Forever, a law and order: ci fanfic

A/N 1 Thank you so much to everyone who responded to 'Coffee'. To answer one comment…with the exception of 'Intensive Caring', my CI stories: Butterfly, Xander's Song, Weep Not for the Memories, and Coffee, are all snapshots of what I imagine Bobby and Alex's lives to look like. I hope that this one will fill in the blanks for everyone a bit. I do have a few more of these kicking around in my head. I believe that when put together, they will tell the Goren family's stories.

A/N 2 Inspired in part by Randy Travis' Forever And Ever, Amen

Forever

I am an early riser. I always have been, from the time that I was very small. I remember my parents yelling at me, telling me to go back to bed, informing me that if I made any noise I would regret it. I always found morning peaceful. When I was young, it was a great time to read books or look at the few kid friendly magazines that were scattered around the house. As I grew a little older, I would use the quiet time to finish working on projects for school. Nothing has changed. I still find mornings to be my favourite part of the day to read, catch up on work, or for other things.

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I blinked, suddenly awake, but unsure why. The sun was streaming in through the blinds in my bedroom. The question of why the blinds were open briefly crossed my mind; until I felt the warmth of another body nestled close to me. Whispery breaths tickled my arm, and I turned my head toward the tickle.

I drank in the sight of her. She looked so young, so untroubled, and so angelic. Her lips were parted just slightly. I struggled to overcome an urge to lean over and kiss them. That would surely wake her up and that was not my goal, at least not at that moment. Her hair was mussed, and spread all over her pillow. It was shiny and soft looking, just begging to be touched and played with. Her eyes were moving underneath the closed lids. I could only hope that her dreams were good, as mine had been.

Waking up with her in my bed or finding myself in hers was still new. We had been partners for six years, six of the most wonderful years of my adult life, correction, my entire life. We belonged together, that I knew from the start.

Cicicicici

It had started out innocently enough, drinks, dinner and a movie. Innocent on her part anyway. She had no idea how important she was to me, and not just as a partner and friend. She had cast her spell over me the moment that she handed me that first cup of coffee. I would do anything for her and she knew it. She knew it but never abused that power.

We would go to some of the best restaurants that we could afford for beverages and then for a nice meal. Generally, Alex would pick the movie, usually some girlie flick, and we would relax in the darkness and loose ourselves in the movie. On the rare occasion that I was allowed to choose the show, I would try to pick movies that looked frightening, after all, I am male. It always surprised me that this woman, the one who touched dead bodies and accompanied me on the most gruesome of cases, would jump, yelp and clutch at my arm during these films.

It was shortly after she gave birth to her nephew that our routine changed. Instead of going out, she, we, were content with staying in. We would pick up dinner on the way to either my apartment or hers. Our conversations moved from focusing on work to more on her family, specifically the baby.

I knew that it had been difficult for her to give up that little boy. I had no idea how difficult until one evening when she broke down and confessed to me how much that baby meant to her. How shortly after giving birth, she had even considered taking the baby and even moving out of state with him. I must have had a shocked look on my face when she told me this because she laughed then explained that she never would have actually done this, it had just been her hormones reacting to the recent birth.

I told her stories of my life as well. I told her how I tried to assume responsibility for my family at age 11. How my father abandoned us, how my mother would refuse her medication so I would hide it in her food in hopes that she would remember to eat and 'accidentally' take her meds. My brother was significantly older than me and had always had a fascination with gambling. This would ultimately bring him down. He often would come and steal money from Mom. We did not have much, and what little we had would often come from my paper routes or odd jobs that I would do around the neighborhood.

We talked about her husband, his death and her resulting miscarriage. We spoke of the men that she had gone out with since. She had confessed that she was frightened to let anyone get too close to her. She was scared that she would lose him the way she had lost Drew.

She asked why I had never settled down with anyone. My relationships never seemed to last more than about six weeks. I could not tell her it was because no one could compare to her, so I told her that I was waiting for my soul mate, someone who would be with me forever.

One evening we were at Alex's apartment. It had been my turn to choose a movie, and for once, I had not chosen a horror flick. I picked a movie that I knew Alex had been dying to see. By the end of the movie, she had moved from her end of the couch into my arms. She was snuffling against my chest as we watched the heroine die from whatever illness she was supposed to have had.

My hand moved, without any thought on my part, up into her hair and stroked the silky softness. I found myself kissing the top of her head and breathing in the sweet smell of her flowery shampoo. She shifted slightly and I reached toward her lips. The kiss was soft, sweet and left me tingling. I broke away and looked deeply into her eyes. I was shocked to see the same reactions that I had felt reflected in her eyes. She reached for another kiss and this time I deepened it considerably. Soon we were making out like teenagers, only breaking apart when air became a necessity.

I had to make myself leave that night. I was determined not to rush anything. I wanted to make sure that Alex was comfortable and ready. I knew she was scared to commit, and the last thing that she needed was for me to declare my long-standing love for her.

We carried on this way for a few months, me not pressuring her, and her not asking for more from me. I had been contemplating how to take the next step forward with her. I had been planning on cooking her dinner and then having a serious talk with her. She was my forever and I wanted her to know that. I wanted to see if she would consider letting me in. Letting me show her that love was not about losing, it was about winning. My world crumbled that same day that I asked her if she would come to my apartment for dinner. She could not. She had a date. My self-confidence crumbled.

We quickly slipped backward in our budding relationship. We both dated other people for a number of weeks. Well, to be fair, I dated a number of ladies, while she stuck to this one guy. She seemed happy, and really, that is what I wanted for her. I would have preferred that she be happy with me, but it looked like that ship had sailed. I spent many sleepless nights wondering what I could have done differently. Did I act to slow? Was I moving too quickly?

I was awakened by the sound of someone knocking on my door. The knocking was very light, yet it was enough to rouse me from my slumber. Tearing me from a dream in which Alex was about to marry the man, the man that she was dating. I stumbled to the door heard her tearful voice. A moment later she was in my arms crying. Apparently, the guy had been cheating on her. Not only had he been cheating on my partner he had also been cheating on his own wife. Again, Alex had been burned.

I held her in my arms for a long time. I let her cry, and then I listened to her talk. She questioned why men had to cheat. Why we, as males, could not be happy with just one woman. I tried to soothe her but she continued pointing out that even I seemed to have a revolving door of ladies. One was not good enough for me.

Eventually she settled down and stilled in my arms. She was so quiet, and her breathing so even, I thought she had fallen asleep. I waited a few more minutes before whispering into her hair that if she were mine I would never cheat. I would treat her the way she deserved to be treated, and that I would never leave her. She surprised me by whispering back that I should not make promises that I would never be able to keep. I asked her to trust me, and after a few long moments, I felt her nod her head against my chest. My arms tightened around her.

"Forever?" she whispered.

"Forever".

Cicicicicici

I was pulled from my thoughts by her stirring next to me. I focused in on her beautiful face and smiled as she gave me one of her amazing smiles.

"Were you watching me again Bobby?" She questioned.

"Forever" I replied. "Forever".

Forever And Ever, Amen

You may think that I'm talking foolish

You've heard that I'm wild and I'm free

You may wonder how I can promise you now

This love that I feel for you

Always will be

You're not just time that I'm killing

I'm no longer one of those guys

As sure as live

This love that I give

Is gonna be yours until the day that I die

Oh baby

I'm gonna love you forever

Forever and ever, amen

As long as old men sit and talk about the weather

As long as old women sit and talk about old men

If you wonder how long I'll be faithful

(I'll be hapy to tell you again/Just listen to how this song ends)

I'm gonna love you

Forever and ever

Forever and ever amen

They say time takes its toll on a body

Makes a young girl's brown hair turn gray

Well, honey, I don't care

I ain't in love with your hair

And if it all fell out

I'd love you anyway

Well, they say time can play tricks on a memory

Make people forget things they knew

Well, it's easy to see

It's happening to me

I've already forgotten every women but you