Chapter Eleven: Losing Grip

How could you take advantage of my situation?
I'm fallin' far in this world without a rope
Or someone to hold me up
Someone to keep my feet on the ground
My head in this world

Jay

Is Sean right? Did I really rape Emma? I never even thought of it that way. Taking advantage of, a little, but rape? I can't believe this. I have to make things right.

I walked out of my apartment and down the hall. Standing in front of Emma's door, I took a deep breath and knocked. I waited a minute or two, but there was no answer. She couldn't already be gone, could she?

I knocked again, and there was still no answer. I was about to walk away when I heard Danica crying inside the apartment. Maybe she can't hear me knocking.

"Emma!" I yelled. "It's Jay. We need to talk!"

"GO AWAY!" she yelled from inside the apartment.

She knows.

Emma

"I'm sorry!" he yelled from the other side of the door. Sorry? He really thought sorry would help?

"I hate you Jay!" I screamed. Danica started crying harder. I stormed into her bedroom to change her diaper. And then I heard the door open and shut. Great. I forgot to lock it. Jay slowly walked into the room. I finished changing Dani and put her down in her crib.

"Emma…"

"Get away from me Jay. I never want to see you again. And you'll never see Danica again either!" I left the room and he followed me.

"Emma I'm so sorry. I didn't realize what I was doing. I…"

"No Jay! I didn't realize what I was doing! You knew exactly what you were doing!" I screamed, my tears coming faster.

"I didn't know that I…"

"That you raped me? How could you do that to me?" I cried. "It's already happened to me once and you had to go ruin my life by doing it again! I wish I never met you. GET OUT!"

Jay stared at me blankly. He just started and didn't move. I turned away from him and put my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. And then he was gone.

If I fall to the ground
Will you pick me up again
I don't know who I am anymore
Or why I'm holding on
I feel so useless everyday
I wake up so ashamed
I don't know who I am anymore
I'm nothing without you

Brooklyn

I'm going to kick his ass! I just got off the phone with Sean and he told me what Jay did. Now I'm on my way to set that asshole straight. I can't believe he did that to my best friend. He raped her!

I dropped Maddox off with Sean. He wanted to go with me, but I refused. When I got back to Jay's apartment, I stormed right in. He was sitting on the couch, crying. Yeah, he was crying. I never thought I'd see that happen.

"What the FUCK did you do to her?" I yelled.

"I'm sorry!" he screamed back. "I didn't mean it!"

"You can't take it back. You've probably destroyed her. And I thought you loved her!"

"I do!" he cried. I pulled my arm back and punched him in the face.

Emma

I have to get out of here. I grabbed my jacket, got Danica, and left. I drove over to my house and knocked on the door. Sean answered it.

"Emma, I'm so glad you're here," he said, ushering me inside.

"I'm not staying," I told him. "Are my parents here?" I asked.

"No, they're at work." I forgot that it was Wednesday. Now my dad was going to ask me why I wasn't in school.

"Why aren't you at school?" I asked him.

"I offered to watch Maddox for Brooklyn. Besides, I stayed up way too late last night and I was really tired. But that doesn't really matter. We should talk," he said.

"No, I can't. Can you please watch Danica for me?" I asked him.

"Of course."

"Where did Brooklyn go?" I asked.

"To Jay's." I didn't even want to hear his name, and I really didn't want to know why she was over there. I handed Sean the baby, tossed her bag onto the floor, and left.

Don't you see that I have problems
Putting all my trust in me
I'm falling further everyday
So you see the worst in me
I'm losing grip, I'm losing everything
I'm feeling so alone
I'm losing grip, I'm losing grip

"He raped me. I'm so sorry. I don't want you to be mad at me. I never should have gotten drunk at all, especially not with Jay. I trusted him, and Danica loves him, but that's it. I don't ever want to see him again."

Of course I didn't get a response. I never got a response. I wonder if he can really hear me. People say that when you're in a coma, you can hear everything people say to you. I hope it's true.

I climbed into bed next to Oliver and let my head fall onto his shoulder. Maybe I could just sleep for awhile. Just sleep and forget about everything. I closed my eyes and drifted off, hoping to be pulled into Oliver's dream. In his state, he had nothing, yet, at the same time, he had it all.

The day that I was down
I remember all your words to me
We'd look around at everything
Right in front of you
And it feels so useless everyday
I wake up so ashamed
I don't know what you think anymore
I'm nothing without you

A/N: I apologize for the shortness of this chapter. Okay, this is the first time I've done this, but I couldn't pick just one song so I put two into the chapter. The very first little paragraph thing is from "One In Equal" by Seven Wiser. I only put that part of the song because it was really the only part that related. The rest of the lyrics are from "Losing Grip" by Seven Wiser. They obviously own both song. The first part is from Emma to Jay, and the second is an Emma song for Oliver. Oh and from now on, I'm going to try and use the reply to review thing on email for people that review. If it's anonymous, then I can't reply to it, and in that case, I'll try to answer questions and make comments to those people on the next chapter like I've been doing.