A/N sorry it took so long, I was staging a world take over in a vain attempt to hide from my English homework…

'Hermione!' Ginny and Arabella pulled Hermione out of her compartment and into the corridor.

'What? I was really getting along with Seamus, for once.' Hermione complained.

'Ohh, do you fancy him?' Bella demanded.

'No. But I heard he's a good snog.' Noting the other girls' shocked expressions she added, 'I'm kidding.'

'Wow. Because I was afraid that Harry and Ron were going to come after me and kill me for 'changing you'.' Bella grinned. 'Alright, ready to get going?'

The trio exchanged evil looks (like Fred and George often did before stealing Percy's Head Boy badge). Ginny and Bella grabbed hold of Hermione's arms and disappeared.

'Alright!' Ginny grinned as the three appeared at the edge of the forbidden forest, just outside the gates to the school.

Hermione rolled her eyes, grinning slightly as she thought about what they were about to do.

'Alright. There are new precautions around the gates so you can't get in, but leave it all up to me.' A mischievous voice sounded from behind them.

'PEEVES!' Arabella squealed. 'Cheers, big ears.'

'Same goes, big nose!' Peeves smirked back, and floated down to eye-level. The poltergeist was dressed in horridly orange pinstriped tuxedo, and he was carrying a large bag with STAY OUT IF YOU LIKE YOUR EYEBROWS scrawled on it.

'Ahh, I see you brought re-enforcements. Red hair, must be a Weasley. Always liked your brothers, Fred and George, I did. We got along perfectly. Ahh, Granger. I would say that this is unexpected, but I remember you oh-so-casually dropping a hint that a certain Gryffindor was DEATHLY afraid of spiders…' Peeves smirked, and flipped upside down.

'Yes, I brought friends. Alright, do you have the banner?' Arabella asked.

'Yepper, mad-dame. Indeed I do.'

'The swarms of pre-menstrual pixies?' Ginny demanded.

'Indeed, Miss Weasley. Annoying little buggers they are.'

'Good. And do you have the howlers?' Hermione inquired, slightly unsure why she was participating in the mischievous mayhem making.

'Yes. I do. Stroke of genius. As I have never been alive, I certainly do not know all of the latest insults you people come up with. Nor do I understand why telling Chris that Manchester Maniacs lost the quidditch match would mean anything. But you are the masterminds. Ahhh, reminds me of the time the Marauders were at school. Dear Padfoot, Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail. We had such fun annoying Snivellous.' Peeves sighed wistfully, then turned to Arabella. 'And THEY didn't call me their pet Peeve.'

'It's a muggle saying, and works for you. You should be honoured that I have come up with such an endearing nickname for you. Vincent and Greg have no idea that me calling them Tweedle 1 and Tweedle 2 means tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber.'

'Which one is dumber?' Hermione asked,

'Vincent.' Arabella replied,

'Gregory.' Peeves replied at the exact same time.

The two glared at each other, and nodded. 'Actually, Pansy's the dumbest of the lot, but Vincent is pretty up there.' Peeves conceded.

'Alright.' Hermione said checking her watch. 'I think I can apperate us back to the heads carriage, but we better go soon, or else someone'd notice we were missing.'

Ginny nodded, having finished recording the messages on the howlers. 'Let the fun begin.'

'GRANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?' Draco snarled. He was TRYING to get some sleep in the Heads compartment (or ignoring Calvin and Chris's debate, same thing) when the three girls, giggling hysterically, burst in.

'I'm Head Girl, remember. You're not Head boy, are you?'

'No. I am.' Calvin rolled his eyes, then glared at Arabella. 'Halliwell-Turner!'

Arabella blinked at him. 'You can't yell at me. We just apperated in on Cormer and Macmillian snogging. I mean, I understand that people who favour the same sex have every right to snog whomever they want, but please. Who would choose MACMILLIAN? He's a right prat. And fat. He's got larger nunga-nungas then me and Pansy combined. And she's a size G! She has to get two people to help carry them around! She has to be like, oy, Miquel and Diablo. Come grab my knockers, we're going for a stroll.' Ginny noted that Arabella was trying to ramble her way out of the situation.

'Why were you apperating?' Chris demanded.

'Because the male Weasley professed his undying love for Hermione, and was trying to snog her, and Ginny and I rescued her from his clutches.' Arabella replied.

Hermione nodded, trying not to act like the story was completely new to her.

'Right. Hey, Ferret, why did you yell at me when all three of us were interfering with your meeting?' Hermione demanded.

'Because, mudblood, ow, Arabie, don't hit me; GRANGER, happy? Ginny is very violent when upset, so it's easier to yell at you.' Draco shrugged.

'Fine.' Hermione snarled, and flopped down on the opposite seat from the Slytherin trio.

'WE-e-e-e-e-ellllll, my most honourable liege, can I leave, or are you going to yell at me?' Arabella asked, flopping down on Draco's lap.

'Later. Bella, isn't the Manchester maniacs a better team than the Newcastle Ninjas?'

'IT"S THE NEWCASTLE DYNAMITES!' Chris snarled.

'I totally heart the Maniacs, but since Chris is rooting for them, of course the Dynamites are better.' Arabella recited in monotone.

'Aren't the Dunderheads the worse team in the league, though?' Calvin taunted.

'IT"S THE DYNAMITES!'

There was a large jolt to the cabin.

'WHAT THE HELL?' Arabella shrieked.

'Relax, it's probably Giants. They're assigned to guarding the train on the way to Hogwarts.' Hermione shrugged, then winced.

'How would you know?' Draco demanded.

'Lucky guess?' Hermione squeaked.

'She's Potter's best friend.' Arabella replied in a bored voice. 'While he was in the throes of a passionate sex, he told her that Giants were there to protect his…'

'TOO MUCH INFORMATION, BELLA!' Chris yelped.

'Draco wanted to know…'

'PREFECT MEETING!' Hermione snapped, embarrassed more by the fact that she couldn't come up with a good comeback than the fact that Arabella was making up lies about her non-existant sex life.

'Right. Ciao,' Chris grinned. 'I'm off to terrorize the firsties.' With an evil grin, the tall blonde swept off.

Hermione rolled her eyes, and opened the door for the prefects, smiling at Ron when he entered.

'Hello, everyone, and welcome. I hope everyone had good summers,' She ignored the sniggers coming from the Slytherins 'and I'm sure that the Head Boy would like to say something, too.'

Calvin surveyed the prefects. 'Shame. No-one got blown to pieces. Well, as you all know, there is a massive war going on, and there will be complications. Increased security, pressures to have mad sex all over the place to repopulate the world…'

Hermione cut him off. 'You will each be expected to make sure that your houses know about the increased security. This means no sneaking off,'

'Deranged rituals that involve sacrificing firsties to protect you against the evil invaders…'

'Obeying curfew…'

'Buying stupid protection items that include circumcised guinea pigs…'

'Westover-Choate please shut up!' Hermione snarled.

'I was just adding to your speech.' Calvin smirked at her.

Hermione glared, but felt a strange tingle in her stomache.

'Right. So, that'll be all. Oh, and to promote inter-house unity, there is now going to be a common, erm, common room, where all four houses can commune. It's located next to the Room of Req… Myrtle's Bathroom. Everyone know where that is?' Hermione demanded.

Ignoring the confused looks of Ernie Macmillian and Hannah Abbott (who were holding hands. Poor Hannah, her gaydar must have been broken). Hermione smiled. 'Well, we'll be arriving in a moment, so you can go back to your compartments!'

As soon as everyone save Ron, Ginny, Draco, Calvin, and Arabella were gone, she rounded on Calvin. 'Why were you saying all of that stuff?'

'What stuff, mudblood?' Calvin sneered.

'Fuck you!' Hermione snapped.

'If I were you, I'd remove the stick out of your arse before you start snarling at me. Weasley must be daft and not fulfil your needs. Sexually frustrated women are always dangerous. If you ever need something, come see me.' Calvin winked, and walked out. Draco got up, and pulled Arabella after him.

'Evil Jerk.' Hermione snarled.

A/N REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Please!