A/N Thank you, reviewers! Everyone else, please, please, please review!

Lec: Hold on, random Stalker boy will be appearing in later chapters. His name will be Ryan, and then Ron will yell at Arabella for telling Ryan to go ahead because she should have just said I dunno. Which, I'll have you know, ex-boyfriend number 2 did to me!

Harrypotterluver1: Thanks so much for reviewing!

'Did you just see that!'

'WHY is SHE going out with HIM?'

'I thought she was in love with HARRY!'

'Did you see Ron's face?'

'How'd they meet?'

'Did you just see that?'

Ginny calmly ignored all of the whispers that were surrounding her as she sat down next to Hermione, Lavender, Parvati, Meg, and Melanie.

'Did you just give Blaise a good bye kiss?' Parvati demanded.

'Yaah.'

'Since when are you going out?' Lavender demanded nosily.

'Since this summer.'

'Welcome back to Hogwarts!" Dumbledore announced. 'I would like to announce that the school has,' He paused for dramatic effect.

A large, purple banner unfurled behind him, with FOR SALE, TO WHOMEVER WHANTS TO BUY THIS CRAPPY PLACE! Written on it.

There were shouts of laugher, and gasps from the teachers.

Hermione, Ginny, and Arabella exchanged evil looks.

A swarm of pixies flew into the hall, screaming.

'I AM SO FRIGGIN BLOATED!"

'I'm NOT TOUCHY, I'm SELF AWARE!'

'I'm NOT BEING SNIPPY, I'm BEING CONSISE!'

Ginny grinned, and whispered to Hermione 'beware the wraths of PMS-ing pixies.'

Hermione whispered back, 'Jeeze, they're almost as bad as you, DON'T KILL ME!'

Ginny rolled her eyes and giggled as she listened to the other comments.

'Please say that you didn't have anything to do with this.' Calvin commented to Arabella over at the Slytherin table.

'Erm, whistling now!' Arabella replied.

'Nice!' Blaise grinned. 'I mean, jeeze, couldn't you have come up with something more malicious and Slytherin-esque than this über Gryffindork prank?'

'Actually, I was helped by two Gryffs. And don't worry, the evil pranks are coming later. Much later.' She smirked evilly.

"WHERE DID THESE PIXIES COME FROM!' Snape yelled, ducking as another pixie yelled at him about his greasy hair.

'NO IDEA!' McGonagall replied. 'Why don't you just ask your girlfriend?"

'NOOOO! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME FOR THAT HOE!' Professor Sinastra yelled.

Cue angry fight from Headmasters

Actually, Dumbledore raised his arms, and controlled the PMSing hoards (ever heard of Midol?), and continued. 'As I was saying, we would like to welcome Professor Slughorn as our new Potions teacher, and Professor Snape shall be our new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. I would also like to welcome our Grief Counsellor, Professor Raskind. Due to the war that is going on, I believe that we need someone there to help our students with their problems. You will be required to have a meeting her once a month, and keep a diary.' Ignoring the angry yell from his students, he continued. 'Now for the sorting!'

I am the sorting hat says me, says me!

I drink several bottles of gin tee he, tee he!

And now I ask you, what do you do with a drunken sailor,

What do you do with a drunken sailor

Oh what do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?

You dress him up in woman's clothes as stick him in a cab of course, of course

Now for our Houses, formed by the wise and prudish Founders

Well, you could be in Hufflepuff, if your head if full of fluff,

In Ravenclaw if you're an egghead and a swot,

In Gryffindor if you're brave and idiotic

And in Slytherin if you're hot, smart, funny, evil, sexy, intelligent, powerful, rich, have a great arse!

The sorting hat stopped suddenly and looked alarmed.

'MY SONG! MY SONG HAS BEEN WARPED!'

'HE"S BEEN LIP SYNCING THE WHOLE TIME!' A student cried.

'I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A LIVE CONCERT!'

'STUPID HaT!'

'SORT THE TITCHY LITTLE PRATS ALREADY, I'm FAMISHED!'

Peeves and Arabella exchanged evil smirks.

'Well, thank you for that, erm, and interesting interruption.' Dumbledore3 smiled. 'Continuing…'

As soon as Zahitler, Adolph, a blonde hair Aryan boy (think Mike's creepy little brother in Eurotrip,) was sorted, Dumbledore stood up again. 'Wow, a large number of students have been sorted into Ravenclaw. I'll imagine it to be a very intelligent year.' He smiled. 'I would like to announce our Head Girl, Hermione Granger…'

'OF COURSE! HOW COULD SHE NOT BE?' Several people yelled as the Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw table erupted in cheers.

'And our Head Boy, Calvin Westover-Choate.' The Slytherins stood up and cheered loudly, and all the girls from the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff table also cheered. Lavender, Parvati, and several other girls from Gryffindor clapped, yet stopped when Harry glared at them.

'Thank you. I would like to point out that all products purchased at Weasly's Wizarding Wheezes have been banned, and that the Forbidden Forest at the end of our grounds is out of bounds to all students. Dig in!'

Next Morning

'WAKE UP, DRAKEY, WAKE UP! I WANNA GO TO BREAKFAST!' Pansy's ducile tones rang through the entire Slytherin dungeon at seven in the morning.

'UGH! Make her shut up PLEASE!' Linda moaned to Arabella, who was sleeping peacefully.

'Fine.' She groaned and crawled down to the common room and staggered up the stairs.

'SHUT UP PANSY!' Goyle whined.

'Here, Pans.' Arabella smirked. She sat down next to Draco, and whispered in his ear 'if you don't get up and go to breakfast with Pansy, I will start snogging Potter in the middle of the Great Hall'.

'Morning, Pansy! So you want to go to breakfast? Hold on, I've just got to get dressed.'

Arabella smiled. 'And who said that Slytherins weren't morning people?' She smiled. Then she remembered. SHE wasn't a morning person. 'PANSY! YOU MADE ME GET UP EARLY!'

The rest of the Slytherins were awakened by the screaming of Pansy as hoards of pillows chased her throughout the dungeons.

'MORNING, HARRY!' Ginny smiled. 'Ron, Hermione.'

'Morning Gin.'

'Bonjour, Ginevra'

'hbjgdsah djfkalsjfdlasjl'

'I think that was a good morning.' Ginny began buttering her toast. 'Wow, the entire Slytherin house is up. That's a first.'

The Slytherins were in various stages of sleep, from Arabella whose head was on Blaise's shoulder and was dozing, to Crabbe who was face first in his kippers, snoring, to Pansy, who was hiding under the table, hoping that none of her house was going to kill her for making them get up early.

'I HATE MORNING PEOPLE!' Blaise groaned, glaring at the twittering Hufflepuffs. 'What do they do all night?'

'Sleep?' Pansy offered from under the table.

'When? Do they go to bed at ten? That's insane.' Theo sighed, sloshing marmalade in his tea.

'Theo, I know you're doing this with your eyes closed, but you just put marmalade in your Earl Grey.' Arabella told him, and grabbed Blaise's tea cup.

'You spiked it AGAIN? It's like pre-noon!' She complained.

'I never drink anything stronger than vodka before noon.' Blaise argued.

'Well, it's a wonder that you're not permanently smashed all day.' Draco commented dryly.

'It was only for today.' Blaise snapped. 'Honestly.'

'Whatever.' Arabella sighed and downed his cup, reached across the table, and grabbed Draco's.

'Erm, Bella, why don't you just pour yourself a cup?' Theo asked, now pouring salt on his pumpkin juice.

'Too much effort. Let me show you.' She grabbed the salt away from Theo and began drawing lines with it on the table. The entire house groaned, they were used to Arabella explaining things using salt lines.

'This side is morning people who have oodles of energy. This side is us. The bit in the middle is the mildly intelligent people who are slightly awake.' She tore up a napkin and placed the scraps on different bits of the line. 'And this is what happens to the bloody morning people and the stupid people in the middle.' She yanked out her wand and lit the respective scraps of napkins on fire.

'You forgot to add this bit.' Blaise leaned over and created a mushroom cloud.

Draco rolled his eyes. 'You lot are so mature.' He created a mini firestorm to continue to incinerate the innocent scraps of paper.

'Oy. What's this?' Calvin demanded, leaning over from his seat next to Bella, across from Draco.

'Bella's demonstrating the outcome of people who are morning people.' Draco explained to his commander.

'I see.' Calvin waved his wand, and lightning bolts began striking the little pieces until they were absolutely disincarnated. 'There.'

Bella grinned. 'Now I remember why I agree to follow you're rule.'

Calvin draped his arm across her shoulders. 'And don't you forget that.'

Little did they know, that a certain Gryffindor was getting very upset that his girlfriend was being felt up by the Slytherin King.

'Oh, if it isn't the Golden Trio and their entourage.' Calvin sneered.

'Oh, sod of Westover-Choate!' Harry snarled. The real reason he was so mad was because Blaise had his arm around about Bella, but we won't mention that.

'Witty, Pothead. Real witty.' Pansy sneered.

'Oh shut up, whore!' Ron snarled.

'You're just upset that you can't get some. Sorry, I don't sleep with wankers.' Pansy sneered.

'As if I would want to sleep with a slut.' Ron growled.

'S'all right, Pansy. He couldn't afford you.' Arabella replied.

Ginny noted the double meaning of Arabella's comment, but everyone else didn't. Well, Hermione did too, but she was too busy staring at Seamus to notice. Actually, she was imagining some things (no, no, this is Hermione remember! She's imaging hitting him over the head with her books for staring at her chest. Gawd people, mind in the gutter much?

'Actually, Halliwell-Turner, you can't talk really. I've bet you've slept with every single member of the Slytherin house.' Harry sneered.

Now Hermione was paying attention. And wondering if she ought to slap Harry. Ginny had to be restrained by Dean. Draco, Blaise, Calvin, and Theo automatically reached for their wands.

'It's alright Potter, I know that you're actually worried that I might tell how you're challenged in certain areas of your, anatomy, but they already know.' Arabella replied condescendingly, flicking her hair over her shoulder in the process. The Slytherin High Court laughed, as well as the surrounding onlookers.

Harry glared. Well, this was the last straw. How dare Arabella insult HIM! Weren't THEY going OUT?

'Whatever, Halliwell. Sorry, I don't speak Suh-lut.'

'STUPEFY!' Harry slammed back into the wall, and the Gryffindors screamed.

Several curses, a couple hundreds of points, and hoards of students sent to the Hospital Wing later, Harry and Arabella were facing off outside of the library.

'WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT, Arabella?'

'Oh, excuse me! You called me a SLUT! What am I supposed to do? Say sure, Harry, insult me all you like. I'm one of the chits that LOVE being insulted. Oh, yell at me again!' Arabella snarled, her face icy and condescending.

'You insulted RON!'

'He insulted Pansy! News Flash Potter, Slytherins are much more loyal than you Gryffs will ever be! We stand by ANYONE in our house! Therefore I stood up for Pansy!'

'Whatever.'

'Yes, it is whatever, Potter. FYI, we're over. Gawd, I have no idea why I snogged you at the OOPHQ!' She turned, ready to slam away and go cry with Myrtle. At least she'd be better off than Myrtle, that girl had been crying for DECADES!

'Arabella, no, wait,' Harry grabbed her arm.

'What?'

'I'm sorry, it's just the thing with Calvin, and Blaise, and all, and'

'What?' Arabella was now officially confused. Make that officially über confused, since she normally operated in a state of confusion.

'I'm sorry, you know, jealous guy hormones, and all.'

'Erm, no. I seem to have a dearth of jealous guy hormones.' Arabella pointed out.

'It's just, I mean, we were really close during the summer, and all. Then we come here and you sort of just act like it didn't happen.'

'I have to. I'm in Slytherin, remember? I have a reputation to uphold!'

'Screw your reputation, then.'

'As if. Potter, you're disposable. Reputation is something I have to work hard to maintain!'

'I'm sorry, then, Arabie. Really.'

'What?'

Harry looked down, although he couldn't believe his luck. She was actually falling for it!

'What are you talking about, Harry?' Arabella walked closer.

'Do you really care?' A cold voice said behind her.

Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zambini, Chris Kingswood-Taft, and Calvin Westover-Choate calmly walked up behind her.

'What's the matter, Potter? Upset that Arabella was just using you?' Draco taunted.

Harry blinked. Wait, hold on a second. What? He looked at Arabella, but her face was schooled into blankness.

'Why, hasn't she told you yet? She was just doing this all to help herself out. Now, poor Ms. Arabella decided not to listen to orders last year. So, to gain trust back, she's just used you.' Calvin smiled.

Harry glared at Arabella. 'I was right. You're just a slut.'

Arabella decided that now would be a good time to go melt into the shadows.

'THEN, he goes to me 'I knew you were a SLUT! Me, as if!' Arabella told Myrtle.

'What an arse. I rather fancied him while he was lurking around my toilet, but really, why was he in there in the first place! Him and that Ronald Weasely!' Myrtle giggled.

She, Arabella, and Ginny were having their usual powwow in the room of requirement. Their meetings had started last year, when Arabella walked in of Ginny crying to Myrtle. The three had begun talking, and continued, especially since Myrtle, being a ghost, knew all of the latest gossip.

'I know. I fancied him too, first and second year, but really! He's so full of himself!' Ginny agreed, rearing open a cauldron cake.

'Were you really using him?' Myrtle asked.

'Nope. You know me, though. I look for Mr. Right Now, and he was there. So, yaah.' Arabella shrugged. 'I mean, he's a good snog. Then The Slytherin Royalty found out, and I had my reputation, and life, to maintain, so I went along with the whole using thing. I sort of wanted to go out with him longer, but ce la vie!' She bit into another Godiva chocolate.

'Still, he's going to whine for a bit, then accuse you of being a death eater who's got bits of soul all over the place.' Ginny warned.

'Right, so they're still going about the Horcrux thing?' Arabella shook her head. 'I think Draco knows something about it. He told me to stay away from Potter because there is a WAR going on.'

'Yiosh, that sounds serious.' Myrtle commented.

'As if! Hey, Ginny routinely goes calling up big snakey things, and no Gin, I don't mean penises…' Arabella began, but Ginny hit her with a pillow.

'Ugh, I bring them up too!'

'TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Myrtle screeched.

'So why can't I go around and put myself in harm's way? Seems more fun. I like adventure, why else do I hang around Slytherin bad boys?'

'I still call claim to the hottest Slytherin Bad boy, Tom.' Ginny grinned.

Arabella and Myrtle laughed. Contrary to popular belief, the whole Chamber of Secrets thing, although bad, wasn't that big of a deal. While Harry and his wonder team might try and pretend nothing happened to 'protect' Ginny from it, in reality, she took it in stride. Tom Riddle was hot, had loads of power, and had all of the bad boy appeal.

'No fair! I should be able to go out with him. I mean, him a memory, me a ghost, we've got it made!' Myrtle complained.

'Why couldn't I have found the diary?' Arabella complained. 'I mean please. Do you know how powerful that guy is? And oh, that bad boy appeal.'

'Yaah, completely! Got to love those axe-murderers!' Myrtle giggled. 'I mean, I should get first dibs! He killed me an' all!'

'No fair! How come you got to go to school with him? We have to go to school with his minions!' Ginny joked.

'Back to seriousness, are you mad at Harry, still?' Myrtle asked once the girls managed to stop their giggling fit.

'Nope. Besides, with him gone, I can snog WHOMEVER I want, WHENEVER I want.' Arabella stood up and twirled. 'Crap!' She cried when she checked her watch. 'I was supposed to be back in my dorm five minutes in the future!'

Her two friends blinked confused.

'Future?'

'It's those mushrooms. They always have weird side effects.' Myrtle replied in mock-seriousness.

Arabella giggled, waved good-bye, and returned to the Slytherin Common Rooms.

'ARABELLA HALLIWELL-TURNER!' Calvin was in a bad mood again.

'Calvin, why do you have to take your bad moods out on me? What have I ever done to you? Well, this erm, past three seconds?' Arabella demanded.

'Nothing. But in the past FIVE seconds, you forgot to take Linda with you wherever you were going, and she's been bothering me by trying to figure out where you'd gone. By the way, where were you.'

Arabella sighed and decided to take the easy way out. She smirked, winked, and replied 'Wouldn't you like to know?'

Calvin rolled his eyes. 'No, actually, I probably don't. Nice work screwing Potter over, you should have seen him stomp away.'

Arabella decided that she should retire early to go cry her eyes out.

Dear Diary,

First day of doing the stupid assignment that Dumbledore is making me do. Alright, so I'm Arabella of the Slytherin House. Prankster mistress.

I made a mistake today, and officially screwed over a really nice guy. He's probably furious with me, but what can I do? He's just a guy, and I have to LIVE with my house. I put up a strong face around Ginny and Myrtle, but I'm really crying. How could I have done something like that to him? He was such a nice guy! And, I dunno. He kind of made me feel like a little bit more than just the Slytherin Seductress, The Slytherin Royalties' little sister/best friend.

Arabella

Dear Tom,

Back at Hogwarts! Oh the drama! I sort of miss you not writing back to me, but you never know, I just keep hoping that you will…

A/N CHECK OUT THE LENGTH OF THIS CHAPTER! Longest ever! Read and Review, PLEASE!