When did I realize this?
Elliot walked into the SVU squad room in a hurry noticing that he was late and everyone was already in Cragen's office discussing the new case that had just broken out in the press leaking all of their leads and every shred they had not previously released in case someone came forth with new evidence. "Sorry I'm late captain rough morning the kids are sick and I had to wait on the sitter to get there." Elliot said sipping is cup of coffee that he grabbed on the way to Cragen's office. "No, problem Elliot just call next time?" Cragen said starting to talk again about the press and where the leak came from. "Captain, my connection at the post said that the leak came from someone inside the 1-6." Olivia said brushing her failing piece of hair from her ponytail to behind her ear. "Ok guys lets go out and this bastard off the streets" Cragen said opening the door to the office everyone walking out. "Elliot, stay I need to ask you a question?" Cragen said shutting the door to his office. "Ell, what is up with you? Where is Kathy at? And why do you have the kids? You know that with this job it is going to be hard to raise kids and work." Cragen said sitting at his desk. "Look captain I know all this but what am I suppose to do Kathy left and she is not coming back. I can't just give up my children after this week I'll have a steady sitter. I can handle it if it starts to impair my work I'll transfer t a job that will not be impaired by my being a father first." Elliot said walking out of the office grabbing the sedan keys and nodded to Olivia as she grabbed her jacket and walk to the car.
They got in the car are rode in silence before the Olivia turned on the radio and started to sing. Elliot reached over and turned the radio off Olivia looked at him with a stare that could slice butter. "What the hell is your problem today?" Olivia asked looking at him. "I'm just tired I was up all night with three sick kids." Elliot said looking at her picking up his coffee cup taking another gulp of the creamy brown liquid. "Sorry I thought that it was Kathy's weekend with the kids?" Olivia said looking over at him with sympathy in her eyes. "If you need anything, you know help with the kid or a weekend away from the kids so that you can relax just let me know." Olivia said smiling at him without even asking where Kathy was for a second time. "Thanks but I'll have a steady sitter after tomorrow. Which is a relief." Elliot said smiling at her watching her push the hair behind her ear again. As Elliot's mind ran wild looking at this woman who he had never been sexually attracted to and all of a sudden she looked beautiful like no other woman he had ever seen. But some how her beauty was different from any other woman's it was a mixture of brute strength and femininity with a slight hint of sexuality just below the surface. "Elliot what's wrong with you today? You seem so preoccupied." Olivia said looking over at him as they pulled into the parking lot of the Helman Academy. "What, no nothing is wrong just thinking about something's that have been playing heavy on my mind lately." Elliot said looking over at him has their eyes met the ocean blue crashing against the woody brown holding the gaze until Fin and Munch knocked on the window of their car. "What the hell is up with you two?" Fin asked looking at them as they got out of the car. "Nothing just talking about the case." Olivia said shutting the car door. "So what are you guys thinking happened to Sarah Beth?" Munch asked looking at her. "I think that she got in a relationship that was to much for her to handle and when she tried to end it the guy flipped out and that's when he raped and murdered her." Olivia said looking at Elliot who nodded in agreement. "Who did she get into the relationship with then?" Fin asked Elliot looking directly at Elliot wanting to know if they had all the answers. "I think that she was in a relationship with Brad Johnson then once he started to get boring she went to Michael Griffin, who is the schools bad boy he has a record for beating a classmate to a pulp during a fight." Elliot said looking over at Fin before he continued his scenario. "Then someone told one of the boys or both of the boys that Sarah was in a relationship both of them." Elliot finished smirking as they entered the school.
"Nice to see you again detectives." The headmistress, Ms. Clawson said greeting the detectives with a smile. "Good morning Ms. Clawson, how are you doing this morning?" Olivia asked as they entered the headmistress' office. "Sarah Beth was never in any trouble with the school or any teacher at the school. She was an exemplary student with great grades mostly A's and she plays on the softball and basketball teams. She is a cheerleader during football season, on beta team, the debate team, in numerous clubs and organizations at the school. She was just an all American girl." Ms. Clawson said with a forced smile. "What can you tell us about Brad Johnson and Michael Griffin?" Elliot asked adjusting in the hard leather seats. The headmistress got up and walked to her file cabinet looking for the files on both boys pulling out a thin file and two thick files. "Ok let's see, Brad is a sweet boy he works in the office sometimes and helps me by running errands." She said sitting down at her desk opening the first file. "Brad as never been in any trouble, he is involved in a lot of clubs and organizations, on the football team and baseball team, he is an all around good kid always helps anyone that needs help." She said looking up at Olivia who was walking around in a small circle. "Michael is another story he as been suspended numerous times, expelled once before I became headmistress here, been in trouble with the cops a few times is on probation for stolen goods and car thief. Never has been involved in any school club or organization. Numerous fights put a kid in the hospital once, he was on the baseball team once from half a season but his grade fell dramatically and was kicked off the team." She said closing the files getting up to put then backing the file cabinet. "Why did the academy let Michael came back?" Fin asked looking at the headmistress as she sat back down. "All I know is that all of his family as went here and they donate large amounts of money and architecture to the school." She said when the phone rings. "Can we finish this later?" She said returning to the phone call. As the detectives walked out of her office and closed the door behind them.
"I always say that money makes anything possible." Munch said as the detectives walked out of the office area into the hallway. "We'll take Michael and then I guess we'll take Brad." The detectives said walking in separate directions. "Do you think that everything between Liv and El are ok?" Fin said to Munch who just nodded his head in agreement. "I am sure they are fine." Munch said looking for Michael's classroom. "It's right here." Munch said looking in the classroom for Michael. "I am looking for Michael Griffin." Munch said looking at the class full of students. "He has not been here at all this week." The young teacher said with a smile. "Thank you." The detectives said walking out of the building. Olivia and Elliot were on their way to the baseball field to find Brad. "Coach, can you call Brad Johnson over we need to talk to him." Olivia said has the coach looked her up and down twice with a smile. "Sure anything for you hot stuff." The coach said as Olivia flashed him her badge. As Elliot's jaw clinched. "Brad come here." The coach said as Brad ran off the field toward them. "Yea how can I help you?" Brad said looking at both detectives lingering a little longer on Olivia. "Yea what was your relationship with Sarah Beth Smith like?" Elliot asked still watching Brad stare at Olivia. "She is my girlfriend; we have been dating for three and a half years." Brad said looking at Elliot this time. "That is nice when was the last time you saw her?" Olivia asked him looking toward Elliot who seemed uncomfortable. "I saw her on Saturday evening we went to a drive in movie we saw Saw II afterwards we when to dinner I dropped her off at home at 11:00 pm." Brad said looking back at Olivia making her uncomfortable. But why was he making her uncomfortable? Olivia thought to herself no suspect had ever made her this nervous or uncomfortable. "I hate to have to ask you this but where you and Sarah Beth ever sexually active?" Olivia asked looking away from the young man. "Yes we were a few times." Brad said looking toward Elliot with a sly smile. "Did you have sex with Sarah Beth on Saturday night?" Elliot asked directing the boy's attention away from Olivia. "Yea so what, we had sex at the drive in." Brad answered getting a little snippy with them. "Thanks Brad if you remember anything that you want to tell us just give us a call." Elliot said giving Brad his business card. Both detectives were walking away from the boy but Olivia still felt his eyes on her and it still creped her out. "What's wrong Liv?" Elliot asked has they were walking up to meet Munch and Fin shaking her head no. "You guys have any luck with Michael?" Olivia asked as Munch walked to the car no he has not been in class all week, although his parents are the real estate mogul the Griffin's." Munch said sitting in the car "we were headed to is house now." Fin said smiling at them. "How about ya'll stay here and talk to some of Sarah Beth's friends and we'll take the Griffin residence." Elliot said with a pleading look in his eyes. "Sure here's the address." Munch said handing the address to Olivia. Who just sat in the car followed by Elliot who started the engine and started to drive toward the Griffin's house.
"Liv what is wrong? And don't say nothing because I know that something happened out there with that boy." Elliot said looking toward Olivia. "There was something about him that made me uncomfortable, he just got under my skin, and I think that we are looking at the wrong guy?" Olivia said looking out the window of the car. "Who do you think we should look at?" Elliot asked her stopping the car at a covenant store to get them a drink. "I just think that we should be looking at Brad." Olivia said getting out of the car. "But all evidence points to Michael." Elliot said. "But I know my gut and it tells me that Michael was just in the wrong place wrong time." Olivia said looking at the clerk paying for her gum and bottled water. "I don't know it just seems that this boy as been nothing but trouble for the whole time that he as been at the Academy." Elliot said looking for a bottle of cherry coke. "But look at this his first term before everything happened he had all A's in his classes and was on the baseball team. Then after Christmas break he comes back to the Academy and his grades fall he gets kicked off the baseball team and stops showing up for his classes. That is a common sign of abuse Elliot." She said has that got in the car and drove the rest of the way to the Griffin's house. "True or he could have just started using drug or drinking." Elliot said looking at her. "Well lets put money on it 20 he was abuse." Olivia said smiling at Elliot. "Ok." He said as they shook arriving at Michael Griffin's house.
"I know why you are here detectives; it's a bout Sarah Beth." A pale thin young man said before the detectives could even knock on the door. "Yes we are." Olivia said kindly to the young man showing him their badges. "Sarah Beth was my best friend she stood by me when no one else would she believed me." The young man said as his eyes filled with tears. "What did you she believes you about?" Elliot asked him taking his sun glasses off has they entered the elegant house. "I can't tell you because I'll be killed or disowned by my father." Michael said crying now. "Michael would like to take a ride with us down to the station so that we could talk there?" Olivia asked as Michael nodded his head yes. The car ride was eerily quite on the way to that station house. With Michael crying in the backseat and Elliot looking at Olivia wondering what could be so bad that she want to bring him in to the station. "here." He said slipping her the twenty bucks with a forced smile.
Once they arrived the two detectives took the boy in the interrogation room so that he would feel here to talk to them. "Is this better?" Olivia asked sitting down beside the boy to make him comfortable. "Yes, thank you detective?" Michael said thanking her but not sure what to call her you can call me detective Benson or Olivia which ever one you fill more comfortable calling Me." Olivia said by next telling him her partner's name. "Ok how did you and Sarah Beth meet?" Elliot asked looking at the young boy sitting in front of him. "We meet on the first day on high school she was in my art class, she sat beside me and then we started talking we become friends fast but her relationship with Brad put a strain on out friendship, he did not want us to hang out so much." The boy said putting his head down staring at the floor. "Why didn't he want the two of you to hang out so much?" Olivia asked caringly. "Because of my secret, and he thought that I wanted to go out with her but I did not, I just wanted to be her friend he treated her like shit and I just wanted her to be happy." Michael said looking up at Elliot who just sat down. "How did he treat her badly?" Elliot asked meeting the boys gaze. "He just did, he would call her bad names and dare her to question what he says." Michael said still holding Elliot's gaze. "You said that she kept your secret can you tell me what it is?" Olivia asked as both of their eyes burned in to her with the question. "I don't feel comfortable talking about it in front of him." The young boy said not meeting Elliot's gaze this time. Olivia smiled at Elliot as he got up and walked out of the room. "So what is the big secret?" Olivia asked looking at the boy. "When my father married, he married a young women and I thought that she was nice they got married when I was seven." The boy said getting out of the chair walking to the window to look out of it. "Did you and your stepmother get along well?" Olivia asked staying seated. I liked her at first she would read to me and sing me to sleep like my mom use to do before she died?" he continued as tears started to form in his eyes. "She did? Well what happened?" Olivia asked knowing that the only way to understand this young boy standing in front of her was to push him to tell her what happened. It may be a lead to finding Sarah Beth's killer. "She..She.. Touched me and put her mouth on my penis and put my fingers in her. Then when I was twelve she came into my room and forced me to have sex with her." He said as tears started to stream down his face. As Olivia got up and walked over to him comforting him. "but when I was sixteen I started to like boys I mean really like boys, Sarah Beth was the only one I told but one of the boys in a class over hear us and during gym he beat my ass say 'I don't want a fag in my locker room looking at me trying to get with me.' I just told everyone that I was joking around with Sarah Beth and that I was really straight. But the whole time thinking to myself stop lying you are gay." He said sitting down as Olivia sat beside him. "Sunday Sarah Beth came over and told me about her date with Brad on Saturday and how disusing she felt." He said focusing on the real reason he was there. "Why did she feel disusing?" Olivia asked removing her arm from around him. "Because that night it wasn't just Sarah Beth and Brad in the car some of his football friends were in the car too they did not go see a movie they when to Check St. that is the new lover's lane. He made her do stuff that she did not want to do." Michael said getting mad. "like what?" Olivia asked pressing him for information. "he made her have sex with them more than one at a time and if she cried he would hit her a make her do it longer I told her to tell the police what he made hr so and she said that when she talked to him that she was going to tall him that." He said starting to cry now not from his pain put the pain he felt for his best friend, his pal, his confidant. Who was now lying on a table in the morgue he knew the pain, fear, and how ashamed she was because he had the same horrible feeling the ones that no matter how hard you try to forget they are still there, no matter how much you drink to silence the voices they get louder, no matter how much drugs you take to make them disappear they reappear and not have terrifying face. Olivia knew how he felt all consumed by something that won't go away something buried so deep that in order to find it you have to break down all the barriers that she had put up and was good at surrounding herself with. "thank you so much Michael." Olivia said giving him a hug we'll take you home now." Olivia said as they walked out of the room to meet Elliot who was smiling. Olivia forced a smile as she met his eyes. The ride back to the Griffin's house seemed quick, when they arrived Olivia walked Michael to the door and gave him her card. "if you need anything day or night just call me." She said as she turned around and went back to the car. Olivia zoned out on the ride back to the precinct, thinking about the feelings that Michael must be going though because she remembered the same feelings when one of her moms many boyfriends raped her and her mom's reaction when she tried to tell her about it.
A tear slipped down her cheek. "what's wrong Liv?" Elliot asked clearly seeing the tear roll down her cheek. "can I tell you something Ell?" Olivia asked looking at him tears filling her eyes. "sure, you know you can tell me anything Liv?" Elliot said smiling at her. "Ell, if I tell you, you have to promise me that you won't worry about me because I dealt with this issue a long time ago." Olivia said seeing Elliot's beautiful smile disappear into a blank stare, as he nodded his head yes. "when I was eight my mom had a live in boyfriend who stayed just as drunk as she did, one night they come in and mom pasts out in a few minutes so he comes in my room and forces my nightgown up, pulls my Saturday panties down, and then pulls his pants down he dares me to scream and holds a knife up to my neck, he enters me hard and causes me to make a small yelping sound something you would think a dog makes after he is though with me he tells me to put clean sheets on my bed and wash the ones with my blood on them. I remember him taking my panties and putting them in his jacket pocket." Olivia said stopping with tears rolling down her cheeks like streams that are flooded when the snow melts off the mountain tops. "and the only reason I remember the day on the panties is because when mom was doing laundry the next week, something she rarely did is because she asked me where my Saturday panties were and when I told her I did not know she spanked me and swore that I would never have day of the week panties anymore if I could not keep up with the days." Olivia said laughing and crying at the same time. Elliot pulled the car over and pulled her in his arms calming her. "Shh sweetie it's not your fault. I'll never let anything happen to you like that again. Liv it is ok just let it go cry, yell, scream, cuss, punch, and just get all that anger out." Elliot said as she started doing all of the things at the same time for an hour Olivia and Elliot just sat their letting her vent all of her animosity toward her mom, the men who took away so much of her that when she was in relationships she had nothing to give to them. Why Olivia? Elliot wondered to himself, not that he would wish this on anyone but Olivia didn't deserve it she had a rotten life from the beginning, conceived because her mother was raped, then to escape the rape her mother became a workaholic alcoholic would Olivia had to care for. Then she was raped by some man her mom brought home, punished for someone stealing her panties, no wonder she put up walls to protect herself. After she finished crying they returned to their drive to the precinct and Olivia slept the whole way for once she looked truly peaceful and Elliot did not want to disturbed that.
By the time they got back it was 6:45 pm. And everyone but the captain had left for the day. "Olivia, Elliot can I see you?" Cragen said opening his office door, has they walk in the office. "Good work today, with the Griffin boy tomorrow we lean hard on the football players who were with Brad Saturday night. Have a good evening." Cragen said as Olivia and Elliot walked out of the office. Olivia put her jacket on and started to walk out realizing that Elliot was not behind her. "I'm just going to work for a few hours." Elliot said smiling at her as she shook her head letting him know that she was ok. After a little while Elliot walks to Cragen's office and knocks on the door. "come in." the captain said shocked that Elliot was still there. "cap I need to talk to you off the record and I need it to stay between you and me. Please don't say anything to anyone." Elliot said looking at the captain as he pours Elliot a drink. "ok, I'll trust you on this one but what is it?" Cragen said as Elliot took a sip of the vodka. "Olivia told me something that happened for her when she was a little girl. That is the reason it took us a while to get back this afternoon. When she was eight she was raped by her mother's live in boyfriend." Elliot said finishing off the glass of vodka. "is it going to impair her work ?" Cragen asked him motion asking him if he wanted another glass. "no I don't think that it will impair her job. But I just wanted to let you know what was wrong with her today just please don't bring up this to her." Elliot said looking at Cragen nodding no to offer of another drink. "I want but you let me know if she is unable to do her job. You hear me Elliot." Cragen demanded as Elliot nodded yes. "now go home to your kids." Cragen finished as Elliot grabbed his coat and went out of the precinct on his way home to his children. He spent the rest of the night cooking dinner and enjoying the company of his three children who seemed to grow up more and more every hour he does not spent with them. Elliot finally got in to bed by twelve am he just lied there thinking about the pain that Olivia must feel everyday of her life when she goes to work and sees all the badness in the world that touched her life before she even knew what badness was. At two thirty he finally fell a sleep before he heard the phone ring. "hello?" he said in a raspy voice. "its me. I was thinking about what Michael said and I think that we should bring in the football players and play it like they told us what happened and what he made Sarah Beth do." She said in an excited voice. "Liv is that you?" he said trying to take in everything she just said. "yes. Did you hear what I said?" she asked lying down on her bed. "yea. Sounds good I'll see you at eight. Night Liv." Elliot said hanging the phone up and going back to sleep. Thank god it was finally Friday Elliot thought as he got dressed and got the kids lunches together, made them breakfast, and greeted the sitter. "I'll be home at five." Elliot said walking out of the door. The players came into the precinct and gave their statements and then as they finished with statements the detectives brought in Brad and showed him the tapes of his friends, his teammates, his companions and they turned on him. He gave them everything he had and they turned him in. "Look Brad I we have their statements and numerous other peoples and now we want to know you side of the story." Olivia said sitting beside him. "I took her out called my friends and they came over and everything they said happened. When she refused to sleep with them I hit her I was just so mad I mean come on she would do anything for that little bastard but she would not even touch me. I would just lose it when she would refuse me." Brad said pulling his chair closer to Olivia putting his hand on her leg. "what happened the next when she came over to talk to you?" Elliot asked picking his hand up off Olivia's leg. "I hit her over and over and over, when she told me she was coming to see you guys. After I stopped hitting her and realized what had happened she was dead. I wrapped her body in a sheet and them in a big garage bag and pull my weights in it and dumped in the river." He said as Casey came in. "I want to pled guilty and sever my time without getting anyone else involved." He said standing up leaving to go sing-sing. It was already four thirty by the time that Brad was booked and processed.
"It is not every day that I get a win without setting foot inside a courthouse." Casey said walking in the precinct. "good work guys, I want you all to take the weekend off for the holidays." Cragen said sitting on Munch's desk. "yes." They all yelled grabbing their coats and heading out the door for their celebration of another case solved. "I've got to get home." Elliot said as they walked toward Mulleins Pub. "Elliot go ahead I'll go watch the kids." Olivia said hailing a cab. "are you sure?" Elliot asked looking at Olivia who was smiling. "yea you deserve a break every now and then." She said seeing a smile coming across his face "I'll call the sitter and let her know." Elliot said leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek.