Foreword: Thanks everyone for the reviews. I really appreciate the comments and suggestions. I've tried to tone down the politics a bit here, and add more commercials.
Oh, and the Batman Beyond reference was anti-gravity jai alai. I don't know what they call it on the show, and come to think of it they play with a disc instead of a ball, but the high school sport the jocks played looked a lot like floating jai alai to me.
Time: 19:39 PST, 5/16/2099
Mode: Random
Filter: Exclude keyworded list- Focus recents
Surfing…
Channel 278, On the Front: Live Coverage of the War
On the northern front:
"…utterly shattered the Machines' resolve, but this is a cauldron, a great smoky tempest! As you can see, the skies are filled with fireballs of falling Zero-One squidships. In the fields in front of me lie hundreds and thousands of charred skeletons of the chasses of our enemy. The ionic electromagnetic pulse cannons have successfully disabled legions of the powerless machina. There! Those ray of lights are testament to the mighty power of our trench guns. We are charging, we are moving forward, this advancement cannot stop…"
ClickChannel 144, Global Religions Center
"Archbishop Conan Gilliam of Canterbury has also signed the Edict of the Council of Jerusalem, proclaiming, 'It is time for the one, holy, catholic, apostolic church of Christ animated by the Spirit and claimed by God to return to glory.'
Most mainline Protestant groups have rejected this decision, though formerly schismatic North American Episcopalians are considering returning to the fold. In an unprecedented act the Southern Baptist Convention and Presbyterian Church of America have entered talks to form an "American Non-denominational Church." Other Protestant churches are decrying this…"
ClickChannel 111, On the Front 2
On the western front:
"Mechanized forces of the Euro Union are being simultaneously covered by American bombers and the brave warriors of the Grand Forces of dar al-Islam. Israeli troops are fighting side by side with soldiers from the Kingdom of Hedjaz over the lands of the once Wahhabist Empire of Saudi Arabia, in a dramatic show of human unity created by this crisis. State-of-the-art powersuits are raining dismantlement and destruction on the clockwork menace at the front of the charge, while artillery and infantry follow.
Kurd beside Turk, Quebecois beside Canadian and Newfoundlander, Scot beside Briton, Basque beside Spaniard, and Red-Chinese beside Cyan-Chinese, the success of the United Nations Coalition 205-nation army is an inspiring demonstration of the power of human brotherhood. Look! There they go…"
ClickChannel 101, Technology Today
"…leading to yet another ban on nanotech anti-allergy treatments. Can humanity catch a break? Fortunately, word is that there won't be any other prohibitions made after the G-12 Summit, so personality treatments are still safe. Coming up next, E3 2099's hottest new games…"
ClickChannel 167, Home Shopping Network
"Now: Deluxe Textile Furnishings and GMO Diet Therapies…"
ClickChannel 62, Snopes TV: Modern Myths Examined
"…and that is why rumors of a true computer-mind uplink are utterly fapgarfle. A new one from the war: there's a story floating around the Anglo-European section of the front that extremely liberal delta pro-mechanoid sympathizers are being flown in to Zero-One by squid planes- you've seen them, right? Ugly looking blobbers. Anyway, there are soldiers that swear they've seen mysterious lights in the sky…"
ClickChannel 68, International Standard News
"Da jia hou, jing tian zhi wu yuei zhi-liao, liang-qian-jio-zhi-jio. Jing tian de da xiao xi zhi zhong Nai ro bi, fa zho de dwei yo qian de cheng zhi…"
ClickChannel 120, Rainbow Summer: the Nü Age Experience
"Exciting news from the Total Harmonic ChronoQudrahedron Earth Center: expert scientist and herbologist Horace P. Gwydellien has discovered from his studies of the Upanishads that the human body may indeed contain powerful energies that can be utilized to …"
ClickChannel 139, Clock Busters: Wartech Infomericals
"…the N90 Vengeance, a four-ton omnitank with ten gun turrets, main electromag cannon fires ninety-inch rounds at Mach 2. Only a crew of two to three needed, since most of system is automated by Micronsoft-Apple's unhackable Helix OS. Manufactured by Blackwater Conventional, price starting at five million. Next: powersuits and high-altitude bombers…"
ClickChannel 51, Time Warner Comedy Central
Now: "Classic Patriotically Comedic Movies Marathon"
"Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer to,
America! F-"
ClickChannel 234, Looking out for you: Consumer Hawks
"…the OperationHome appendectomy kit is also due for recall, as a recent major study confirms the existence of possible "rogue agents" in the A.I. program which may cause the makings of digital sentience. While a Netpatch can quickly solve the problem, the company fears that the pre-sentient algorithm might be capable of evading…"
ClickChannel 141, Sciencewatch
"On the war front, recent scans have suggested that the aerial nuclear bombardment of Zero-One was much more effective than previously thought. Mass piles of scrap metal and destroyed facilities found by the first wave of coalition troops indicate that the bombardment did, indeed succeed. However, there are hints that Operation: Dark Storm may not have been as great a success as hoped…"
ClickChannel 233, Broadway Classics
Now: "Saturday Night Live: The Musical"
"Staaaaar Waaaars! Nothing but Star Wars! Gimme those Staaa-"
ClickChannel 42, Earth Now, Environmental Issues
"…due to last week's assassination of Dr. Karen McKinley, state and federal law enforcement agents have begun a careful scrutiny of neo-pagan religious groups. Hierophant Mithra Dazhbog, leader of the Scions of the Sun, made statements today.
'We will not be persecuted by the oldliners like witches and devils. We have done no wrong. The attempts to banish our Sacred Precursor will not ruin us, for beloved Sol shines on above your mechanical monstrosities. We are not Gaia worshippers who can be crushed like the filthy mud-lovers they are…'"
ClickChannel 99, International Standard News C
"Hello everyone, today is May sixteenth, twenty-ninety-nine. Today's big story is from Nairobi, Africa's most prosperous city…"
ClickChannel 158, Public Broadcasting Service LPCX
Current Program: Frontline
Current Episode: #9450, "Inside the Ruins of Saud"
"…came quickly. Radioactive measurements taken of the Arabian peninsula prior to the aerial bombardment of Operation Righteous Hammer suggest that the authorities in Riyadh panicked and had used unreported nuclear weapons. The existence of such weapons was also proposed by the sensational Laurence Report of 2079.
…And what of the Laurence's dramatic stories of massive tunnel systems under the desert, 'connecting Sakākah to Riyadh to unsuspecting Jiddah', and honey-combing the entire wasteland of Rub' al Khali? The current consensus is that they were nothing more than quasi-arcological urban habitats and auxiliary drain systems. As most of the royal family and the government fled to the Libyan Arab Republic in record time, it is doubtful that such extensive tunnels were meant for emergency use. During Righteous Hammer it was possible that much of the Machine army was hiding underneath the desert dunes…"
ClickChannel 355, Front Mission 12: Live Coverage
"Would you look at that! The powersuits are taking flight! Our boys are throttling those oily mech-heads back to the vacuum tube age! This is a glorious cauldron, a smoky tempest- FOR VICTORY. Let us push on- my goodness, it appears that our omnitank is accelerating… and will you look at that! Aerial explosions: another squidplane down. They're falling all over the place! Take a good look, ladies and gentlemen, for we are embarking on the last shining struggle of the twenty-first century! We're going to Tikrit! And we're going to Damascus! We're going to… Factory Installation Epsilon Mu and then all the way to Zero-One!
Wow! There go the interceptors…"
ClickChannel 59, Law and Order Network
"FBI agents have broken into a cell of Machine-X agitators in Minneapolis this week. They are believed to be deltaist-liberal extremists who have given active support to violent mechanoid organizations since the BI66ER decision, including an armed robbery of the First National Bank in St. Louis.
In the Euro Union, Interpol has likewise announced the discovery of a new Machine-X group in Amsterdam- Brothers of Steel, a pseudoreligious cult worshipping the Machines…"
ClickChannel 404, Infomercials Central
"…not quite a harvest clone, but can still make your damaged internal organs good as new. Biological Agglomerate Chemical Therapeutic Assistant: take the light side."
ClickChannel 545, Culture Today
"…say that this fear of technological regression, nicknamed the 'Forced Luddite Syndrome' or 'ME Disease' causes symptoms of stress, anxiety, increased heartbeat, lack of appetite, and possibly night terrors. The other disorders resulting from the current crisis form a memotype is still causing memetic engineers great trepidation…"
ClickChannel 65, Global News Network
"…stunning defeat of the NEF in Congress, Republicans capture 64 seats in the Senate and 239 seats in the House. Republican Senate Majority Leader Ben Taft of Ohio said that this success of his party will not lead to partisan fighting.
'The GOP is committed to working with Democrats to win this war. Traditionalists of that party should not be worried of whether we will repeal Don v. Shay and re-legalize abortion; we won't. Democrat traditionalists should not fear of whether we will legislate deltaist morality and allow GM-folk their right to reproduce; the Republican Party is committed to that ideal of basic human rights, but it is an issue we will settle once the conflict is over.
For now, we are content in working with moderate Democrats in enforcing safety regulations in the arms industry, preserving national security while carefully and cautiously protecting constitutional guarantees, and fighting a sensitive war…'"
ClickChannel 499, Full Frontal: Live from the Eastern Front
"Sergeant Johan Käse of the 616th South African Infantry Battalion here live in Urmia. Just hours ago, this Iranian city was at the claws of the clockers. You can see from the debris how much pain and suffering the metal bastards did to this place, but luckily for the poor people my boys and I managed to get here just in time. We've all seen the crying orphans, people. We've all seen innocents get speared by the tentacle beasts. I saw good men who were a day before retirement sign up and get exploded here in the fight for the human race. It's time for us to launch a killing-punch directly at the neck of these gray clock-suckers. They're about to get downloaded. My rap…"
ClickChannel 166, G4 Extreme
"…this thing is devastatingly wizard! Ladies and gentlemen, the crushing raw power of the final console of all time, the last entertainment machine you'll ever need, displaying graphics more realistic than reality and gameplay more fun than living: THE…"
ClickChannel 169, Scrambled Channel
ClickDescrambler: On
Channel: 169, Pay-per-view Porn-Without-Plot
Current Program: Roddy Roboto Builds a Pornputer
"BZZKZZT! BZZKZZT!"
"OH-"
CLLLLIIIIIICCKChannel 88, Military History Channel
"…concluding with the Avatar-class fighter in 2092. This plane was first tested by Lt. Duncan Giles of the USLAAF, reaching Mach 27 in five minutes. It carries a full complement of what the Excelsior bears and also EMP bombs, the MR1 Lightning Cannon, and a nanomachine scrambler…"
ClickChannel 13, Operation Homeshield: Civil Defense Networks
"…Center for Electronic Disease Control has issued a Code Red-Orange warning. There is a sixty-seven point-nine-nine-eight-one-three percent chance for the mechanoids to attack government, commercial, and home networks. The advisory is to take medium precautions and to limit Net use except for live RSS broadcasts. Should you be infected, commercial scanners such as Ad-Aware and Spybot are an ideal solution…"
ClickChannel 453, Breeze Easy: Travel Guide East
"…take a stratosflight to the Expanded Arab Emirates. This delectable destination attracts millions of businessmen, travelers, and sight-seers each year to a land where the modern cities sit sublimely between the ancient beauty of the sea and the sand. Whether Doha, Dubai, or Manama, this lovely federation of democratic principalities and sparkling polises is ready for you!
Note: The EAE is in no way associated with Operation: Desert Rats, based in the Al Hibāk area of the former Saudi empire."
Click
Channel 120, Vatican Live Broadcast
"…et lux perpetua."
Level 7 alert in progress. Tuning to flagged channel…
Channel 42, Earth Now, Environmental Issues
"…at the University of Flint have uncovered some startling new evidence that the ODS nanomachine clouds may be longer-lasting than previously theorized. Weather…"
Level 8 alert in progress. Tuning to flagged channel…
Channel 65, Global News Network
"Despite the live coverage of the Front channels, GNN has discovered that the current status of Operation: Cat's Cradle in the western front is not doing as well as previously reported by U.N. news channels. It appears that there is a rapidly fluid situation. The second wave of infantry by the NorAm and East Asian armies seems to have gone out of control. GNN embedded correspondent, Jerry Wilds."
Image: a darkened hole carved out of wreckage, containing the face of a terrified reporter whose face is periodically illuminated by abrupt flashes of red light
"Thank you, Larry. As you can see, this is indeed a cauldron, a smoky tempest. The powersuit forces in front have met unexpected resistance from those new 'honeypot ant' type Machines with the giant abdomens. Attacking them at their weak points have proved to be bloody failures. The infantry has met horrific losses, and the frequent steroid use in the trenches is making them berserk! I fear for my safety, as we all do. My shelter is unstable, I need to regroup with the fourth-backup battalion I was assigned to- my first two were wiped out in the first minute of fighting.
Image: the camera swerves, peers out of hole and into battlefield"Eh? What's that? A bloody clockbot!"
"I knew they could make human faces now!"
"Kill it, kill it!"
"No! I'm a human, damn you!"
Image: TRANSMISSION LOST, red lettersLevel 9 alert in progress. Tuning to flagged channel…
Channel 278, On the Front: Live Coverage of the War
"…live from the half-safety of a Hedjaz communications base. Our field correspondents are not responding, feared KIA. It currently appears that Operation: Hearts of Iron is not moving ahead as smoothly as planned. Machine forces have broken the assault and are overrunning the trenches, destroying the ionic EMP cannons in a blitz. The Kingdom's forces have left the offensive to reinforce Jiddah', and the Grand Forces of dar al-Islam have retreated and refused to fight anywhere except to protect the holy cities. It is just as well. A reversal is underway. At the moment, it seems, the western front has met a setback…"
Level 10 alert in progress. Tuning to flagged channel…
The Council President of the European Union:
"…dealing with an enemy impervious to mass bombings by weapons of mass destruction! Nevertheless, unlike what the honorable Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is insinuating, the nations of the Euro Union are firmly in favor of Operation: Homo Superior. We shall continue to support and wage this war, as we have done in the past. There will be no armistice. We are not appeasers.
"But despite that, I must announce the beginning of the evacuation of the Balkans and Asia Minor, most notably the EU nations of Turkey and Greece, to both protect Europe from possible future mechanoid breakthroughs and to gird the defenses of the center…"
Note: NEF New-eyed faction. Of course, it's not such an apt description, seeing as in 2099 the Democrats and Republicans have again completely swapped their positions. Not as many references this time. Can you find any that relates to anything? Also, foreshadowing.