This is a horribly delayed update, my apologies. Season 11 Luka killed my muse, but not surprisingly recent events have resurrected it. I dedicate this to all those who knew Luka and Abby's story was not over – and I don't mean this story. . . .
Epilogue: One
One, my baby girl is turning one today. It's been quite a year, although I don't think anything could match the intensity of that first year Abby and I had together. It was tough going at first. Abby had to get used to the grind of motherhood, I had to get used to being a father again. But we did it, got through it, had fun for the most part.
I picked my father up at the airport yesterday. Of course, I couldn't meet him at the gate, security being what it is now, my eyes roamed the crowds of people. Finally, I saw him lugging his suitcase, looking for me.
"Tata"
"Luka . . so many godamned people I feel like I'm in a sardine in a can." He hugs me so tight I feel like I'm in a sardine can too.
"Good flight?"
"Lousy, but you look good." He pats my face.
"Come on I've got the car. This your only bag?"
"Yes, I believe in traveling light. Where's Abby and Rosa?"
"Abby's mother is here she's helping Abby get the food ready for tomorrow, and Rosa should be napping now."
"So, I get to meet the infamous Maggie?"
"You do and watch yourself, Abby's nervous about it."
"Nervous, nervous why?"
"Maybe she's worried it will make you look at her differently to meet her mother, I don't know."
"Maggie's Maggie, Abby's Abby, two different things."
"I know. Just be nice."
"I'm always nice."
We start driving down the freeway he takes a cigarette out. "You can't smoke that thing in here."
"What? Why not? I couldn't smoke on the plane."
"Not in my car either. Rosa doesn't need the fumes and neither does Abby."
"She didn't start again?"
"No and don't you dare offer her one. I plan on growing old with her, not without her."
"Didn't I ever tell you my theory on airplane shit?"
"You did and I don't care, don't smoke around her. It's not doing you any favors either."
"It's good to see you Luka, I missed you. Who else gives me such crap any more?"
"Just behave."
"Abby still working?"
"Yeah taking a couple of shifts a week. We work it so we overlap, Rosa's not in daycare that long, and we still get my days off together."
He tells me about Damir and Tatijana and the kids, his painting, living by the sea. We make good time getting home.
"Hey, we're home." I call as we come in. Abby and Maggie emerge from the kitchen. Maggie wearing an apron, Abby wearing a frown until she sees my father, then her face lights up. She disappears in his arms.
"Abby, you're even more beautiful than I remember, motherhood's good to you. Where's my granddaughter?"
"She's still sleeping, She pulls herself away and steps back, uncertainty creeping into her voice. "Ivica this is my mother Maggie Wyczenski, Maggie this is Ivica Kovac, Luka's Dad."
"Lovely to meet you Maggie. Now I know where Abby gets her looks."
"So nice to meet you too, Ivica, I've heard so much about you from Abby. I love your paintings, so talented. You know I'm a bit of an artist myself."
"Tell me . . ." They start walking toward the living room where my father's pictures hang.
"Are they acting a bit too chummy or is it just me?" Abby asks.
"They're throwing themselves into their duty anyway."
From upstairs I hear Rosa cry then . . ."Mama . . . .Tata"
"I'll go." I change her and carry her down the stairs her little arms wrapped around my neck.
"Here she is." Here arms tighten around my neck when she sees the stranger who is her grandfather. I tell her in Croatian that her grandfather has come a long way just for her, and he will make her laugh.
"Rosa, my winter rose, so beautiful." He studies her for a moment. "That's Kovac hair, thick. She's got your eyes Luka but Abby's mouth. And, is that your nose Maggie?" His eyes are soft, kind, gentle his smile big and toothy. He holds up his pocket watch for Rosa to grab, and he laughs and looks at me, his eyes are wet.
"She's beautiful, Luka."
Maggie insists on making dinner while we all visit. Abby looks like she's on edge throughout dinner, but Maggie is fine. Ivica is subdued even polite. The conversation more the type for polite strangers than family, you know, "How was your flight?" "Please pass the peas?" "Cold winter we're having." We get through with a minimum of awkward silences thanks to Rosa who wears more food than she currently eats.
After dinner, it's my turn to put Rosa to bed while Abby cleans up in the kitchen. It's my favorite time of day. I give her a bath. She laughs at the little elephant that squirts water from its trunk, big, belly, baby laughs. I laugh too. Then I get her dressed for bed and show her a picture book. We make animal noises. She does a really good cow for a one year old. I rock her and sing her our song. When she falls asleep, I put her in her bed. And, I watch her, every night, even when it's not my turn. I watch her.
When I'm done I go downstairs and find Abby in the kitchen.
"Hey, where are Ivica and Maggie?"
"I kicked them out."
"Giving you a hard time?"
"No, it's your father he's acting so strangely."
"Well, you know my father."
"No, that's it, he's being nice . . . polite even . . .it's unnerving. Do you think that means he hates my mother?"
"No, I think it means he loves you. I told him to be nice."
"Well tell him to stop it, it's driving me nuts."
"Sorry, trying to help."
"I know. I did it too."
"What?"
"I told Maggie to behave."
"Maybe we all just need to relax."
"Maybe."
We find them outside smoking and laughing.
"What's so funny?" Abby wonders.
"You two. We decided being nice was too much work. We're grandparents not morons," clearly, Ivica's back to himself.
"Actually we came to that conclusion ourselves." I offer.
"Good. Luka . . .I'm a tired old man. Where do I sleep?"
"Oh, give him the guest room I'll take the sofa bed" Maggie chimes in.
"No, Maggie we've got it worked out. Ivica's in our room till you go then we'll switch." I tell her.
"Oh no, I should get a hotel, this is too inconvenient for you."
"No, I can get a hotel." Ivica starts.
"No one's getting a hotel. We're family. We'll make do. Abby and I have decided. No arguments."
They look at each other. "Kids." Ivica grunts. "Good night Maggie, it seems we must follow orders." He kisses her hand and mumbles something in Croatian, which tickles Maggie. I frown.
I take my father upstairs.
"I don't want to kick you out of your bedroom."
"No, this will be more comfortable for you than the roll out, better my back than yours on that mattress."
"Better Abby's back than yours on that mattress."
"Not necessarily"
He does a double take. "Happy?"
"Yes."
"I didn't have to ask but I wanted to hear you say it."
"I know. See you in the morning."
After I shower, I find Tata and Abby in the living room, Maggie's got Rosa in the backyard. He runs his hand over the piano.
"You play?"
"No," I catch Abby's eye. "But I . . . tinker on it." She blushes, Ivica's still looking at the piano.
"Tinker for me now." He says.
"I'm not ready for a public performance." Abby shakes her head at me but she's smiling.
"What's public, I'm your father?" He looks back and forth at us a bit confused.
"How about coffee?" Abby interrupts. I'm still grinning.
My father goes out to play with Rosa while Abby and I get things ready for the party. When we go out to get them for lunch, we find Maggie and Ivica laughing and chummy, a little too chummy. Abby looks at me a worried expression on her face. Rosa is dressed like an Eskimo scooping up what little snow is on the ground and putting it in a bucket. Maggie's sitting on a bench next to Ivica, she gazes up at him from under her bangs, her nose crinkled just a little, laughing and a little too close.
"Mom can you help me with the lunch things . . now" Abby doesn't look pleased.
They disappear. My father watches them go.
"You're a lucky man if Abby holds up that well . . . . .pretty woman."
"Don't even think about it."
"What?'
"I'll have your hide hanging on my wall if you even think of touching Maggie."
"Luka . . . . . what would give you that idea?"
"I don't know, the leer on your face maybe. Abby would freak. Don't do it. More trouble than any of us need . . . . or want . . . .or deserve. And I'll kill you."
"Luka . . . .calm down. Maggie and I . . . we understand each other . . .artists . . . .she's a nice woman when she's not crazy. But don't worry . . . . "
"Sorry."
"No, it's okay, you saw your wife worried . . .you were worried . . .it's okay. Maggie and I we're friends . . .we're grandparents . . . .no more . . .no less. Unless she takes her clothes off at the party than we're . . . .less."
"Tata"
"It's a joke son, just a joke."
First birthday parties aren't really for the baby. The baby couldn't care less. Really it's the parents celebrating surviving it all. That and it's the anniversary, the anniversary of the birth, the anniversary of life, as you know it, being altered . . . . .forever. They say to have a child is to forever have your heart walking around outside of your body . . .they're right. Anyway, we went a little overboard, a few friends from work, a few neighbors, somehow it turned into a house full. Abby's brother couldn't come, couldn't get leave. But, he spent Christmas with us . . .nice guy, good with Rosa, good with Abby . . .nice.
Guests start coming in. Ella and Elizabeth arrive first, Ella's enchanted by Rosa. I think she thinks she's a big doll. Anyhow, she loves the fancy dress Maggie made for Rosa. Ella grabs her by the hand. Rosa's steps are still a little unsteady at times, after all two weeks isn't very much time to practice. They toddle into the family room to begin strewing toys left and right.
Jing-Mei and Carter arrive. Carter tells me to come out and see what he's got for Rosa. I can't believe what he's brought. It's like a Humvee for a one year old or something. It's terrible.
"What? Jeep's are cool."
"You're crazy Carter it's a horrible idea. Jin-Mei?" I look at her, helpless
"I tried to tell him."
It's going back, but I don't say it. Instead I shake my head, smile and walk them into the house. Carter heads over to Abby and Maggie.
"I'm still trying to convince him that a one year old cannot be a flower girl." Jin-Mei says shaking her head.
"Don't worry. Abby put her foot down on that one."
"I think Carter wants to be sure the wedding isn't too . . . .conventional."
"That would explain why he thinks my wife is a good choice for best man."
"Well, I was considering you for matron of honor, but then I thought about you in a black strapless gown and . . . .reconsidered."
"Strapless really doesn't work for me."
"No, I wouldn't think so. Does it bother you?"
"What? Being married to the best man? Naw, she wore pants to our wedding why not yours?"
"That's not what I meant."
"I know."
She nods toward them. "They're good friends. I think there was a time when that would have bothered me, but not now. I guess I'd be a fool to marry him if it did."
"He's lucky to have you."
"Abby didn't do too badly herself. Besides I've got John where I want him."
"Where's that?"
"Here. Watch this." She glances over and sees Carter watching us, she tosses her head back smiles at me and touches my arm. He makes a beeline for us, and I can't help but laugh.
"Don't monopolize our host." He says putting an arm around her. "Come and meet Abby's mother."
They walk off and as they do she turns around and winks at me, which Abby catches on her way back to me.
"What's that about?"
"Collusion."
"Spill."
"Oh no. Jing-Mei and I have to stick together. Survival. You're not jealous?"'
"Do you want me to be?"
"Just . . you know . . . maybe a touch."
"Okay, just a touch. Speaking of touched, where's you Dad?"
"He doesn't believe on arriving on time for parties, thinks it's bad form."
"He's upstairs."
"Doesn't matter . . .he's late to his own parties."
"How's he manage that?"
"Don't ask. You don't want to know."
When he does come down he mingles Ivica style, which means everyone gets greeted and life stories revealed before they even know they're doing it.
Finally, he comes over to me. "So, who's this Carter person?"
"Why?"
"He looks like he has a stick up his ass."
"No, he's alright, comes from money."
"Hmmm rich. . . fiancé's pretty though."
"Yes she is, but he's a good guy"
"He and Abby?" he shakes his hand in the air.
"Why do you ask?"
"Something Maggie said"
"What did Maggie say?"
"That Abby could have married a millionaire."
"Oh"
"I can't see it. What was she doing with him?"
"You'd have to ask her."
"I will."
"Don't do that."
"Why not? Abby and I don't have any secrets."
"You think she's going to discuss her old boyfriends with you."
"Sure. We're like this." He crosses his fingers. "Beside, I'll trade her information."
"Like what?"
"I don't know. It depends what she wants to know."
"About you or me?"
"Whatever it takes."
"You missed your calling."
"What's that?"
"Double agent."
"She's better off."
"She knows." My father laughs and slaps me on the back . . .hard.
When it's time for cake Rosa climbs into Abby's lap. She's a little overwhelmed by all the attention – and all those adults singing off key. She buries her face in Abby. Abby whispers something in her ear, stroking her hair and points at me. She looks up at me. I've got the camera. I almost get a smile out of her. We put a big piece of cake in front of her – her first – to see what she'll do. She sticks her hands in and begins to try to stuff it in her mouth. And, then she decides mommy needs some and starts to shovel it into Abby's mouth. Well, partly into her mouth. Abby's laughing and sucking the icing off those baby fingers much to Rosa's delight
"Smile"
"No – you don't"
"I did."
"Rosa, Tata is hungry too. Share some cake with Tata." Payback.
Rosa fills her fists with cake and holds it out to me expectantly, "Tata"
I give Abby a look of feigned exasperation and head over to get my cake, which I do, nearly a face full of it. Both my girls giggle. Damn, life is good.
So, we do the whole birthday thing, the cake, the singing, the presents and, of course, the time-honored melt down of the birthday child. Finally, the last guest leaves. Abby's slumped on the sofa, Rosa asleep in her lap. Next to her sits my father who picks up her hand and kisses it. Maggie's already upstairs – she has a long bus ride tomorrow.
"I'll take her upstairs. I'm sure you two have evil plans to hatch." I nod at my father who gives me a look of pure innocence.
When I make it back down, I find Abby and Tata dancing to Natalie Cole singing 40's tunes. I lean against the wall and watch.
The song ends and my father holds her face in his hands for a second then kisses her on the forehead and looks over at me. "You're lucky I'm not a young man."
"Mmmm. May I cut in?"
"Only because I'm going to bed. Don't step on her toes."
"No, I'll try not to. Good night Tata."
"Good night." But he doesn't leave he stands in the doorway watching us dance until the song ends, then I hear his footsteps heavy on the stairs.
She looks up at me. "It was a good party."
"It was a great party."
"And my mother met your father, and we survived."
'Yes."
"Is there anything we can't do then?"
"Not that I can think of."
"So, here we are stuck sleeping on the sofa bed, our parents are upstairs. . . . . sort of like when I was young and snuck a boy in."
"Are you suggesting?"
"Furtive sex? Yes, definitely."
We danced a long time that night . . . . . even after the music stopped.
"Mmmm you're good when you're furtive". She whispers it against my neck her breath hot.
"Thank you.'
'Luka, I've been thinking. . . "
"Let me help you with that". I go for the sweet spot behind her ear.
"No, I'm serious."
"Okay, what?" I roll onto my back and get ready . . . .
"I'm thinking maybe . .. maybe. . ..
"Maybe? . .. ."
"I should finish med school. . . . . .it wouldn't be till the Fall." There it is another bomb dropped on a clear, moonless, night. Damn she's good at that. I'm glad she can't see my face. But, maybe that's the point. The long nights, the stress, the schedule, the juggling, the money. …
"You should," what else can I say? I know it's true.
"You're kidding?"
"No. I'm serious."
"You think we could make it work?"
"We have to. You can't deny part of who you are. You're a daughter, a mother, my wife, my lover, my best friend but you're also a doctor Abby. You should be who you are."
"Now, I know why I married you"
"Why?
"Because you see who I am sometimes even before I do. And you?"
I know this is important to her so I take my time. "You . . . .you remind me. . . . . of who I am . . . even when I forget."
"It won't be easy"
"Easier than pretending, than hiding."
"Maybe, but still it's a lot of work and I still want time with Rosa and you . . . "
"No one says you can't stretch it out a bit."
"Still, it's crazy. Why do we never do things the easy way?"
"Insanity?"
"You don't think?"
"What?"
"That our parents are actually the sane ones – and it's us who are nuts?"
"Could be? What's your plan Dr. Kovac?"
"Soft restraints and psychotropics?"
"You're missing something."
"What?"
"Physical exam to rule out organic causes."
"A head to toe?"
"That's what I'm thinking."
"That could take all night."
"Be good practice."
I lose myself in the touch of her hands on my skin, the taste of her mouth, the smell of her hair and the feel of her skin.
So, there it is. Carter and Jin-Mei were married in the Spring. Abby went back to med school in the Fall. It was hard . . okay it was shitty. But we did it. She got most of her rotations at County - thank goodness for on-site child care. We grabbed breaks and lunches with Rosa as much as we could. I begged, borrowed and cheated my way out of night shifts when she was on a bad rotation. But, basically we never saw each other, two boats passing in the night. Residency was better, more predictable anyway. She matched at County so we got to work with each other again. Maggie got engaged to a nice man. My father still lives by the sea, painting and drinking, he comes for a long visit once a year. Things settled in until Christmas Eve night during the second year of Abby's residency. In usual fashion it came out at night, lying in the dark after making love.
"Luka . . . .I'm late . . . ."
But that's another story.