Gomenasai
What I thought wasn't mine
In the light
Was one of a kind,
A precious pearl
When I wanted to cry
I couldn't cause I
Wasn't allowed
'Leo
I regret to send you regards of such matters but it had been her last wish,
That you be there I could not find you until it was too late but her last wish had been
that she could see you one last time before it was too late. Unfortunately I could not fill
out her wish, and now it is too late. You see Susan developed with a serious case of
cancer in her blood stream, I know this may be hard I don't know what happened after
we moved, but I must tell you she knew she was going to die, she told me that her last
wish would be that she could see you again...'
Gomenasai for everything
As I walked into the building if felt a resenting sadness, something seemed wrong. The rows we're filled I couldn't find a seat, 'I see she's made some friends where ever she went' I thought, but instead of sitting down I felt the urge to see her face, 'how long...' I thought to my self, as I walked up to the casket I forced back the dread that filled me at every step I took. I saw her frail face, couldn't hold back the tears that seemed to have been locked up so long. "Stargirl..." I ran a hand over her sandy hair, then traced a finger along the side of her face...
Gomenasai, I know I let you down
Gomenasai till the end
"sS your Leo I've heard so much about" I heard a voice behind me say, I turned around swiftly "Who are you? And how do you know mine name?" I asked protectively, he smirked "I'm Chris, and it's kinda hard not to know your name, her talking of you such as she did... never forgot you" he said then shook his head "Such a shame too, you look just like an ordinary guy to me" "Tell me what's so great about you, I mean... What's she see in you that she doesn't see in me?" he asked, I saw where he was going, "I dunno, I never really knew why she liked me..." I said "You broke her heart didn't even give her the chance to tell you good-bye, and she still loved you after all of those years, and you didn't know! " he hissed his eyes like glass seemed to staring right through me, I didn't like it "What do you mean I never gave her the chance, she had plenty of time to tell me, instead she just left me hanging! Not knowing where she's been for all these years!" I shot back bitterly, "what would you know!" He shouted "More then you!" I said acidly "Why do you bother me so much, everyone makes mistakes!" I yelled back not really feeling like trying to counter, "Cause you never undeserved her, And when someone who did love her came around, she was still stuck being in love with you! She Deserved Better!" he yelled anger dripping from every word he said, "Maybe I didn't deserver her, Maybe she Did deserve better, But you know what! She's Gone Now! So Just shut up and let it be!" I yelled silence seemed to come unexpectedly, I quietly walked back over to her lifeless body, then carefully placed a daisy in her hand. I leaned over to her ear, even though I knew she couldn't hear me "I really did love you," I whispered I glanced at her one last time, and giveing her a small peck on the cheek, my fingers lingered on her face tracing over her cheek and running through a stand of her hair, 'But I would've never be good enough for you...' my thoughts rang back, before I walked to the back of the room and leaned against a wall.
I
never needed a friend
Like I do now
The ceremony was held the next day, I could barely hear the pastor as he spoke. I was so lost in thought, 'Had she really waited for me?' I asked myself 'why..' my thoughts drifted to our day at the mall, and our card game... then Cinnomen, the daisies that seemed to reflect her beautiful personality. Many memories, seemed so swim through my mind, after the ceremony was finished I placed my flowers on the top of the pile filing in with everyone else...
What I thought wasn't all
So innocent
The night sky was dark but I made my way, everyone had left now. The sky seemed to glitter with stars reminding me of the time I had first really met her. After a while a made my way to where I was looking, a marble stone, her grave...
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain
"Susan Caraway
1981 - 2005
Gone but not Forgotten"
When I wanted to call you
And ask you for help
I stopped myself
Even though I left you, even though you had ever reason to hate me, forget me... you still.
you still.
loved me...
Gomenasai for everything
Gomenasai, I know I let you down
Gomenasai till the end
"It shouldn't happened, things should've been different..." I said barely able to breathe at that moment "I'd take it all back if I could, I would've stayed with you... I would've let you die.. alone..." I muttered
I never needed a friend
Like I do now
I stayed there not wanting to leave her there, perhaps it would bug someone to sleep in a grave yard full of dead people but that wasn't what was on my mind. just her...
Her...
What I thought was a dream
An mirage
Clouds filled my mind, sweet music singing like nothing I'd ever heard an echo filled the air "Leo..." "Leo..." I heard echoing but I could not find where the voice was coming from. "Leo... Don't weep...for me..." I heard it say again "Who are you!" I yelled, "Who do you think" I heard again the voice seemed to become far more feminine, the a giggly echoed through the room "Stargirl?" I yelled "Who else!" I heard again, I could tell, that somewhere she was smiling "Why can't I see you" I asked "Cause your still on earth." she said.
Was as real as it seemed
A privilege
"oh..." I muttered "What if I don't want to stay there anymore..." I said, "everyone has there set time, you will come when he has chosen it as right for you" she said "Who's he?" I asked not understanding "God, Jesus, Holy spirit" she said "the one who as died to save us all"
When I wanted to tell you
I made a mistake
"I have to go," She said then everything seemed to fade back into reality, Sunday morning... "i...love...you...Leo" echoed as the sun filted into my vision, I crawled to my feet. I saw a man leaned against a tree, "good morning Sir." he said "see you stayed out here pretty last last night," I forced a smile "So you know this girl I take it" he said, "yeah... we were friends back in high school" I said. " hadn't seen her nine years and now that I finally see her she's not hear anymore" I said "Ah, Susan was a nice girl not like most girl, she used to go to the church I preach at, before she died. she took the whole thing very well... She was a strong believer" he said "You preach?" I asked not exactly expecting that although this was a church yard I reasoned "Here would you like to come inside and listen to the sermon I'll have to go in soon anyways.." he said "ummm... I guess I could?" I offered he laughed we walked in together...
I walked away
Gomenasai, for everything
Gomenasai, Gomenasai,
I never needed a friend,
Like I do now
Gomenasai, I let you down
Gomenasai, Gomenasai,
Gomenasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now
-End-