Chapter Twelve: Sweet Suffocation

Crawling under
Lost in a perfect sin
What's my addiction?
To breathe
I will sleep and I will breathe and I will scream
'Cause that's a part of me

Emma

"Excuse me? Miss?"

I opened my eyes and looked around, blinking. I felt Oliver's body, warm and close, and smiled. Then I saw the nurse standing next to the bed.

"I'm so sorry," I said. I didn't need these people mad at me.

"It's fine, really," she said, smiling at me. "But visiting hours are over, so I'm going to have to ask you to come back tomorrow."

"Thanks for waking me up." I kissed Oliver, whispered goodbye, and then left. I didn't feel like talking to the nurse anymore.

I got back to my house and went right in. Everyone was sitting in the living room. And I mean everyone. Mom, Dad, Sean, Brooklyn, Maddox, Danica, Craig, and Manny. My mom rushed forward and hugged me.

"Emma, are you okay?" she asked, looking me in the eyes. Instead of answering, I turned to Sean.

"You told them?" I yelled at him. How could he do this to me?

"It wasn't me," he said, giving me a pitying look.

"I did," Brooklyn said, standing up.

"I don't need this right now!" I yelled at her. "Why can't you all just leave me alone?" I yelled. I ran down to my old bedroom, now Sean's room, and collapsed on the bed. Yeah, I was acting like a baby, but I felt so overwhelmed. And thankfully, no one followed me.

I stayed down there for an hour, crying into my pillow and, at times, screaming into it too. Why does this stuff always have to happen to me? I mean, seriously, why doesn't someone else get raped for once? Why do I always have to be the victim?

That's not right. My mind raced to Oliver. He's the real victim. Maybe he wasn't raped, but he was shot. And now he's in a coma, and might never wake up. At least I'm awake. He's got it way worse than I do. I slowly trudged upstairs. I hoped that maybe Craig, Manny, Brooklyn, and Sean were at least gone, but everyone was still there.

"Emma, we called the police," my dad said suddenly. "We told them to press charges."

"Did they arrest him?" I asked.

"Not yet. They're waiting to speak with you," my mom said.

"I don't want to talk to anyone tonight. I just want to go back to the apartment and sleep."

"Em, there's one more thing," Sean said. I looked at him, but he didn't say anything else.

"We think you should see a therapist," Craig blurted out.

"What? I don't need a therapist! I'm not crazy," I yelled.

"We know you're not crazy honey," my dad spoke up. "She'll really help you out." He handed me a piece of paper with a name and a phone number on it.

"We made the first appointment for tomorrow night. Joey understands and he's giving you the night off," my mom said.

"I need to get out of here," I said. I turned around, and headed for the door, but then remembered Danica. I took her from Craig's arms and picked her bag up. I walked right out of the house, put Dani in her car seat, and left. No one tried to stop me.

Such a sweet suffocation

Sean

I can't believe this is happening to her. Emma, my first love. I'm glad that I have Brooklyn in my life right now, but I can't even think of Emma being hurt like this. I still love her, as a good friend, and I can't bear to think that Jay would do that.

I would kick his ass, but I don't think I can even look at him right now. Besides, from what I've heard, Brooklyn did a pretty good job. Sighing, I picked Maddox up and held him close to me. I'm lucky to have this little guy in my life. He manages to put a smile on my face, no matter how upset I am.

"You staying?" I whispered to Brooklyn. She nodded her head. We stood up and headed for the basement. "Goodnight everyone," I said, breaking the silence. Emma's parents looked up at me sadly, but didn't say a word. Craig was staring at the floor, and Manny was looking down at her hands.

You were the victim lost in your innocence
What's you ambition?
To breathe
And I will sleep and I will breathe and I will scream
'Cause that's a part of me

Manny

I don't understand. I thought Jay loved her. Why would he do that?

I can't believe I've been such a horrible friend to Emma. We should be closer than we are, but we're not because of me. Her best friends are Brooklyn and Craig now. I can't believe I was so mean to her. What happened between her and Craig happened when we weren't even together.

The truth is, I was really jealous of her. She had a baby with Craig when I couldn't.

But now, should I be jealous? No, I should be there for her.

Craig

Manny came back to me today. I should be happier. Of course I'm thankful, but with everything that's been happening to Emma, I can't be happy at all. I'm not in love with her, but I am in love with our daughter. And anything bad that happens to her affects Danica.

I find myself wanting to beat the shit out of Jay. I'm so infuriated right now. I want to make sure Emma is okay, but I can't do that. She wants to be alone, and I'll respect that. But I have to get out of this house. I stood up, grabbed my jacket along with Manny's hand, and we left.

Such a sweet suffocation
It's my addiction
Such a sweet suffocation
It's my religion
It's my religion

Emma

I walked into the apartment and walked right onto an envelope. It had my name written on it, but I wasn't sure who it was from. I picked it up and tossed it onto the couch as I walked by.

I brought Danica in her room, changed her diaper, put her in her pajamas, and then put her in her crib. I watched her fall asleep and smiled. She was the only one would could bring joy to me right now. As soon as she was sleeping soundly, I left the room and closed the door behind me.

I flopped down on the couch and picked up the envelope. That's when I recognized the handwriting. It was Jay's. At first, I wasn't going to read it. It would just be some stupid attempt at apologizing and I wouldn't forgive him. But then, I just decided to read it. I had nothing else to do, and maybe he could make me feel better. Boy, was I wrong.

Emma,

Don't ever forget that I love you and always will. Tell Danica that I love her, and kiss her goodnight for me. This is hard for me to write, and I know I couldn't say it all to your face. This is goodbye.

I know that I've done a horrible thing, and I wasn't thinking at all the other night. I hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me. But I won't hold it against you if you don't. I realize that I've probably ruined your life, and I can't live knowing that I've hurt you like this.

You mean the world to me, and putting you through this much pain makes me hate myself. I don't deserve to be in this world with good people like you. Just remember that I love you and I'm doing this for you. I'm doing this so you don't have to live with what I've done. I hope this will help you let go and forget.

My love for eternity,
Jay

I found myself crying at the end of the letter. Why did he write this? And what did he mean goodbye. Oh my god. What is he going to do?

I became increasingly worried with each second. When I finally stood up, it felt like everything was going in slow motion. I ran out the door and down the hall.

"JAY!" I screamed, pounding on the door. There was no answer. I can hear music playing, but nothing else. I tried the doorknob, but it was locked. "JAY!" I yelled again, pounding and pounding. What do I do now?

I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, and into the manager's apartment. I yelled and screamed to him what was happening. He looked worried, as if he just didn't want something bad to happen in his building, not caring about Jay. He got the key to the apartment and followed me up. As soon as he unlocked the door, I burst in, running straight to his bedroom.

There he was, on the floor. I remember screaming at the manager to call 911. Looking over, I saw the empty pill bottle next to him. What has he done? He can't do this to me. Doesn't he understand that this is worse than me having to live with what he did? That this is worse than him raping me?

I checked to see if he was breathing, and he wasn't. No pulse either. I started doing CPR, knowing that it never works. All I could do was try. I wouldn't fail him. No matter what he did to me, I wouldn't let him die.

It's cold inside
What's it like to take apart me?
To lead you wrong
To kill your dreams just
Wake up please

A/N: This chapter and the last one both take place on Wednesday, November 1. The song is "Sweet Suffocation" by Edgewater and they own it.