A/N Nope not mine, otherwise Sirius wouldn't have died – honestly how much angst can this fifteen year old take – although I am trying to think of a convincing way to bring him back

Chapter 4 – Harry

2nd July 1996

Harry Potter was staring out the kitchen window of Number 4 Privet Drive washing his plate after breakfast and watching the rainfall. Seemed like nature was doing the crying he so desperately wanted to do. Sirius' body falling so gracefully, so disturbingly gracefully, through the arch. Remus wrapped his arm around Harry preventing him from getting to Sirius. If he could just break free of Remus' grip, he would get to Sirius in time, he knew he could stop him. He jumped back to the present as he felt the plate leave his grasp. His aunt had removed it from his grasp.

"Stop trying to remove the pattern" She sternly told him

He turned to look at her, almost willing her to insult him so that he could write to Moody and tell him he was being abused and have the Order come rescue him. Except that they wouldn't. He had to stay here. Indefinitely. Safely. Miserably.

Petunia Dursley was startled by the look in Harry's eyes such sorrow she had not seen in a long time not since her sister's last visit. Could it be that same fear again? She had ignored it the last time and now she paid the price. But two identical looks of sorrow in two identical sets of green eyes. Petunia remembered sitting at this kitchen table 15 years previously with someone with green eyes with as much sorrow as was now looking at her through her nephews' eyes. How could the boy have cause for such sorrow? She looked again. Boy. Despite how this was the manner in which Vernon constantly referred to him, she had forgotten. He was indeed a boy, a child, younger than Dudley, but yet the lines around his eyes made him look older. Older than his mother had ever looked and she had not been much older than Harry when she died.

"Sit" she told him. Confusion now clouded those eyes "SIT!" She ordered. "The last time I saw your mother," she began "we were sitting at this table." If she'd thought that the boy was confused moments before he was gobsmacked now. But she couldn't really blame him it wasn't as though she'd ever volunteered information about his mother before. "It wasn't long after your first birthday" she continued "and she was devastated with grief. She had discovered that your godmother had just been killed, tortured she told me, by him, Voldemort. She was stricken with grief, her eyes had this look," here she paused.

Harry couldn't get over what was happening. For years he had wanted to know things about his parents, and here finally his Aunt Petunia was telling him things. Of course being his aunt she couldn't tell him a happy story, even one from their shared childhood, oh no, even she had to give tales of death and destruction. Did he have a sign on his forehead? "Am depressed so tell me more sad stuff" On the other hand he had never thought about having a godmother, he had been so obsessed with Sirius and the hope he gave him.

"A look I'm now seeing in your eyes, Harry I'm concerned. What has happened?"

"Concerned! Concerned! Fifteen years I've lived here and now you're concerned. I suppose in an odd way that's fitting. The one adult I depended on to get me out of this hell hole, who was going to find a home for us to live in has died and you finally choose to be concerned. What exactly gives you the right Aunt Petunia? You've ignored me for so long why the sudden change? Why? I don't want your concern. It's too late." Harry snapped. How dare she? Pretending to care like this. What was going on? His world had been upside down in the ten days or so since Sirius had died but really, his aunt caring! Had Sirius falling through that veil caused the rest of the world to shift their opinion of him. The Daily Prophet believed him again and his Aunt Petunia was concerned. Perhaps this was Voldemorts' unique way of torturing him and so far he was the only one to notice. He continued to stare vehemently across the table at his aunt, daring her to continue this intrusion into his life. What was she expecting to result from this little heart to heart that she was attempting to have? What did she really know of his life? Either must die at the hand of the other. He shook his head, he would not think of that now.

"He's still alive isn't he?" Petunia asked

"Huh?" Harry didn't understand the direction of this conversation at all.

"Voldemort, he's still alive isn't he, that's why I'm concerned. You're mother came to me the day your godmother died to ask me to look after you if something happened to her. She told me that if she died it would mean that he was dead, that you had defeated him, and that things would be safe. But he's not dead is he? He's still after you, and you're here. As such I am concerned." Harry gaped across the table at his aunt. Is she for real? He wondered

"You're mother told me that day a fanciful tale of nonsense some fortune teller had said that you would be the one to defeat Voldemort. A baby! Defeating an evil such as she described! But she was convinced that day, she believed that your godmother had been killed in an attempt to locate you apparently she and that awful boy were in hiding with you because Voldemort had heard tell that you could defeat him. She felt that the murder of your godmother confirmed that and as such she made me promise to take you in if she died. She swore to me that it would be safe no harm would come to us. And it didn't until last year – what will it be this year? I know your friends are worried they wouldn't have been confronted us at the station yesterday if they hadn't of been. Now tell me what is going on – everything. You probably know that I can't throw you out so there is no point in holding back. Your uncle is at work and your cousin is out – now tell me"

"Will you tell me more about my mother is I do?" Harry was desperate to hear something that would brighten his life. A life, which was dismal at the moment and possibly about to get worse with retelling the events of the last year.

"Yes I will. You know Harry it was obvious that last day that I saw her that she loved you very much."

A warm feeling spread over Harry with those words, if someone as cold as his aunt could recognize the love his mother had held for him then it must have been quite powerful. He then proceeded to tell his aunt of the events of the past twelve months including the news that people had not believed his tale of Voldemorts' return, the trial for the underage use of magic that had occurred when he had protected Dudley and himself from Dementors, Professor Umbridge, the DA, the attack on Mr Weasley, the interview he had given, peoples changing opinions and finally the night in the Department of Mysteries and Sirius death.

"Afterwards Professor Dumbledore brought me back to school and told me the wording of the prophecy, but you already know about that. I have to kill him. Become a murderer or be his victim"

"Stop that thinking right now or you will be a victim," his aunt slammed her hand to the table causing Harry to jump "that kind of pessimistic thought is what will get you killed. This man, if the word even applies, is out to kill you Harry and has been for the last sixteen years. Killing him won't be murder it will be self-defence. He's the murderer, he's killed your godmother, your parents and if your nightmares last year are any clue somebody called Cedric as well. They didn't die because of you they died because of him. He wanted to kill you and yours. Anything that would inflict pain on you is of benefit to him. I'm not telling you that you shouldn't feel pain and grief at the loss of these people from your life but you need to realise that their deaths are because of some madman. And his yearn for power. Your mother told me a little of him that day. He wants power and something I think she called 'blood purity' which to be honest didn't mean a thing to me."

"A pureblood is someone who has all magic ancestors, like my friends the Weasleys' then there are muggleborns who have no magic" at this Harry glanced at his aunt and saw no wince that previously occurred when the 'm' word was mentioned "parents like my friend Hermione and then there's people whose parents are a mixture of muggles and magic."

"I see. About your friends, are you…. Um … I don't know…. I thought I sensed some sort of guilt or…. I'm not sure…. When you spoke of the night at the Department of Mysteries"

"Well they all got injured didn't they and that was my fault"

"Did you hurt them Harry?"

"No, but if they hadn't followed me…."

"Did you force them to follow you" his aunt cut him off

"Well no they chose to come with me"

"Yes they made the choice to go with you, a decision they made knowing that there was a possibility that Voldemort would be there. And I presume if they are all like you and are your friends they are all aware of the things that he is capable of are they not?"

"Well yes but…."

"But nothing Harry, don't demean their friendship with you by debasing the actions they do in the name of friendship. Perhaps you should show them that you appreciate that they would not allow you to face him alone. After all if Professor Dumbledore thinks that the reason that you were able to stop Voldemort from possessing you is because of the love you felt for your godfather don't you think that you should nurture the loving friendships you have. They may prove to be a valuable weapon and as such should not be shunned."

"But they could get killed by being around me. You must see it the pattern Voldemort has of going after those that are close to be in his effort to get to me."

"They know these risks, and I don't get the impression that they will leave you to face him alone no matter how you push them away. You've had enough horrible things happen to you, and yes I know that a lot of them have been because of me, but you should grab happiness when you can you never know when it might be gone. I laughed at your mother and her worries that day, belittled her fears over you and her. I'd always intended to apologise for the way I had reacted to finding out she was a witch and I never got the chance. Things happen Harry that are completely out of our control. You should live life in the moment. Don't worry about the things that might go wrong but, and I know this might not be the most compassionate thing to say to someone who has cheated death as often as you seem to have, you should perhaps learn to live each day as your last. If you are right and a war is going to start in your world then you have to face a reality that people are going to die. People you know already have and I'm sorry to tell you that they may not be the last. My father fought in the second world war and of the four friends that joined up together he was the only one to survive. I'm not trying to depress you more but war is lethal and a little realistic knowledge affecting the decisions you make would be no bad thing. Now how about a cup of tea while I tell you some stories about your mother? I afraid we weren't close while we were teenagers but I can tell you about a few things from when we were small.

Harry nodded and returned to his thoughts while his aunt but together some tea and biscuits. His friends, particularly Ron and Hermione, had had a rough time of it last year, not only had they been the most seriously injured in the Department of Mysteries, but they had also borne the brunt of his anger over Cedric's death and the subsequent gossip about his mental stability. And they had stood by him when others hadn't. Yes they deserved apologies, in person, just like his anger had been, and he would have to tell them about the prophecy. When they got back together again they would sit down and talk properly again in a way that he had been too preoccupied to in the last year. But for now his aunt was beginning a story his mother and he had waited too long to hear something like this, but he would write to Ron and Hermione later and let them know he was doing okay.

Hey there, am not sure if Petunia is exactly how I want her to be, I intended to have her questions be more selfish, she is the only one in the Dursley house with a notion of the evilness of Voldemort and then she turned out to be compassionate… don't think that this will happen in canon but it's where my fingers typed her to be… There'll be more later on who Harry's godmother was.

Gingerbed I'm hoping to have Draco back to his sarcastic self in later chapters – although there will be a couple before you see him again. But here I was trying to convey that he was a teenager out of his depth, going to stay with relatives he doesn't know. Later we'll see that there has been no contact in quite some time. And I'm going to try and slowly have Harry come out of his spoiled brat stage with his friends (did I manage to hint at that here?) – as I hope JK will too.

Ghosette Thanks – have a happy glow on the inside now. Draco is tough to write though hopefully as I get more into it and his character as I (and you) want him to be it will get easier.