Reliving Reality
I looked up at the night sky with distant eyes. The velvet darkness draped across the celestial expanse was sprayed with a multitude of stars, shimmering like diamond tears. It had been a long time since I've seen the night so clear.
Sighing, I averted my eyes back to the road. In the distance, the point of light sitting on the horizon that was Prontera glimmered to me, a beacon in the night. I'll be there soon . . . I hope. Absent-mindedly, I gave my Peco Peco a gentle nudge on his side.
"C'mon, only a few more stretches," I urged softly. "You can do it, Pecs."
In the quiet that followed, my mind began to wander. I heard quiet voices and laughter, as though it came from a distance. Shadows flickered and shifted before my eyes. What the . . . ? My friends walked alongside me, laughing and talking as they had when they had been with me. Their voices, though faint, were clear enough for me to pick out individual people.
"Pendri? Kasan? Wyril? What are you guys doing here?"
With a final peal of laughter they vanished, the sound of mirth echoing into nothingness. I stared, bewildered, at the places they used to be, as though doing so would bring them back. As fast as my tired brain would allow, I tried to make sense of what had happened. Hallucinations . . . ? Spirits . . . ? Or am I just reliving memories?
We continued on, Pecs and I, alone. Once again, the quiet voices of my party members and their shadowy figures appeared, walking in the formation that we used to travel in: Pendri, a Sage, walking in the front with Suara, the little Acolyte of our party. I smiled slightly despite myself. Pen could always be counted on to teach Su about the Rune-Midgarts Kingdom and the Schwaltzvalt Republic while we travelled. Su would listen with a look of eager rapt attention on her face, absorbing everything Pen said like a sponge. I could see their figures now, talking and smiling.
After them would be Wyril, our Bard, and Cryllan, a Blacksmith, laughing, joking, and occasionally, when we had triumphed over a boss monster that day, singing. The party must have had a recent victory; the two were warbling away like drunkards, Wyr's rich tenor and Cryl's rugged baritone lifting my spirits, however dim their voices were.
Taking up the rear would be our Assassin, silent but powerful Toran. And beside me, riding his own Peco Peco, Markuz, would be . . .
"Kasan . . . !"
For a moment, I saw him turn and gaze at me with his brilliant blue-green eyes, and smile his warm, gentle, heart-melting smile; then he was gone, and Pecs and I were alone again. Tears sprang into my eyes; dimly I realized Pecs had stopped.
"Kasan . . ."
I ended up camping at the edge of the forest. The two of us were still a way from Prontera, and Pecs was tired beyond belief. After brushing him down and feeding him heartily, I fed myself, then propped myself against a tree and stared up at the stars.
Once again, I heard the whispery voices of my friends, once again their ghostly characters appeared, doing the things they used to do. Pen teaching Su how to make food; Su once again absorbing everything she heard. Tor standing at the edge of the clearing, staring up at the stars. Wyr's singing drifting melodiously through the night, Cryl's baritone or hammer keeping the Bard's tenor company.
And Kas, smiling as he patted Markuz's flank warmly and coming over to sit beside me . . .
He and the others vanished as I reached out to him. A single tear slid down my cheek.
Stop it, Luina. You're just hurting yourself even more.
But how can I forget about the greatest group of people who have become as dear to me in my heart as my family?
Flashes of memories raced through my mind: our triumphs, our losses, our conflicts, our travels, our festivities . . .
They're gone, they left by themselves. You guys have had a lot of trouble, getting to try and agree with each other.
Okay, so we got into fights now and then. We made up in the end, didn't we? And Kasan never left; he got betrayed by a person he thought was his friend. I was there, I saw him get betrayed.
They're gone, Luina. Let them go.
No! I can't!
Yes you can, and you have to! You're sinking deeper into your depression; you don't even have the will to fight anything anymore! You HAVE to LET GO!
Kasan . . .
That night, my dreams were filled with bits of memories: celebrating Wyr's ascent to become a Bard in the cold snowy city of Lutie; the taming of Pecs, with Kas's help; Tor joining our group after saving us from a surprise attack from an Evil Druid one night; how they left, one by one, until there was only Kas and I; meeting up with one of Kas's old friends, only to find out he had turned on Kas, and had sworn to kill him for "betraying everyone" . . .
I left, heading away from Prontera the next day. I had decided that I couldn't bear to face the place where I had first met Kas. Too many memories lay within Prontera, and I wasn't in any state, both mentally and physically, to relive them. I let Pecs choose the day's path and allowed my mind to wander.
"Kasan . . ." my vision blurred with tears once more. "I'm sorry . . . I should have tried harder . . . to save you . . . I should have . . . told you earlier . . . before . . ."
I camped in the forest again, far from any human contact. The soft-spoken spectres of my friends had come again; even now, their voices were like the rustling of the tree leaves, whispering past my ears as they went about reliving the tasks their human counterparts once performed. Pen was teaching Su how to cook Familiar meat; the faint scent of roasting meat and Pen's quiet voice came to me. My stomach rumbled. Taking out a package of dried Familiar meat, I went to the river nearby and soaked them till they were moist again. With Pen's instructions echoing in my mind, I cooked up a batch, and tentatively took a bite.
Not bad . . . for a first timer, I thought, tossing Pecs a chunk. He opened his bill and let the meat literally drop into his stomach.
As I leaned back against a tree, enjoying the meat, Wyr's soothing tenor echoed dimly about the clearing, the ghostly strumming of his lute accompanying his beautiful voice. The clang of a hammer against metal announced that Cryl was fixing something. I heard Tor's voice.
"Are you fixing or experimenting? Those are my best Katars, and I'm not about to let you ruin them."
"Ha ha . . . Relax, Tor," came Cryl's amused response. "I'm seeing if I can make your Katars lighter and more powerful."
The swish of cloth; Kasan patted Markuz's flank, saying, "Good ride today, ol' boy. Have a rest." He came over. Sitting down, he smiled. "Hey, Lu."
"Kasan . . . !"
They disappeared once more. Tears sprang up again. He'd been so close to me . . . after so long . . .
My dream that night was simple.
I woke from it crying out for Kas.
I stood in a meadow, the lush green grass beneath me whispering in the wind. A cornflower blue sky, scudded with fluffy white clouds, spread out above me. I heard footsteps; turning my head, I saw Kasan walking towards me. Blushing, I looked at the ground. I heard him stop, felt his presence beside me, saw his feet on the patch of ground I was staring at.
"Luina."
I looked up into his aqua-coloured eyes.
"Yeah?" I asked shyly.
"Here."
He handed me an oblong box.
"Kasan . . . for me?"
He nodded, smiling.
"Open it."
I held my breath as I lifted the lid. What I saw inside took my breath away.
"Kasan, you . . . you bought this . . . for me?"
"Yep."
"Oh, Kasan . . ." I hugged him, savouring the warmth of his body and his scent. I smiled. "Thank you so much . . ."
"Luina." His voice, suddenly laden with sadness, made me look up at him.
"Kasan?"
He looked at the ground, biting his lower lip.
"Luina, I . . . I'm sorry."
"Sorry? Sorry for what?"
"I'm afraid . . . I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave you."
I froze in shock.
"What? No, Kasan . . ."
"I'm sorry, Luina. I wish I had more time . . . I wish I had known you a bit more . . . Luina, I'm sorry."
"Kasan . . . no . . . say it isn't true . . ."
I could feel tears stinging in my eyes again, and saw Kasan look away, not wanting to see them.
"Luina . . . I . . . I can't stay much longer." He was having a difficult time getting the words out with out stumbling over them. "I know it will be hard, but . . . please . . . try to understand." He closed his eyes and took a deep, stuttering breath. "Luina . . . I . . . I'm dead."
I stared at him, slowly shaking my head. It wasn't true, he wasn't dead, he would come over to me to wake me up from this nightmare and wrap his arms around me, comforting me . . .
"Kasan . . ." my voice broke with grief.
"You know I'm dead, Luina, you saw me die! I . . ." His eyes filled with sorrow. "I'm sorry."
"Kasan . . . no . . ."
"Luina . . ."
He wrapped his arms around me, as though by doing so he could make me feel better.
"Luina . . ." he looked at me with his ocean-coloured eyes. "Can you promise me something?"
I looked tearfully up at him and nodded.
"Promise me . . . that you'll keep getting stronger. Promise me . . . that you'll avenge me. And promise me . . ." His arms slid to my waist. "that you'll always think of me."
"Kasan . . ." I looked down again. "I . . . I . . . I promise."
"Good girl." He ran an affectionate hand through my hair, like he used to do occasionally when we sat by the campfire.
"Kasan . . . I . . ." here I blushed. "I never could work up the courage to tell you when you were alive . . . I love you, Kasan."
He looked at me for a moment in silence, trying to confirm my statement. Then he smiled softly.
"Luina . . ." he drew me up against him. "I never told you either, did I? I love you too."
His lips pressed lightly, almost shyly, against mine. I returned it, and the two of us stood in the meadow, sharing a moment we never had in reality. Finally, he broke the kiss, his eyes sad.
". . . My time's up, Luina. I have to leave." He drew me closer; I knew he was reluctant to go. "I may be gone, but I promise . . . I'll always watch over you. Alright?"
I held him too, tears now streaming down my face. I nodded into his chest.
"Alright."
I opened my eyes and realized, to my horror, that Kasan had begun to fade; already I could see my arm through his. I looked up and saw him bite his lower lip.
"Luina . . . before I go, I want to give you something else . . ." he slipped a something around my left ring finger. "Wear it for me. Think of it as . . . an informal marriage. I have one too," he added, holding up a transparent hand and smiled a little sad smile. "I have to go now." With a last kiss, he faded, his voice echoing distantly as he said, "I will be watching over you, Luina. I promise . . ."
"Kasan? Kasan! No! KASAAAAAAAAAAAN!"
I woke myself with my own cry. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks; I looked hopelessly up at the sky. It was dawn; birds were rising to greet the rising sun.
It took me a moment to realize I was clutching something. Looking down, I gasped, and a fresh wave of tears, this time with a mix of emotions, came.
Kasan's gift to me was held in my hands, my tears glittering like diamonds on its crimson petals. A beautiful silver ring, with a smooth round sapphire set into it, rested around my left ring finger.
"Kasan . . ." I looked to the sun, smiling for the first time since Kasan had died. "Thank you."
The others had left parting gifts as well. I went to my saddlebags to find them fully stocked with food, potions, and useful items; I silently thanked Pen. From Su, I received a sapphire-studded silver crucifix pendant on a length of chain with the words "God bless you" engraved into the back. Tor's gift was an assortment of potions; Cryl had mended my sword and shield and polished them till they shone. Wyr had given me an oval locket that sang my favourite song when I opened it. In side the locket was a picture of the group standing outside the gates of Prontera Castle, all of us, even Tor, smiling and happy.
I gazed fondly at the picture as Wyr's voice, accompanied by Cryl's and a lute, drifted softly from the locket. Smiling, I slowly closed the locket and picked up Kasan's gift.
Saddling and mounting Pecs, I gazed once more at the rising sun, and smiled again.
"Kasan . . . our love will be everlasting . . ." I whispered. Tucking the Everlasting Rose into a hidden compartment in the saddle, I said to Pecs, "Right. We've got some unfinished business to do for Kas. Let's go."
Pecs squawked in agreement, and the two of us rode towards the vermillion sun.
I watched Luina and Pecs ride on. Beneath me, Maruz squawked, almost sadly. I patted his head.
"I know, Markuz, I know," I murmured.
"Kas!"
I turned and saw the others running towards me. I smiled and looked at Luina again.
"Kas, did she . . . ?" Pen began.
"She got the message," I answered quietly.
"That's good," Pen sighed in relief.
"My only regret was that we couldn't all visit her, tell her we were sorry . . . for leaving," Wyr said sadly.
Cryl let an insubstantial hand pass through a nearby tree, and looked at his palm, as though he could make it become solid by doing so.
"Why did we have t'die?" he grumbled. "It near killed me again t'see her look when she saw us walkin' wit' her."
Tor muttered something that sounded like, "Curse our stupid fate."
"Look on the bright side," Su said, her voice only half-cheerful. "We can guard her and no one would know. We'd be like invisible bodyguards or spiritual moral support for her."
Cryl looked at her like she was an idiot, then grinned and shook his head, chuckling.
"Yeah . . . I guess you're right."
"Are you sure she won't mind if we stuck around?" Wyr asked. "It might be good in some cases, but she might just depress herself if she keeps seeing us."
"That's true," Pen said thoughtfully. "But we could make sure she doesn't. or come only if she really needs us."
"Either way," Tor said. "We're staying with her. She brought us together. We aren't going to back down on her."
"Yep . . ." I murmured. Turning to the party, I grinned and said, "C'mon, we're gonna fall behind if we don't follow her right now." Absently, I touched the ring, identical to the one I gave Luina, which shone on my left ring finger. Looking back at the now tiny figures of Luina and Pecs, I said quietly, "Luina . . . Godspeed . . . we will be watching over you . . ."