The Lion Queen

Chapter II: The Battle

After everyone left the fiesta, a fleet of ninja pirates jumped on flying, explosive hamburgers. And they parachuted down to the ground. But when they landed, their hamburgers EXPLODED! But they didn't care, because they were pirates with ninja stuff. And then, they launched bologna rolls out of their cannons, because they didn't like bologna. And Simba was like, "Oh no! I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning!"

Just then, Mufasa's ghost comes up and says, "Simba, guess what! I'm a rapper now, yo!"

"Hey! You can't take my lingo, yo!" Scar shouted at Mufasa.

"Scar, is that you?" Simba said.

"Yes Simba, it is!" Scar replied.

"Oh, Scar!"

"Oh, Simba, will you marry me?" Scar proposed.

"Yes, yes I will!" Simba answered.

"Simba, you can't marry Scar!" Nala said.

"Why not? We're sisters, and before I knew that, I had already cheated on you!" Simba said. "Besides, do you really love me?"

"No, Zazu does!" Nala replies as Zazu walks in the room.

"Is it true, Zazu? Do you love me?" Simba asked.

"Yes, Simba. Will you marry me?"

"No, Simba's mine!" Scar said.

Then, Zazu called the fleet of ninja pirates to attack Scar. But then, Scar called on a fleet of rabid field mice riding hot dogs. The rabid mice and ninja pirates started to fight. And then, Scar and Zazu fused and became Scazu. And then Scazu said, "Simba, will you marry me?"

"Yes, yes I will!" Simba answered.

But just then, as Scazu and Simba were getting ready to get married, Kiara and Kovu plummeted down to the ground in a torpedo shell. They came out and fused together to become Kiarvu. Kiarvu saw Nala and started to make out with her. Seeing this, Mufasa's ghost rapped, "Yo name is Nala. You da 9th callah. Seein' you with Kiarvu makes me wanna hollah!"

"'You da 9th callah?' That doesn't make any sense!" Scazu said.

"So, yo?" Mufasa replied. "I don't care, you big ugly bear!"

Everyone groaned. But then, Timon committed suicide! He committed suicide to be with Mufasa. When he was up there, he started to make out with Mufasa. Then they had little spirit children and died happily ever after.

But this isn't the end of the story. Mufasa and Timon are just not in it anymore. Now, anyway. Suddenly, George W. Bush comes in. "All right, boys. This is the perfect place to launch a nuculer explosion."

"Uh, sir. It's pronounced nuclear," an assistant whispered in his ear.

"That's what I said, nuculer."

Then, the army of ninja pirates fired bologna rolls at Bush and his men. Then they dropped them off at the White House, which they painted purple. So now, it's the Purple House.

Then, Scazu and Kiarvu decided to abandon their fiancés to marry each other instead. So they did.

But then, Pumbaa felt sorry for Simba and Nala and married them both. But, eventually, everyone loved everyone else so everyone got married to each other. But then on came the Great Divorce. Everyone divorced and established their own countries. But then, Japan took over and forced them all to work in fondue factories! And then, they overthrew Japan. But then, George W. Bush came back into the story!

"All right, Lion King animals! I'm sending you all into the War in Iraq! Now move it! Move it! Move it!" Bush yelled.

"But we don't want to go!" someone cried.

"TOO BAD!" Bush boomed. And then a lightning bolt struck the person, and he flew into the next dimension.

But then, Bush exploded! And then, a mysterious, evil force came and took over Pride Rock!

It laughed and said, "I have taken Pride Rock! And now you will all be slaves to my might!"

"Never!" Scazu and Kiarvu shouted.

Then, Scazu, Kiarvu, Simba, Nala, and Pumbaa fused together. They became Sciarmbalazukobaa! And then, they took a trip to North Korea to stock up on powerful weapons they knew they had!

But then, they realized it wasn't enough! To beat something that powerful, they had to get all of the nuclear explosions in the world. They got the explosions, but realized they needed an Ancient Chinese firecracker. So they all jumped on their time machine.

But their time machine was actually a time-traveling, radioactive milkshake! So, they went to Ancient China on their time-traveling, radioactive milkshake. And there, they found warriors. And the warriors turned into bears, volcanoes, and French fries. Sciarmbalazukobaa fought the bears, volcanoes, and French fries. But then, a guitar-playing donkey used its trombone to throw the moon! And then, it hit the warriors and Sciarmbalazukobaa got the firecracker and went home on their milkshake. But then, it turned out that they didn't need the firecracker, so a monkey ate it instead!

And then, they went back to Africa, where Pride Rock is. They went to the evil force and realized what it really was! It was the most horrifying, diabolical, destructive, and shrewd slime-bag ever to set foot on this earth! It was… it was… A LAWYER! And then it used its lawsuit of death on them, but it didn't work, because they didn't know what a lawsuit was! And then, Sciarmbalazukobaa used the nuclear explosions on it. And they won!

After the battle, Sciarmbalazukobaa turned back into Scar, Kiara, Simba, Nala, Zazu, Kovu, and Pumbaa. But then, Timon came back to life.

"Timon, you're alive!" his husband, Pumbaa, shouted.

"Of course I'm alive! I couldn't take Mufasa anymore! He cheated on me by marrying his own dad!"

"But how did you come back to life?" Simba asked?

"I jumped out of Heaven," Timon replied.

"I wanna try!" Simba exclaimed. And then he committed suicide.

"He ain't comin' back…" Timon said.

"Why not, yo?" Scar da Gangstah asked.

"He didn't have a lucky nickel."

The End… Or is it?