Wasted Years

32 years old

Clark was walking to the Talon when he met Lana on the way there. He approached her a bit hesitantly.

"Hey…"

Lana turned around startled, but relaxed when she saw it was Clark. "Oh God Clark! Don't sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry… I…"

"No… it's ok… I was just lost in thought and you startled me…"

Clark smiled weakly at her. "So… where is Laura?"

"She is with your mother at the Talon. I have to do some shopping and she seemed a bit tired."

"Is she alright?" asked Clark with concern in his voice.

"I don't know… She doesn't seem sick or anything… She just seemed … I don't know… a bit down… "

"Well then… leaving her with my mother will definitely do the trick… I'm sure she'll be all smiles when you go back to get her…" said Clark with a smile.

Lana smiled warmly at him. "I know… Clark your mother is heaven sent… I mean… I owe her a lot…"

"I think that it's the other way around Lana… My mother never forgot how you were there for her when … my father died…"

Lana stood there looking at Clark with a sad smile on her face. Her mind had gone back to that time, and she remembered her feelings and what she had gone through thereafter. If only things had been different… thought Lana.

"Anyway… I have to get going Clark…"

"Lana…" said Clark as he took hold of her hand. "Can't we try to at least talk to each other?"

"We are talking to each other Clark." Said Lana looking downwards to avoid his eyes, that were looking at her pleadingly.

"Ok… then let's go somewhere to sit and talk."

"Talk about what?" asked Lana trying still to avoid looking at him.

"Talk about what? Us… What happened to us. I don't know a lot about what happened to you the last years Lana, and I want to have you back in my life… I mean…" Clark didn't have time to finish what he was saying as Lana cut him off.

She looked at him irritated. "You want me in your life? That's new! So when did this change happen all of a sudden?"

"I always tried to bridge the gap that was suddenly between us Lana. It was you who chose to cut me off." Said Clark defensively.

"That's just… I…" Lana paused and breathed in to calm herself, as she was starting to get more irritated. "I can't do this now…" she then turned around and started walking away from Clark.

"Lana…" said Clark as he watched her leave. He stood there looking at her with a heavy heart, and starting to feel even more alone.

22 years old

Clark landed near the apartment Lana was staying in Milan. He made sure no one saw him of course as he quickly changed from his Superman suit to his regular clothes. It was night and her apartment light was on so he figured that she was in.

He entered the building and took the elevator to her apartment. As he stood outside her door, he hesitated.

Maybe it's a bad idea… I can still leave… I mean… what good will it do? We can't be together… and I don't know if we could be friends… I don't even think it's safe for her to be friends with me now… But I have to see her… talk to her… I at least owe her an explanation… Ok here goes…

He took a deep breath and ringed the bell. As his heart was staring to beat faster and louder, the door opened and he was face to face with her once more. Lana just stood there looking in disbelief. Clark tried to smile at her.

"Hey…" he said sheepishly.

Lana stood there frozen for a while and then she flung herself on him, as she hugged him tightly. Clark was caught by surprise but soon he felt his heart melt and he put his arms tightly around her. Just holding her again in his arms, made him feel more complete than he ever felt the past 2 years. Soon though he felt her starting to cry as he held her, and he heard her whisper.

"I hate you… Why didn't you come?... Why didn't you come?"

Still holding her, he walked in the apartment and closed the door behind him. He then broke off the hug and cupped her face. "Lana you have to believe me… You were the only thing that was constantly on my mind… But I didn't have a choice… it is my destiny… I can't deny it any longer… and believe me… you deserve so much more than I can give you…" Lana snapped. She abruptly turned around and started walking towards the living room of her apartment.

"You always have a choice Clark…" she said with bitterness in her voice and without turning to face him.

"You're right… But what was I supposed to do Lana? I have all these powers and I must dedicate myself to the betterment of this world… I have no right to drag you into such a life… it's not fair to you…" said Clark very softly.

Lana sat down on her couch and buried her face in her hands. "So why did you come now?"

"Because I wanted to see you… and I owed you an explanation…"

Lana remained silent for a while. Then looking up with her teary eyes she spoke to Clark. "No one can live alone Clark… You can't cut off the people who care about you and still do what you do… No one can do that… Not even you…"

"I will have to do it Lana… It's too dangerous for anyone else to be associated with me. So no matter how hard it is… I must try and do it…" said Clark sadly.

Lana looked at him for a while not saying anything. Then she wiped the tears from her eyes. And put on a brave face.

"So you've come to say goodbye again." She stated simply.

Clark looked at her. "It's not like that… I… We will see each other from time to time… I mean… " he was at a loss for words. His heart was aching but he didn't know what to say. "I… I'm sorry Lana… This is definitely not how I wanted things to be."

"It's ok Clark… I understand… I mean… I can already see how much good you're doing to the world… I wouldn't expect anything less of you…" said Lana as she was desperately trying to hold her brave facade, and not burst into tears.

Clark stood there just staring at her. A part of him had died that day, but he knew it was something he had to do. He then started walking towards the door. "I have to go again…"

Before he opened the door he paused, turned around and looked at Lana one last time, taking in her beauty. He wanted to hold her image deep in his mind and his heart. "I will always love you Lana." He said, then he opened the door and walked out of her life one more time.

After he left, Lana fell to the couch crying, unable to hold her strong facade.

To be Continued…