A/N: You're all in luck, you get this chapter early. We hadn't planed to post it until Monday at the earliest, but it was a teacher work day today, which meant no school and some free time to write.
An hour later, Sam and Elizabeth arrived back at Andrea's house and moved inside, bags in hand, still chatting and laughing. "I'll take these…" Elizabeth blinked. "Oh, I have no idea what room we're in."
"Andrea!" Sam called, then smiled as said woman entered from the kitchen. "We're home."
"Just in time for dinner." Andrea was wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Rodney and Kate took Lucas out to the barn to see the puppies, and John just went upstairs."
"Speaking of which…" Sam raised an eyebrow.
"You have your usual room, I put Rodney and Kate in the corner room, Elizabeth, you and John are in the first room to the left up the stairs, Lucas is right next to you." She glanced at the bags and smiled. "Kate and Lucas arrived with a few things as well."
"I'm not surprised." Elizabeth glanced back out the door. "You said Lucas is out at the barn?"
"And in love with the puppies, I'll warn you now." Andrea laughed.
"Lucky you." Sam agreed with a laugh, then nodded toward the stairs. "I'll change and be back down to help you."
"Fine. Hey do you know if Jack is coming out tonight or tomorrow?" Andrea paused as she turned back toward the kitchen.
"Sometime tomorrow. He called just before we got here, said he'd switched his flight from Colorado to Chicago and that, that flight had been delayed." Sam shrugged. "He also said he had a surprise for you."
"Let me guess he has another great idea for my next art project?" Andrea laughed and glanced at Elizabeth, "Jack has a habit of bringing me strange art ideas he thinks I might incorporate into my work."
"Ah." Elizabeth smiled. Jack had been one of the many things she and Sam had talked about during their shopping trip. It seemed that Rodney and Kate hadn't been the only relationship to develop while she'd been gone. "I see. I'll be right back down as well."
"Don't worry about it, you're a guest." Andrea waved a hand and disappeared back into the kitchen as the two woman continued up the stairs.
"That's you." Sam pointed, "I'm down the hall on the right, let me know if you need anything."
"Thanks." Elizabeth smiled and opened the door, her smile widening as she caught sight of John standing at the window. "Hello there."
"You did leave some money in my bank account, right?" John teased as he turned around, seeing the bags Elizabeth dropped on the bed.
"Oh I'm sure there's a penny or two still there." Elizabeth grinned as she moved into John's arms. She nuzzled into his neck, then raised her head. "I hear we may be begged for a puppy."
"We nothing, he already hit me up." John chuckled. "I told him we had to talk to you first."
"Smart man." Elizabeth smiled, then kissed him. "I got you a few things."
"I was just thinking about that." John raised an eyebrow. "You didn't run into any trouble?"
"Nope," stepping back, Elizabeth reached out and picked up the hat and glasses, slipping them on. "Amazing how I resembled that poor woman who just returned from Genii imprisonment…" she stated in her affected accent as John burst out laughing.
"Hiding in plain sight." John grinned and pulled the hat and glasses off her head, tossing them back to the bed, passionately kissing Elizabeth as he did so.
Deepening the kiss for a moment, before pulling away Elizabeth started taking things out of bags until she found what she was looking for. "Here you go…They should fit." She handed John a pair of jeans and a black long sleeved shirt, much like the ones he used to wear back on Atlantis - she'd always secretly thought those shirts made him even sexier looking then he already was. "I'm going downstairs to help Andrea…"
"Elizabeth…" John groaned, then sighed as she brushed a kiss across his lips, then turned and quickly exited, leaving him to deal with a slight problem that had developed during their kiss. Thinking of every disgusting thing he could John started to change his clothes.
After dinner, John, Elizabeth, and Andrea had allowed Lucas to drag them back out to the barn, where he showed John and Elizabeth the puppies. "See Mom, they're almost old enough…" he gazed up at them earnestly.
"They are adorable." Elizabeth smiled at her son, surrounded by seven puppies as they played in the hay, as she knelt next to him.
Andrea leaned against the wall, "They're all spoken for except the one without the collar."
"Why?" Lucas picked up the one puppy without a collar, easily the smallest one. Cuddling it, he gazed up at Andrea.
"Because he's the smallest one, and we'd only thought there would be six, so we were a bit unprepared when this little one popped out." Andrea laughed softly, reaching over to ruffle the puppies' ears. "I haven't had a chance to contact anyone one the list of potentially interested owners."
John exchanged a glance with Elizabeth, who nodded slightly as she stood. Waiting until she moved next to him, he looked at Andrea. "So it would be possible for us to adopt him?"
"Really?" Lucas beamed up, his eyes pleading.
"I think that would be perfect." Andrea smiled warmly. "And, since you'll be here a few days at least, Lucas can help me with the puppies and see what goes into taking care of them."
"Thank you!" With a squeal and without letting go of the puppy, Lucas scrambled to his feet and hugged first his parents, then Andrea. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"You're very welcome," Elizabeth laced her fingers with Johns and squeezed his hand. "However, remember, you're going to have to help take care of him, and be responsible for him."
"I will." Lucas plopped back down on the hay, laughing as the other puppies swarmed over him, eager to investigate their new playmate.
Elizabeth watched him for a moment, then abruptly turned and left the barn, causing John and Andrea to exchange a frown. Andrea took a step toward him, dropping her voice so Lucas couldn't hear. "Go, I'll stay here with him and the puppies."
John nodded, then moved to follow after Elizabeth. Hesitating as he left the barn, he caught sight of her slender silhouette moving toward a path that led to what Sam had indicated was a small pond a short distance away, through a small grove of trees. Following her, he finally caught up to her as she stepped out onto a small dock type platform extending over the water.
Stopping at the foot of the path, he watched as she stared out over the water, arms wrapped around her waist. Finally, he stepped forward, waiting until she turned her head slightly, indicating she was aware of him, to move forward, stopping behind her. "Liz?"
Elizabeth shook her head, but leaned back slightly, accepting his strength and closing her eyes as he slid his arms over hers, trying to warm her chilled hands. After some time she finally spoke. "I robbed him of his childhood."
"You…" this was not what John had expected her to say. "Elizabeth, you did no such thing. You did what you had to do to survive, you both did."
"I should have tried to escape or something right after Koyla caught me." Elizabeth took a deep breath. "Lucas had no childhood, he had no toys…trucks, pets…all the things that children are supposed to have. He should have been happy and carefree, not locked up and forced to go through the things he went through."
"He had love. He had a mother who loved him, protected him, and impressed him with ideals of caring and compassion," John pressed a kiss against the side of her head. "Kept him safe."
"But the things he saw." Elizabeth shuddered. "John, no child should have to experience the things Lucas did. No child should be forced to live in fear of discovery, to worry about survival in a hostile environment. He should have been raised somewhere that he could have had puppies and toys, and light and laughter."
"Elizabeth." Concerned at this sudden turn of her thoughts, John moved around her to look into her anguished face. "Oh, Liz…" Lifting a hand to cup her cheek, he used his thumb to try to wipe away some of the tears streaming down her face.
Elizabeth shook her head slowly, turning away from him. "What kind of mother was I…am I?"
"Elizabeth, look at me." Gripping her shoulders, John held her so he could look into her face. "Lucas is amazing. Who he is astounds me, yes, he has been through things that no child should even have had to survive. Yes, he was forced to learn skills from you that children don't normally learn. But Liz, he is the best of us all. He is strong, courageous…today, in his interviews…you would have been amazed. He refused to be intimidated, he was clear, concise, took his time, and refused to let anyone forget he was still a child, while demanding they respect him and treat him like a person at the same time."
"I knew he'd do well." Elizabeth blinked and shook her head slowly. "Despite everything…"
"Shh..." Pulling Elizabeth against him slowly, John embraced her as she sobbed, clinging to him. Finally, the shaking in her body slowed and he felt her rest against him, fingers twisted in his shirt. "Here," carefully, he eased her down so they were seated on the planks of the platform, Elizabeth ending in his lap, still holding on to him. "Any better?"
"A little," Elizabeth sighed softly, the sound almost lost in the slight breeze.
"Tell me what's going on in that head of yours." Stroking her back, John nuzzled her cheek. "Please."
Elizabeth remained silent for another moment before taking a deep, shuddering breath. "I don't know. I just saw Lucas sitting there, playing with the dogs, so happy…carefree. So…normal. And all of a sudden I realized, all he'd missed out on, all he hadn't had…and what he'd had to do, and survive…and it shouldn't have been like that. He should have been happy and carefree…had everything I...we could have ever want to give him. We never…" She choked back a sob.
"No, we didn't. But, we will." John tilted Elizabeth's chin up with a finger so he could see her face. "You loved him and protected him through his first ten years, you gave him life, hope of a better future, compassion for others. And now we will both give him love, we will give him security. We will be there for him, and to take care of each other. We can't give back the years lost, and we can't undo what has been done," he smiled. "And I don't know if I would, given the results."
"I wanted…" Elizabeth's eyes fluttered shut as John kissed her lightly.
"I know." John murmured, "I know Liz."
"I don't know how to fix this." Elizabeth choked out. "I don't know how to give it back to him, and I want to. I don't want him to worry about anything, we got out…but, the look on his face tonight, he was a child, so happy…I haven't seen him…" She buried her face into his chest again, her sobs breaking his heart as he held her, rocking her back and forth as best he could. He'd spoken with both Kate and Carson about Elizabeth, and her control on her emotions, and what would happen when she finally broke. She'd managed to make it through her debriefing, and even this afternoon without breaking, but now it was time.
When her sobs finally abated for a second time, John tightened his grip on her. "Elizabeth?"
"Sorry." Eyes closed Elizabeth trembled against John. "Don't know…sorry."
"Don't be." John murmured. Pulling out the clip that Elizabeth had used to pull her hair back with, he stroked her hair so it fell around her shoulders.
"I want him dead." Elizabeth lifted tormented eyes to John's. "I want Koyla to die, to suffer, I want him to…I...I didn't realize how much until now. I want to tear him apart for making me and Lucas live in terror, for keeping me and you apart. For hurting me, for making me do what I did so I could have the few things he allowed us. For making Lucas have to take care of me because there was no one else to take care of my injuries. For giving me no option but to obey for what little he allowed us. For making me feel like I wasn't…I wasn't anything. I shouldn't be feeling this much rage, I'm better than that..."
"You're human. You have a heart, and feelings..." John gently pushed Elizabeth's hair back behind her ear. "And emotions. He couldn't rid you of those, which was one of your greatest victories."
They sat there holding each other for some time until John lifted his head and kissed Elizabeth gently, one hand running up to tangle in her hair as her hand slid up and around his neck. As the kiss deepened, they shifted so Elizabeth was lying on her back, John braced over her. Finally breaking apart for air, they stared at each other silently for a long moment, then John slowly undid the buttons on Elizabeth's shirt as she continued to gaze at him, her eyes soft in the moonlight. When John slid his hand into the shirt, easing it to the side,Elizabeth shifted slightly, allowing him to slide it off one shoulder, then the other, before he froze staring down at her exposed skin.
"Elizabeth?" John questioned, wanting to be sure this was really what Elizabeth wanted. In response Elizabeth reached up and pulled John into a breath taking kiss, one hand running up under John's shirt.