began clouding with tears as I continued. "Hermione," one of my hands slipped down and gripped hers, "I think…" I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I'm falling in love with you."

Using the palm resting against her cheek, I curled my fingers around her neck, leaning forward and pressing my lips against hers. Involuntarily her eyes slipped closed as she wrapped her arms around my neck, deepening the kiss. Instinctively, my body began responding to her caresses. Feeling an overpowering urge to hold onto something, she tightened her grip around my waist, emitting of groan of pleasure from the back of her throat.

As my lips slid across the hollow of her neck, leaving open-mouth kisses over her skin, a strangled purr erupted from my throat as I impulsively ran my fingers through her hair. Gasping, she threw my head back, moaning at the pressure of my lips against the base of her throat. As my lips returned to hers, I caught her lower lip between my teeth and bit down, lovingly tugging on it.

Without breaking the kiss, I slid my tongue across her bottom lip, pleading for entry. She relaxed her jaw, trembling as I entered, my tongue massaging the back of hers. She inhaled sharply, digging her nails into my back.

Unknowingly, she began leaning backwards. I scooted closer, overbalanced us, and we toppled backwards. She landed on her back, pinned underneath my body.

Startled out of the kiss, I pushed myself up, both of my hands laying flat on either side of her face, momentarily struck by the intensity alive within her slightly dilated eyes as she gazed up at me.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say that." Her voice quivered as she buried her face within the folds of my T-shirt.

Rolling over onto my back, I pulled her against my side. Turning onto her side, she snuggled closer, laying her head against my chest. Absently, my arm made its way into her hair, before curling around her shoulders. Tenderly my fingers caressed the sensitive area of skin on her arm just below the edge of her sleeve. As one of her hands reached up, grasping the one I had around her shoulder, I took hold of her other hand, lying limply across my chest.

"I love you too," she whispered softly, her eyes briefly closing, my touch lulling her to sleep.

Smiling, I leaned over, lightly pressing my lips against her temple, still unable to believe that my dreams were no longer fantasies, but had become reality. I had finally found someone I wanted to settle down and spend the rest of my life with and I'm going to hold onto her forever.