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This is the 3rd and final Chapter. I hope you enjoy, and don't forget to review. Also, I hope you have a safe and happy holiday season!

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We walked the short distance back to Nigel's apartment, each of us lost in our own thoughts. I was thinking about Christmas's past. The fun Christmas's when I was a kid, with my Mom and Dad. The first Christmas's after my Mom had died, when my Dad was so depressed. The many Christmas's spent away from home with Tyler, and more recently alone. I tried to remember the last time I had a really good Christmas, but I couldn't really think of one. Even though my Dad had been around last year, we had barely been speaking.

I sighed heavily as I followed Nigel up the stairs to his apartment. We went inside and Nigel plopped the tree in front of the Union Jack on the wall.

"Perfect," he said. "I'll be right back, luv."

He disappeared through the bedroom door, and re-emerged a few minutes later with a battered looking box that read "X-Mas Décor". He set it on the floor and opened it up.

Out came a string of multi-colored lights. He plugged them in and grinned when they worked. He wrapped them haphazardly around the tree, then dug through the b ox, pulling out various tissue-wrapped ornaments.

"You going to help, luv, or just watch me?" Nigel asked, raising an eyebrow.

I fought back another sigh and got off the couch and joined Nigel on the floor next to the tree. I unwrapped an ornament that was shaped like a motorcycle.

"My motorbike!" Nigel said. "My Aunt Bea gave me that one."

One after another we unwrapped pieces of Nigel's past, and I was struck by the fact that even though I had known Nigel for over ten years, I had known very little about him, about his life. And even as I felt my earlier Grinchiness disappear, I realized with a pang how much I cared about Nigel, despite all of my caution, and all of my fears.

"Everything alright, luv?" Nigel said suddenly, breaking my train of thought. I realized with a start that I had been sitting there, staring at him.

"Oh, yeah, fine. Sorry," I said, cursing myself for sounding like an idiot.

"Well, hang that last one and we're all done," Nigel said.

I looked at the ornament. It was a harp inscribed with "Guinness" along the side. I grinned. "Nice," I said.

Nigel laughed. "From my favorite pub in London," he said.

I hung the harp next to the motorbike and we stood back to admire our handiwork.

"Looks great," Nigel said.

"Yeah, it does," I agreed, looking more at Nigel than at the tree.

We sat back down on the couch, the room glowing with the light from the tree. It was so nice, being here with Nigel. I could get used to this, I thought.

And then it happened. That old familiar fear grabbed hold of me and I panicked. What was I thinking? Letting myself get this close to Nigel? I had kissed him, for Pete's sake. And I was contemplating a future with him, a family? What was wrong with me? Not only did I have no idea how he felt about me, but I knew all too well that I was completely incapable of having a normal relationship. My prior relationships were proof of that!

"I should get going," I said suddenly.

Nigel looked surprised. "Why?"

"It's getting late," I said.

"Um. Yeah. So what?"

"I just…I should get going," I said, irritated.

Nigel stared at me. "It's Christmas Eve," he stated.

"I know that."

"C'mon Jordan, stay here, don't spend Christmas alone."

"It doesn't matter. It's just Christmas. It's not a big deal," I shrugged.

"Jordan, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"I thought we were having fun," he said.

"We were."

"What happened?"

"Nothing," I said.

He sighed. "Right."

I felt the sudden pressure of someone trying to make me talk about what I was feeling when I didn't want to. It was an old familiar feeling. I never wanted to talk about how I felt, or what I was thinking. I shook my head and tried to ignore the subtle, hurt look in Nigel's eyes. I tried to ignore the way his face went blank as he stood up and said, "Okay, fine. Never mind."

I was torn. Part of me wanted to ask him what he was thinking, while the other part of me knew I had no business asking him that question when I knew full well there was no way in hell I would answer it.

I stood up, keeping my eyes down and avoiding Nigel's gaze at all cost. I picked my coat up off the couch where I had tossed it and headed towards the door. Nigel followed me silently. When I got to the door I turned the dead bolt, and then turned around to face him.

He was looking at me with the most unreadable expression in his eyes. I almost thought I could see sympathy, mixed in with the hurt that he seemed to be trying very hard not to show. He kept his face blank as he put a hand on my arm and said, very softly, "You don't have to go."

I gritted my teeth against the sudden urge to pour my heart out. To tell him how I felt about him. To, for once in my useless life, do the right thing instead of running like a scared rabbit.

But that was too much. I couldn't do it. I couldn't face his rejection. And I couldn't face the fact that I knew full well that no one could ever love me. I was far too screwed up.

I took a deep breath, completely confused and overwhelmed by my emotions. I wasn't used to them being this out of control. No matter how screwed up I usually felt, I was usually completely in control. I could hide my feelings, act like nothing was wrong even when I was falling apart. But right then, looking into Nigel's sympathetic dark eyes, I felt my world spinning out of control. I felt the walls that I had carefully built around my heart starting to crumble.

And I felt something that I wasn't sure I had ever felt before.

Hope.

My heart was racing, and I was torn. But the fear won out and I said, "Thanks for the Chinese and for having me over." I was proud to note that despite my turbulent emotions, my voice was mostly steady.

Nigel looked down at me, and I could see that he seemed to be struggling with something. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then he shook his head. "Bloody hell," he muttered. There was another pause, then "Ah, screw it."

Then he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.

Without thinking, I slid my arms up around his shoulders. I leaned into his kiss and closed my eyes. And while a voice in the back of my mind was screaming in panic, the feel of Nigel's lips on mine effectively shut it out, and I lost myself in Nigel's kiss.

The kiss finally ended, with Nigel pulling back ever so slightly to look at me. I opened my eyes and looked at him, both shocked and excited to see the desire that was plain as day in his gaze.

"Um," I said.

"What, luv?" Nigel said.

"Uh," I said.

Nigel smiled, and there was a look of a very satisfied cat that had just eaten the canary in his look. "Are you still going to leave?"

I thought about it. And suddenly I couldn't figure out why I had wanted to leave in the first place. My stomach felt as if an entire flock of seagulls had taken up residence. The fears that had been urging me to leave seemed to disappear as I smiled up at Nigel.

He led me back to the living room, slipping my coat off and tossing it on the arm of the couch as we sat down.

He didn't say anything. He didn't pressure me to talk. He didn't do anything but sit next to me, holding my hand.

Waiting.

I nibbled on my bottom lip. I was pretty damn sure now how Nigel felt about me. And I started to realize that it had always been pretty obvious, but that my own fears of rejection and of being hurt had kept me from seeing it.

I thought about all the times he had been there for me, standing by me even when I did stuff that would have gotten both of us in major trouble at work. I thought about all the times he had gone out with me for drinks and listened to me yammer on about Tyler or Woody or any other number of guys that I didn't care about but couldn't seem to get rid of. Nigel had always been there for me, and I had always taken it for granted that he always would be.

But lately, as we had been starting to drift apart I had started realizing the depths of my feelings for him. And it had scared me shitless, and sent me running right to Woody Hoyt.

I shook my head at my own foolishness.

Trust didn't come easily to me. I had been hurt too many times. But as I sat there, holding Nigel's hand, I realized that I had always trusted Nigel 100 percent.

Christmas was supposed to be about giving. And as I sat there, looking at Nigel's tree, feeling warm and safe by his side, I realized a few things.

The greatest gift that I could give myself was to, for once in my life, take a chance. Take the risk of getting hurt. No matter what happened at least I would know that I had tried.

"Nige," I said hesitantly.

"Yes, luv?" he said, and my heart fluttered again.

"Nige, I…" Damnit, I thought. This was not as easy as it seemed.

Nigel looked at me, and a slow smile spread across his face, and his eyes sparkled. Then he grinned.

"What?" I said self-consciously.

"Oh, Jordan, luv. I know," he said.

My heart skipped a beat. "You know what?"

"What you're trying to say."

"What am I trying to say?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Oh no you don't," he said. "Just because I know what you're trying to say doesn't mean I'm going to say it."

I huffed a little, then rolled my eyes when I realized he was right, and that I was still trying to take the easy way out. I struggled, trying to decide what to say, how to say it.

"I love you, Nigel Townsend," I blurted out finally, and felt my face turn scarlet.

Nigel grinned triumphantly. Then he laughed.

"What? Why are you laughing at me?" I demanded, feeling self-conscious again.

"Oh, luv, I'm not laughing at you," he said. "I'm laughing because I never thought I'd hear those words come out of your mouth."

I smiled. "Really?"

"I've been waiting a long time, Jordan Cavanaugh," he said, then leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"Really?" I said again. I was having a hard time getting my mind around the idea that Nigel might have been thinking about me like I had been thinking about him.

He sighed heavily. "Yes, Jordan. I've been waiting around, waiting for any kind of a sign that you thought of me as anything more than just a friend. I was already starting to lose hope that it would ever happen when Woody came along and I figured there wasn't a chance in hell that you'd like me if you liked someone like him."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked curiously. I looked down at our entwined hands and smiled.

Nigel rolled his eyes. "C'mon Jordan. Woody is my exact opposite. I would think you would have had to notice that."

"Yeah…well…there's a reason for that," I said sheepishly.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah…" I said slowly. "I, uh…Well…The thing is, I went for Woody to keep my mind off of you." I said the last part in a rush.

Nigel raised an eyebrow. "You're kidding."

"No, I'm not. I mean it. You were too much of a threat."

Both eyebrows rose this time. "A threat?"

I laughed. "Yes, a threat. I knew how much I cared for you and I knew that you could hurt me. And I wasn't going to let that happen. Woody was…well, I knew that I could never really care about someone like him, someone who didn't understand me. He just thinks that I'm screwed up."

"Of course you're screwed up. I wouldn't like you nearly as much if you weren't," Nigel said, giving me a wicked grin and I laughed.

There was a brief silence, then Nigel leaned over and kissed me. The kiss was soft and sweet and filled with promises. When Nigel pulled back he smiled at me and brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes. "You know, I love you, too Jordan. I've loved you for longer than you can imagine. I just thought there was no way you could ever care about me. I watched you go through relationship after relationship and I just couldn't figure out why. You're so…wonderful. You're brilliant and fun and you have a wicked sense of humor. I couldn't figure out how these guys could keep letting you go."

I snorted. "I don't know that they really 'let me go.' More like I gave 'em a good healthy shove out the door. I have a tendency to push men away."

Nigel laughed. "Well, either way, I'm just glad that it happened." Then he paused and looked at me sheepishly. "That doesn't sound so good, does it, luv?"

It was my turn to laugh. "I know what you're saying," I said, remembering a time not too long ago when Nigel had fallen for a woman with a little girl. Turned out the woman was psychotic, but for a while I thought I had lost him with my stupidity.

Nigel stood up and turned off the light, then sat back down on the couch next to me. The only light came from the multi-colored lights wrapped around the Christmas tree. I leaned over and snuggled into Nigel's chest. He put an arm around me and stroked my hair gently.

"You know that I'm not an easy person to be with, right? You know that I'm stubborn and obstinate and that I have absolutely no idea how to be in a normal relationship," I said, thinking I should warn him.

Nigel sighed. "Jordan, I've known you over ten years. I think I know you pretty well. And as far as a 'normal' relationship goes, there's no such thing. We just have to give it our best. I love you, and I want to be with you."

"I love you, too, Nigel," I whispered. I liked seeing this side of Nigel. A soft, gentle side that seemed like it should be completely at odds with his normal wacky self. But somehow, it seemed to fit. And I knew that being in a relationship with Nigel wouldn't affect our friendship. In fact, I thought that our friendship would just make our relationship all the better.

Just then there was a quiet dinging of a clock striking midnight.

"It's Christmas Day, luv," Nigel said softly, and kissed the top of my head. "Merry Christmas."

I sighed happily, "Merry Christmas to you, too," I replied, thinking that this was by far the best Christmas I had ever had. I could still barely believe what had happened in the last 24 hours. I was suddenly extremely grateful to Lily and her tacky Christmas decorations and her goofy Christmas party idea.

Because I had ended up with the best Christmas ever, and it had all started under the mistletoe.

The End

Merry Christmas!

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