Jonathan was steadily growing more and more restless. He simply could not wait to graduate and get on with his real life. It seemed the only true joy he got lately was from his experiments. He had read that certain hallucinogens can cause a form of nightmare when taken in too heavy a dosage, which users called a "bad trip". Jonathan had gotten ahold of some drug on the streets and was testing its affect when taken in those large doses on various subjects.
It all began about 5 months earlier, in late November. Jonathan had been on his way home from class and was trying to get there fast. A boy named Rodney Grier had taken his jacket and it was very cold outside. Jonathan, in a rather stupid decision, decided to take what he thought to be a shortcut home through an alley way. Everyone in Gotham knew you never went down alleys in the Narrows, nothing good could come from that. Anyway, Jonathan knew it was a poor choice almost the second he stepped foot in and he was about to turn around and face the bitter cold, when a very peculiar man stepped out from the shadows. He was very thin, but looked as though he had once been rather plump. He had wide glazed over brown eyes, thin, balding, blonde hair, and filthy clothes.
"You got any money, boy?"
The man hissed out in a very painful, raspy voice.
"Oh uh..."
Jonathan was very startled and was starting to get a little scared. He only had $1.34 and doubted that would hold over this obviously desperate man. He began grasping for the right thing to say. His panic was increasing rapidly now, he began shaking, his legs felt weak, his mouth ran dry, and he felt himself break out in a sweat.
"...I really don't have much...er..I have a dollar and some change."
Jonathan knew he was right to feel worried for the mans face became distorted with rage. His eyes narrowed and he began to raise a fist. Jonathan was sure he was moments away from a beating.
"Don't lie to me boy! You're that Crane boy, your dad works up at that Arkham hospital! You've gotta be loaded!"
"Jackson..uh..h-he isn't...a doctor! He's just an orderly! Cheap security!"
"Well then you better start praying that job of his has got dental! I'm gonna beat your ass!"
Jonathan was admittedly, terrified. He had recieved many beatings in his years, but none of those kids had any intent to kill. This man could have a knife or something and wouldn't feel any hesitance to use it. Jonathan closed his eyes bracing for the beating and suddenly felt distant. His fear was alleviated, he felt safe, secure. He was aware of his connection to his body but he didn't feel the presence and control. He looked out his eyes own eyes, seeing what they saw but not being able to control what exactly the looked at. He felt his mouth form words that he himself had not formed.
"What exactly would hitting me help in getting you the money you need? I'd say it'd actually be rather self-destructive. You'd waste time on me, time you could have used to get money from other unsuspecting bypassers. I just don't really get your reasoning I suppose."
The man stepped back at this. He seemed to be contemplating Jonathan. No, it wasn't Jonathan, Jonathan didn't have the control. Suddenly, there came the answer: In his moment of true panic, he had lost control. The Scarecrow had taken over. Jonathan realized he must be in the place Scarecrow usually held, in the back seat. Being apart of everything but not controling any of it. He then looked back up at the man and saw just how feeble he really was. It seemed that Scarecrow had effectively broken through any innitial control the man felt he had on the situation. Jonathan felt a rush of admiration and pride for this alternate being inside of him. He realized just how much he needed Scarecrow, if only he had experienced this earlier in life, he may not have been the target of all those bullies.
"Just...just uh...give me whatever you got, alright? Smartass."
The man said rather shakily. It was evident he didn't feel much for beating Jonathan down anymore. Scarecrow had broken his will, simply by responding without fear, with confidence and finality.
"Alright there you go, now move along."
As Scarecrow said this the mans face once again became contorted with anger. Apparently he didn't much care for being told what to do. But before he could act on any urges the sound of an approaching police siren broke through. The man glanced at Scarecrow, then turned around and ran back into the dark alley. Abruptly, Jonathan was back in control. He looked down and saw that the man had dropped what appeared to be drugs of some kind bound tightly in plastic wrappings.
"Ohh...take them, Johnny. I'm sure we can find some use for them."
Jonathan did as told without any question or hasitation. He was still in his state of pure admiration and love for Scarecrow. How could anything he said be wrong?
That was awhile ago now, during the experiments Jonathan realized that the Scarecrow evidently fed off the fear of others. It brought Scarecrow more joy than anything else in the world to see a creature writhe and scream in fright. It made the Scarecrow happy. And making the Scarecrow happy made Jonathan very happy.
They had some results but ultimately, it wasn't quite what they wanted. Jonathan was studying different types of hallucinogens and other drugs that could be made to exploit fear and create that raw terror, that the Scarecrow and Jonathan (he had to admit, seeing other things fall to the ground in fear of him made him happy too) wanted to find. Jonathan ultimately resolved to pursue some experience in psychopharmacology. His dream began to take shape the following Monday. Jackson always became at least a little guilty after his "episodes". He was once again trying to make ammends with Jonathan and Elizabeth, his mother. Jackson told them about an internship that was starting at Arkham where, if chosen, Jonathan could get some hands on experience in a real psychiatric facility. This would, of course, look great on anyones resume. So Jonathan accepted Jacksons offer, despite himself. In truth, Jonathan was very excited about this new opportunity. Arkham Asylum had a very infamous reputation. It was universally famous not because it seemed to have any real proficiency at curing the mental illnesses of people, but actually because quite the opposite. It has been said that the ghost of Amadeus Arkham, the founder, haunts the walls of the hospital. There's a theory amongst many people that curing insanity that building is all but impossible. This thought intriqued Jonathan but he was also curious about something else. Arkhams been called a "living hell" but Jonathan has been so sure that his own life is a proper hell in itself. The thought that there existed a place even worse made him very curious and made the Scarecrow rather ecstatic. After all, if a place could realy be so bad, it must be full of fear.
Jackson had said he would take Jonathan to Arkham, instead of school on Wednesday as an interview prospect. On Wednesday morning Jonathan could hardly contain himself. The feeling of full happiness was so foreign to him these days he felt lost in his emotion. He didn't even mind the car ride alone with Jackson. He made pitiful attempts at conversation.
"So...uh..you thought much about what you're gonna say to the doctors?"
"Well I honestly didn't really want to try and plan out something to say, then I'd just screw up."
"Right, well that's actually probably a better idea."
"mmhm..."
When they finally arrived at the Asylum, Jonathan was lost for words. He had gotten brief glimpses of it everynow and then from different streets going to and from the city but he just hadn't really noticed just how big it really was. It looked like a modern castle, with small windows perfectly alligned to eachother. He definitely got a very ominous feeling about the place. It was so beautiful.
"Pretty nice, eh?"
Jackson said interupting Jonathans thoughts.
"Ohh yeah, very nice."
They entered the Asylum together in silence. As they approached the front desk, Jackson recieved many pleasant greetings from the assorted doctors, nurses, and orderlies. He returned them, very pleased with himself. Jonathan suddenly felt very angry.
"If only they knew, eh Johnny-boy?"
At the front desk the secretary looked up at them. Jonathan's first thought was that she looked a little too young to be working as a mental institution secretary. She had wide green eyes, looking expectant at the moment, long blonde hair, and a pretty form fitting blouse. He couldn't see her lower body but he had a feeling it would be a very short skirt.
"I'm here to get my son in to see about that internship here at the hospital."
Jonathan had a rush of anger and felt his face flush. How dare this man call me his son! Jonathan heard the Scarecrow laughing at him somewhere in the back of his mind. He'd like to test a perfected fear toxin on Jackson. The mere thought sent the Scarecrow into an orgasmic fit of giggles.
"Oh...of course...send him down the hall on the right. Doctor Kepler will be the one interviewing."
The secretary didn't bother looking at them anymore past this statement. It seemed she didn't feel the need to be welcoming at a place such as Arkham. Jackson pushed at Jonathans back toward the hallway that the secretary had indicated. Jonathan didn't know why Jackson seemed so keen on directing him the entire time. Just another stupid quirk of his.
"Well you're very lucky, Jon. Dr. Kempler is a very nice man, and you're more than qualified. Chances are you'll get the intership."
Jackson said grinning down on Jonathan. Jonathan forced his lips to curve up a little to return the gesture. He was sure he hadn't appeared at all earnest, but Jackson seemed at this point to be taking what he could get. Foolish desperation.
As they arrived at the waiting room Jonathan was amazed at how few people had showed up for the intership. There were only seven including himself. It actually shouldn't have surprised him at all though. WIth all the rumors and history of Arkham, seven should have seemed a rather high turn out.
"So hey...good luck. I know you can get this Jon."
Jackson said rather awkwardly. He smiled again, that half hearted grin. Jonathan wanted nothing more than to wipe it right off his face. But instead he just said
"Thanks. I'll see you later."
Jackson stalked off toward whatever it was he did throughout the day. Jonathan then turned to inspect all the others looking for the internship. He recognized a few as students at the college. There was a boy with shaggy red hair and sickly pale skin spotted with freckles, another boy with military cut brown hair and droopy features that gave him the appearence of a sad little boy, there were two pretty blonde girls, an Asian boy with spiked hair, and another girl. Jonathan gasped at how beautiful this one was. She had long, slightly wavy, brown hair, shining light green eyes, and very smooth features. She looked over at him and gave him a weak smile. He returned it with his usual upturning lips and sat down next to one of the blonde girls.
"You're that Crane kid, right?"
The girl asked with a slight grimace on her face, it was obvious she already knew the answer.
"Yes, I am."
The girl then leaned over to her friend and whispered something in her ear. Jonathan tried to pretend that he simply did not notice, wishing he had chosen to sit next to anybody else. The girl turned to him again and just stared lightly at him until he finally gave in and looked back at her.
"I heard Julie tried to pick you up the other day, but you turned her down. What's that all about? Does she really not get a rise out of you or are you just gay?"
Jonathan didn't know what to say. He really hadn't expected her to say anything like that at all. He just stared coldly at her and then tried to get up to sit somewhere else.
"No...I'm not."
As Jonathan was moving past the girl she stuck a leg out and tripped him. He hit the ground hard and his glasses flew across the floor. He heard all the boys and girls laughing at him. That same ruthless, belittling laugh that tormented him all his life. He felt so much hatred at them all he was sure he was going to snap.
"You can make them suffer, Johnny. So do it. Lash at them all, tear them apart and take in their fear."
Jonathan glared back at the girls and tried to pick himself up with as much dignity as he could muster. This only made him look more ridiculous and all the kids started laughing again even harder. He forced his eyes forward not looking at any of them.
"Hey! Stop that! You shouldn't do that to people."
The laughter ceased immediatly. Jonathan was stunned. No one had ever taken up for him before. He slowly turned to look at who had said it. It was the beautiful girl. Jonathans heart leapt.
"Are you okay? You can come sit over here if you want."
Jonathan hurried over to the seat she indicated, on her otherside, away from the other kids. After Jonathan sat down the girl gave him a sympathetic smile. It wasn't like the aggrivating looks as from his teachers. Hers seemed sincere.
"Sorry, people can be such jerks sometimes. Especially in a city like this."
"Yeah...thanks. It's ok though, I'm used to it by now."
She flashed him another hurt look. Jonathan was surprised at himself. He usually didn't take sympathy from anyone, not even his mom. There was something about this girl though. She seemed so perfectly sincere. Jonathan really had no idea how to take it.
"So I know your name, how about asking mine?"
The girl asked this so bluntly. Jonathan was momentarily caught off balance, he blushed and cast his eyes downwards.
"Oh...sorry. Um, what's your name?"
The girl smiled and became even more beautiful gorgeous than before. It was amazing, she simply radiated beauty. She punched him playfully on the arm and said,
"Sheesh Johnny, lighten up! I was joking! My name's Grace Brockman. The pleasure's all mine."
Jonathan willed a stoney smile on his lips at this. Him and Grace sat and talked as all the canditates were seen and sent home. It was very easy talking to her, Jonathan discovered. He definitly could carry on a conversation, he simply chose not to most of the time. But with Graces endearing personality he found the conversation formed itself. Finally they came and called for her.
"Brockman? It's your turn dear."
Grace got up and smiled at Jonathan.
"Well see you around, Jon-Jon. At school I guess?"
"Oh you go to Gotham University?"
Jonathan knew this was a stupid question the moment he finished it. After all, how else would she know his name and feel such deep sympathy for him?
"Duh..are you sure you need to be here?"
Grace smiled again as she said this. Jonathan gave her a stale laugh and said his goodbye. Then he just waited for it to be his turn, feeling happier than he had in a really long time.
"You can't fall for this girl, Johnny. It's all an act! None of these people really cares for you. In this world, no one cares about anyone else."
"You're wrong."
"No, Johnny. I am not. I am the only being on this planet who truely cares for you, Jonathan. I really wish you'd realize that before you end up destroying yourself."
"No...people do care about eachother. Sometimes they even end up in love with eachother, that's why they get married and have families!"
"People get married because they're decieved by pathetic lies like the one you're falling for now. Well, that or because they're afraid. Afraid of dying alone. Like your mother for instance."
"I'm going to save her,Scarecrow! You're wrong because I love her."
"I won't argue about that. You do have feelings, emotions and compassion for another person. And look what it's done to you..."
"You're insane."
"No, I-I'm not!"
"Face it, Johnny! People are irrational because of their emotions. The modern world is so unstable, the only thing keeping them from losing it is to become devoid of their feelings. You put up a very convincing front, but it's all to hide the fact that you're so full of those strong emotions. To feel is to be crazy."
"That's just stupid!"
"Do you really believe that, Johnny?"
"Just stop! Leave me alone now, please!"
"Whoa whoa, Mr. Crane! Settle down!"
Jonathan came back into reality in a cold sweat. He was shaking and his mouth felt very dry. He quickly glanced up to see the nurse looking at him in horror. He also saw Grace standing a bit behind her. She looked worried. Jonathan stood and tried to shrug it off. Even to let a smile play across his lips but he knew it hadn't come. He moved stiffly around towards the nurse, gave a slight nod to Grace and entered Dr. Kepler's office.