The Uncanny R-Man: Actually it's both Tabitha and Sam that Amara is attracted to. Yeah a lot of repression in that place. True, at least Emma and Vince know how each other feel.
Jenskott: Yes it was regarded differently and since Nova Roma is based on that culture I figured it was looked on differently also. Yep Emma has finally found herself a decent guy.
TheLegendaryManHimself: Yeah, Amara is in a difficult spot but I plan on it all working out later for her.
simba317: It might be because Remy used to work for Sinister in the comics. You'll need to see the full prophecy to get the full meaning later on. Ororo and Logan will have to finally face the music now, and you bet Sage will want details. Well I tried not to make that bit Amara funny I was serious there, and I agree with your thoughts on Emma.
Mark C: Yeah Logan and Ororo will have a talk with each other finally, and there will be more Emma/Vince later on and about knowing each other better.
Sparky Genocide: You know that's a very interesting thing about the boys, I might think on that. Yeah it was the noble thing for Vince but damn what did he miss out on.
Jade: Danger Room later and there will be Romy in this chapter.
GothikStrawberry: Yeah he did the right thing in the long run he may not feel like it but it will be worth it. Yeah you do see something like that in the show in a few episodes, and yeah relationships are confusing.
Aaron: Glad you like how all the relationships are going, and you have no idea just how close Emma/Vince will get.
Misspresh: Well I want to make a more likable Emma like in the Ultimate comics. Romy is here in this chapter.
Thanks to: X00001, Wen1,
Hellfire and Brimstone
CHAPTER 30: Released Emotions
-Emma's Room-
After the 'incident' with Vincent, Emma had chosen to sequester herself in her room in order to give herself time to process what had just happened. Luckily, she hadn't passed anybody in the halls so they didn't see her trying to stop the tears from falling from her face in self-pity.
She had gone to Vincent wanting to repay him for everything he had done for her…She wanted to repay him in the only way she knew how. She practically threw herself at him, giving him complete and utter permission to have sex with her…Yet he pushed her away. For the first time…A man had turned down sex with her. It still didn't quite register in her mind. She knew he found her attractive and she knew he wanted to do it. She had sensed his lust and desire for her so clearly…Yet he still pushed her away.
Vincent had been the first man she had ever met that had treated so kindly. He respected her in a way no other man before him. He liked her not just for her looks, but for her as a person. Both their lives had been a living hell and he understood her in a way nobody else did. He knew what it was like to be abused, used, and tortured…Hell, he knew better than anybody she had ever met before. Yet through this, he still managed to become this kind, caring, truly wonderful young man that treated her so amazingly. The way he made her feel…The connection she felt with him…She knew he was truly unlike any man out there. And because of that, she was now feeling like complete shit.
She had offered him sex as a reward because that's how she had done things her whole life. She had been this sex object for so long now that she didn't know how to be anything else. It's how people had looked at her all her life and after all that time a part of her had come to believe in that. But Vincent didn't see her in that way…He actually saw her in a way that was so much more profound. He actually cared about her…He actually wanted their relationship to be more than just friends or sex partners. But after everything she had been through in life and all the sins she committed, she kept feeling more and more self doubt and kept asking herself the same question…Did she really deserve a man like Vincent?
By now, she had curled up into a ball on her bed in the darkness of her room. She couldn't fight the tears forming in her eyes and didn't have the strength to keep herself from feeling anything by sorrow. Then suddenly, she heard a knock on her door.
"Emma?" said Jean's voice from the other side, "Emma, are you okay?"
Sensing the redheaded telepath, Emma managed to sit up and attempted to pull herself together, wiping the tears from her eyes and trying to fix her complexion.
"Emma?"
"I'm okay…" she managed, trying desperately, but failing miserably to hide the strained tone in her voice.
Jean had clearly heard her…Hell, it would have been clear to anybody, but this just made her more worried as she slowly turned the doorknob and entered her darkened room.
"You don't sound very convincing, you know?" said Jean as she saw the blonde telepath sitting on her bed in a trance, "And that's definitely very rare for somebody like you."
It wasn't a very uplifting comment for her to say the least, but she couldn't deny its truth. However, in her current state she couldn't care less. She didn't say anything in response. She only sat in silence, not making eye contact with Jean. She hated showing weakness in front of anybody, but she didn't have the strength to hide it at this point. It had all become too complicated for her and Jean seemed to pick up on this as the usually very well collected telepath clearly projected her feelings of self loathing and sorrow.
"I'm not in the mood Jean…" she said in a low tone.
"Yeah…I can sense that," said Jean as she closed the door behind her and walked over towards her bed and sat next to her, "Normally, you're pretty good about keeping your thoughts organized…But with all the sorrow and sulking your projecting, I think it's pretty clear that something's bothering you."
Emma didn't say anything in response, still not making eye contact so that her tears didn't show. But no matter what she did, they kept forming and they kept building as a result of her tumultuous state.
"Want to talk about it?" asked Jean as she saw the look of unrest on her face.
Emma Frost may not have been very keen on discussing issues this complicated, but there was only so much she could hold in. She had been suppressing things her whole life, but after what happened with Vincent, so many things had boiled over and she no longer had the strength to keep it in. A few sobs escaped as she swallowed the lump in her throat and turned to Jean, giving her a clear view of just how troubled she was.
"Have you ever done something you truly regretted Jean?" she asked in a strained voice.
Jean just looked back at her light heartedly and smiled.
"Of course I have," she said, immediately thinking back to Duncan Matthews for obvious reasons, "We all have at one point in our lives."
"Yeah right…" scoffed Emma, "I bet you haven't done anywhere near the things I have. You've always had a comfortable life, a family that loves you, and a boyfriend who's absolutely crazy about you."
"Come on Emma, you know it wasn't always like that," said Jean, knowing Emma was just letting her bitterness get the best of her, "My life hasn't always been too comfortable. I've been struggling with my powers since I was eight and that's been a source of conflict with my family throughout the years. And as for Scott, we weren't always together like we are now."
"Yeah right…You do a real good job of showing that," said Emma, not believing she could possibly understand her predicament.
"It's true though," argued Jean, "Hell, it was only in our senior year that we finally stopped kidding ourselves and got together. Before that I dated some pretty big assholes…One of them who I'm still struggling to find what I ever saw in him."
"Funny…For a telepath those don't seem like very good choices," commented Emma.
"It was a mistake that I really regret now though," said Jean, tying it back to what she had said earlier, "I knew what those guys wanted from me when they looked at me…I knew they just wanted my body for themselves. And actually, one of them tried to the point where I nearly lobotomized his ass."
"But did you?" asked Emma, having a feeling that Jean wasn't the lobotomizing type when it came to mere jerky boys.
"No…I punched him," said Jean simply, "And as much as I regretted it at the time…I kind of enjoy it now. They were the mistakes I brought upon myself without knowing it. All along I knew I should have been with Scott, but I let my own insecurities get in the way. And now that I look back on it…There are just so many things I wish I could have done differently…So many things that I wish I could have gone back on so that we both could have shared the happiness we have now."
Emma thought about that and could definitely relate. Thinking back to what had just happened with Vincent, she wished she had thought more about it. Her own insecurities made her feel almost obligated to do what she did and it seemed as though there was no way around it for her. She was just a really troubled and messed up young woman who felt as though she didn't even deserve to look Vincent in the eye ever again.
"At least you have it now…" said Emma as she turned her head once again, "Regardless of the past, you and Scott have each other now. You still share more happiness then I'll ever get a chance to share with anybody."
"Oh…This is about Vincent isn't it?" said Jean as she pieced together what Emma was implying.
The blonde telepath's head sank as she let out a deep sigh and swallowed hard. Even without saying or thinking it, she made it painfully clear and simply saying his name was enough to send her back into a wave of self-pity.
"What happened?" asked Jean, knowing it had to be something major in order for her to sulk like this.
"I made a mistake…" she said simply, "One I shouldn't have made…And now I keep thinking that…That it only means that I'm no good for him…That I don't deserve him."
Her words cracked under the strain as he kept trying to hide her expression from Jean, but it was all too clear just how much it hurt for her.
"Come on Emma, that's crazy," said Jean, not seeing how she could feel this way after seeing how close she and Vincent had become, "Just tell me what happened. What is it that's making you feel this bad?"
Emma didn't want to go over the details again, but she soon found herself blurting it out, unable to keep it in.
"It's just…Vincent has been so nice to me," she said as she managed to hold back her tears for the moment, "He's treated me in a way that nobody has ever treated me. He's the first man who ever liked me for who I am…And not just for my body. He's given me so much and he understands me in a way nobody else does. He's been there for me…He's made me laugh, comforted me when I'm feeling sad or depressed, and even helped me deal with the nightmares I still have about…You know. He's not like any other man I've met…And he makes me feel so…I can't even find the right words."
Emma had to stop in mid sentence as she struggled to keep herself from breaking down. Jean could definitely sympathize, for what she described pretty much paralleled her feelings for Scott, but she knew there had to be more so she listened on.
"For so long now…I've used my body and sexuality to repay people for things they do for me…Mainly because that's all they're interested in from the beginning," she said, "And…I guess I'm still stuck in that mentality in a ways."
"What do you mean?" asked Jean, wondering where she was going with this.
"I mean I…I tried to thank Vincent for everything he's done for me," she said, now feeling somewhat ashamed of herself, "I pretty much gave him complete permission to have sex with me…And I was willing to do it one hundred percent unconditionally. But then…Then he just pushed me away."
Jean looked back at Emma wide eyed, her mind trying to process what she had just heard.
"I could feel his desire…I could sense his lust…I knew he wanted to do it but…" Emma once again was forced to stop for a brief moment to keep her emotions under control, "He turned me down. For the first time I can ever recall…A man turned down sex from me."
Jean looked at the tumultuous expression on the young woman's face. It was obvious this was impacting her in a very deep way. But as Jean thought about it, she did see some sense to it. Emma had come off as one who never truly got overly emotional and she was fairly certain that if any other man had been in Vincent's position, there's no way they would have turned her down…But as Jean knew first hand, love made people do crazy things and this was no exception.
"Come on Emma…" said Jean in a reassuring tone, "I think you're making too big a deal out of this. So Vincent didn't want to take that next step…You shouldn't take that as a bad thing. If anything…You should take it as a good thing. It means that you truly are more to him than just some playmate. You shouldn't feel bad about it…I think it shows just how much Vincent really cares about you."
"But that's the thing…" said Emma, letting out another round of sobs, "He does care for me…He cares for me in a way nobody else ever has. And I just…I don't deserve it…I don't deserve any of it! I've had to lie, cheat, and manipulate my way though life…Never caring what happens as long as I live to see another day. And he's struggled through just as much hardship…Only he endured it the hard way and kept a true sense of right and wrong…Not blaming other people for his problems or his suffering."
Emma took another moment to swallow the lump in her throat, but Jean kept listening attentively, knowing she had to let her vent this pent up feeling. It was clearly eating her alive and the more she thought about it, the worse she felt.
"He just…He actually told me he wanted to be more than friends," she managed through her strained voice, "But he deserves so much better than me. If…If he only knew the kind of things I've done in my life then…"
"Emma…Stop doing this to yourself," said Jean, having heard enough, "You're letting your own self pity cloud your mind. Now I don't know what it is you've done in your life and frankly, it's none of my business…But if Vincent really likes you…If he really truly does care about you and you care about him…Then you shouldn't let the past get in the way. I may not know all the details, but from what I do know I can tell you're a decent person. You've been dealt a bad hand in life…And I think Vincent understands that. So whether or not you think you deserve to feel the way you do is pretty much irrelevant because it wouldn't stop him from liking you."
"But…I'm afraid that if I tell him…He'll hate me," she said sadly.
"Oh please Emma…" scoffed Jean, "Do you honestly believe that Vincent is that kind of person? You know him way better than I do so you of all people should understand that something like that just isn't in his character."
Emma hugged her knees as she thought about those words. When Jean said it like that, it truly did sound kind of dumb to consider after having come to know Vincent so well. But that didn't stop her from feeling bad about what she had done.
"I just…I don't know," she said, feeling at a total loss, "For the first time in my life I've met someone who I really honestly have deep feelings for and who actually may have the same feelings for me. And I've never had that before…Never."
"I know…It's scary, believe me I know what you're going through," said Jean, speaking from her experience in sorting out her complicated feelings for Scott, "But no matter how afraid you are, you can't be too scared to seize something truly special when it comes along…Something that can make both you and Vincent so happy."
"But…What should I do?" she asked as she turned back to face Jean, desperate for any answers.
"Talk to him…" said Jean adamantly, "Don't waste so much time feeling scared or anxious…Believe me, that never does any good because it'll just eat you alive in the end. You can't be afraid to let somebody know that you care for them just as much as they care for you…Because one day, it could be gone or it could be taken away in the span of an instant. It nearly took a tragedy like that for me to admit to Scott how much he meant to me and trust me…It's an nerve racking, heart wrenching experience that you don't want to go through. Now nobody can make you…But I'm urging you…Don't bottle it up…Don't let something this profound pass you by."
It was more a warning than advice, but it got the message across for Emma. She had a lot of things taken away from her throughout her life…Her family, her childhood, her innocence…But the thought of losing something as special as what she had with Vincent practically paled in comparison. He had given her so much and she doubted she could survive if she were to lose it.
"I just don't know how I'm going to face him after…You know," she said with anxiety still apparent in her tone.
"Emma…Vincent didn't want to have sex with you…that's all," said Jean, "And I don't blame him. If he likes you the way I know he does…Having sex wouldn't be right either way you look at it. Remember what I said earlier…Having sex and making love are two different things. You can have lots of sex without ever having made love once."
"But…What's the difference?" said Emma, still not fully understanding what she meant by that, not seeing how the same physical act can be defined as two things.
Jean took a moment to think about that. She tried to think about how it felt whenever she and Scott made love…The passion, the pleasure, the profound connection that went beyond all logical understanding. No matter how many times they did it or how often, it always felt like something totally unique…Something only they could experience and nobody else. Ever since they started she had been trying to define it, but she was no closer now than she was then.
"I honestly don't have an answer for you on that one Emma," said Jean with a sigh, "There really are no words in existence to describe it. But trust me…There's a difference…A big difference. I can't tell you what it is…But I can only say that you'll definitely know it when you feel it."
Emma fell silent once again as she thought about Jean's words. There seemed to be so much about love that she didn't understand after never having truly felt it in her life. But like it or not, she was starting to experience it with Vincent and while it still remained very much a mystery to her…She could not deny it's power.
"Just talk to him Emma…" said Jean as she got up from her seat beside her and made her way back over to the door, "If you really do care about him…Don't you think he deserve to know?"
Knowing she needed some time to think, Jean left the blonde telepath alone as she closed the door behind her. For Emma, she no longer even had the strength or desire to stay upright as she collapsed back into her bed, thinking about how she was ever going to face Vincent. The thought of his mesmerizing blue eyes danced in front of her as she remembered all the times he made her feel special. He could comfort her in a way nobody else could and make her feel so wonderful despite all the pain she had felt in her life. And it was for these reasons she finally lost control and began to cry…Unable to keep her emotions in any longer. For now it was clear to her as night and day…She was in love with Vincent Freeman.
- Pool area -
A lot of the girls were by the pool enjoying the early warm weather. School was in exams period and so none of them had school at the moment or at least to write exams. Wanda was reading in a lawn chair, enjoying the sun on her skin while Kurt was busy. He said he had an exam to write at school for his English class. Even though she offered to go with him, he said that he needed to go out on his own to at least try to get back into things. Kitty, however, did go with him since she too had an exam and had assured Wanda she would look after him.
The other girls were just hanging out in by the pool. Tabitha, Rahne, Jubilee, and Amara were talking about the new guys. "So what do you girls think of the new blood?" Tabitha asked around.
"Well, I know that Warren is just gorgeous," Jubilee said smiling and the others were nodding too, "I mean, you can so see why he's called Angel and not just because of the wings." The other girls giggled a bit at that.
"Well I think Vince is nice and sexy," Tabitha stated, "Did you see his build in that uniform? Woof."
"Aye, but what about all those scars?" Rahne asked her.
Tabitha just shrugged, "Who cares, you know he kind of reminds me of what a younger Logan might look like…Only nicer ya know?" The other girls couldn't argue that those two shared a lot of traits, such as both having been experimented on and both being tough Canadians, "Plus, he's got that tall, dark and mysterious thing going on for him."
"Yeah, plus he and Emma are into each other too," Amara said, "I think they make a cute couple."
"Yeah he may have a great body, but I think Warren has the better ass," Jubilee started before going into a fit of giggles.
"Jubes! What would Bobby think hearing you say that?" Rahne scolded her and lightly hit her on the arm.
"Hey, if he can stare at Betsy and Emma's ass then I can too. Besides we may look, but we both still have each other at the end of the day and neither one of us would do something stupid like cheat. Bobby's a lot of things, but cheating is not his style," she told the rest of them, knowing it was true and she did trust Bobby to only be with her and not ruin their relationship.
Wanda snorted at what the girls were going on about and that went noticed by Tabitha, "So…What about you and Kurt, huh Wanda? I knew there was something to Kitty's rumor about the two of you…So how far have you the blue boy gone?"
Wanda responded with a hex bolt sending Tabitha into the water, "First off, we haven't had sex! We only started dating and just so you know, we're both going to wait…I mean, he's still trying to get over what he went through so just drop it!"
The others knew when to let something to drop with Wanda and luckily they had a new target, Betsy, who walked in with a blue and yellow bathing suit that just seemed to cling to her form, "Hello girls."
"Hey Betsy," Amara said nodding to the older woman. She had to admit, in the week that she and Warren had come here, Amara felt at ease with the Oriental looking woman, mainly because they both came from high class backgrounds as did Frost, but Betsy was more easy to get to know.
"So what are you all gossiping about?" The British woman asked setting her towel down. She loved the weather in this country, much better at times then her home but then again home was always home.
"They were talking about who was cuter and had the nicer ass between Vince and Warren," Wanda told her not looking up from her book but a hint of a smile on her face. Betsy cocked an eyebrow at the girls.
"Well then I hope Warren won the nice ass bit cause he does," smirking as she saw the relieved expressions on the girls that she wasn't mad at them.
"Aye, and ye would know," Rahne said with a smile on her face.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Betsy asked crossing her arms.
"Ye mean the fact that I sleep in the room next to ye and can hear ye two goin' at it," Rahne said, causing Betsy to blush at what the fifteen year old redhead just said to her. "I got heightened senses like smell and hearing. That's why I tend to put on me music with ear phones on at night."
"You…Can hear us? I mean…All the time?" Betsy paled a bit.
"Oh aye," Rahne rolled her eyes, "Like how you two play out this Barbarella game." Betsy cringed at that as the other girls were laughing their heads off and she made a mental note to install sound proofing in their room before the next time they did anything intimate.
-Rec Room-
Vince was walking into the Rec Room since he wasn't up physically to burn off his emotions. He was thinking about Emma, but then again when wasn't he thinking about her? He just hoped that with what happened earlier, it wouldn't ruin anything between the two of them. He really did care about her and she gave him strength to go on back in that cell and he really did like being with her. He could relate to her in ways few ever could since they had both gone through so much.
He was alone in the room and saw a pool table there. He decided to go and have some fun to take his mind off things. On his second set of balls Scott walked in. He was just looking for something to do at the moment and decided to relax for once. He had Jean back and things were getting close to normal again and so he figured he deserved to have some time for relaxing. He found Vince there playing pool and found it a bit odd that he hadn't tried to get to know him more. He was just under a year younger then himself and he had gone through some pretty nasty things.
He figured this would be the best time to start. Besides, Logan felt he and Emma would make nice additions to the X-Men and he should know them better if they were going to join the team. "Hey man mind if I join ya?"
Vince smiled and shrugged. "Sure, playing by myself gets boring anyways, since I always win."
Scott smiled and picked up a cue as Vince racked the balls up and they started shooting. After awhile Scott decided to start getting to know him a bit more, "So…How are you doing with everything?" He knew it was kind of a lame start but it was a start.
Vince just lined up his shot never breaking his concentration, "As best as a person can considering everything," he said as he made his shot and then repositioned himself, "Xavier even said if we wanted we could have some of the experiences wiped from our minds…As a person with a photographic memory who can never forget, that's just so tempting to me."
Scott thought about that, everyone else over time memories fade but with him. Vince missed a shot so now it was his turn, "Well just think it through. Sure Xavier has had to do that from time to time, but sometimes it isn't permanent…The mind is just very complex," Scott took his shot then and rebounded the three into a side pocket and now he went for his next shot. As they went on Scott thought Vince seemed a bit distracted, well when he wasn't making a shot at least.
"Hey man, is something wrong? I mean usually you either got this smile or calm expression on your face but now…You look like you're constantly thinking about something."
'Damn what is it with me? Am I that transparent?' Vince thought to himself. He was considering just changing topics since he didn't know anyone here that well, but if he was going to live here then he might as well open up to others more.
"You ever have woman troubles?" He asked Scott who just nodded in understanding.
"Man don't I know it. I mean I had to watch Jean date jerks while I couldn't get the nerve to tell her how I felt. Plus there was this time I got a bit over protective while she was training Amara and well…Things got a bit strained after that," he said, recalling the whole Siren thing.
Vince sighed, "Well mine is a bit more complex." He told him everything with Emma and Scott wasn't sure what to tell him.
"Damn man…"
"Tell me about it," Vince sighed, they were both on a couch now, "On the one hand, there's a part of me that's kicking me for stopping her I mean…Well, you've seen her." Scott nodded in response, for he had to admit if he wasn't in love with Jean, then Emma would be a very tempting woman.
"Then there's another part of me that hopes I didn't hurt her feelings, but I was raised to believe that when a man and woman have sex it's from an act of love. I didn't want it just some meaningless sex…I wanted it to mean more. I just hope I didn't ruin anything by it. I really care about her Scott, more so then I ever thought. We've gotten really close since we first met and…I find myself not wanting to lose her. I lost so much as it is…I don't want to lose another thing that truly matters to me."
"Have you talked to her about this?" The older boy asked him.
"No…I think we both need time to think things through…Then talk, in fact I think I'll go for a walk. Thanks for the talk Scott."
"Anytime man."
Vincent nodded and walked off. He had much to think about. He knew Emma saw him as this perfect guy when truth was…He was far from perfect. His mind was so screwed up he was amazed he wasn't in an asylum. There were times when he actually just broke down from the pressure…Plus, there was one other part of himself he didn't want her to know about. He was a killer.
And not just that skull-faced freak at the Hellfire Club…There was something else before that. In total, he had killed eight people in his life and it was a shame he lived with and he never wanted anyone else to know. But Emma was a telepath, he knew that if he pursued a relationship which he did, she would eventually find out.
-Logan's Room-
It had been another trying day for Logan as he chose to retire to his room for a chance to put his thoughts back in order. After another hard day of keeping the institute in tact and tearing the danger room to shreds once again, he was in need of serious rest…The only problem was, he hadn't been able to get much rest at all with the constant complications that still plagued his mind.
Once again, he had spent the day avoiding Ororo, unable to even look at her without remembering the kiss in vivid detail. He didn't know how much longer he could keep this up while keeping his sanity. He was doing a worse job hiding it with each passing day, but luckily the students were smart enough to keep their mouths shut. And since Hank had been hanging around Sage constantly and the Professor had been preoccupied with consoling sessions and reading that book that Slayer had given him, they didn't say too much either. But after his conversation with Hank earlier that day, it was clear that his anxiety was starting to show.
He tried not to think about it too much though as he prepared to once again try and get what sleep he could. He stripped off the top part of his sweaty uniform and ran his hands through his long, burly hair, letting out an exhausted and tired sigh. He would have pretty much collapsed on his bed right then and there, when suddenly an all too familiar scent filled the air and a subtle knock was heard at the door.
"Logan?" said Ororo, speaking from the other side in a tired, anxious tone.
Logan quickly froze at the sound of her voice and he smell of her scent. He wasn't sure what to do now…Should he let her in? Should he talk to her? Just how in the hell was he not going to make it worse?
This inner debate, however, didn't last long as he suddenly found himself answering without really thinking.
"Come in…" he said, almost surprised that he had said that.
Ororo opened the door and stepped into Logan dimly lit room which only had a single lamp turned on for light. As she shut the door behind her, her mind was quick to process that he was standing there bare-chested before her. This caused a sudden dry feeling in her mouth, but she quickly dispensed it…Trying to keep herself focused on why she was here.
"Something the matter Ro?" he asked, trying not to let his nervous demeanor show.
"I see you haven't slept much lately," she answered, seeing the slightly dark circles under his eyes.
"I could say the same for you," he replied, noticing the same thing in her.
"Then you can probably guess why I'm here…"
A silence suddenly feel over them…Each of them unsure of what to say next. They had been avoiding each other for nearly a week now, but here they were…Standing right in front of one another, each dealing with the same conflicts that had plagued them all week.
"Logan…Are we ever going to talk about it?" said Ororo, breaking the silence and wanting to lay this to rest.
"What more do you want me to say about it?" he asked obviously not feeling very comfortable with this very emotionally stressful issue.
"I don't know…" said Ororo, at a loss for words, "I just…I'm sick and tired of running from it. I'm sick and tired of pretending that it didn't mean anything when clearly…It did."
Logan didn't respond, unable to think of anything to say about it. He had never been good with emotions and he had never had a whole lot of luck expressing them. All the way through the Hellfire ordeal he just made them worse as he tried to deal with Yuriko and what happened with Ororo, but he couldn't stand being silent. There were a lot of things he had felt during that kiss, but he was truly at a loss to express them.
"Logan…" said Ororo as she too a step closer to him so that they were now in very close proximity to one another, "What's happening to us? You are my best friend…I can't stand us being this distant. It tore me up inside the first time…And I don't want to live it again."
"I know…" he said, "And I guess…I don't have any excuses for it. You know I ain't exactly very good with words."
"You're good enough with them to speak the truth Logan and so am I," said Ororo, a strain now evident in her tone as she began to choke on her own words, "I just have to know…Why did we do it? Why did we kiss?"
"I don't know," answered Logan in all honesty, "I've been trying to think of an answer to that myself all week. I don't know if it was my fault or if I took advantage of you or if…"
"Please Logan…You know that's not the case," said Ororo, knowing that this was just Logan's self doubt talking, "We have to face the facts. You kissed me…I kissed you. I don't know if it was just a fluke or a spur of the moment type thing or…"
The former weather goddess had to stop after that as a distraught feeling came over her and left her unable to say anything more. She had become too choked up to speak now as tears of sorrow were now forming in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Logan…I'm so sorry," she said as she began to sob.
"Hey…Come on now, don't say that…" said Logan as he gently wiped away her tears with his hands, "You did nothing wrong…You have no reason to apologize."
"No…That's not true," sobbed Ororo, "Twice I've threatened to ruin our friendship…Twice I've done something to damage something that I've come to treasure so much."
Logan's heart skipped a beat as he heard just how much she valued their friendship. It made him feel strange in a sense…But not in a confusing or complicated way…More so in a way that was very comforting.
"You didn't damage anything Ro," said Logan, "I'm just as responsible as you for both of those things. But it's not that we kissed each other that's been bothering me…It's just that…We both kissed back."
Ororo tried to look away from him, not wanting to show the tears in her eyes…But she could not bring herself to take her eyes off his. It was as if the kiss had just happened and they were now standing before one another trying to explain why they did it.
"I know…" said Ororo as she took a deep breath, knowing what she was about to say would be very difficult, "And I guess…I guess that's why I'm here. Logan I…I have to know. Did that kiss mean something? Did it mean just as much to you as it did to me?"
Logan didn't know how to respond. He couldn't even begin to find the right words to express what that kiss made him feel. It was so many things at once…Tender, sweet, confusing, exhilarating…It just unlike anything he had ever felt before.
"Logan please…" said Ororo as more tears filled her eyes, "I have to know…Is there something more to our friendship? Is there truly something between us that is much deeper than either of us could have once believed? And if there is…Where does that leave us?"
There were may things Logan could take…He could take going through the painful adamantium bonding process of Weapon X, he could take having all his memories wiped and his life erased, and he could take having his one time lover trying to kill him…But he could not take seeing Ororo cry. No matter how tough or cold he was…Seeing her cry just tore him up in so many ways that no pain could amount to it. He didn't want to see her like this…She didn't deserve this…And he couldn't stand it. But he just didn't have the answers.
"I wish I could tell you Ro…Believe me, I wish I could," he said as he wiped more tears from her face, "But…I can't. I wish there was something I could say to give you the answers you deserve but…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."
Those words didn't lend answers…But they did offer some sense of comfort to the both of them. As hard as this was, neither of them had any thoughts of leaving. There was still so much more they wanted to know…There was still so much to make sense out of…But that level of truth seemed so far away for the both of them. No matter how much they thought about that kiss, they couldn't make sense of it or the feelings it evoked. But for Logan, there was one other matter he had that he didn't know if Ororo had thought of…One that had been festering within the back of his mind ever since it happened.
"Ro…I know it's complicated and I know I ain't helping, but…I just want you to know that even if that kiss caused a lot of problems…I still liked it…And I'd still probably do it again in a heartbeat."
Ororo looked back at the feral mutant, this time without tears in her eyes. The expression on her face was one not of sorrow…But one of intrigue. It was as if whatever he said triggered a latent feeling within her that she could not explain. This time it didn't confuse her…This time it actually drove her.
"Logan…I…" she began, but soon found herself stop in her words.
Neither of them said another word as their faces drifted closer and closer…Neither one of them fighting it this time. Unlike the moment in the danger room…They knew what they were doing. Closer and closer they drew…Until finally, their lips met in a deep kiss. They didn't know, nor did they care why it was happening again…But unlike last time, this kiss brought for answers…Not complications. It brought forth comfort…Not anxiety. It gave them both a warm feeling as Logan's powerful arms slipped around her waist and she pulled him into an embrace.
A gentle wind suddenly blew through the opened window, one that quickly grew into a mild gust that seemed to surround the two of them in a whirlwind that mixed with both the warmth of their bodies and the cool air around them. They stayed in this passionate embrace…Soaking up every moment and committing it to memory. It was as if the first kiss in the danger room had been incomplete…While this one filled in that which was left behind by the other. The intoxicating scent practically inebriated the raging animal that always seemed to dwell within the former living weapon…And it was almost as if he had forgotten all about those horrible things that made him the raging Wolverine to begin with even if it was just for a moment. It was something truly to relish…All the cares, all the concerns, all the complications…Just seemed miniscule and irrelevant now. It was a truly indescribable moment for the both of them as the winds practically danced around them.
Finally, they both pulled away…Calming the winds and returning to reality. Only this time, instead of confusion…A new sense of awe had come over them.
"By goddess…" said Ororo, unable to fully react to what had just happened.
"Yeah…Wow," said Logan in much more simplistic terms.
Now as they looked back at each other, sorrow gave way to a sense of jubilation…As if this one kiss had just answered all their questions. Turmoil had turned into clarity and Logan actually managed to smile despite what had just happened.
"I think that pretty much says it all about our friendship…Doesn't it?" grinned Logan.
Ororo, in spite of all the tears and anxiety she had shed earlier, managed to laugh as well in a manner that truly showed Logan why she was once revered as a goddess.
"I guess it's true what they say about actions speaking louder than words," she said, "But now I think it's pretty clear that there's no turning back now…Like it or not, I am attracted to you Logan. I do like you…I like you in a way that I can only describe as being a lot more than a friend."
"And I think I've made it pretty clear that I'm attracted to you too," said Logan, still with a wolfish grin on his face, "Any guy who isn't needs to have their head examined. I guess it was just denial talkin' since I don't see how a freakin' goddess could ever like an animal from the woods of Canada."
"You sell yourself way too short Logan," said Ororo, unable to keep herself from smiling, "So…Where does that leave us now? What do we do after all the time we've wasted?"
There was a brief silence between them as they both thought about where they were headed now. They had known each other for so long. The friendship had always been there and the feelings had been so pent up over the years that it was unclear how they would go about this now that they had finally found truth within each other.
"I don't know…" said Logan honestly, "Take you out maybe? Dinner, a movie, and what not? Just the two of us."
Ororo thought about that and smiled back at him.
"I'd like that…" said Ororo, "I'd like that a lot."
"Great then I…Guess it's a date," said Logan, somewhat stammering in his words, not knowing how to do this.
"I guess so…And I look forward to it," said Ororo as she ran her hands down his rough facial hair, "Thank you Logan."
"Huh? For what?" he asked.
"For everything…" she said.
Then, she leaned in and gave him a small kiss on his hairy cheek which actually made the ever staunch Wolverine blush.
"Goodnight Logan…" she said as she made her way to the door, a smile never leaving her face.
"Goodnight darlin'…"
After she left, Logan just stood there in shock for a good five minutes before he fell back on his bed in a daze. All the turmoil and frustration of the last week seemed to just fade away as though it were a passing breeze. He had just admitted to Ororo in more ways than one that he liked her as more than a friend. And in return…The beautiful woman once worshipped as a goddess said she felt the same way. No matter how many times his mind had been warped, he never would forget this night…He would never forget that feeling she gave him when they kissed again. And with that thought in mind, he drifted off to sleep in his first peaceful rest in quite some time.
-Rogue's Room-
Rogue was just sitting in her room trying to read one of her novels, but her mind kept going back to her last session with the others. Having those memories of what happened to her sure as hell would make it easier on her. No one should have to deal with that kind of stuff, but she had to wonder if taking such a short cut would be harmful to her later on. Her mind was already messed up as it was with all those stupid copies of the minds she absorbed and there was no telling what would happen.
Plus after Mesmero and Mastermind, she didn't want any telepath in her head messing around in there for the rest of her life. There was a knocking at the door and she placed her book away in frustration. "Yeah? What is it?"
The door opened and Gambit walked in with that grin on his face that she found both annoying…And a bit charming. "Hello chere, Remy was just thinkin' dat you might need to get out into de world. Maybe go for a walk?"
She rolled her eyes, "Now why would ah want ta do that?"
"Well you don't want to spend you're entire life in dis room non? Besides, you could show Gambit around town and it might be good for you too. When was the last time you seen the outdoors anyways?" he said and despite herself, she knew that he made a point. She hadn't left the grounds since coming back…Why? She knew deep down that she was scared to leave because of what happened to her the last time she left the safety of the mansion, but she couldn't relay on this place forever. She needed to start facing down her fears and to take back her life.
"Fahne…But not for too long okay? Ah could use tha fresh air," she said in a convincing neutral tone. She was in her jeans and purple top with the exposed shoulders, but she no longer wore her gloves. All of those were placed in a shoe box and she hoped to never see them again. She was glad that Remy wanted to spend more time with her, but also that he respected her personal space.
"So chere, where do you like to go when not in dat mansion?" Remy asked her as they left the main gates.
"Why is it we only talk about meh and nevah about you?" She asked back.
He just smirked at her with that cocky grin, "You're way more interestin'."
Rogue just rolled her eyes. He was always so evasive about his past. It was kind of gave him this mysterious feel, but it was also so frustrating and annoying, especially times like this and she was tired of it, "Tell ya what…You tell meh somethin' and ah'll tell ya something about myself. Deal?"
Gambit thought it over. There were a few things that he preferred she didn't know about his past, some not so nice things and others that were just complicated, "Okay, but a few ground rules…If it's too personal we can refuse it."
She thought that was a fair trade, "As long as ya don't ask meh my real name then fine."
"Remy prefers Rogue anyway, it fits you better and gives you dis mysterious allure. So…What do you want to ask Remy first?"
Rogue shrugged and decided to go the easy route. She asked him his favourite color and she wasn't too surprised when he said black. He asked the same and of course she said green. It went back and forth between the two of them just asking the little questions and neither one of them touching on anything major.
She was actually starting to enjoy herself, but then she froze. She just started ahead of her and swallowed hard as her heart started to race. She hadn't realized where they had been walking and now here she was looking at the place where weeks before she had been kidnapped and where Remy had been stabbed trying to defend her. Without knowing she grabbed his hand in hers, but when she did…She felt him squeeze back.
"We can go another way if you want," she heard him say, but she slowly shook her head. She wouldn't keep the past haunting her so they walked on, but she held her breath until they crossed it. Then it hit her…She had just conquered a fear she didn't even consider yet. She also felt a bit stronger for it.
"You okay?" He asked her and she nodded.
Then he felt her hand a bit, "Chere…You ever considered a hand moisturizer?"
She quickly took her hand and slapped his arm. "Hey! Ah wore gloves for years what do ya expect mah hands ta be like?"
Remy was just rubbing his sore arm, "Easy there, you nearly took dis Cajun's arm off."
She just rolled her eyes, "Oh please, it wasn't that hard."
"If dat wasn't hard, den Remy doesn't want to know what a real hard one would be," he muttered under his breath and made a mental note not to get hit by that woman in the future, because she sure didn't hit like a girl.
After a bit she was getting thirsty from the heat of the day and asked him if he would mind them going for a drink.
Gambit had no problem with that and they made their way to a simple franchise fast food building and she sat down as he went to get them a pair of drinks. She was wondering what she was so afraid of until she felt the shadow of several people behind her and she turned to see a few jocks and their girlfriends from school there.
"Well lookie here…A we were hoping you ditched school mutie. Haven't seen you around lately," one of them sneered at her. They were surrounding her and she felt herself beginning to panic as she began getting flashes of the alley and of that room.
She stood up, "Look ah don't want any trouble," bhe started to say, but even she could hear the fear in her voice and hated herself for it and she could see they did.
"Oh, no trouble huh? Especially since none of your mutie friends are here to help you too," snother said as another one grabbed her arm. She panicked at that moment, her mind filled with all those horrible memories.
"LET MEH GO!" She cried out and flung her arm that was being held, then to everyone's surprise, especially Rogue, the boy was thrown seven feet into a wall and slumped down onto a table. Immediately, everyone in the place took notice and those around Rogue backed off slowly.
All Rogue could do was stare at her hands, which was shaking now. She knew what she had done, but not how she had done it. The last time she called on a power that worked, she felt a rush of another person's mind for those powers, but after she woke up she couldn't call on them. But now it looked like she had but this was different. There was no rush of another personality and it just felt…Different.
She didn't notice the few people that weren't frightened of her were yelling at her to get out or the man being helped up by his friends, looking like a rag doll. She wasn't even aware of Remy taking her gently out of the place her mind was trying to find out just what was going on. At first she couldn't touch, then she could and use others powers, then she lost that second ability and now it seemed she had gained a new one…She just didn't know how much more of this she could take.
Why couldn't her powers just stay as they were? She was a block away before she finally spoke, "Remy…Ah…Ah need ta go home…Ah need to see Hank and the Professor…Something's changed."
Remy merely nodded guiding her home, for he too was wondering just what had happened to her back there and what else was going on with her.
NEXT UP CHAPTER 31: DATES, FEELINGS, AND DARK MINIONS