Tiger Tank
Mission Seven: The Spawning Pool of Crazed Librarians
Scene: The Master Chief teleports into a dark, spooky (not to mention repetitive) facility. In a flash, the Monitor 343 Guilty Spark teleports in.
MC: Hmmm...this place looks awfully repetitive...are you sure it's--?
343: The Flood contamination is spreading, Reclaimer! Time is of the essence! (speeds ahead)
MC: W-wait! (follows, and immediately finds himself surrounded by Flood combat forms)
Flood Combat Form 1: (wearing shades) Hello, John. Surprised to see me?
MC: Yes and no.
Flood Combat Form 1: You know, the good thing about being me, is that there are so many me's!
MC: Yes, wonderful. (cocks his assault rifle) You all die, now.
Flood Combat Form 2: r0fl!1 that not how u ply!
Flood Combat Form 3: a losar is yuo!1
(the Master Chief guns down the swarm of Combat Forms)
MC: (rubs the sides of his helmet) Ugh...I hope we get outta here, soon. I'm gonna go freakin' nuts...
Flood Combat Form 4: Cheer up, emo kid.
MC: (blasts the Combat Form) I AM NOT EMO!
343: (far ahead of the Master Chief) Come along, Reclaimer.
MC: (shoots at Guilty Spark) YOU! WHY WON'T YOU SUMMON YOUR ROBOT BITCHES TO HELP ME?
343: Oh, waaahhh! (summons the bitchbots) While we're at
it, shall I call you a WAAAH-bulance? Should I dial
WHINE-ONE-ONE?
MC: SHUT UP! (picks up a plasma pistol, overcharges it, then fires at the AI construct)
343: (unfazed) Stop wasting ammunition, Reclaimer. You'll be needing it.
MC: Grrr...(picks up a Needler and empties the thing at Guilty Spark)
(BOOM! FIERY! PINK! EXPLOSION!)
343: (unscathed) Hahaha! While your antics are amusing, I suggest we keep moving, Reclaimer.
MC: Fine.
(after countless corridors...)
MC: (panting and reloading his shotgun) Are we there, yet?
343: We must now go through the non-fiction section. After
that, we must go through the sci-fi novels, then the...(gets blasted by
a rocket and gets sent flying) WAAAAAAAHHHHH!
MC: (discards the smoking boom tube) Much better...waitaminute...what's that sound?
343: ...aaaaAAAAHHHHH! (flies in and beans the Master Chief in the head, knocking him over)
MC: (points) DAMN YOU AND YOUR CHEAP INVINCIBILITY!
343: Quit whining and get up, you douchebag.
MC: Grrr...I swear, when I get the chance, I'm gonna...(follows Guilty Spark)
(after even more corridors, they arrive at a door)
343: Doing all right, Reclaimer?
MC: (shaking profusely and twitching uncontrollably) Me...am...teh...fien...
343: Splendid. (the door opens and a horde of Flood Combat Forms leap through)
Flood Combat Form 1: GOGOGOGOOGOGOGOGGO!111eoneoneoen
Flood Combat Form 2: I LOVE BLOOD AND VIOLENCE! I HAVE A BONER FOR MURDER!
Flood Combat Form 3: ph34r m3, n00bz!11 lolololololoollollollllllol!11ononeoenoen
Flood Combat Form 4: prpare 2 die, n00b!1
Flood Combat Form 5: ur mom l4m0!111oneone!11
MC: AAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH! (charges to the Index, ignoring all the Flood Combat forms)
343: Excellent. (takes the Index away from the
Chief) Protocol requires that I be the one to handle the
Index. Your organic form is too frail a carrier for it.
MC: THEN WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU NEED ME FOR?
343: (pauses)...That's not important.
MC: (breaks out the Kitchen Sink) PREPARE TO DIE!
343: O noes! My one weakness! (attempts to escape)
MC: RAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! (chucks the Kitchen Sink at the Monitor, knocking him out of the air)
343: No! No! Please have mercy!
MC: NO MERCY FOR YOU! (bashes Spark with the Kitchen Sink until it shatters into pieces)
343: HAHA! I AM TRULY INVINCIBLE!
MC: (fumes)...Just shut up and get us back to the control room so we can destroy the Covenant.
343: Right! (they both teleport out)
TO BE CONTINUED...
Will the horde of Flood Combat Forms finally be destroyed? What of the Covenant? What of the UNSC
survivors from the Pillar of Autumn? Whatever happened to Robot Jones? Er...I mean...whatever
happened to Sergeant Johnson? Why was this chapter so goddamned short?
Next time: Double Cross!
Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of updates. But it's almost done. And I'm going to have to start going to
classes, in a couple of weeks, I think. Maybe less. I haven't been feeling very creative/funny, lately. Thus
the lack of hilarity. I realize that this sucks. But if any of the readers have played Halo, I'm sure they would
understand that there wasn't a lot of things to crack jokes about. It was mostly monotonous and repetitive
levels filled with Flood.
Lameass excuses aside, thanks for the reviews, people. It's somewhat reassuring.
I'm still hacking away at the tangled mess that I'm trying to shape into a fic. It's ending up like a
TV series. So not much chance of a good conclusion. But hopefully it'll be interesting enough to read?
Blah. Probably not. I suck.
Tiger Tank