CF101: Oh…my…God. This has to be the fastest update I have ever done. Wow…But I guess it's to be expected, since I am now beginning my glorious two week Winter Break! Yay me! ) This actually would have been up yesterday, but I ran into some technical difficulties. But it's here, and still probably my fastest update. So enjoy everyone!

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. 'Nuff said.

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"I hate you."

Bakura smirked, running his eyes up and down Marik's body.

"Aw, but you look so cute!" Marik glared and tried his best to look menacing. And he would have probably pulled it off, had it not been for the flashing red nose and large antlers he was wearing. Not to mention the brown wool suit with black mittens and slippers. And tail.

"It really brings out your eyes you know."

"Why me?"

"Because the reindeer are Santa's minions. And since you are my minion-"

"I AM NO MINION!" screamed Marik, fuming.

"Hey if the nose fits, wear it."

"Why you…!" Marik tried to lunge at Bakura and strangle him. Tried. Instead he ended up tripping over his slipper hooves and falling flat on his face. He growled as Bakura started laughing.

"Shut up." Marik got up, and pushed his antlers back onto his head. "Besides, reindeer are only Santa's pets whom he forces to pull his sorry butt every Christmas. The elves are his minions."

"Who told you that?"

"Malik."

"Oh." Bakura looked around. "Elves huh?" He smirked as his eyes fell on another costume. Marik followed his gaze and paled. Bakura was eyeing a hideous lime green leotard and tights, green pointed shoes with bells, complete with hat and fake plastic ears.

"Well I guess you could be an elf if you wanted…" said Bakura, walking to the costume.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Marik lunged forward only to trip again and fall at his fellow yamis feet. He grabbed Bakura's ankles and looked at him with huge puppy eyes. "Pleeeaaassse 'Kura, don't make me wear that! I'll be a good minion I swear! Just please-"

"Alright, alright!" Bakura yanked his feet free from Marik's grasp and looked around. "Just pull yourself together, you're embarrassing! You're a yami, remember! Yamis don't beg unless their hikaris are about to do something drastic, like hit them repeatedly with evil feather dusters and taking away their chocolate!"

"Not the chocolate!" Marik scrambled to his feet. "Okay, okay, I'll be good."

Bakura face palmed. "No, you can't be good! Yamis aren't good!"

"So I should be bad?"

"Yes!"

"Oh. But when I was bad you said-"

"Forget what I said!" Bakura screamed, actually jumping up and down, red in the face. The people in the shop stared at him, backing away slowly. Bakura glared at them. "What? Can't a guy go crazy because of his stupid friend around here! SCRAM!" Jumping the shoppers ran away from the crazed spirits.

"I swear, girls these days," muttered a woman to her friend as she passed them. "Their hormones are just so out of control."

"Must be their time of the month," agreed her friend. Bakura twitched and promptly sent them to the Shadow Realm.

"Bakura?" Marik eyed the white haired teen nervously. "…You okay?"

Bakura took several deep breaths. "Fine. Just…fine."

"Good! Now about this whole 'good and bad yami' thing-" Bakura screamed in frustration, grabbing his friend and stumbling out the door, not bothering to remove his Santa suit.

"Hey wait!" cried the cashier in a nasally voice. "You have to pay for those!"

Bakura sent him and his nasally voice to the Shadow Realm and continued to drag Marik down the street, ignoring the stares they got.

"Uh…where are we going?" asked Marik.

"To find a sleigh."

O.o.O.o.O

"I can't believe I know you."

"Shut up."

"A sleigh Bakura? Why do we have to get a sleigh?"

"Because I said so."

"Why can't we just use Shadow Magic?" whined Marik, pouting.

Bakura sighed, and stopped typing. "We're supposed to be impersonating San what's-his-name. How do you think he delivers all that loot?"

"The reindeer?" Marik gestured to his costume. "Reindeer with monstrous colds?" he added, staring cross-eyed at his blinking nose.

"You think he rides them? They'd never get off the ground!" Bakura resumed typing. "The horned beasts pull a sleigh that carries the fat man and the presents. So we need a sleigh." Marik groaned, falling backwards onto Bakura's bed. Thankfully when Bakura fell over the threshold (after tripping for the millionth time and bringing Marik down with him) Ryou wasn't home. He had left Bakura a note saying he was out with Yugi and the others and would be back that night. Bakura had pulled himself up the stairs, not trusting to walk anymore and had gotten onto the computer and went to searching for sleighs. Marik groaned again and raised his arm, counting the numerous bruises he had gotten from falling down with Bakura. Curse him…

"It's for the good of mankind Marik," said Bakura, as if reading his mind. He didn't stop typing as he said, "Just think: we're doing everyone a favor by getting rid of the snow. So they don't get presents tonight, big deal. If they're smart, they'll do a me and steal what they wanted."

"Wait, we're doing good? But I thought we're supposed to be bad."

"Don't start that again." Marik sighed, grabbing the December issue of Flamethrower's Monthly.

'It's too bad we can't just melt the snow,' he thought, admiring a black one that spit flames forty feet. He imagined Kaiba Corp burning and grinned. Then he imagined Kaiba's own personal firing squad showing up at his door and frowned. 'Never mind…'

"Aha! Sleighs ahoy!" Marik raised a blonde eyebrow and walked over to the computer.

"You found a sleigh?"

"Not just a sleigh!" Bakura moved so Marik could see the monitor better. "The Supermatic Slaying Sleigh Version 3.56838! Complete with tracking system, turbo engines, and the coolest horn ever!"

"Coolest horn?"

"Yeah. Press it and it laughs maniacally. Horn after my own heart." Bakura wiped away an imaginary tear. "It's perfect!"

"The horn or the sleigh?"

"Both."

"Oh." Marik looked at the sleigh, which was jet black with the words S.S.S 3.56838 in silver lettering. His eyes bulged out when he saw the price. "Ninety nine thousand dollars?"

"And ninety nine cents," added Bakura cheerfully. Marik sputtered.

"We don't have that kind of money! We'd have to get jobs! And no one would hire us! So then we'd have to sell all of our stuff and become hobos, living in the streets right where the evil snow is! And then we'll freeze, shrivel up and be blown away to be eaten by rabid chipmunks! Oh the humanity!" Bakura sighed, shaking his head and picking up the phone next to the computer. He listened, nodded and hung up. Marik stared at him.

"What was that about?"

"The Shadow Realm called. Your brain's looking for you."

SMACK!

Bakura rubbed the back of his head, pouting. "Geez, can't you take a joke?"

"Back to the point Bakura! Chipmunks!"

"Oh stop whining, I already ordered the thing."

"You did?" asked Marik as the doorbell rang. He followed Bakura downstairs, still confused. "Where'd you get the money?"

"Hacked into Kaiba's accounts and borrowed a few thousand bucks. It was his Christmas gift to the deserving yamis of the world," Bakura explained, opening the door.

"…"

"…"

The two of them were silent as they stared at the large sleigh on Bakura's doorstep. A balding man with red shades stood hunched over next to it, holding a clipboard.

"Meezter Bakura?" he asked in a cheesy Dracula accent.

"Yep."

"Sign heeere." The man gave the clipboard to Bakura, and started wringing his hands, still rocking back and forth. Marik gave him a weird look as Bakura signed the papers and handed them back to the man who was now humming the theme to Love Boat. The man snatched the clipboard back before seizing Marik's shirt and pulling him down to eye level.

"You never saw meeee!" he screamed. "I vaz not heeere! Any arrests or beeeatings from here on out are not my problem!" Giving an insane, high pitched laugh, he ran to a black SUV in the road and drove off, still laughing. Marik opened his mouth but the sound of sirens and choppers cut him off. Looking up the yamis saw two helicopters and four police cars speeding down the road, chasing the SUV. They disappeared around the corner.

Marik and Bakura looked at each other.

BOOM!

The two ancient spirits jumped as something exploded in the distance. A foreign object flew through the air and landed at their feet. It was a burnt pair of red shades.

"…" Marik looked at Bakura, who silently walked over to the sleigh and pushed the horn on the Supermatic Slaying Sleigh Version 3.56838.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Bakura grinned insanely and turned to Marik.

"Christmas is as good as gone!"

Marik looked in the direction of the SUV, where a pillar of smoke was rising and people were screaming. Then he looked down at the shades and back at the smoke. He shrugged, pocketing the burnt eyewear.

"My life is so messed up."

"Ah, you know you love it," said Bakura, stuffing the sleigh in the Shadow Realm via the Millennium Ring. "Let's go, we leave in three hours!" Bakura turned to go back in the house but tripped, once again, on the pants the came a foot past his own feet and landed face first in the snow.

Marik sweat dropped. "You sure it wasn't your brain that's looking for you?"

"Shut up."

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CF101: Okay, now they've got the transportation. Next chapter, Bakura and Marik actually steal Christmas! That's gonna be SO much fun to write!

And I KNOW the Japanese use yen, but I don't know anything about it, so we're using dollars in this.

And this will NOT be a three part thing after all. Sorry, but like I said, things change very easily. This should be around four, maybe five chapters, if everything goes the way I want it to.

Review for this very fast update! And YAY for Winter Break!