What's it like

Lana reentered the Talon and went to Pete, Chloe and Lois.

"He left…"

"Should we go look for him?" asked Chloe with concern in her voice.

"He could be anywhere in the world by now." Said Pete whispering. It was weird for all of them, because they hadn't been all together before, talking about Clark. They were for all they knew, the only people in the world who knew Clark Kent's secret and each of them knew of the others' knowledge. But they had never spoken about it together.

"Clark just needs to cool off on his own right now. Seeing us, would probably make things worse." Offered Lois. "Don't worry… he has been like that for some time now and he always needs to cool off a bit… besides it's Clark… he can certainly take care of himself" she added with a supportive smile. "Lana can I speak to you?" she asked turning to Lana.

Lana who was lost in thought about the whereabouts of Clark, snapped back to reality. "What?"

"Can we talk for a while?" asked Lois again.

Lana was surprised. She had never talked to Lois alone. She was the one who mostly avoided something like that, as after Lois's wedding to Clark, Lana couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed by Lois. "Sure…" she said a bit hesitantly.

They got further away from Chloe and Pete and sat comfortably in a somewhat remote table. "Will you have something?" asked Lois.

"Lois I don't think now is the best time to chat and drink, shouldn't we try and find Clark?" asked Lana a bit annoyed with Lois's seeming nonchalant attitude.

"Yes you should… but first we've got to talk. We have to clean some air between us, and to do that I need a drink." She waved at the waitress and ordered a beer.

Lana was looking at her a bit uneasy. She wasn't sure she wanted to have a conversation with Lois.

Lois remained silent and thoughtful for a while.

"So…?" asked Lana impatiently.

"I'm trying to think where to begin." Said Lois keeping her eyes lowered to the table. Then she suddenly looked up. "Ok… I know you don't like me a lot… but I feel it is a bit unfair or at least for the wrong reasons."

Lois paused for a while trying to collect her thoughts. "When I first saw Clark again in the Daily Planet after so many years, nothing had changed for me in regards to Clark. He just seemed so depressed for some reason, that I started paying more attention to him and hanging out with him, to try and make him feel better."

"Is there a point to all this Lois?" asked Lana a bit annoyed, as she wasn't that keen on hearing about how Lois and Clark fell in love.

"Yes. You have to hear this. Even though he never admitted it to me, I'm certain that the reason he was so depressed when he came to Metropolis was you. From what I remembered and knew about Clark, you were the only person who could really get to him THAT seriously. Now I don't know why it was you, or what had happened, and to tell you the truth I don't really want to know.

After some months of hanging out with me, I noticed Clark started to see me differently. He started being extra nice and tried to flirt with me on several occasions. I just didn't see him that way. You see I had an infatuation of my own, much like Clark; Superman. I was one of the few people on this planet who were THAT stupid, to have met both of them and not see that they were the same person."

Lana chuckled lightly at the thought as she always thought that something like this wasn't possible.

"In my defense though, I had a preconception of who Clark was and what he could do, and I just never thought him capable of the things Superman was doing. The thing is that Clark knew very well of my infatuation with Superman, and on some level I think the poor guy revealed himself to me, for that reason. At the time of course I was slowly starting to piece certain pieces together, I just didn't have the whole picture. So when I cornered him about certain stuff that had happened he told me.

You know how Chloe and Pete found out about him right? Which officially makes you the only person Clark ever told his secret willingly and without being pressured."

"Lois why are you telling me this?"

"Because I need you to understand something. I fell in love with Clark eventually… or at least I thought I did… I don't know for sure any more… but at the time of our marriage I was certain I was in love with him. And that made it even harder for me to accept that I was sharing him. And even though he never admitted it, I knew I shared him."

"What did you expect Lois? You were marrying Superman for God's sake."

Lois chuckled. "Oh I was very aware of that Lana. I'm not talking about sharing him with the world. I'm talking about sharing him with you."

Lana widened her eyes in surprise. "What? That's ridiculous Lois. I had a purely friendly – and limited at that- relationship with Clark during your marriage."

"But Lana that's the thing… You didn't even have to be there… I was constantly competing with this perfect vision Clark has in his mind when it comes to you. You were his first love, you were his first ever and then he was forced to leave you. You didn't break up or anything. Clark still feels as if that chance (to be with you) was stolen from him. Even though he never admitted it to me, he never had the closure he needed with you to fully put you behind him, although I must give him the credit of trying."

Lana felt her heartbeat quicken up its pace. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. And from Lois for that matter.

"But the fact of the matter is that he never stopped loving you Lana. I mean he never talked about you to me. Whenever I enquired about you he always told me the basics. He never opened his heart to me on the subject of Lana Lang, whereas he always did that on the subjects of Lex Luthor or his parents, or his friends. You were always the one subject that was off limits for me. I just couldn't compete with you Lana. I was nothing like you, or at least the image he had of you. And yes that's probably one of the reasons he was attracted to me in the first place, because I am how I am… but I could never measure up to Lana Lang in his mind."

Lana remained looking at Lois with a shocked expression on her face. She had no idea that Lois felt that way, but she was having a hard time accepting, that what she was saying about Clark was true. If this is true why did he marry Lois? Why didn't he come to me all those years? Damn you Clark… I don't want to go through this again.

Her inner conflict soon got the best of her, and the first tears made their appearance on her beautiful face.

As she quickly wiped the tears with the back of her hand she spoke to Lois. "I think you are wrong Lois. If what you say is true and not just the way you chose to see things, why would he marry you?"

"Ok… let me ask you this… Why did you marry Clive?" said Lois looking at Lana intently. "And please don't insult me by saying you loved him. It's more than obvious that you love Clark and to tell you the truth the few times that we were together, I could tell that you still loved him."

Lana remained silent, she could very easily lie, but she was tired of it. And she saw no point into entering an argument with Lois, when she knew she was right.

"I'll take the silence and that troubled look as a confirmation. Now… mind you… I'm not saying that Clark didn't love me… but it was not the same… He was trying to get past you –don't ask me why, but that's what he was trying to do- and as it turned out he was unsuccessful. He cared about me a lot and he still does, he might also have been in love with me at a point, it's just… well I don't know how else to put it… it wasn't the same. You were his ideal… I was more of a compromise… in his attempt to live in the real world… Now… he never told me enough about you to know what happened to make him believe he could not be with you… but… hey… it's Clark Kent we're talking about… When it came to you… his mind, for some reason, turned into an incoherent jumble… and I've known that since my time in Smallville."

Lana for some reason couldn't stop the tears coming to her eyes. She wasn't sure why she was tearing up, but her immediacy of finding Clark became greater by the second.

"As I can see it is still a very delicate matter for you, so I'll finish up by saying one more thing. I care about Clark a lot. Enough to know that I can't help him in the state he is in right now. Only you can help him and I know you want to. You love him, so I would advise you to leave behind what grudge you may or may not hold against him, or… I don't know… but it's obvious that you both are trying to suppress your feelings for some reason that I can't even begin to understand… Don't make things harder for you and him… anyways… that's all I had to say… Please if you find him, tell him to contact me once he has sorted out his mind… It's about the DP… he'll know…"

With that Lois got up and prepared to leave. "Oh by the way Lana, you have a very beautiful daughter, she looks just like you. Take good care of them both."

Lois winked at Lana and left.

Lana remained seated unable to move or think straight. Should she go look for Clark immediately? And if she found him… What then?

To be continued…