We'll never know

Clark watched the people and the doctors all run about him like in a dream. A bad dream at that. He couldn't think logically as he was waiting for any kind of news from the doctors. They had taken her to the operating room and he hadn't heard anything still. The only thing that was still keeping him sane and in control, was the little girl he was holding protectively in his arms as she was sleeping.

He was numb. He didn't feel pain or sadness and he didn't cry. He was afraid that giving in to sadness and shedding a tear over what had happened, would somehow make it more real than it already was. No, he wouldn't cry because she was going to be ok. There were no two ways about it. So he started thinking of what they would do once this craziness was behind them.

Even though he loved Laura to death, he kinda hoped they could leave her with Nell for a couple of days so that they could go somewhere just the two of them. They hadn't been alone just the two of them in so long. He imagined waking up beside her day after day, but then just thinking of her beautiful face in peaceful sleep, it tore him up inside as he was quickly reminded that she was now fighting for her life. And all of this because of him.

He had promised to always keep her safe, but again somehow he managed to bring trouble to her. This was the culmination of his fears from ever since he was a teenager in Smallville, and thought that she might be better off without him in her life.

But it was a fact that the last couple of weeks had made Clark a bit more selfish. He wanted her in his life. If he was honest, he had to admit that now he realized he couldn't live without her.

"Clark" a female voice was heard that brought him back from his trance.

As he turned he saw Nell running over to him. She had obviously been crying all the way to the hospital. She had come very quickly after he called her.

"Clark… don't lie to me please… how is she?" she said with a choked voice.

Clark looked at her and considered what to say. "They took her to the operating room Nell. I still haven't heard anything from them."

Nell sat down near Clark and gently stroked Laura's hair. "Oh my poor baby…" she mumbled as tears fell from her eyes. "How is Laura?"

"She is pretty tired… She doesn't quite understand what's going on, but it's quite obvious she knows something's not right. Before she fell asleep, she was asking for Lana…" said Clark almost coldly.

Nell covered her face with her hands. "Oh Clark… is she going to make it?"

Clark turned to her dead serious. "Absolutely… There is no way I'm letting her die Nell…"

Nell looked at Clark curiously. Then a sympathetic look appeared on her face, as she squeezed Clark's hands supportingly. "Oh Clark… I know this must be hard for you too… but there's nothing you can do here sweetie…"

Clark just looked at her with an empty stare.

----------------------------------

It was hours before they were allowed to her room. Before he entered, a doctor approached Clark. "Sir… I just want you to know that we did everything in our power for her… The rest is up to her… But you have to understand how severe her situation is. I… I just want you to be aware of the situation…"

Clark just nodded to what the doctor told him. He hadn't heard exactly what he said to him, but it was quite obvious what he meant. Then without saying a word he entered the room.

He almost lost it when he saw her laying on that bed so weak and pale, connected to all those machines. His knees almost gave in, so he grabbed a chair and sat down as he started for the first time to sob without restraint. He took hold of her hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry Lana…"

He remained like that for quite some time, letting it all out. After there were no more tears left to shed, Clark couldn't take it any more so he exited the room. On the hall way he saw Chloe there talking to Nell.

When Chloe saw him come out of Lana's room, she ran to him and gave him a warm hug. She said nothing to him, she just took hold of his hand and led him to the hospital's waiting room and sat him down. She then went and brought him a cup of coffee. As she sat beside him she held his hand. "Clark… if you need anything at all… just know that I'll be here for as long as you need me…"

Clark managed to put on a weak smile, to thank Chloe, but then as he thought he would break down again, he embraced her once more as he wept softly on her shoulder. Chloe tried to soothe him.

"It's ok… Clark… just let it out…"

"She's here because of me Chloe…" said Clark with a breaking voice.

"I don't believe that Clark…"

"It's not a matter of whether you believe that or not Chloe,…" Clark paused as he started to whisper. "Lex had me subdued with Kryptonite and he was about to kill me and she jumped on top of me… Can you imagine that! I mean… that bullet was meant for me…"

"Clark… she chose to do that… she did that cause she loved you… it was not your fault…"

"She shouldn't have been brought to that position in the first place Chloe!"

"But Clark… it was also her decision… She chose all this because she loves you… I bet that if she had to do it all again she would have done the same thing…"

Clark remained thoughtful for a while, then he gave Chloe a weak but genuine smile. "You know what's the part I can't even comprehend… even I, with all my powers and invincibility, I hesitate, even for a second, just before I enter a burning house, or being caught in an explosion, even though I know they probably won't hurt me… She didn't hesitate at all Chloe! I… I don't…" he couldn't finish what he was thinking as he started to cry softly again.

Chloe looked at him with a sympathetic smile. "Well… Lana always loved you Clark… and I'm sure she would do anything for you… I mean… I'm sure you wouldn't hesitate either if it was to help her or protect her."

Clark turned abruptly and very serious. "Not a second…"

-------------------------------------

Hmm… I'm wakened by someone calling me… "Mr. Kent…" I hear him say over an over… I can barely open my eyes… this blue light bothers me… I open my eyes reluctantly and look at this doctor sleepily… He starts saying something to me… something I can't quite understand… his voice is almost on mute… Then I see in the background Nell, Chloe, Pete and Lois all in tears as they look at me… Everyone is looking at me sympathetically… No I don't want to hear what he's saying to me… I don't care for whatever he has to say to me… I try to shut all senses… become numb… that's the way… yes… I have to keep it together… must keep it together… Where is Laura… she can help me keep it together… Where is Laura… The doctor in front of me insists on telling me the same thing… Doesn't he understand I don't want to listen to what he has to say… cause all he'll say are lies… I know it… she can't… she just can't… and then they echo in my head… the words… "Mr. Kent… I'm sorry but we lost her…"

To be continued…