Merry Christmas, Darling

by Mitsukaii

I have one more wish to make.

m e r r y - c h r i s t m a s ,
d a r l i n g .

"But you sing really, really good."

"I don't care what you say about my voice—there's no way."

"Don't be such a Scrooge, Kairi. I can't hit the very high notes or the very low notes, but you can. Please?"

"Selphie, ask someone else."

"Oh, sure. As if Tidus or Wakka want to do anything besides hover around a stupid mistletoe."

"I'm sure you can sing it, Selph. Just, rearrange the notes or something. Make it fit your voice."

"Since when did Kairi Hikari all of a sudden hate Christmas caroling? You used to love doing it before Sora and Riku left. You know what? Whatever, it's okay. I'm being too pushy. I know it's your first Christmas here at Destiny Islands without Sora, or Riku..."

"That's not it. It's just—my heart's not really in it."

"Fine, if that's what you say. I'll see you later at your party. I might be there a little late, with caroling and all. Save some gingerbread men for me?"

"Sure, of course."

"Okay, bye. Oh—and Kairi?"

"Yeah?"

"Merry Christmas."

Selphie hung up before I even had the chance to reply to her greeting. I instantly felt a wave of guilt wash over me, and it was nothing like the ocean waves washing against the sand outside of my window. I stepped over to the other side of my bedroom and unlatched my two French doors, letting them swing open and welcome me into the balcony.

Of course, since I lived on an island, there wouldn't be any snow. But every winter the sky would cloud up, varying in colors of dusty gray and pristine white, threatening rain or even snow but never actually precipitating. I walked across until I reached the end of the balcony, and my hands clasped the chilled silver railing. My gaze wandered around Destiny Islands, that is, what I could see of it. I treasured the breathtaking view of the vast, aquamarine ocean, but what brought back the most memories was the small island to the west.

I hadn't been there in a while. I've delayed getting into my boat and rowing across to that island, and for what reason I knew not. But I knew it was more than the fact that you'd get terribly cold whenever you tried traveling somewhere through a boat during winter.

A gentle and frigid breeze picked up, caressing my face and sending a slight shiver running down my spine, and vibrating sparsely across my bones. I cast my eyes upwards, and noticed that some of the clouds had cleared, revealing a lovely, wintry shade of violet. I thought I saw a star brightly flashing for a split second, but it was a bit too early for stars. Maybe I've become delusional, seeing things that aren't really there. It's been happening a lot lately. It started when I returned to Destiny Islands without Sora, about a year ago. I had wandered over to the Secret Place and, well, he was right there, drawing on the walls with a jagged rock.

Then he faded in a swirl of twinkling dust that soon dispersed.

There hadn't been many incidents when I thought I saw something that wasn't there, but there had been more than enough. Sometimes I don't even know what's really real anymore. But if there's anything that's "really real," it's my feelings for Sora.

I turned around and returned to my bedroom, closing my French doors and pulling at a tassel, causing lavender drapes to blanket over the glass with a light swish. I went over to my mirror, evaluating my red and white Christmas outfit. I reminded myself very much of a candy cane, but I knew it would please my father—the mayor—if he saw me wearing the outfit he had gotten made especially for me.

Sometimes I felt spoiled.

I sighed and found myself leaning back against my overstuffed pillows. I closed my eyes and began to whistle. My whistles turned into humming. Then, that humming eventually turned into singing and I couldn't believe myself when I heard the words of 'White Christmas' spilling out of my mouth.

"I'm... dreaming... of a white Christmas..."

I held a pillow to my chest, my mellifluous voice filling the empty silence of my room. My fingers twined into the lace that bordered the edges of my pillow, and I continued to sing absentmindedly.

Okay, so perhaps there was one thing on my mind.

"May your days be merry... and bright—"

I snapped out of my singing trance when there was a knock on my bedroom door, which opened a few seconds later I gave consent. It was my father.

"Kairi!" There was a beaming grin on his face. "I was walking by and overheard you singing. You sing beautifully, I just want you to know." Then, getting a little ahead of himself, he looked up with pride. "You make me so proud!"

My mouth was hanging open. I then forced on a smile. "Thanks, Dad."

He gave me a fatherly wink and departed, making sure to close the door. My cheeks were flaring, feeling a little embarrassed. But then I reached for my phone, and for some odd reason I dialed Selphie's number.

"Hello?"

I bit my lip. "Hey, Selphie? What was that song, the one you wanted me to sing?"

"'Silent Night.' Why?"

I took a deep breath. "Still need that soloist?"

- x o x o -

Selphie happily linked arms with me. "I'm so glad you decided to join us! It wouldn't be the same without you!"

I gulped. "Yeah. Um, so which exact part am I supposed to sing?"

Selphie laughed, tensing. "Well, you see, we kinda need you to sing the whole thing..."

"THE WHOLE THING? BY MYSELF?"

"By yourself." Selphie tried to calm me down, patting me on the back. "Don't worry, we'll back you up on the 'Silent Night, Holy Night' parts."

"Gee, thanks." I rolled my eyes, but hey, I might as well—for Christmas.

"Look, there's everyone else," chirped Selphie, pointing to a group standing near a brightly lit lamppost. I recognized many of the Islanders, and we all exchanged handshakes and hugs and waves and 'Happy Holidays!' and made sure we were all ready with what we were going to sing. Selphie was right; neither Tidus nor Wakka were there, and they were probably mingling around some "stupid mistletoe."

Soon enough, we were all organized in front of the randomly chosen first house. Selphie did herself the honor of bounding up the porch and ringing the doorbell. And not only did she ring the doorbell, she drummed on the door as well. As if that weren't enough, Selphie had a bell with her, which she began to rattle vigorously.

All the carolers, including me, sighed in exasperation as we watched Selphie. Eventually, an equally exasperated person opened the door to look down at the hyperactive girl.

Selphie back away and practically crashed into me, and we both stifled giggles as we realized that it was our principal—Principal Makoto.

Then I began to heat up with apprehension. I'm going to have to sing a solo in front of my principal? Aw, man. I didn't notice that everyone started singing already, so I jumped into 'Joy to the World' a little late.

After three songs, our last one to sing was 'Silent Night,' and the time came for me to have my solo.

I softly cleared my throat, my hands trembling. I started off a little shaky, but I warmed up to the tune and closed my eyes, lifting my chin a bit to let my melodic soprano voice tumble out easily.

"Silent night, holy night..."

Selphie was right. Whenever I would sing that line, the other carolers' voices blossomed in the background in harmony, creating a heavenly divine blend of voices.

My voice rose slightly, getting a little higher. "All is calm, all is bright..."

I opened my eyes a little, squinting at Principal Makoto. He was smiling, and it was then I knew that I was doing all right. I sang the rest of the song, and at the end Principal Makoto laughed. He was clapping slowly, with his large hands. Then he went inside for a moment, coming out with candy canes to give to us. Around each candy cane was a silver and red ribbon.

I slightly smiled at the candy cane in my hand; at least it would camouflage against my outfit.

- x o x o -

Okay, I have to admit it. Caroling was fun. Very fun. But sometimes I couldn't help but remember the times Sora or Riku would stand on either side of me while we caroled, and how I would sometimes step on Sora's toes—with those dumb black dressy shoes of mine—because it seemed like he wasn't singing loud enough and just saying "watermelon" over and over again.

Although, whenever I looked next to me, it was just another caroler singing along to 'Jingle Bells' or 'Winter Wonderland,' or some other Christmas carol.

I miss him.

"Kairi!" Selphie flounced over to me, a cute little gingerbread man in her left hand and a cup of eggnog in her right hand. She slung an arm around my shoulder in a hyper manner and I stared at the cup of eggnog swishing right next to my face.

There was just this weird thing about me despising eggnog, even though I've never had it.

I inched away from Selphie slowly. "Enjoying yourself?" I asked, in an attempt to be a good hostess, and Selphie's head bobbed up and down. She soon pranced away.

Almost everyone on the island was in my large manor. My father had hired help to have our abode decorated in every inch of every room to present classic Victorian Christmas embellishment. The ceilings draped tinsel, lights shaped as stars were strung around the room, and glistening sashes of red and green ribboned around the halls. There was a lengthy table that had all the food upon it, ranging from turkey, steak, cookies, cake, and etc. I hadn't eaten anything yet; I had sort of lost my appetite. But we had even ordered to have a stage set up, where a rather talented pianist wearing a tux with a tail was currently playing Christmas tunes on a white Yamaha grand piano.

The thing is, I never really paid any attention to any of that, for in the middle of the large room stood a towering Christmas tree that almost reached the ceiling. It glowed with a lustrous gleam, decorated top to bottom with enchanting ornaments. At the top sat an angel, twinkling warmly, cradling a crystal star in her arms. This year, I had not helped decorate the tree. I felt remorse over the fact that I hadn't. But every year before this one, it was Sora and I who would set up ladders and hang ornaments upon the tree. Maybe I didn't want to do it without Sora. Maybe it was because I'd feel guilty that he'd be missing out on all this; or perhaps it's just because it would bring back a whole bunch of memories that would further cause me to wish for his return.

Behind me, I heard two familiar laughs; along with an annoyed shrill from Selphie. I turned around to see no other than Tidus and Wakka, shoving at each other merrily under the silver, white, and green mistletoe that suspended from the ceiling on a barely noticeable string.

I folded my hands behind me and laughed at my two male friends. "Why don't you two just kiss each other already?"

I exchanged a high-five with Selphie, earning glares from the two boys that soon faded from their faces. Wakka rolled his eyes. "We're not like that, ya?"

Tidus nodded in agreement. "We're waiting for the ladies. So please move aside, little girls."

I smirked. "The only reason 'the ladies' aren't coming is because you two are standing right there."

Selphie giggled. "You guys may be waiting for the ladies, but the ladies are waiting for the men."

Wakka looked disgruntled. "How rude!"

I shook my head with a smile. He may be angry with me now, but he'll lighten up once he opens up the present I got for him: a new blitzball.

Tidus shrugged. "Let's just go outside and play with your blitzball."

"Wha? In the middle of a Hikari Christmas party? You crazy, man! Let's just go over to the food table—I busted my blitzball the other day, anyway. Need a new one."

With that, Tidus and Wakka brushed past Selphie and I to satisfy their stomachs. Which would take a while.

The next second, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I whirled around, and in my surprise, I saw Principal Makoto.

"Hello, Kairi. I just wanted to say, you sang very skillfully earlier today."

I felt a mix of delight, anxiety, and pride. "Thanks a lot, Principal Makoto!"

A lady in black silk slunk over. "Oh, yes. I heard you caroling today. What a lovely voice."

"Where did you learn to sing like that?"

"Oh, she was obviously born with that voice. You can't just teach that sort of skill!"

"So tell us, do you want to go professional on this singing thing?"

I felt myself turn slightly pink at the attention, and to my slight dismay and shock I noticed other people complimenting me on my so-called "singing talent." Some were even talking about me, but not to me, just murmuring approval amongst their selves.

I felt as though I were saved when my father walked up on the stage with a microphone to make an announcement, but I couldn't believe my ears when I heard what my father was saying:

"I would like to ask my daughter, Miss Kairi Hikari, to come up and sing us a song!"

I practically fell over, feeling on the verge of unconsciousness. He was kidding, right? He had to be kidding. But I realized it was no joke when my father searched for my face in the crowd, and when he found me at last, he grinned and beckoned me to the stage with a hand. My eyes widened as wide as saucers and I gulped, shaking my head no.

Too bad people started chanting my name.

"Kai-ri! Kai-ri! Kai-ri!"

"You should go!" urged Selphie, who was still next to me, now tugging my arm.

"Darn it," I muttered under my breath. I knew I had no choice. But then I realized... maybe this wasn't such a bad thing, after all...

People made way for me as I walked over to the stage and stepped up upon it. I felt my knees almost give out underneath me, and my hands were equivalent to ice.

My father gestured towards me suavely, announcing, "I am pleased to introduce, my daughter, my little singing sensation—"

Oh, God.

"—Kairi Hikari!"

My fingers shook a little as my father handed me the microphone. A stool was put up for me to sit on, and my father left the stage, but not before giving me an assuring smile. I swallowed hard, placing myself upon the edge of the stool, and setting the mike on the microphone stand so that I wouldn't have to hold it while I sang. I looked out into the crowds, into all the familiar faces, a familiar sea of faces. But there was a certain face that was missing—the certain face that had been missing for a while, the certain face that I longed to see again. And that face, the missing face, was the only one that mattered.

I saw Selphie, and she gave me a perky thumbs-up. It didn't help in the least, but I tweaked a nervous little smile that soon disappeared. I noticed that the lights had been dimmed—even the lights on the colossal Christmas tree. I heard a small clang from above, and a silvery white spotlight was instantly bestowed upon me.

Then every eye was on me.

In my mind, I saw a flicker of chestnut brown hair and a pair of azure blue eyes, as deep as the ocean, and I suddenly knew what song to sing.

I sighed and turned to the pianist. "'Merry Christmas, Darling.'"

It took a while for the pianist to comprehend, but then he noticed that I meant the song. He nodded at me and began to play the intro. I waited for him to play a certain chord so that I could begin singing. I closed my eyes, and soon my body felt at ease. Every feeling of nervousness seeped out of me, and I was left tranquil, with only one thing on my mind...

"Sora..."

Miraculously, no one heard me, and that certain chord I had been waiting for was played. My heart seemed to skip a beat, but I opened my mouth and sang, the words tumbling out wholeheartedly, feeling the unearthly warm glow of the spotlight on my cheeks.

"Greeting cards have all been sent...

The Christmas rush is through.

But I still have one more wish to make...

A special one for you."

I felt my throat tighten up, and my eyes began to blur. I shook my head lightly. No. Not now. "Merry Christmas, Darling."

Sora, floating off into an endless, starry night...

"We're apart, that's true..."

Clear, sweet tenor drifted around the manor. I think it was mine.

We made a promise...

"But I can dream,

And in my dreams...

I'm Christmas-ing with you."

He used to throw tinsel at me all the time... and we'd laugh...

"Holidays are joyful,

There's always something new.

But every day's a holiday,

When I'm near to you."

... Sora, you lazy bum...

I looked around; the Christmas tree still glowed, though dimly. I saw Sora putting up an ornament. He looked at me and delivered me that silly grin. My breath felt caught in my throat, but when I blinked, he was gone...

"The lights on my tree...

I wish you could see.

I wish it everyday.

The logs on the fire,

Fill me with desire..."

... Christmas Eve... Sora and I always made s'mores... his marshmallow always looked stupid...

"To see you and say,

That I wish you a Merry Christmas...

Happy New Year, too..."

His lips were moving...

I heard nothing...

But I knew what he was saying...

He'd be back...

I took a deep breath, my voice softening. "I've just one wish—"

I almost lost myself at that very moment. I probably missed a few words but the pianist made sure not to show it, and I was grateful. My voice was barely audible now, but the microphone amplified it so that my voice flowed across the room. "I wish I were with you..."

He'd be back.

The pianist's fingers danced across glossy ebony and ivory, creating a heartwarming melody, harmonizing with my own voice. The pianist ventured to the highest notes, and then to the low, rumbling ones... he pressed some keys longer than others, and barely touched some keys but still made their musical tone existent. The piano sounded so beautiful; the ambitious, magnificent sounds echoed. The hands that played the song were superbly experienced, and flew across the keys proficiently.

I felt my eyes sting.

Just one more line.

The piano grew softer, beginning to falter and fade.

Before I closed my eyes, I saw Sora standing under the mistletoe.

"Kairi, remember what you said before? I'm always with you, too—"

One more line.

My eyes reopened, periwinkle eyes glittering with unshed tears. I wasn't sure if I would make it. But I sought out strength from within my heart to quietly vocalize the last line...

"... I wish I were with you."

The last chord clinked gently, and ended like soft, vibrating hums.

Done.

And at the same time everyone burst into heated, enthusiastic applause, cheering out my name and chanting once again, a tear slipped from my eye.

You'll come back. You said so, and I believe in you.

I know you will.

People were still shouting out and whooping energetically, both delighted and impressed. I let their voices and excitement drain from my hearing as I quietly walked off the stage.

- x o x o -

I stood in my balcony. The chilly breeze swirled around me, ruffling the edges of my skirt. My gaze was fixed on the sky above, and I noticed that the clouds were gone.

There were no stars tonight.

So the star, that single flashing star I had seen earlier... it was just me being delusional all over again. Tears were cascading down my face and falling to the marble ground underneath me, but I paid it no heed.

I could faintly hear the sounds of the party downstairs.

My eyes traveled across the sky, lowering a bit, and that small island caught my eye, catching my breath as well. I thought I saw Sora, on the shores of that island, waving at me, but before I knew it he was gone. I shook my head, wiping my eyes. I was about to go inside, maybe return to the party, but something made me stop and stay outside.

I gazed up at the deep amethyst sky again. It was the place I had last seen him.

"Merry Christmas, Sora."

Then I saw it—that flashing star, the one I had seen earlier. It blinked white, then... red? And then green... and then white, and red. It repeated all over again, shimmering in the process.

I felt stupid. It was just a helicopter!

I looked again.

No.

It wasn't a helicopter...

I ran up to the railing of the balcony, gripping it tightly, and leaned up, my eyes squinting. My eyes instantly widened in realization—was my mind playing games with me again? The light grew brighter, and I saw shapes seemingly molded into each other... it was definitely not a helicopter...

I shook my head and blinked. I stared in awe. I blinked again and again, but the light and the shape it was attached to did not disappear or disperse. It was then that I knew it was true—that I was staring right at a gummi ship.

I couldn't help but curse under my breath before letting another tear escape.

Only one name left my lips.

"... Sora?"

fin.

Happy Holidays!