A gust of late autumn wind stirred them off the bed, spurring Katie to take the wedding dress off of the hook above the open window. She pressed the dress to her body, protecting it from the elements. "I always forget October's chill!"
Rolling his eyes, Elijah was already halfway to the hearth with a fire poker in his hands. "Well, I sure ain't forgettin' it, my little poet! Close the window, girl!"
Katie turned around slowly and glared at him as he mocked her. "You don't have to be so testy."
"I'm cold, Kathy! You want me to catch my death?" Katie smiled wickedly and pushed open the window fully, letting the cold draft run through the room. Suddenly, she jumped up on the bed, dropping the wedding dress by her side. Elijah simply sat against the hearth and stared at her, knowing exactly what was coming next.
Her golden hair fell down wildly about her face, and she pointed at him, challenging him, as she recited from memory, "It's a rough journey, and a sad heart to travel it... We've braved its ghosts often together, and dared each other to stand among the graves and ask them to come...But Heathcliff, if I dare you now, will you venture? If you do, I'll keep you. I'll not lie there by myself: they may bury me twelve feet deep, and throw the church down over me, but I won't rest till you are with me. I never will!"
Slowly, Elijah stood and walked in front of her determined figure. "But we don't have to pretend we're on the English moors to read these. I can't be your Heathcliff, Kathy."
Katie frowned, Romantic notions filling her reality more than real life. "But I'm your Katherine."
Elijah stared at her, seeing such a contradiction of a girl and woman, who didn't understand what real love was, but could recite every line from her favorite novel and had been doing so since she could read. He had teased her constantly about her photographic memory, but now… It wasn't the same. "That's… that's different, and you know it." Elijah walked around to the opposite side of the bed and slammed the window shut. "Come on. Get off the bed. You're shivering."
He held out his hand, but Katie jumped to the floor without him. "I'm fine. You don't have to treat me like a helpless little girl. I'm still older than you, my friend."
"How could I ever forget that?" He dimpled at her, but she purposefully ignored him, as she walked in front of the fireplace and plopped down on the floor. Elijah meandered behind her, gauging her temperament. Finally, she piped up from her sullenness. "So are you going to read or not?"
Elijah raised his eyebrows and sat next to her obediently, feeling her frustration rolling off of her in waves. He didn't know what to say to her. He knew what he wanted to say to her, but at that moment, he thought it best to simply take the outstretched book and begin the second passage.
Elijah cleared his throat, stealing a glance at her, as she stared into the growing flames. "Dr Mike," he began, "I never saw anybody work so hard in my life. To gain people's respect, to be respectful. But when everyone got sick with the Grippe, you cared for everybody but yourself. I guess that's why I couldn't take my eyes off of you." Elijah looked up, but Katie was still looking deep into the orange flames. Katie could feel his eyes on her, as he paused for a moment, and she wondered, if this was what a stolen glance was, and if so, how many in her life had she missed?
He continued, "I was hard on you at first, I know, but I just knew you could do more. Certainty and trust are such strange things, and I know you rely on them more than anything. I don't know how I could ask you to trust me; to use the Cheyenne medicines, when I did everything in shadow." Katie's heart had been pounding since the first words that left Elijah's lips. Every word had been written with such care; such feeling. She had never known her father to be so uncertain before.
"A shadow…" Elijah swallowed, stopping, as he read a little bit ahead. Katie, feeling the silence, turned and frowned at him.
"What is it?"
"I don't know if we should read this out loud."
"You afraid?" She taunted him a little, but inside, she was almost asking herself.
He sat up straighter, defying her. "Course not."
"Then read it."
"A shadow that stands back but wants to step out and cover you as you lie there; to take away the sweat from your arms and legs and neck and back. A shadow that wants to protect you but can't touch you. So I only look at you from the shadows." His voice still carried through the room, yet silence had fallen. She could hear her father's words; words that had never been spoken until now. She wondered what her father was seeing, but she knew that it was her mother. She must have been sick. However, the images were so… so… She couldn't even say the word. A shadow. She wondered what it would be like to cover someone like that, so fully and darkly. She closed her eyes, chastising herself, as her father's words continued on. "I prayed for your life. I hadn't prayed since the night Abagail died. I didn't know who to pray to honestly this time. God or the devil."
Katie stood up for a moment, overwhelmed. "Don't tell me… Don't tell me if it's—"
Elijah pressed on, "God failed me last time. But I asked him what I had to do to keep you alive."
Katie sank back down to the ground. "Oh thank God," she exhaled, relieved beyond her imagination.
"And the day when your fever broke, I knew. I knew what it was. I had to stay in the shadows. Love you from there, because I couldn't love you in the light." Her eyes were wide and bright, and as she looked across at him, she saw him swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. Feeling her eyes on him, he gingerly closed the book and placed it between them.
Growing up with him, he had been happy and fulfilled and the kind of man that made her mother blush with a simple word. She had never thought of him as the kind of man to feel ashamed or guilty of falling in love with a woman he had never thought he could have.
When Elijah looked up, his gaze was too much. She looked down at the letters in her trembling hands, trying not to let it get to her. She didn't understand how someone could fall in love with someone from the very beginning. She didn't understand how a man like her father could turn away from his feelings and fall in love while telling himself that it was wrong. He wasn't supposed to feel that way.
"Kathy?" Elijah broke the silence that seemed to grow thicker with each passing second. She didn't look at him, and her fingers gripped the second letter in her mother's bundle.
"He knew from the beginnin', Elijah," she breathed. "He knew he loved her, but he was…he was ashamed." Her eyes flooded with tears, but she turned her head and quickly wiped them away. Her head felt funny, and she leaned forward a little, her hair falling in her face. "I never thought my pa could be ashamed to love her, and it should make sense. It should make perfect sense."
"It should?" She nodded her head.
"He wanted to touch her. He wanted to feel, Elijah. But, he was so…so consumed with grief over losin' his first wife. He couldn't do it. He made vows to her. They were supposed to be together forever, and even after she died, he fought against lettin' himself feel." Elijah wasn't quite sure what to say. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to tell her that people feel things for different reasons and sometimes they don't think they should feel them. Sometimes the entire world is against the way a man loves a woman, and sometimes a man wishes his heart didn't ache for her for his sake…and hers.
"Sometimes people can't do the things they wanna do. Sometimes they think it'll only hurt more than it feels good." Katie looked back down at the envelope in her hands, his words stinging her.
"Maybe. But…"
"Sometimes lettin' yourself feel hurts more than wonderin' if they love you back." She closed her eyes for a moment, only glancing up once to look into his eyes. But, he was looking into the fire, and she could see the flames dancing in his sparkling eyes. She stopped breathing for a moment, when he looked at her. He nodded toward the envelope in her hands. "If you're gonna break a federal law again, you might as well get it over with."
"In a minute," she replied, taking her father's knife into her hands again. She broke the seal easily and placed the knife aside. "There are hundreds of these left…and I already feel as if my parents are complete strangers to me…to each other."
"People change, Kathy," he said softly.
"But…so much?" His hand reached for hers for a moment, before he pulled back. He merely tapped the unfolded paper in her hands.
"Go on, Kathy. Read it." She didn't respond, but she looked down at the paper, gently unfolded it and began to read her mother's words to her father.
"A year ago, I never would have expected that I would be lying on my deathbed, in a dusty old boarding house, with three children worried sick about me. I never thought I would have to rely on anyone, and I've realized that because of you, I'm alive and celebrating the end of a terrible epidemic with my children. But, many lives were lost, and because you took me to the Cheyenne medicine man and convinced him to bring his remedies to our town, I am alive, and many other people are as well. We should all be grateful." She heard Elijah shift slightly, and she looked up from her reading. "What?"
"My ma and pa told me about that. That's when they first met."
"Really?" He nodded.
"Ma paid him to make her a coffin…a real nice one." He shook his head. "He said he wouldn't let her get sick and die." Katie flashed a small smile. "Guess your folks've been lookin' after each other since the beginnin'. Just like mine." She nodded. "Keep goin'."
"You have done so much for me…us this past year. With your help, the town was literally saved from death. Had the Cheyenne remedy not been brought to us, I'm sure I, as well as many others would have died at the hands of that illness. But, more than that, you sat at my bedside until I was well. I wasn't even sure I was going to live, but as I lay there, the only thing I could think of was that I needed to get through this for them. I needed to see their faces again, and I needed to thank you for doing everything you could to save my life. When I opened my eyes and saw you, my body; my heart shuddered with relief." She tensed and nearly put the paper down.
"Kathy…" He knew she wasn't sure if she could continue. "Don't stop."
"These are her words…I don't feel right sayin' them out loud…with…"
"Do ya want me to go?"
"No! You've always been there. There's no reason you shouldn't be here for this." He smiled a little.
"Then keep goin'. Keep goin' 'til the end." With another breath, she exhaled sharply and nodded.
"You were there. You were there. Believe it or not, I felt and can still feel the tingle of your kiss on my forehead. You'll never know I felt it, but I did. I had never slept better than I did after you kissed my forehead and sat back down at my side in the dark. You held my hand. You'll never know I remember that, but I do. Thank you. Thank you for being there for me."