A pain between my legs wakes me up at dawn. I am on my back and am so hard it hurts, literally hurts. And I am…I want…I need to take care of it…soon. I push the blanket off of me and shove my pants down. The dripping eye of my shaft stares back at me, demanding I pay attention to it when I look down. Groaning, I wrap a hand around the base of it, using the other to cover my mouth. I don't want to disturb the other two. I think they're in the living room. My erection demands any attention I have to pay and I make that payment, pulling it quickly, clasping my hand more firmly over my mouth to gag the groans rising from my throat. I can feel the need for release, the edge of orgasm quickly approaching. I grab a pillow, deciding my hand won't be enough to stifle the noise, shoving it to my face just as my body explodes in an insane kaleidoscope, a scream clawing its way out of my throat to be buried in the pillow. I lay limply on the bed a long moment, panting into the pillow that covers my face, wondering what is wrong with me. Why…why did I wake up that way? I remember yesterday. I remember Hiei and Yusuke saying we were in a relationship…is this what they meant? Why does my body remember so much? Hiei's touch…Yusuke's touch…they both caused my body to react…and their eyes were so full of desire and pain. Did we…we all…I can't bring myself to think of it…not yet. I'm not ready to cope with that. I pull the pillow off my face and sit up. I look at the mess on my stomach and chest in something between disgust and despair.

Without thinking, I stand up, grabbing shirt and pants and walk into the bathroom. The water is running and I am looking into the mirror before I think to question how I found the room. I finish washing my body as well as I can in the sink and dress again. I'm sure that if I live here, there are more clothes for me to wear, but I don't want to look for them just yet. I stand in the doorway between the bathroom and bedroom, looking into the bedroom. There are six doors in the room, counting the one I walked through into the bathroom. I decide to go around the room systematically. The door to my right leads into a small room with another door across from it. I frown, but this feels familiar. I close the door behind myself and absently reach for the wall, flicking a couple of switches. A red light comes on and I look at the switch plate my hand rests on. One is labeled normal and one safe…I turned on the safe one. This feels right. I remember, vaguely, thinking about a safelight before. I pull open the door across from me and am assaulted by a strong chemical smell. I decide to wait until later to explore that room. The smell is making me nauseas. I push the door closed and turn off the safe light.

There are four doors along the wall to my left as I look into the room again. I start at the farthest one from me, pulling the covers up on the bed as I walk past it. The first door holds all black clothes, shorter, neatly hung. This must be Hiei's closet, I guess. The next holds an assortment of clothes, jeans, tee shirts, button up shirt, slacks. Some of them are scattered on the floor. Smiling a little, I guess this is Yusuke's closet. The last closet holds neatly hung button up shirts and slacks with a couple of tee shirts and jeans thrown in, but all neatly hung. I guess this is my closet. I pull out a clean shirt, a white tee, and a pair jeans, changing quickly. The last door leads to the rest of the house, by process of elimination. Before I go through it, I look over the room again. Across the bed from me is a large window that reaches the floor with open curtains. I walk over to it and see that it is a sliding door. I open it and step onto the deck that extends the length of the house. Unlike the other porch, this one has no furniture on it, nor any steps. The railing extends the full length of the house. I lean against it and look out into the forest. I can hear the plants talking to each other, welcoming the new day, making sounds about the birds in their branches, the bugs eating their leaves, the creatures in their roots. I listen a moment before it gets to be too much. Plants talk a lot. How did I cope with this before?

I walk through the room and open the last remaining door. My guess was right. I enter a short hall with a door on my left. I open it and see a laundry room. I don't know when, but my dirty clothes are in my hand. I leave them in the room and close the door quietly. I look into the living room on my left and have a clear view of the couch. Hiei is sleeping on his back, his arms wrapped around Yusuke, whose head is resting on the other's chest. What I can see of them, what is above the blanket that covers them below midchest, is bare. They are both still very asleep. I watch them awhile, trying to figure out what I'm feeling. I feel…happy…left out…lonely…like…like taking care of myself wasn't nearly enough.

My stomach growls so loudly I'm surprised it doesn't bother them. I decide I need to stop thinking for a while, too. To my left is a good sized kitchen. That will help. Food will help me think more clearly. That's what I need. I need to eat. I begin to open cupboard doors quietly, trying not to disturb the other two. The rooms are open into each other and I don't want to wake them any earlier than they need to be. Again, my body seems to remember where everything is and I find myself pulling things out before I know what it is I'm looking for. Deciding that if my body remembers, I should go with that, I start watching myself, trying to remember how I learned where these things are. All I am certain of, however, is that I know them. That feeling of familiarity is very strong, but…but…I can't remember why. For the minute, I just go with it, since my actions are preparing me food.

Arms wrapping around me startle me from the eggs I'm scrambling. What really scares me, in a way, but also feels really good, is the touch of lips against my neck. Because of the height, I know who it is. "Y-Yusuke?" I stammer out, confused.

Hiei's voice sounds sharply from behind me, "Yusuke!"

The arms and lips disappear and are replaced by, "I'm so sorry, Kurama. I forgot. It…I…you normally make breakfast…after…waking us…and…and…" His voice trails off, hurt. I can't bear to see it, so I don't turn around.

"It's okay, Yusuke," I say softly, my eyes filled with tears as I continue to stir the cooking eggs. "I don't…don't understand it…but…but I seem to know where everything is, but I couldn't tell you if you asked me. I was hungry…It'll be ready soon."

I hear him apologize again before hearing the bedroom door close. Without seeing them, I finish cooking the eggs. "He was up before I could…" Hiei begins.

"Don't…I don't want apologies. I understand we have our routines…my body remembers….I found things in the kitchen…but…I had them in my hand before I realized I was looking for them." I push the eggs off the burner as I turn it off and face him. "We all have our habits and things we do. Let's not disrupt that too much by over apologizing. It hurts to hear it. When…when I see the pain in your eyes it makes me hurt more and makes me that much more frustrated."

He is dressed in a black tank top and pants. His eyes are calm, listening. He nods, "You're right." After a short pause, "Keiko will be here at ten. Genkai called her for us."

"I hope she has some answers."

Yusuke answers from the doorway, "So do we." He is dressed in a clean button up shirt and jeans and moves to sit at the table. He hasn't looked at me yet, though his cheeks are pink. "I'm sure you realize by now," he begins, focusing on the wood grain of the table, tracing it with his fingers, "but, our relationship is…very physical as well as emotional." He pauses, glancing at me, but not quite making eye contact. I move to sit down and Hiei gathers the food and dishes, placing them on the table. I can feel him watching me. "Kitsune have a fairly high…sex drive." He blushes more. I am intrigued. Why is he having such trouble with the words? Did…did they hear me? He runs his hands through his hair, "Shit…why is this so hard to say?"

"What he's trying to say," Hiei takes up the brunet's words, looking directly at me, "is that we tend to touch and kiss each other a lot. When Yusuke walked up to you, it was what he'd normally do. You also tend to wake us up sexually because you're horny first thing in the morning."

Well…that explains…a lot…but it's still a lot to take in. "Do we all…always…all three of us…?" I'm not completely sure what I'm asking.

"No…sometimes, it's all three of us. Sometimes it's just two of us. Sometimes it starts out at two and the other is invited to join. Whatever we feel like at the time." Hiei answers me. He considers a moment, "Yusuke's libido is higher than mine, but yours is higher than both of ours, so the arrangement works well for us."

My head is reeling. I'm glad I'm sitting down. "How…how did we work…work this all out?"

Yusuke answers me now, "It took a lot of talking. You two talked for a few months before inviting me to join. We had a lot of discussions before we decided to try living together. I think it took us almost six months before we decided to try it out and another couple of months to find this place. It's actually part of the shrine Genkai takes care of, but it…the shrine and house…are so far out of the way, people don't usually come out here. She sat us down and we had a long discussion before she let us move in."

"More like, she lectured us for three hours," Hiei cut in.

"And you two got off light…I had to train with her," Yusuke finished. I couldn't help but smile at their by play. He turns back to me, "The point is, we talk a lot and don't hide things from each other. Even if it's petty, like one of us feeling left out or wanting a little more time together, or anything at all, we talk about it. We've had some…doozies when it comes to fights, but we work them out. We don't go to bed until we do…and there have been several nights we've slept in the living room because we couldn't work things out."

I put my elbow on the table, propping my head up to look at him. "And you have trouble talking about sex?" I ask bluntly.

"It's…it's…humans don't talk about sex as openly as demons do…and you two tease me about it a lot. I've gotten better, though."

"The first time he tried to say anything he tried to swallow the words," Hiei smirks across the table.

"It's not like I expected you to ask me about my fantasies right off the bat!" Yusuke blushes. He turns to me, "I remember that game rather vividly, and the first thing you asked me was if I fantasized about sex with other men."

I can see they're having fun with each other, and I feel myself smiling at them. I want to remember. I smile at him, "And, I'm guessing you said yes?"

Yusuke's face remained red, "Well…you kinda drug it out of me, but yeah." He glared at Hiei a moment, "He was worse though!"

I can't help but laugh at his sullen expression, "What did he do?"

"I asked what he did when he had those fantasies. He ran the words together and tried to smother them, but he answered that me masturbated while thinking about two guys sucking each other off. We never did clarify who he thought about, though…" Hiei's voice trails off suggestively.

Haughtily, Yusuke answers, "I don't see that it matters since I've had that fantasy and many others fulfilled." At Hiei's laugh, he relents the attitude and says, "It varied, sometimes me and Kurama, sometimes, you and me, sometimes, you two."

I can't stop the question, "And what started these fantasies?"

"Ah…well…y'see…" Yusuke begins.

"There was this demon, Seimigaku, who turned you into a girl…for a day," Hiei took up the stuttering boy's story. "During that day, you and I admitted how we felt for each other, and Yusuke kept gawking your…what was the word, Yusuke? 'Boobs,' I believe." Yusuke looks like he wants to crawl under the table. "And, as a form of revenge, we…gawked him."

I run my hands down my chest, confirming there are no…boobs….there. Yusuke laughs at this gesture. "You're completely recovered," he reassures me.

"I figured that out already," I feel the color rising to my own cheeks.

"A blush?" Yusuke teases.

"I…uh…found out this morning…that my libido wakes up before I do." Deciding to change the subject before it gets painful, I say, "Did I ever mention that plants are very loud?"

Before either of them could answer, there is a ringing noise. Yusuke moves, looking at the clock as he does, "How'd it get to be so late?"

I glance at the clock over my shoulder. It's just before ten. Time…flew. I look back at Hiei when he touches my hand. "We will figure this out, Kurama. We've been through difficult things before, we'll get through this, too."

I hold his hand, "I know…well…I don't, but I believe you." It feels right to hold his hand and he lets me hold it while Yusuke returns with a brown eyed woman with long brown hair. Her eyes were nice and her aura was very accepting. The plants liked her, too. It seems she takes care of them when I am not around and they're mildly distressed that I am not responding to them the way I normally do. They can't explain to me what they want, so, I ignore them for now.

"Good morning, Kurama," she says softly. "Genkai told me what happened and her impression. I have a couple of theories and a couple of ideas. I didn't have a lot of time to research, though, so we're going off what I can remember from class and the couple of books I have at home."

I swallow nervously. "Okay."

She smiles at me, "It's really okay, Kurama. I did my master's thesis on memory and learning. You were one of my interview subjects, so I actually got a lot of information on you, even if I couldn't use a lot of it."

"You couldn't?" I ask blankly.

"How much have they been able to fill you in on?" She indicates Hiei and Yusuke. I don't know when, but I'm holding Yusuke's hand, too.

"They told me how we got together and about me being a girl, and…" I trail off, blushing.

"About your life together?" she asks. I nod and she smiles, "It's usually Yusuke who stammers about your sex life."

I goggle at her, I'm sure my jaw is hanging open. "How…how…?"

"I completed my master's six months ago and one of the things I researched was how people learned what their lovers liked and what improved that process. I interviewed all three of you several times." She looks at our hands and then back up at me. "Do you remember holding their hands just now?"

I look at my hands again. Our fingers are interwoven. My eyes on them, I answer slowly, "I remember holding Hiei's hand, but not lacing my fingers with his. I don't remember reaching for Yusuke's at all."

"How much else have you done without remembering?"

"I made breakfast…I would find things in my hand before I started looking for them. And some things just seem…right…"

She looks at me a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face. Suddenly, she says, "Tell me what Hiei is thinking."

Startled I look at her a moment and then look at Hiei. His eyes…they're expressive, "He's surprised by your request and wondering what you intend to prove by it, but is willing to do what needs to be done…and he loves me very much."

"Did you know most people can't read Hiei at all?" she asks.

I look at her, surprised, "But…he's so expressive."

"Most people can't read his expression. I can't really. Yusuke is better than I am, but you're much better than we are. I think it's interesting that your kinesthetic memory is intact and your ability to read Hiei but that your active recall of learning these things and of your identity is missing. It doesn't fit any pattern of amnesiac fugue I'm familiar with. Usually, you wouldn't be able to read Hiei if you were in a fugue, but your body remembering things is normal for a fugue state." She chews her lip a minute. "It confirms what Genkai told me, though."

"And that is?" I'm starting to feel more nervous.

"She believes, as does Yukina, that this was artificially induced…a spell or curse of some type…maybe even a ward or something like that."

"A ward?" Yusuke asks. "Wouldn't that affect all of us?"

"Not necessarily, according to Genkai. I also think it's significant that you mentioned memory loss before you were in pain. I think that points to a combination of factors." She frowns a moment. "Hiei, what do you know about voodoo?"

Hiei looks at her blankly. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm trying to look at all possibilities, even ones that seem silly." She shifts in her chair, "Voodoo is a way of performing curses at a distance. All the person needs is a piece of his intended victim…some hair, blood, whatever as long as its part of the person they want to curse." She shrugged, "It's used in the Caribbean and areas around there."

"Do we know anyone around there?" I ask, looking at Hiei and Yusuke. They both shake their heads.

"A person doesn't need to be from the Caribbean to know about it. I've never been and I've learned about it."

"When did you take up witch craft?" Yusuke asks.

"It was a world cultures class in my sophomore year." She glares pointedly at him. "Now, enough interrupting. I have a couple of ideas. Hiei," she looks over at him, "have you tried your jagan on him?"

"No. I didn't want to cause him more pain when he first woke up and we haven't had time yet today."

"Genkai wasn't sure if it would be a good idea or a bad one, she's not familiar enough with your jagan and definitely not familiar with whatever caused Kurama's amnesia."

"Jagan?" I ask, confused.

"I had a third eye implanted a long time ago," Hiei begins, "and it enhances my natural telepathic ability."

"Oh…and with that, you may be able to get through whatever is blocking me?"

"It is possible…or…it could just hurt you. I don't know." His eyes are torn. He wants to help me, and he doesn't want to hurt me.

"I trust you, Hiei," I say, my voice full of the conviction I feel. I don't know why, but I do trust him, completely.

"Let's move to the couch. You'll be more comfortable," Keiko suggests.

Yusuke clears the table as the rest of us move to the living room, Keiko dragging her chair behind her. I sit in the middle of the couch, Hiei on the far side of me from the kitchen and Keiko sits in the chair across from me. We wait until Yusuke joins us before doing anything else. After a moment, in which my hands find their way into Yusuke and Hiei's again, Keiko speaks up, "I'm not sure which order you want to try this, but I could try hypnosis or guided meditation…those are the two things I thought may work. Then, there's Hiei's jagan…and…I had one more idea, but I'll save that till later. Which do you want to try first?" she looks at me expectantly.

I think a moment before speaking softly, "I think…I think that since Hiei knows me the best, I think I want him to try first." I feel his hand squeeze mine. I feel Yusuke's hand squeeze mine then slip away as he moves to sit on the floor next to the couch. Hiei turns to face me, his free hand going to the bandana around his forehead. I hadn't noticed it before. A horizontal slit on his forehead is revealed and I think I must have gasped.

"Don't be afraid, Kurama. I won't hurt you." Not on purpose, his eyes add.

"I know. I just wasn't expecting…" I take a deep breath. "I'm ready." I meet his gaze steadily.

The slit opens to reveal a glowing orb. I'm not sure what color it is…what I see…what I feel is that I've been pulled into…something…it glows and is black and dark all that the same time…I feel as if I'm careening around and not moving at all…the world has lost all sense. And then…without warning…a vicious knife blade of pain tears through my mind. I scream…I can hear him screaming…I can hear Yusuke and Keiko yelling. Make it stop, I think desperately.

I'm trying, the answer comes, though I don't know if it's in my head or in my ears.

As suddenly as it started, it stops. I am panting on the couch, my head in Hiei's lap. I can feel his head on my back. I think it's Yusuke's hand on my back, stroking me. It is his voice I hear, Yusuke's voice, whispering over and over, "it's okay….it's okay…" a mantra against the remnants of pain in my head.

After a long moment of just sitting there, I feel Hiei move. He pulls me closer to himself, and wraps his arms around me. "I'm so sorry, love…I'm so sorry…I didn't want to hurt you."

I lean into the hug, needing the contact, "I know…it's not your fault. You didn't know…"

"I couldn't pull back…something was pulling me in too." His voice is white with the remains of terror.

"How…?"

"I pulled the ward back around his jagan," Yusuke answered, his voice unsteady. "You both were screaming…I…I couldn't listen to it…I couldn't bear it." His arms are around us. I can feel his body trembling.

I work and arm out and wrap it around Yusuke. "Thank you," I whisper. I hear Hiei echo my statement as he, too, wraps an arm around Yusuke. We stay like that for a long time, just holding each other.

A small noise reminds us that Keiko is here as well. I lift my head and look at her. She is surrounded by wildly overgrown plants. They are worried…afraid. "Can you tell them you're okay, Kurama." She looks like she's been having to fight them off a bit.

I look around the room. All the plants in the house are reaching out to me. But, they haven't reached over the couch…forming a perimeter around it. Verbally and mentally, I whisper, "It's okay…I'm okay…I'm trying to remember so you won't be distressed any more. Go back to the way you were. It's okay." Slowly at first, but then with greater alacrity as I repeat the sentiment more strongly, the plants return to their normal state. I can feel the flow of energy between them and myself. It…it almost tickles as it runs through my body. I feel a smile tug at my lips.

"Why is it you always smile when playing with your plants?" Yusuke asks, his eyes on my face, his voice light, teasing.

"The…flow of energy between us…it kind of…tickles a bit."

Hiei caresses my face, "Is the pain gone?"

I lean into the touch, "Yeah, mostly. You?"

He nods. Keiko asks, "Do you want to try anything else, Kurama?"

I think a moment, still being held by…my lovers. "Tell me about them first."

"Well," she begins, looking like she's trying to organize her thoughts. "Hypnotism is a type of…it puts you into a relaxed, focused, suggestible state. The theory is that it allows us to access your subconscious mind directly by removing inhibitions. It allows us to access your memory storage areas directly. It helps shut down your inhibitions and self censoring. It starts with me guiding you into a relaxed state and then making suggestions for you to do things. It does require that you believe you can be hypnotized and feel comfortable enough with me to allow me to guide you. A guided meditation, while similar, doesn't really require that you believe anything. You just allow yourself to relax and I make suggestions and guide you through some imagery. You're less suggestible in a meditative state than a hypnotic state, so it's not as effective." She shrugs, "It's your mind, though, and I won't do anything you don't want me to."

I sit quietly, thinking a moment. My head is resting on Hiei's shoulder and Yusuke is still kneeling by our knees, holding us. We're holding him. It feels so right. I don't want any more pain. I want to remember them…to remember what my body remembers. I sigh, "I don't think I want to try hypnosis right now. I'll try the meditation, though. It's not that I don't trust you…it's…I'm…I don't want to hurt anymore." I look at her, "It's not that I don't trust you…"

"It's okay, Kurama," she cuts me off, "I understand. I said it was your choice, and I meant it. When you're ready, I need you to lie down. I think the floor would be better because it'll support your body better." She stands and moves her chair back to the kitchen table.

I hold onto Yusuke and Hiei a bit longer. The pain I felt has really shaken my confidence. "It's okay, Kurama," Hiei murmurs, "we'll be here."

I squeeze my arms around them and feel them do the same. I take in a deep breath, "Okay, I'm ready." They let me go and I feel slightly bereft. Hiei squeezes my hand and smiles at me supportively. Nervously, I get up and lay on the floor, my head toward the television. I look at the picture above it from where I lie. I want to remember that time.

Keiko kneels next to me, looking at the picture as well. "We'd gone for a picnic, you three, Kuwabara, and me. It was a nice day. We played in the ocean, hunted for shells, took lots of pictures. We were watching the sunset and I looked over at you three. You looked so happy, so right, I had to take the picture."

I look at her. She has a wistful expression, her eyes misty. "I want to remember that."

"You should remember that," she says, looking at me, a smile wavering uncertainly around her lips. "Are you ready?"

"I think so." My hands are on my chest, my legs crossed…my whole body is tense.

"I need you to relax," she says softly. "Let your body relax, close your eyes, uncross your legs, let your hands fall to your sides. Take your time, but feel yourself sink into the floor."

I try to follow her suggestions, but it is difficult. I am anticipating more pain. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I uncross my legs and let my feet relax, falling to the sides. Another deep breath and I can feel my legs relaxing. I must have done this before, I think as I keep breathing slowly and deeply, feeling my body relax upwards. My arms slowly slide off my chest and land palm up by my sides, relaxing from my fingers upwards. I feel the tension around my chest and shoulders melt as my body merges with the floor. My neck relaxes, then each muscle around my scalp. I didn't know I was so tense. Finally, my face becomes slack.

"Are you ready?" she asks softly. I can't quite get my mouth to cooperate, so I just hum an answer. "Good. I want you to see in your mind a pathway." As she speaks, a diffuse glow appears and I can see a path, like the one leading to the house, going away from me. I hum to let her know I can see it.

"Follow the path until you come to a bridge." I do as she tells me. Gradually, there is a small bridge over a creek. I walk onto it and look down into the water. In it, I can see reflected the face in the picture, but my eyes are anxious instead of happy. I hum to let her know I am on the bridge.

"Let whatever you see in your hands fall into the water and be washed away." How did she know there was a creek here? I look down into my hands and see a large black bolder. I didn't know I was carrying it. I don't know how I missed it, though. It's heavy. I have trouble getting it over the railing of the bridge. After a lot of grunting and sweating, I manage to get it up. I push on it, but find my hands stuck to it. It has been stuck to me the entire time, I realize. I push harder and find myself being pulled over the railing with it. Desperately, I try to stop. My stomach catches on the rail as the thing falls over, breaking free of my hands, though it feels like it takes my hands with it. I stay there a moment, panting.

"Move on, Kurama." Her voice is distant, but I obey. "There is a light, a bright white light, go through it." I turn to walk the way I had been going before I stopped. Before me, a burning beacon. It hurts my eyes to look at it, but I keep going. It…it…feels weird going through it…like…like I'm passing through…rain…but not wet…it's cleansing…it feels good.

Before I realize it, I am through, on the other side. I have the feeling that something should be here, but…but…it's as if I'm standing on the very brink of something…a void. There is nothing…nothing at all here. No…no, that's not right. It's that same blackness of before…the blackness like in a darkroom without a safelight. "It's dark," I murmur.

"Make it light," she instructs.

I can't…the darkness…it's the same…I feel myself start to panic. "I can't…it'll hurt me again…it'll hurt me again." The words fall over and over from my lips.

"Come back, Kurama."

I can hear a touch of panic in her voice. That scares me more. I fall to my knees, the words tumbling from my mouth, "It'll hurt me again…" over and over. I can't stop them.

Suddenly, I am out of the darkness, Hiei's arms around me as I cling to him. I am shaking and he is soothing my back. Without thinking, I seek out his mouth with mine, kissing him intensely, seeking the solace I know…my body knows is there. He gives it to me freely, his hands pulling me closer, running through my hair. I need this. I need him. My hands wander over his body, pulling him into me, seeking…I don't know what. I pull him down, onto me, not breaking our kiss, holding his head, not giving him a chance to pull back. He understands, though, he doesn't try to get away. He even deepens our kiss, letting his tongue slip between his lips into my mouth. Eagerly I meet it with my own, needing the anchor he gives me so freely. His hands…they're on my body…undoing the buttons on my shirt as I pull his tank from his pants. His skin…it's burning silk under my hands, igniting fires throughout my body. His lips leave mine and sloppily go to my ear. I moan aloud as he nibbles my earlobe before moving down my neck. His lips are wise to my body, knowing every place that sends fuel to the fire burning in my body, in my groin, feeding the growth of my shaft.

He pulls away briefly, his eyes meeting mine before they disappear under his shirt and reappear. He…he is all that matters in the world…there is nothing else. He lifts me and pulls my shirt off my body, leaving me blissfully bare above the waist before bending back into me and pressing be back to the floor with his lips. I love…I love the feel of his bare chest against mine. I need it. I need more.

Adeptly, fully, Hiei meets my need, joining with me most intimately, bringing me to heights of pleasure that make me loose myself, make it so all that maters is my body, not my mind.

After an eternity, after not enough time, we relax into the floor panting. I am still holding him and he rests on my chest. My body is covered in sweat and my own semen. I am much more sated than I was this morning. My brain has yet to recover. I nuzzle into his hair. "I love you," I murmur. His arms tighten around me in response. This feels…perfect…right. This is the way it should be. I wish…I wish I could remember why it's right, though.

That reminds me. I look around the room, but it's empty. "Keiko?" I ask, my eyes searching what I can see of the room, "Yusuke?" I am starting to panic.

"It's okay, Kurama. Keiko left. I'm right here," Yusuke answers me, approaching from the bedroom door.

"I…I…" I am silenced when Hiei puts his finger over my lips.

"You needed this, Kurama. I don't know if it will help you remember, but you needed it. She understood. She is supportive of our relationship."

"I used you…" I begin…but he shakes his head.

"No more than I used you. Never think that. I love you. I gave you what you needed…and I would do it again…any time you need it. You have done the same for me, we all have. It's part of being in a relationship." For some reason, I think this is more than he normally talks. He moves off of me and lies next to me, draping an arm over my chest. "Always remember, always, I love you." He presses his lips against my shoulder.

I look down when I feel something wet against my stomach. "I love you, too, Kurama," Yusuke says simply as he washes my cum from my stomach. His face is serene, his eyes are free from anything resembling jealousy or pain.

I feel myself relax, drifting off to sleep, exhausted from what has happened. I feel Yusuke pick me up and carry me to the bedroom where he gently lays me down and covers me with the blanket. Before he leaves, I manage to ask, "That didn't bother you?"

He turns and sits on the bed next to me. His eyes are open, "No, Kurama. You needed Hiei. There are times you need me. There are times I need him…and times I need you. There are times we all need each other. Our relationship wouldn't work if I got upset every time you and he made love without me. It wouldn't work if any of us got jealous. That was one of the things we had to work on…that you two discussed before you asked me to join you. I mean, yeah," his hand goes up behind his head, "there are times when I want both of you more…but when those feelings come up, we talk about them because they'll kill our relationship. But…today, you needed him. I'm not upset." He bends over me, kissing me gently. "I love you."

I reach out for his hand, holding him there as I look out the window. It's dark. That surprises me. I watch the dark window for a moment before turning back to him, "Will you sleep in the bed with me?" I ask softly.

"Anything you want," he offers.

"I don't want to be alone right now. I want Hiei, too."

"Anything you want," Hiei answers from the door. He moves across the room, crawling into the bed on the side with the sliding door. Yusuke stands and pulls off his clothes and leaves the room a moment. The lights in the living room and kitchen go off and he returns to the room, shutting off the light on his way to the bed. I roll onto my side and pull Hiei until his back meets my chest. Yusuke slides into the bed and curls around me, his arm drapes over both Hiei and me. I sigh, content and let myself fall asleep.

A/N How often do you do things before you think about them? Or how often do you do things without thinking about them. This is a phenomenon called kinesthetic memory, which is the memory of motion...it's how you know things are right and how you do things without being able to explain them. A very good example is walking around your own room. You can do it in the dark half asleep (at least I can) and not run into too much because your body remembers where things are. It's a bit weird, isn't it? Here's something to try...pay attention to everything you do for, oh, say...half an hour...I do mean everything...how your fingers find the keys on the keyboard (I touch type, so it's "automatic" to me), to how you breathe...how you hold your body upright...all the little things you do so easily and without thought. Now, imagine that you don't know how you learned those things, but found yourself doing them...gets a bit weird, doesn't it? Enough out of me...this really is how I think...I do things like this...

Oh, I do have a livejournal...I just don't use it a lot...or haven't been...I should and shall now...it's bookmarked on the little icons that display all the time on my browser so I'll remember it...hopefully. Anyways...it's http/ www. livejournal. com/ users /hcolleen I also used http/ www. howstuffworks. com/ hypnosis .htm to clarify my understanding of what happens during hypnosis and how it differs from a guided meditation. I did draw a map of their house if anyone's interested...I haven't scanned it in, but if you want to see it, I'll do so.

Enough of my ramblings...as always...review, my loves.