Voices…they begin to fill the darkness, slowly making sense as I listen, trying to figure out what's going on.
"…been three days, Hiei. Why don't you take a break?" The voice was familiar. It was the one without a name.
"No, detective," came the other familiar voice. 'Hiei' must be his name. But, why was the other 'detective'? What was going on? I hear a sigh and then the sound of movement. A door closes.
A new voice came into my hearing, one that seemed to be reading my thoughts. "What happened?"
Hiei spoke, his voice grim. "It was a trap." I listen avidly, not moving, waiting for him to continue, to tell me why I was here. "He stopped a moment before convulsing in pain. I'm not sure," his voice grew soft, difficult to hear, "but, I don't think he knew himself or us. He didn't recognize his name." There was sorrow in that voice.
I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't take them talking like they knew me. I couldn't stand any of it anymore. I opened my eyes, trying not to wince in the bright light. "I know who I am," I declared. Red and brown eyes appear before me.
"What is your name?" the red eyed one asks. He must be Hiei because that's what the voice sounds like.
I open my mouth to answer. "……" My brain has stopped functioning. I can't force anything out of my mouth. I can't even think what it is I'm trying to force out. I feel panic beginning to flood my brain and pathetic whimpers start rising from my throat. Finally, unable to avoid it anymore, I confess, "I don't know." I can see in their eyes they already knew. There was an additional measure of pain in the red eyes.
"Your name is Kurama. Tell me what you remember," the brown eyed one asks, pulling my attention away from the red eyed one. I notice he has something in his mouth, though it doesn't seem to hinder his ability to talk. He also looks…young…but his question belies his age, as does his voice. He wears a blue hat that hides whether he has hair or not.
I think back. "I remember being in blackness that went on forever. And, then a horribly loud noise, so loud I saw lights behind my eyes. And there was pain, even after the noise stopped, and my ears were ringing."
"How did you get into the blackness?" His eyes are intent on me, too heavy. I look away before answering.
"I don't know. I couldn't remember before the noise. I couldn't remember why I was there." My eyes sought out the red ones. "For some reason, you're familiar, though. And the other one, the one without a name…I know his voice too." The eyes were warning me of something so I continue on lamely, though I don't understand, "And…I should know…Kuwabara…" the name somehow felt incomplete. Red eyes thanked me. Why was that?
Before I could puzzle over that, the brown eyed one answered, "You work for me with them. You have for several years now."
"Oh." I decide I've had enough of lying down. I struggle to sit up. I don't think it should take this much effort. The red eyed one, Hiei, puts an arm behind my back. He is much stronger than his small frame made me think he would be. Something about his touch is familiar. It felt comfortable. His eyes warned me to be silent, promising to explain later. What was it? Why didn't he want the brown eyed one to know? Which reminded me, "What is your name?"
He looked torn between anger and sorrow. "I am Koenma."
"Oh," that didn't tell me much. "What do we do for you?"
"You're detectives for the spirit world."
That makes no sense at all. This child runs a detective agency? Wasn't there supposed to be some natural order to the world or something like that? My head is starting to hurt again. Hiei seems to understand. "Koenma, don't you have some papers to stamp?"
Koenma glared, "I know he has earned your loyalty, Hiei, but that is…"
A large blue…man?...suddenly appeared at the door, "Koenma-sama, there's a problem in the break room."
Koenma glared at Hiei before leaving with the…man….as if Hiei had something to do with the interruption. A lot of things just don't make sense, but I have the feeling they should. Another man comes in, black haired and brown eyed, taller than Hiei. "How are things going, Hiei?" he asks, closing the door behind him. He looks over at me and smiles, but…there's a lot in that smile…a lot I just don't understand at the moment, but I feel my body react to it, a twinge of something in my lower abdomen.
"Yusuke," Hiei begins…that's who this is…before I can think anymore, Hiei continues, "he doesn't remember anything."
Yusuke's face pales, "Nothing?"
"I almost remember some things," I cut in. I can't bear to see his face that way.
His brown eyes come to mine, "What do you almost remember?"
"You two…you two are very familiar to me…I don't know…I can't explain it, but…well, I know…somehow, I know you."
"We live together," Yusuke answered my unspoken question. But…there's more to it than that.
"Just live together?"
"As far as Koenma knows," he evades answering me directly.
Before I could ask anything else Hiei breaks in, "We can't talk here. Koenma is suspicious, but we've decided that he doesn't need to know more. When we get home, we'll answer all your questions." His expression is grim. "We'll find a way to get your memory back." He says it so firmly I almost feel I have no choice but to believe him.
"When can I go?" I want answers, and if they can't tell me here, then we need to be where we can talk freely.
"We're waiting for Botan to locate Yukina and Master Genkai." The tone of his voice changed as Yusuke finished the statement, going from making a statement to training off into…pain? I must have looked confused. I know I should have known those names. "They're healers," he adds as explanation, though it sounds lame. His face is pained. It hurts to see him that way.
"I'm sorry. I wish I could remember. You seem so familiar." I can feel the frustration building up in me. I clench the blankets in my fists. "Why did this happen?"
"We're going to figure that out." A new voice, gravely with age answers me.
"That was fast, granny," Yusuke snaps at the speaker, a tiny woman with a careworn face and faded pink hair. Behind her is a timid girl, a little taller with blue-green hair and familiar red eyes. I look at Hiei. His eyes are the same red, but he is warning me. Why can I read so much in his eyes? I look back at Yusuke and he introduces the newcomers, "Genkai and Yukina, Kurama's memory seems to be…gone." I can hear the agony in his voice.
"I know that, dimwit. Koenma called Botan and filled her in just after she picked us up." The woman's voice was impatient as she walked over to my bedside. "I told them we had to have privacy, including his not watching on his office monitor, but…we still need to be careful what we say. Now, Kurama, what do you remember other than the blackness you told Koenma about?" Her posture is all business, but her voice is compassionate.
"There are…it seems…some things are just…familiar, like they're on the edge of my mind…if…they're just out of reach…" I trail off, knowing I'm not doing well at explaining how I feel. "Like I should know things, but…"
"They evade you?" she supplies.
"Yeah," I agree, "for lack of a better description."
She frowns a moment, staring at me. Finally, just before I can ask what she's looking for, she speaks, "Take him home, talk to Keiko in the morning. We need to do more research."
The girl, Yukina, steps forward, lays her hand on my arm and says softly, "We'll figure it out, Kurama. We'll get your memory back." She smiles at me and I try to smile back.
"Kurama," Yusuke's voice draws my attention away from the brink of self-pity. "Can you walk or do you need a hand?
Remembering how difficult it was to sit up, I reluctantly say, "I'll need a hand."
He nods, trying to school his expression, but I can still see the hurt in his brown eyes. Walking over to the bed as I push the covers down, he takes a couple of deep breaths. I glance at him curiously, but he refuses to look at me. I'm confused. He bends over and whispers "later" in my ear as he wraps an arm around me. His touch has the same sense of familiarity and comfort that Hiei's does. I hope it doesn't take long to get where we're going. I want answers. I drape my arm over his shoulder as he pulls me to my feet. I don't understand it, but my body is reacting to his touch. I want…I want to hug him…but…but…there's a reason why I couldn't…or something holding me back. "When we get home," he says softly as he supports me. I take a couple of deep breathes, both to help overcome the dizziness that clouds my head, and to reign in these strange urges. He gives me time to adjust, then we move to follow Genkai and Yukina out of the room. Hiei walks beside us, silent and looking ahead.
Down the hall, there's a blue haired girl in a pink kimono wringing her hands. "Koenma-sama wants…"
"No, Kurama needs to get home. There's nothing more he can gain staying here," Genkai cuts her off sharply.
The blue haired girl bows her head, "I understand, but he told me to try…"
"Botan," Yusuke begins, waiting until she looks at him, "we want to go home."
"Okay," she bows slightly and leads us further down the hall to a blue shimmering oval suspended in thin air.
This thing…it's odd…I stop. I don't understand it.
"Kurama, it's okay, it's just a portal," Yusuke murmurs in my ear.
"What does it do?" I ask, eyeing the thing. It doesn't look natural.
"It connects the Reikai with the Ningenkai." This is supposed to make sense?
"The what to where?" I ask looking at him. His eyes reflect a lot of pain at that question. I hate this! I hate it! I don't want to hurt him. I look away, a mistake because now I can see Hiei looking at me, agony written in his eyes as well. I close my eyes, but I can still see their pain and feel my own frustration choking me. "Never mind. Tell me later. I want to go home…I want answers." I keep my eyes closed and allow Yusuke to guide me. There is a feeling of…disorientation…a bit of tingling, maybe, over my skin, and then a feeling of being in a tunnel. I don't open my eyes to look though. I don't think I can cope with much more. I know I don't want to see their pain when I ask questions about things I should know.
"Kurama," Yusuke whispers in my ear. I turn slightly toward him, not opening my eyes. "Please, open your eyes." Reluctantly, I obey. His eyes are full of compassion. "I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault you can't remember and you're a lot more frustrated than we are. Please…please, ask what you need to. I…Hiei and I will do our best. When we get home, we'll explain what we can…explain why we're so familiar to you and…and…"
"And the pain you're feeling?" I finish.
"Yeah," he agrees, seeming relieved that I finished for him. "And why we can't talk in front of Koenma or Botan."
"Okay." There's another tingling sensation and we're outside, in a forest. I can feel it…singing to me? I can feel the trees, the grass, the flowers. It's overwhelming. "It's so…loud here," I say, uncertain that that's even the right word.
Yusuke exchanges a glance with Hiei. "You're a kitsune," he begins. "You have a connection to plants and can manipulate them."
"A what? I can?" I look at the trees to avoid his eyes. I don't want to see the pain. I can hear it though, echoed at me through the trees. They're sad…they expect something from me?
Genkai answers, "You're a fox spirit in a human body. You've lived a very long life. The plants just want you to acknowledge them."
"That…" I stop myself from saying it doesn't make sense…not because it does, but because I can't stand any more pain. "Okay," I murmur, directing the statement to the plants, "I can hear you." They quiet down, content. How strange.
"We're almost there," Yusuke murmurs, guiding me to a pathway. The plants seem to reach out to me. I feel that they've missed me. "We have a house just up this path. It's not very big, but it suits us," he continues on, as if he doesn't know what else to do. Through the trees I see a building. He's right, it's not big. It seems to have all the parts that make a house. There's a porch lining the entire length of what I guess is the front since we're approaching it that way. A few chairs are scattered around a couple of small tables. The chairs and house are weathered reddish wood, turning silver in a few places with age and exposure to weather. It's a single level with big windows, curtains open to the scenery around. I can't hear anyone else around, nothing that makes me think there could be anyone else around at all. There are three steps going up to the porch and by the time we get to the top, I'm tired…but at the same time, I'm excited. I want to see what's inside. Maybe…maybe it'll trigger some memories…I hope. I feel…I feel that I've been happy here, but I don't know why.
"I have to get back now," Botan bubbles at us, waving as she hurries back down the way we've just come.
Hiei opens the door and more…plant voices welcome me. This time, I silently answer, 'I can hear you, it's okay,' and they calm, but they're still noisy. They don't really think it words, it just impressions. And, suddenly, I feel very thirsty, but I know it's not from me. "The plants need water," I murmur as we cross the threshold and Hiei takes off my shoes. Yusuke removes his while still holding me. This is…odd…and familiar.
"I'll get some," Yukina offers, moving off into the house quietly. I can hear rummaging and water running before she returns and carefully adds water to each plant. I can hear their happiness at that.
Yusuke guides me into a good sized room and sets me on the couch it contains. Also in the room is a television set on the floor across from the couch and a low coffee table. At either end of the couch are higher tables with lamps on them. Above the television is a picture. I know it. It seems familiar. "Can I see that?" I ask when Yusuke stands up from helping me sit.
He looks to where I'm pointing and shrugs, "Okay." He removes it from the wall and carefully places it in my hands.
It feels like it should be familiar, but it's not. It's a nice picture. It's taken on a beach at sunset. The sky is fiery orange. Seated are the three of us. How do I know it's me? I can't remember what I look like, but I know it's me. I have red hair that doesn't quite go with the red of the sky, but still looks nice in the picture. My eyes are glowing green, full of joy. I'm seated on a blanket, my legs bent and spread. Yusuke is between my legs, his head resting against my cheek, looking very content. Hiei is between his upraised legs, a hand twined around one of each of ours, his head on Yusuke's shoulder. He looks happy. We all do. I can almost feel that happiness as I brush my fingers lightly over the glass.
"Keiko took that picture about a month ago. You developed it. You took up photography in college," Yusuke offers quietly as he watches me. I don't look up, but I know he is.
"It feels familiar, but I can't remember," I murmur, feeling the sadness and frustration rising again to choke me. "I want to remember. We look so happy." I look up, meeting Yusuke's eyes. "How long have we been together?"
Yusuke bites his lip a moment. "You and Hiei have been together about ten years now. I've been with you for eight of those. We've lived here for the past six years."
"How…how come…why?" I can't figure out how to phrase the question, but he seems to know what I'm asking.
"You and Hiei were going out first, but none of us knew it. Well, that's not quite true. I knew it, but I didn't want to know at the moment because of…well, circumstances surrounding me finding out."
"We embarrassed you, detective," Hiei offers. When I look at him, he looks amused and embarrassed, too.
"Yeah," Yusuke rubs the back of his head. "But, you both were attracted to me, but you didn't want to give each other up, so you invited me for a game." He blushes. I watched, intrigued.
"What kind of game?" I ask.
"Uh…" he turns redder. It is amusing, actually, but still, I want to know. "Remember, we were younger. It was a game that we ended up having sex together. And, well, after that, you guys told me that you wanted to be with me and I couldn't decide which of you I wanted more, and you told me I didn't have to choose. We've been together since. It hasn't been easy. Especially when we first moved in together. You're a bit of a neat freak and I…I was a bit of a slob. But…we worked it out."
I look around, "I guess I won…" The house was neat.
"Well...I had to grow up sometime," he blushes not looking at me.
"Yusuke," I say his name for the first time, drawing his eyes to me, "thank you for telling me. Why couldn't you tell me this earlier?"
"Koenma has enough trouble from his dad using demons. It'd be worse for him if he knew we were together, too. Enma can be a real tight ass."
"Demons?"
"A kitsune is a type of demon. Hiei is part koorime, part fire demon. I'm demon kin, a human with a demon somewhere in my family tree and I happen to get lucky and end up having the genes express themselves." He pauses a moment and continues, "Enma doesn't like demons, at all. He blames them for everything, even blames us for stuff at times, even though we work for his son. We don't actually know for sure that he'd be against our relationship, but it's better to give him as little ammo as possible. It also keeps Koenma out of trouble if he doesn't know anything. That's why we couldn't say anything, because anything that happens in the Reikai can be used against Koenma." While he's been talking, everyone has settled around the room. Well, Yukina was still watering plants, but the rest have. Genkai sits opposite me across the coffee table. Yusuke is sitting on the floor next to her. Hiei sat on the end of the couch, watching me.
I look down at the picture in my lap. Ten years with Hiei, who has hardly said anything to me, but has been very expressive? Eight years with Yusuke, who is doing his level best to answer my questions, even though I know it hurts? What else have I forgotten? How much life have I lived? I was so happy in that picture. I can feel the tears in my eyes, see them blurring my vision. "How can I remember?" I ask no one in particular. I just want to know…I want to know who I am. I want to be happy again.
Genkai answers, "It was a spell of some type, a trap, set for you. We need to find out who did it and make them reverse it, or figure out a way to reverse it. When we do, your memory will be back. Until then, we're going to go about this the human way. Keiko has a master's degree in psychology and can give you advice on how to try to recover your memories. Your memory is intact, and it seems your mind is too, but…there's a block there." Yukina has finished watering the plants and kneels on the opposite side of Genkai from Yusuke.
"We will find a way to remove the block, Kurama," Yukina says softly. "It will just take a little research since neither of us is familiar with this type of attack."
"Why?" I ask softly, my eyes returning to the picture, "Why would anyone want to do this to me?"
Hiei moves closer to me, his hand resting on mine on the picture. I look over at him. His eyes are pained, but he answers me. "You've lived over a thousand years, Kurama, as a kitsune, and twenty-six in this body. You have, unfortunately, picked up enemies along the way. We all have."
My mind reels from that information. I'm over a thousand years old? "How old are you?" I ask breathlessly.
"I am almost 600 years old. Yusuke is twenty-five, but his demon kin genes only expressed themselves nine years ago, shortly before we all got together. Demons live longer than humans and don't age very quickly."
My eyes return to the picture. "There's so much to remember," I whisper as the tears begin to flow down my cheeks. I feel Hiei pull the picture off my lap and then there's a warm weight in my lap, wrapping its arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. "Hiei," I whimper, knowing it's him, and that this somehow feels…right.
"It'll be alright, Fox. We will get your memories back."
I feel other arms wrap around me from behind the couch. Yusuke hugs us both as we sit on the couch, bending over it to do so. This too feels right. I'm so tired. I'm frustrated. I feel lonely even in their embrace. All this leaks out my eyes and onto Hiei's shoulder. Vaguely, I hear the door open and close. After a long time, Yusuke suggests, "Why don't we put you to bed, Kurama? You need some sleep. Things will look better in the morning."
I nod into Hiei's shoulder and allow myself to be guided to the bedroom. I am too tired to notice more than a huge bed centered along one wall. Hiei pulls down the blankets while Yusuke holds me. I turn to face him, letting my forehead rest against his shoulder. I'm exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open. I barely manage to stay upright as Hiei guides me to sit on the bed. His eyes hold so much desire, I can feel myself drowning in it. He cups my cheek with his hand. It is rough against my skin. "Sleep," he said softly. I nod, feeling myself lean into that touch. My body wants to do so much more, but…I don't understand it. It seems almost painful for him when he turns away, pulling Yusuke after him and closing the door behind him. Yusuke's eyes hold a mixture of pain and desire in them as well. I pull off my shirt and let it fall from my hand onto the floor. I stare at it a moment, then pick it up and fold it, leaving it on the foot of the bed. I'm too tired to do more than lay down and cover myself with the blanket.
A/N: Well...I think...we're off for fun, aren't we? Kurama's symptoms are typical of an amnesiac fugue...the type of condition where someone will "wake up" somewhere and just start a new life...they will have their skills and abilities in tact, but they won't remember how they learned those things or why or where...their bodies will remember things (your body has what is called "kinesthetic memory" or memory of motion) but they won't remember their identity. And you now want to know why I know this? Probably not, but I do have a bachelor's in psychology and worked in mental health for several years...might as well use my degree for something, right:D
Anyways...I know there are wonderfully talented artists among the groups of people...I would adore the picture I described being drawn for me. I can color, but I can't draw very well. I'm willing to stoop to bribery...just not monetary bribery because I live in perpetual brokeness...but, I'm good with writing and PhotoShop and a few other random talents. Anyways...until next time.