Mystery Men
Fanfic by Whispering Winds
The Marauders are Hogwarts' resident celebrities. But contrary to most teenagers' idols, this dastardly bunch of marauding menaces is a complete mystery to their fans. That is until the determined Lily Evans decides it's time every girl's fantasy "Prongs" should be hers. Now if only James Potter would leave her the sod alone!
Chapter III
Thick purple bags lined Lily's almond shaped eyes. Her hair was a tangled mess of uncharacteristically insipid strands of flaxen-red that snaked out in all directions. Beads of sweat, the result of intense concentration, dotted her brow, as she looked up – panting – at her creation, a feral grin painted across her face.
Covering the wall either side of Lily's four-poster bed so completely that not a crack of the red and gold wall behind showed through, was what can only be described as a chaotic mosaic of mismatched sheets of parchment whose contents ranged from scribbled love hearts, to photos the Marauders were not quite featured in, to page long essays written in the tiniest of scripts in an attempt to cram in more information than should be possible for a single sheet of parchment.
She had stayed up all through Friday night, and into Saturday to complete it.
A loud yawn to her left broke her out of her revere, as she took in the appearance of the bleary eyed Alice Watts, who's characteristic wispy strands of silver-blonde hair were looking thoroughly wisped by something one might find in a typical Muggle kitchen.
Absentmindedly rubbing her newly awakened eyes, Alice found herself baffled at the sight before her.
"What is it?"
James Potter, and Sirius Black stumbled their way into the Gryffindor common rooms, at around the time most sane people would be waking up from a decent night's rest, positively sloshed after an illegal night in Hogsmeade in celebration of what the Marauders were already calling their crowning achievement. Following behind them was the limp form of Peter Pettigrew, strewn across the almost sober Remus Lupin's shoulder.
The Slytherins were in for the shock of their lives.
"What is it! What is it! This, is the key to finding Prongs, and fulfilling my dreams, is what this is!"
"Oh – Yawn – that's nice," was Alice's dazed reply as she limped towards the fifth year girls' bathroom, idly scratching at her thigh.
As Lily descended the stairs that lead into the Great Hall, she was greeted by the sight of total and utter pandemonium in place of what should've been a mild breakfast. Terribly anxious to find the source – 'It has to be the Marauders!' – Lily hurried down the last few steps. Sliding into her usual seat, and helping herself to a slice of toast – Lily begun her inquiry as she applied a healthy dosage of butter to her bread.
As it turned out, it would take very little interrogation to get everyone's full story.
"It was the Marauders that done it of course," came the self assured dialect of Deatrin Thomas, a sixth year Gryffindor of African decent, with aspirations of becoming an Auror, "snuck down to the Slytherin commons last night, and pried Paracelsus' portrait right off the wall –"
By this time the grin mapped across Lily's face stretched from ear to ear, as she revelled in the account of the Marauders' latest caper.
"No one knows what they've done with him… they're saying that if he's been damaged in any way that the culprits will be expelled," interrupted Aideen Finnegan, a young Witch with a thick Irish accent, and one of Lily's best friends.
"'course they'll have to figure out who them Marauders are first," Deatrin reaffirmed his lead role as storyteller.
Suddenly the grin had left Lily's rapidly paling face. 'The Marauders can't be expelled! Prongs wouldn't have been stupid enough to do anything permanent – would he?'
In an irrational moment spurred of fear, Lily jumped out of her chair, muttering a brief "Gotta run," her breakfast completely forgotten, before racing off in search of the missing portrait in the hopes of finding it before anything rash was done to the Marauders.
She hadn't made it three steps out of the Great Hall before the heavy figure of Professor Slughorn – the Slytherin Head of House – came crashing into her. The collision literally knocked the wind out of her as she was sent spiralling to the floor in a heap. A momentary look of surprise, the only visible evidence of an encounter on Slughorn's face as he continued on his course, billows of fat jolting up and down, red faced and breathing heavily.
"I've found him!"
"How long do you reckon before they find him?" came the casual enquiry of Sirius Black, as he surveyed the damage dropping Paracelsus' frame on his foot had caused. Satisfied there was nothing major, he looked up to regard his friends' faces.
"Well it all depends on that Walrus Slughorn doesn't it, and how quickly he can climb stairs with his… condition," James Potter's eyes widened in an unsettling gaze as he delivered his ominous conclusion.
A puzzled look flickered in Peter Pettigrew's eyes as he tried to decipher the identity of Professor Slughorn's affliction, "Condition?"
"Obesity is speculated to be a disease by the forerunners of Muggle health sciences," sounded the monotonous drawl of Remus Lupin in his best imitation of the magically recorded voice that enunciated the pronunciation key beside an entry in 'Hexford's English Dictionary for the Magically Inclined.'
"It isn't contagious is it?" a panic stricken look distorted Sirius' handsome features as he slowly edged away from Peter, in an unintentionally obvious manner.
"Don't be ridiculous Padfoot!"
"I'm not, I'm –"
"Sirius," the other three members of the Marauders chorused in dull tones. The joke wasn't funny the first time he'd said it, and now five years down the track, it had lost even more appeal.
"Well I'm bored, and we've given them," Sirius paused to glance down at his wristwatch, a bizarre contraption; alive with enough spinning diodes and circulating globes to send the owner of a perfectly organized mind cross-eyed, "enough time for Lovegood to have made three trips to Sweden and spotted a Crumple-Horned Snorkack performing a one legged rumba with a Blibbering Humdinger!"
Gingerly testing his foot as he rose, Sirius purposely strode down the spiral staircase that lead to the fifth year dormitories.
Turning to Lupin, Peter voiced the question his two remaining companions were both thinking, "He can tell all that from looking at his watch?"
"Apparently so," came Remus' answer in a much more natural tone. "Shall we follow him then?"
Nodding in agreement, the three boys rose. It was time to watch the show.
Slughorn's cry fell on the ears of a suddenly silent Great Hall. The silence was not long lived however, as in the next instant, the sounds of a thousand students vibrated through the room as they scraped their chairs against the floor, rising to their feet, before moving as one in a violent sea of bodies towards the hall's exit.
Seeing the human stampede before him, Horace Slughorn turned on his nearly buckling heel as he hurried as fast as he could in the opposite direction and towards his discovery.
Lily, still on the floor scrambled to her feet in a desperate effort to evade the torrent of bodies that threatened to trample her. Scurrying after Slughorn, she barely managed to evade the promise of certain pain the student body following in his wake provided.
Albus Dumbledore calmly rose from his seat as the dust settled before him. Pausing to critically eye the shredded hinges on the grand Oak Doors that lead away from the Hall and his breakfast, he whipped out his wand in a fluid motion uttering the simple charm "Repairo," before heading through them.
'The young these days… always in such a hurry,' he mused.
As Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore rounded the corner leading off from the subterranean stone stairwell, he let his ears do the guiding as they lead him quite comfortably to where a large circle of students fanned around outside Professor Slughorn's office. Passively carving a path through his gossiping students with his presence alone, a small smile crossed his lips as he beheld the site of a sleeping Paracelsus fixed intact directly across from his staff member's office.
"Albus, whoever has committed this crime must be apprehended! I demand immediate expulsions!"
"Now, now Horace, it was only a harmless spot of fun. Why, I'm sure Paracelsus even enjoyed the change of scenery-"
"Who wouldn't! Dealing with those ruddy Slytherins would be enough to drive Crouch to a solid vacation!" raucous laughter followed Sirius' proclamation.
"Thank you Mr. Black, now as I was saying before your highly amusing interruption, we'll have Paracelsus off that wall and hanging back in his cosy nook in no time."
"That's just it Albus, he's stuck fast! Not a thing any of us can do to pry him free," a look of utter despair filled Slughorn's overly prominent eyes.
"By Merlin, I've never seen such a rigid sticking charm. I would most surely like to have a long chat over a pot of tea and perhaps some scones with whomever's responsible," he said, shooting a meaningful glance in the Marauders' direction (who happened to be looking quite innocent.) "Well there's nothing else for it. He'll have to stay there, now if you'll please: I'm sure Paracelsus would enjoy some peace and quiet to get acquainted to his new home."
"That was brilliant, I had no idea they wouldn't be able to unstick him from the wall! Where'd you say you found that charm Padfoot?"
"It's the same spell my family's been using for centuries to stick their portraits on the wall. I stumbled across it whilst hunting for books on the Animagus transformation in Mum's library back in third year - thought it might come in handy."
Heading up the stairs to their dorm, the other Marauders turned to call out to their lagging friend, "James, are you coming!"
He had just spotted Lily entering the common room; "Just a minute!" was his distracted reply.
Sliding up beside her, James put on his most charming smile, "I didn't see you there Evans-"
He was cut off by a gruff sounding Lily, "I don't have time for you now Potter!" as she hurried off up the staircase that lead to the fifth year girls' dorms.
"What's got up her goat?"
"She's busy redecorating our dormitory-" came his answer in the form of a cute girl with wispy silver-blonde hair.
"-with anything she can find on the Marauders, she's being a nightmare!" her companion finished her sentence, a terribly unsettling experience for the young mischief maker.
"I wish Prongs would just reveal himself to her in some overly romantic and nonsensical fashion, have a shag, and get it over with, giving us all a bit of peace and quiet," huffed the short blonde, "This quest of hers to find out who he is, is taking up precious space I could be filling with posters of Ford Hooch, the Cannon's new star chaser!" a glazed look flittered across her face.
James recognised them as Lily's two best friends, Alice and Aideen was it? It really was very hard to keep track when he couldn't tear his eyes away from Lily long enough to really notice the company she kept. Unless, of course, said company was a bloke…
'How very interesting…' a plan to snag Lily Evans was already forming in James' brain as he mulled over this new piece of information.
A/N:
Remember to R+R, and I'm sorry for the delay, but this chapter I felt deserved more than a couple of hours from a half-asleep teenager at 4 am. I've read over it so many times now though, that I've grown to hate it. Hopefully you won't.
And can anyone provide me with info on how to write an Irish accent? It would be most appreciated.
Next Chapter: The Marauders have a fall out, and James' plan jerkily springs into action. Could there be a connection?