Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order: CI and I am not making money off this story.

Author's Note: Anything written in italics is a flashback, just wanted to clear that up because there's going to be lots of flashbacks in this story.

Schuldig

Chapter Two:

Julia Bauer

The Battlefield of the Mind

I fell in love with an American man but that was fifteen years ago. People change during the course of fifteen years. But for some reason, seeing him again tonight, I find he hasn't changed at all. His black curly hair has been threaded with gray and of course his face has aged somewhat but his movements, his eyes, they still remain the same. It's as if no time has passed between us at all. I lay a hand across my stomach to quell the nervousness that had built up there. So much has passed between us.

I refused the Wallace case multiple times until my Chief in London gave me an ultimatum: take the case or look elsewhere for work. European bounty hunters are a rare breed so finding somewhere else to work was next to impossible. Chief Leeds knew that. I did not wish to face Robert O. Goren again but I also didn't want to face unemployment when I was fit for nothing else but fugitive chasing. I talked myself into giving him the cold shoulder, ignoring his presence and being forgetful of what happened in Germany.

But then I saw him, face to face, and all those thoughts threatened to desert me. My mind kept telling me to stay a safe distance from him and do not fall into the trap of his protective promises again, but my heart argued against that school of thought. In one second of eye contact, he had stripped me of my own detective skills and combat training, leaving me as he had left me on my family's farm, alone and scared.

"Miss Bauer?"

My step faltered at the sound of his voice, my name on his lips. I try to ignore him and become lost in the crowd but I should know better. This is his city. This is his territory. I could not become lost here as I had in Germany.

"Miss Bauer!"

I turn and catch a glimpse of him, head and shoulders above the crowd. He must have left his coat in his workplace as I could make out he was wearing his suit jacket and nothing over it. Those brown eyes seek mine out again and I can not push the memories back anymore. After building a fifteen year old floodgate to keep them check, the dam cracks and the memory of our first meeting leaks through.

They weren't given a rank, this rag-tag group of German farmers. The US Army, out of consideration for this, removed the ranks from the ten men who were sent as investigators. They were all equal, or so I kept telling myself.

"Julia Bauer?"

I look up from the file I was reading into the most intense brown eyes I have ever seen. The man looking down at me is my exact physical opposite. Dark, curly black hair, wide open face, he had American written all over his appearance and demeanor. We were quite the contrast with my light blonde hair and aquamarine eyes. I glance down at the file and read the name of the partner that has been assigned to me.

"Robert O. Goren?"

He smiles shyly. "Yes."

The file states his birth date as August 20 of 1961. That would make him twenty-six against my eighteen years. He was eight years my senior and yet he was looking at me like I was the older one.

He stared at the floor and shuffled his feet. "I was, uh, told to go home with you tonight. That, uh, that was where I was to stay until the investigation is over."

I had forgotten about that. No wonder he was looking at me as if I had seniority. In a way, by my knowledge of the area and customs, I did have an upper hand in this partnership. However, his size intimidated me. He must have been pushing six foot five and had a barrel for a chest. He looked like he was built for farm work and perhaps that was why he was assigned to me.

I exited our meeting place, the basement of a local farmer who lived off the back roads. Most people did not know that the farm was located there and anyone spying on the house could be plainly seen given it was open space for a half mile on each side of the house. I started across the fields, my usual route, hearing my partner's not so sure step behind me.

"At least there's a full moon," he stated. He was trying to make conversation. We were warned about the Americans being this way and were instructed to try to converse with them. Besides, he spoke German fairly well.

"Yes, but when there's not a full moon, we carry flashlights."

"What kind of farm do you live on?"

I had to laugh at his question. There's only one kind of farm here."

"Well, in the States there are different kinds of farms. We have horse farms, dairies, crop, chicken, pig and so on."

"Oh," I had not thought of that. "We have horses, cows, chicken, and pigs and in the summer my father plants crops and in the winter he is a butcher."

He stopped in his tracks. "I'm not going to have to butcher any animals, am I?"

"Uh, no. I'll tell my father to excuse you from that nasty task."

"Have, have you ever, uh, killed an animal?"

"Once," I sighed deeply, "We had a horse turn his foot in a hole. He broke his leg and had to be put down. I was the only one home so I did it." I could still remember that day, could still feel the tears that ran down my cheeks as I fired the gun to put the animal out of his misery.

We reached the top of a hill and I could see my home in the near distance. We only had another ten minutes of walking before reaching the warmth inside. It was spring and the days were warming up slowly but the nights still had a chill in them. My partner's footfall was becoming more confident with each step. He was a fast learner.

"What should I call you?"

Americans were very strange indeed. "Julia, what else would you call me?"

"What are you going to call me?"

I turned to look at him and found him smiling broadly. "I'll call you Robert, just like your file states as your name."

"You can call me Bobby, if you want."

"Bobby? What kind of name is that? It sounds nothing like Robert."

He shrugged his broad shoulders. "It's my nickname. It's a common nickname for the name Robert. Besides, I was only called Robert when I was in trouble with my parents."

"Why do I get the idea you were called Robert quite often?"

We shared a laugh and I agreed to call him Bobby when it was just the two of us and Robert when we were in public. He agreed easily to the arrangement and we continued our walk in companionable silence.

"Julia Bauer!"

He's found me in his crowded city. I recognize the weight of his hand on my shoulder but when I turn to face him he quickly drops back two steps, as if he's afraid I will lash out at him. I had been right in my observation. He had run out of his office without his overcoat. It was cold enough for his breath to become visible but other than that he acted like it wasn't cold at all.

"What do you want, Robert?"

"I, uh, just wanted to, to find out what hotel you were staying at."

"Why?"

He glanced down at the ground and put his long fingered hands in his pockets. "I was hoping we could catch up over drinks, or, uh, dinner."

I wanted to say yes. I would have liked to know if all the dreams he shared with me all those years ago had come true. But it was too dangerous. Opening up to him again would only bring more pain and I had suffered enough already.

"I don't think that would appropriate," I managed to get out with a believable edge in my voice. "I'll be by tomorrow morning to review the Wallace file with you and your partner."

He looked severely disappointed but agreeable to my statement. I nodded towards him before headed off in the crowd once more. I didn't hear his footfalls behind me anymore and a stab of pain shot through my heart.