Hello! It's me again, new fic and new plot. This time, different but still the same.
This fic is quite angsty, and not much humour at all. But still it has the same pairing that it usually does; Seto/Jou.
And this will probably be an oneshot. Quite a long oneshot.
Sooo... let's get this fic started.
Plot: Jou's father has died. Jou's friends think it's for the better, and so does the rest of his family. But what does Jou think? And will his life ever be the same. Can anyone stop him before he does something he might regret?
Disclaimer: I own nothing, so don't sue me.
Pairings: Seto/Jou. Hints of other pairings.
Warnings: Boy/Boy love and some angsty. Mention of abuse and rape. Major OOC.
So, read and review!
When you're all aloneAnd all your friends is gone
The only one you can trust
Is yourself and the image of the moon.
The moon's clear light shone through the window of the cheap apartment, and danced over the pale colours of the room. It showed a room, filled with darkness, and it's walls grey with several spots on it.
But the old stench of smoke and beer was gone. Instead, it smelled of lemon, a clean and sour scent. On the floor of the room, there was a bucket filled with, once hot, water and soap.
On the floor in one of darkest corners, there was an old madras that looked quite uncomfortable. And on the madras there's a person lying, wide awake.
Jou shifted uncomfortably and looked out the window. He couldn't see the stars, but he knew that they were there. It was quite nice to know that, no matte what, they would remain. The stars and the moon, they were the only thing he could trust. Even if they disappeared in the morning, he knew that they'd be back at dusk. And the moon even was there at the morning and the day.
The moon's soft reflection now made its way to the young teens face. There it reflected his tearstained face and almost made it glow. Jou was crying. And had been for the last hour. He didn't know what time it was, but he was sure it was past one in the morning.
He'd gone to bed at nine.
Jou blinked slowly and sat up. Since he couldn't sleep, he'd better do something else. When he rose, one of the boards in the floor creaked. He closed his eyes and waited for his father to yell at him.
Silence. Deep, soul shattering silence.
He opened his eyes again, tears running down his pale face again. How could he have forget? His father would never yell at him again, never hurt him with words or punches.
Never ever would he talk to him again, never have to rush home in fear of getting beaten.
Never fear to be raped by his drunk father, or ever fear to be killed by his drunk father...
So why did he feel so heartbroken?
It had been only three days since his father's death. It had come quickly, and Jou remembered it very clearly.
Flashback.
Jou walked into his house and waited for the blow to come. He was late, because he and the rest of the gang had gone to the arcade. And there, he'd completely forgotten the time.
Silence.
Jou walked in slowly and closed the door after him.
"Dad?" He called out softly and walked in.
Still, only silence.
Maybe his father was out on an errand, or he'd gone to a bar. Yeah, that was probably it, a bar.
Two hours later, his father wasn't yet home. Jou now started to get worried. Where was he? It was now seven pm, and still nothing. Maybe he should call the cell...
A sharp signal broke Jou's thoughts; the phone. Jou guessed it was his father. He'd probably got arrested and now needed his son to bail him out. Jou ran to the phone and lifted the receiver.
"Katsuya speaking." He said and waited to hear his fathers slurry voice in the other end.
"Hello, Katsuya. This is Dr. Urasy." A calm man's voice said. (Jou still could hear that voice in his nightmares.)
"Err, hi. What can I help ya with?" Jou asked and spun the phone wire around his fingers.
"Your father has been in an accident, we need you to come over to Domino hospital."
Jou's heart almost stopped.
"Katsuya, did you hear me..." Jou nodded furiously and choke out:
"Yeah, I heard ya. I'll be right there."
Fifteen minutes later, Jou sat in the hospital's waiting room. After a couple more minutes, a doctor around his fifties came up to him. The man looked really tired. Jou rose immediately and walked up to the man.
"H-how is he?" Jou stuttered and stared at the doctor. The doctor sighed deeply and shook his head.
"I'm sorry Mr. Jounouchi, but there wasn't really much we could do. His right lung was pierced from glass-splinter and it just gave up. And the heart was already weakened, it just... stopped. He fell asleep, we could do nothing." Jou heard the words, but didn't understand them fully.
The doctor took another deep breath.
"Your father is dead Katsuya."
End Flashback.
Jou looked out the window again, this time sitting on the windowsill. Three days. Three days since his father was run over by a car. 'Nothing we could do' was all the doctor said. 'He just gave up' said another.
Salty tears hung to his eyelashes, and fell when he blinked. His father was dead, killed by a man who has sat down behind the wheel, drunk. How ironic, a drunk killed by a drunk...
The funeral had been small, only his sister and closest friends had come. But no one had cried over his father, not even Shizuka. Only Jou had cried, and that was when no one saw him.
His friends had even seemed a bit happy.
"You never have to worry about him anymore!" Those were the exact words from his friend Honda.
"Nothing to be sad for, Jou" had Yugi said.
"He was nothing, big brother." His beloved sister had said.
"You'll never have to fear him again, Jou!" That was Ryou's words.
Why couldn't he agree?
It had felt good, in a way, to come home to someone, to have a father even if was a horrible one. Even though he often got beaten and raped, he never hated his father. And that, no one would ever understand, not even himself.
Of course, he had plenty of things to hate him for, but he couldn't. It still was his father.
Why couldn't anyone understand?
Jou rose and looked around his room. Soon he wouldn't need it anymore. Soon, he would be out of here, to a far better place.
Where his father was, to be precise.
He would follow his father's footsteps. Really, what did he have to live for? His father's death had really opened his eyes, he had nothing. He would not get any good grades in school, not a good job because of his background.
And who would even miss him if he disappeared?
Shizuka? She was happy with their mother, better of without him. Sure, she might miss him a little, but it would fade.
Yugi? He had Yami.
Ryou? He had Bakura.
Honda? His best friend, sure he'd miss him but he'd get over it. And also, Ryuji Otogi would soon make him forget all about him.
Anzu? Psh, she wouldn't even notice.
Seto Kaiba? Jou bent down his head and laughed miserably. Yeah right, he'd probably dance on his grave. The brunette, his archenemy. The man he loved more then anything. It was ironic really, Seto hated him and would never love him, and Jou loved him and would never hate him.
Another reason to leave earth.
Jou took a deep breath and picked up his jacket. He couldn't kill himself at home, he had already cleaned it. It wouldn't smell of blood. He also took his pocket-knife and put it in his right pocket. Then he put a white envelope on his desk. His goodbye letter.
And he went out.
Jou's POV.
I walk around the streets aimlessly. Where to go? Where did I want to die, was really the question.
The park. I can see it clearly, on the other side of the street. It looks a bit spooky in the moonlight, but still so beautiful.
Perfect.
I walk across the road and into the park. It's in the middle of spring, and flowers are starting to bloom. The trees has start to develop leaves, but there's none yet on the branches. The scent of blooming made me a little dizzy, but also made me sad.
I would never see the flowers bloom again.
I see the playground, the swings I always loved when I was younger. Here was the place my sister and I had played together, and their parents had been happy together.
It felt like a lifetime ago.
I walked over to the swings and softly touched the chains on the swing. They were cold, like ice even.
With a soft thud I sat down on the red swing and started to swing a little, only barely moved the swing. I remember something else from this place.
The first time I saw Seto smile.
Flashback Seto smirked at me, and I just glared at him. Seto sat on top of me, and held down my hands against the grass."So, mutt. Who's your master?" I growl and try to get free. Since last week, Seto had started to make his insults even worse, by making me call him master. Not that I had yet called him that of course, that was below me.
"Let go of me, ya bastard! Jus' wait until I get up from here!" I yell at him and thrash my head from side to side in my wild attempts to get free. Not that I really mind him sitting on top of me, it feels very nice.
Seto snicker a little and just shakes his head.
"Oh my, I'm so scared." He say in a teasing voice. "Now, puppy..."
"I'm no puppy!" I yell and try to free my hands. My attempts fail, and only makes Seto's smirk grow wider.
"Yes, you are. You're my puppy." A small blush creep to my face at that. He called me... his puppy? Still, he called me puppy!
"I'M NOT YERS! YOU DON' OWN ME! AND I'M NOT A FUCKIN' PUPPY!" My attempts to get free gets wilder, and This time I succeed in getting my right hand free.
At once, I try to push him off me, but he only chuckle and grab my hand again. Now he press my hands even harder against the grass.
"You can't get even move me one inch, my little puppy, so don't even try it." I sigh and close my eyes. Damn him. DAMN HIM TO HELL!
How does he always make me lose against him, making me aggravated, and he just remain just as cold as usual? The bloody bastard! Can't he just let me up?
When I feel him move a little I open my eyes again. A low yelp makes it's way from my throat. Seto's just one inch from my face, and he looks kind of dazed. Those blue eyes aren't so cold as they usually are, they are actually quite soft.
"K-Ka-Kaiba?" I say with a weak voice. He blinks a little, but the dazed look in his eyes doesn't disappear. Maybe he didn't hear me?
"Kaiba? Err... Are ya o-" Here I get cut off. By what you ask?
Seto Kaiba's lips.
My eyes widen to the size of dinner plates before I clamp them shut. My hands are released and I can entangle them in Seto's hair. I feel one of his hand caress my cheek, and the other he use to steady himself.
His lips are soft and moves slowly against mine. He taste of mint, and other fresh things. The kiss is long and slow, but also quite passionate.
My first kiss.
After a few minutes, when air is needed, Seto moves away a little to look me in the eye. I then see it.
His smile. It's soft and tender, just as perfect as the rest of him. It is only a small curve of his lips, but still is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
It was then I woke up by the ring of my alarm clock.
End Flashback.
A slow tear run down my cheek. Of course something so prefect could only be a dream. Seto would never even consider kissing suck a lowlife as me.
Yes, that is what he calls me. A lowlife, a mutt, a second-rate duellist and a loser. That's all I am, and all I'll ever be to Seto Kaiba.
My hand goes to my pocket and I take out my knife. With a click the thin blade come out. The moon, my only friend and allied, makes the blade shine with a soft light. I lick my lips and look at it, almost hypnotized.
One stab was all that was needed, only one deep cut.
What could stop him?
I slowly, oh so slowly, brought the knife to my wrist. I take a deep calming breath when I feel the cold steel against my wrist. Here it goes... No going back now...
"Mutt? What are you doing here?" I freeze at the voice. No, it couldn't be...
I turn my head and look over my shoulder. About five meters away, standing on the stone-path is Seto Kaiba.
The soft light of the moon plays in his hair and makes it look lighter then it is. Its colour is chestnut brown, but now it looks light brown. His eyes shine towards me, but shows no emotion.
"K-Kaiba?" I stutter, still with the knife against my wrist. Suddenly, all I can do is stare at the brunette without moving.
His gaze slowly makes it's way to the knife in my hand. His eyes narrow.
"What are you doing, mutt?" I blink and look at the knife. Now I remember what I was going to do, and suddenly I get angry. Why the hell did Kaiba always have to interfere with my life, like it wasn't hard enough already!
"None of yer business, Kaiba! Can't ya jus' leave me alone?" I rise and start to walk away to find some other place to die.
Steps is heard behind me, and suddenly a hand grab my right arm with a hard grip. Before I can react, I'm spun around and stare into a pair of icy, blue eyes. One second I'm holding my knife, and the next it's in Kaiba's hand.
He looks at the knife and then back to my eyes.
"What were you thinking? Do you really think you'll fell better if you cut yourself? How stupid are you really!"
I stare at him. The anger inside me starts to boil. Who did he think he was, coming here telling me I'm stupid when I'm about to kill myself. It wasn't stupid, it was the most sane thing to do at the moment!
I rip my arm away from his hand and glare at him with force.
"For your big, fat information, Kaiba, I wasn't gonna cut myself!" That was true, what I was about to do was more severe.
He rise one eyebrow at me and holds up the knife.
"Oh, not? Then what were you going to do?"
Seeing no other thing to do, I decide to tell him the truth. I figure that he'll leave me to kill myself if I do.
"I was going to kill myself!" I shout at him and stare him right in the eye.
Wow. That sure made him shut up.
He's staring at me with big eyes and his mouth hanging slightly open. If he wasn't breathing, would've guessed that he just died, still standing.
Finally, he blinks a few times, and go back to his old, cold self. And from that, he went to pure fury.
"WHAT! ARE YOU BLOODY STUPID!" He yells is such a loud voice I'm sure that the whole city woke up. I wince and glare at him.
"Would ya stop calling me stupid for a second?" Is all I can say.
Seto put the knife in his pocket and then grab my arms, shaking me so hard I almost fall to the ground.
"You are stupid, Jounouchi! If you think that killing yourself will solve your problems..."
Now, I've had it.
I free my arms and punch Kaiba straight in the face. My hand start to ache, but I don't care, I don't care anymore!
"YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW IT IS TO LIVE MY POOR EXCUSE FOR A LIFE!" I shout at him, while he's holding his bruised cheek. He looks chocked. I let go of everything, all my shields and all my masks. My anger wash away everything, and I start shouting at Kaiba.
"I have nothing, nothing Kaiba! Nothing to live for, nothing to take care of! Fuck, I don't even have any real home! That you'll never understand, Kaiba, even if you're a genius you'll never, ever understand how miserable my life is!"
Kaiba stares at me. Then he grab me by the collar, looking even more pissed.
"That is not an excuse for killing yourself. Even if your life might be shit, you have to take care of it. You put yourself in this mess, get yourself out!"
I stare at him with my mouth wide open. He doesn't understand. He'll never understand. I look down and tears form in my eyes, though I'll never let him see them.
"Tha's easy for you to say. You've got everything, and you got it served on a silver platter. And don't come with the 'I worked hard for it' crap! You may work hard, but you don't have to deal with getting food on the table! It's so easy for you to say to me to make my life better, but I can't!"
I take a deep breath again and look up at him.
"You don't get it, you'll never get it. Even if I get A+ in all subjects, no one will ever hire me! My past will stop me at everything!"
His eyes are just as cold as ever. A sob form in my throat, and I can't stop it. It shakes my whole body and I look away again.
"And now I'm all alone on top of it. My father died three days ago. So, do you understand why I don't want to live anymore?"
I hear him snort.
"Not really. I heard your father was only an abusive, raping drunk who didn't care for you one bit. You should be happy to be rid of him."
I can't stop myself. I tackle him to the ground and hold him there. Not what he expected, I can tell. He stares at me, and try to move. I stop him from moving by grabbing his hands and hold them down to the grass.
"Don't you dare speaking of my father like that!" I yell at him.
Sure, my father was all those things he said, but I wouldn't let him say such things about him. I loved my father, why else do you think I stayed with him, even after he raped me and abused me close to death.
My father had needed me, even though he never admitted it to anyone, not even to me. He had loved me, if he hadn't he wouldn't had fought so hard to keep me. Not even to make my mother angry had he done it, he loved me.
Kaiba gives me a cold glare and try to get free.
"And why not? It's not like it isn't true." I'm sure my eyes are shooting lightning at the moment.
"SHUT UP!" I roar at him. "I loved my father, even though he did all of those things! He's still my father, and I won't let you speak of him like that!"
Seto smirk and suddenly the tables are turned. I don't know how, but suddenly I'm the one that's pressed down against the grass with my wrist in Kaiba's tight grip. I yell numerous curses and start to squirm under Seto to make him let go.
But he didn't.
Seto just held me down and looked at me, still smirking. Oh, how I wanted to push that smirk down his throat.
"LET ME GO YA PRICK!" I scream and this time it was my voice that was so loud it would wake up everyone within five miles.
Seto still smirk towards me.
"No." He said in a simple voice.
That simple respond without any insult made me speechless. All I can do is to stare at Kaiba with my mouth open.
"W-Why not?" I ask stuttering. My stuttering seem to amuse the CEO, because his smirk grew wider at my words.
"Because." I waited for him to finish his sentence. But he just looked at me, saying no more. A glare start to form in my eyes.
"Well? Why won't ya let me up?" Seto smirked.
"I told you; because." Now I'm starting to get even more angry.
"Because is not an answer, ya know."
Smirk grow more evil.
"Who said I was trying to answer your stupid question, mutt?"
I'm just about to yell a little more at him, when I suddenly see something shiny on the ground next to my right hand that Seto holds down at the side of my body.
My knife.
Its laying there, just next to my fingers. I can reach it if I just stretch my fingers a little. My breath starts to get faster, and I stretch my fingers. In one swift motion, my fingers gets a hold of the knife.
Then Seto decide to speak again.
"Mutt, what-" He don't get to finish his sentence.
Using the last of my power, I make a motion making Seto fall off me with a low –oomph-. Without wasting any time, I get to my feet and look at Seto, panting hard with the knife in my hand.
He stares at me, no, it's the knife he's staring at. A faint tinge of fear is now visible in his eyes. I snicker, he probably think I'm going to kill him. I would never.
Slowly, I lift the knife to my eyes. I lick my lips and then look at Seto again. He's still staring at the knife in my hand.
"Jounouchi," he whisper and look at my eyes again. "Put down the knife. Now."
I shake my head and smile softly again.
"No. I'm gonna finish what I came here for. And you should only be happy, ya'll not miss me one bit." I close my eyes for a second. "Neither will anyone else." I say so softly, almost inaudible.
Seto shakes his head ad slowly gets to his feet.
"Don't do it, Jou. Think about... your sister! And your friends, they'll all miss you..." I shake my head, still smiling.
"No, they won't Seto. I know they won't. They have others to take care of them, others to lean on. Shizuka has her American boyfriend, Honda has Otogi, Yugi has Yami, Ryou has Bakura..." I chuckle miserably. "I'm really lonely."
I look at Seto again. To my big surprise, he looks scared. He know I won't kill him, what can he possibly fear...
"What about me?" Seto asks softly and looks me straight in the eye. "Who do I have, pup?"
I stare at him.
"What? You? You...Ya wouldn't miss me..." I shake my head and take one step backwards.
Seto still looks me directly in the eye, not breaking the contact.
"Yes, I would Jounouchi. Answer me now, who would I have? Don't say Mokuba, because he has Noah."
I blink and face his gaze. He's standing to far away, I can't read his feelings. Who does Seto have? It hit me hard. He only have Mokuba. But why would he miss me, he hates me...
"Kaiba, don't lie to me!" I yell and put the knife against my wrist. "Ya hate me! Y-You'll only b-be hap-happy to get rid of me! Go away and let me finish my business!"
I look away and press the knife harder against my wrist, hard enough to make a mark, but not hard enough to pierce the skin. Suddenly, I feel disgusted. I don't want Seto to watch me die, to have him watch me bleed to death.
I turn towards him were he stands a few feet away, looking at me.
"GO AWAY!" I shout to him and give him a fierce glare. But he just stands there.
Looking at me with an unreadable look on his face.
I decide to ignore the fact that he's watching, I want to die so badly. I take a better grip around the knife and holds it aimed towards my heart. I'll die immediately.
Another deep breath, my last, and then I bring the knife fast against my chest. It never reached it's destination. It never even made it halfway.
I feel a hard body push me to the ground, and I feel a hand trying to grab my hand with the knife. I fight against as hard as I can, but not having slept for real in three days, and crying had reduced my body's strength to almost zero. So, in the matter of five minutes of intense wrestling, I find myself straddled under Seto Kaiba. Again.
He's panting and holds the knife in his hand. Not risking anything more, he threw away the knife into the bushes. My eye's water and I try to push him off me. But, as I said earlier, my body is weak. I don't even get him to flinch.
"Get off!" I scream and hit him, as hard as I possibly can, in the chest. He just look at me with a sad expression in his eyes. His face is only one inch from mine now. He almost look desperate.
"Calm down. Please, Katsuya..." I flinch. Did he just call me Katsuya? He never calls me Katsuya. Though that doesn't make me calm down.
"NO! I won't calm down! I just want to die, don't you get it! Why-can't-you-leave-me-to-fucking-kill-myself!" I bang my fist in his chest at every blank between the words.
Then he gets up. He lift himself off me and drag me up to sitting position. I'm about to punch him when he does the unthinkable:
He hugs me. Seto put his arms around my waist and press me against his chest. His warmth makes me dizzy, and I can't move for a second. Then my barriers burst.
I sob and press my face into his black shirt. Tears start to fall down my cheeks again, but for the first time there's someone there to comfort me. Seto's hands starts to make patterns on my back, and he mumbles soothing words.
I cry and cry into his shirt, shaking violently from all the sobs that force themselves out off my throat. My tears are wetting his shirt, but he doesn't seem to care.
After many minutes, or hours I'm not sure, my tears are out, and I feel totally exhausted. I relax in Seto's embrace, and sigh deeply. His chest is heaving slowly, and I snuggle closer to that reassuring warmth.
Then Seto pull away a little, only so he can look me in the eye. I then see something in his eyes, something I've never seen before:
Love.
He looks so caring.
"Katsuya, never do that again. I...I... don't you ever try to do that again." His voice is so serious, and I merely nod. I feel very sleepy, but before I can drift into sleep, I need to tell him...
"Seto, I love you..." I whisper and close my eyes, prepared to hear him telling me that he doesn't.
"Katsuya... I-I... I don't hate you." I pull away roughly and dry my eyes.
Oh, great. Seto doesn't hate me, joy.
"Thanks Seto." I whisper and rise.
My legs protest and starts to shake, but I don't care. It's not far home, I'll make it...
I hear Seto rise to and then I get turned around. I look down, not wanting to see his cold eyes. Then I feel his fingers under my shin, lifting my head up so he can see my eyes. Seto's blue eyes are warm and tender, and also... filled with tears.
"That's not all Katsuya. I've never hated you. All those times I teased you...called you names... I just wanted your attention. I so desperately wanted you to notice me, to know that I existed. But you always seemed to hate me."
"Katsuya, all this time I've known you, I've cared. Those times you came to school with a bruise or a wound, my heart almost broke in two. But instead of asking what happened, I teased you, making you hate me. Or, at least, so I thought."
Now Seto's face-expression changed. From the sad and desperate look, it changed into a brighter and more hopeful one. And...
He smiled. His lips curved upward, and made his face look even more beautiful. The smile, Seto's smile, was even more beautiful then I'd ever thought it to be. It made his whole face soften and his eyes to get warmer, like a sun warms a cliff in the summer.
"I've never loved anyone like this before, Katsuya. Sure, I love my brother, but that is different. The love I feel for you is deeper. Much deeper. So, where am I going with this?"
Seto paused and looked me in the eyes. A shiver made its way through my body when our eyes met in that way.
"I just want to say... that... that I..." Seto took a deep breath. "I love you, Katsuya. With al my heart, and with every ounce of my soul and being."
His words made me almost faint. Gods, Seto Kaiba love me just as much as I love him! All thoughts of killing myself is gone, and I smile to, my first sincere smile since my father's death, makes its was to my lips.
"Thanks Seto." And with that, I grab his coat, pull him down and kiss him. His lips taste just as I dreamed as they would; minty and fresh. But also of...
Moonlight.
But then, the darkness will fadeAnd light may be again,
Forever love
Trustful as the moon.
EndO.O...wow.
Did I just write that? Yes I did. Whoa, my first serious fic, and my first angst. OMG!
I hope you liked it, and please review! I love everyone that read this, and even more if you review!
Tell me your thoughts!