Broken Words

After they had finished lunch, Laura sat comfortably in the sofa and fell asleep watching cartoons, while Lana and Clark were cleaning the dishes.

"I don't understand why we have to go at such a slow pace… I told you I could have them cleaned in seconds…" complained Clark.

"And I told you I wanted to help, and no powers… Besides I don't want Laura seeing you by accident and freaking out…" said Lana smiling.

Clark sighed. "I guess you're right… I'll go check up on her…"

Clark approached the sofa and saw that Laura was sleeping. She looked like an angel, and just by looking at her Clark couldn't help but smile.

She looks so peaceful… and so beautiful… just like her mother… I could have had all this dammit… I should have… Well… at least she had found someone who could give her what I couldn't… but… what am I talking about… He abandoned them… that bastard… I hate people who don't realize and recognize how lucky and blessed they are… I mean imagine… having someone like Lana as your wife and having a child with her… and then leaving them… well… if I'm going to be honest I also left her… but I did it for her own good… and much good it did her… on the other hand she wouldn't have Laura now… or Laura could have been mine… Argh… what the hell am I thinking… Get serious Clark…

He snapped back when he heard Lana's voice from behind him.

"Penny for your thoughts…" she said softly.

Clark turned and looked at her. He remained silent as he stared at her admiring her beauty. Lana started getting self-conscious from his stare. She tried to straighten her hair and smiled embarrassedly. "What?" she asked sweetly.

"I was just thinking… how things…You know… hindsight sucks!"

Lana looked at him not sure what was going on in his mind. "What do you mean?"

"You know… when you reach a point in your life and look back… and all you can see is regrets…" he said with a downcast look.

"I don't believe that… I can't believe that when you look back in your life all you can feel is regret… Clark… you are a symbol, an idol and a protector for an entire planet! I mean how can you not acknowledge that?"

"Because I'm not complete Lana! This is not all I am! I want to be Clark Kent!" said Clark sitting down in one of the chair dejected.

Lana approached him. "Clark… I can't even begin to understand how confusing and hard it must be for you to try and balance this… but you are Clark Kent… you have your life…" she said encouragingly.

"But that's the thing Lana… I don't have a life… I tried to but I messed it up… I made all the wrong decisions… and I let Superman dictate the whole of my life… I let it become all I was… So many mistakes…"

"Clark… sweetie… we all make mistakes… If you feel like you have made mistakes try to correct them… if you can't, then learn from them so they are not wasted…" she said smiling warmly at him.

Clark looked at Lana surprised, as slowly, memories of those very same words being said to him resurfaced. It was his parents that had said those words to him, that somewhere down the road Clark had forgotten. He looked at Lana with admiration and love as his eyes started to get misty from becoming emotional.

Looking at him tear up Lana got worried. She took a step towards him, and put her hand on his cheek. "Clark… what's the matter?"

Clark pressed her hand on his cheek and then turned and kissed it as he started to cry. Lana felt very uncomfortable with the situation, but her heart went out to him, so she sat on the arm of the chair and put her arms around him, as he rested his head on her chest and cried.

From over the sofa two little eyes were watching them, with a curious but sad look.

Clark remained in Lana's arms, drawing comfort and strength from her. "I have to set my life straight Lana." he whispered.

"I know Clark…"

"But I can't be Superman until I have…" he concluded, not sounding so sure.

"Clark you can't do that. You will be making the same mistake in reverse. Superman is as much a part of you as Clark is, you can't cut off half of you. You will still be miserable if you do, don't you see? You have to find a way to balance it and to do that you have to fully embrace all you are. To be in harmony." Said Lana warmly.

"But I can't focus in fixing my life if I'm constantly required to worry about everyone on this planet." Said Clark with desperation evident in his voice.

"But Clark… that is who you are… you can't change that… I mean if I … or Laura were in danger wouldn't you try and help us?"

Clark looked at her dead serious. "Lana… you know I would never let anything happen to either of you…"

Lana smiled sweetly to him and touched his cheek. "I know Clark, but there are also other children like Laura out there and other people who look up to you and turn to you for help… you know you could never turn them down… it's in your nature… You are the best man I've known Clark…"

"But I can't do this alone…" said Clark looking down to the floor dejected.

Lana lift his head gently with her hand and smiled at him. "Sweetie… you are not alone… you were never alone…"

Clark looked Lana deep into her eyes with infinite love. He wondered how he could have ever lived without her in his life. As the silence between them started getting intense Clark moved his head closer to Lana's, who was starting to feel awkward and confused. She wanted to kiss him, but she wasn't sure if it was wise for her to get mixed up into something that complicated, with Laura. But what is the alternative? She wondered. I can't cut him off from my life… and I don't want to… but I'm not sure about this… oh God he's moving closer… I… I want to…

As Clark was inches away from her, Lana couldn't handle the pressure and got up from the arm of the chair to put some distance between her and Clark. "I…I can't… I…"

Then they both turned surprised to see Laura standing near Clark. She had a sad look in her face. "No sad C'ark…" she said to him, looking with her innocent little eyes.

Clark felt a tear roll down his cheek. He smiled at Laura, picked her up and placed her in his lap. "How can I be sad when I've got you and your mother here to keep me company eh?"

"Watch catoons?" she asked Clark.

Clark smiled and placed her down to go and watch cartoons. Then he felt her pulling him by the hand. "Watch catoons C'ark."

Clark smiled, got up and let Laura lead him to the couch where she sat next to him to watch cartoons.

Lana couldn't keep the tears from falling down her beautiful face after seeing this. They were tears of happiness though. That's what she always wanted. That's what she considered home.

To be continued…