It was 12 AM...I was tired, and I was actually going to bed early. It was a miracle. I curled up into my pillow with the local soft rock station blasting out my favorite music--Christmas carols. My mind was drifting and settled on a nice thought of Severus and Harry when suddenly a quote just rammed it's way into my thought process "They keep saying you're gone--but you continue totuck me in at night, and wake me up in the morning." From there my mind took over and started thinking up this really sad story and for once in my life I decided "Screw it! I'm writing this one down!" So I sat up and grabbed my 5 year old diary/notebook thing and started writing. It was 3 AM...I was tired, I had just finished writing a story, and I promptly passed out.
I'm not doing an end note on this one--so please remember to leave a review! Thanks!
Summary: "They keep saying you're gone--but you continue to tuck me in at night and wake me up in the morning." Severus and Harry have been together for awhile--but something is wrong, and it changes Severus' entire world.
Warnings: Slash as always. Character Death--kind of. Angst. And a bittersweet ending. I burst into tears a few times while writing and then editing this--but note that both times I was only halfway functioning so it could just be because I was that tired.
Rating: K+--I don't make my ratings higher because of slash
To Say It Means Goodbye
I
"Severus…" the sweet voice sang into his ear just like every other morning.
"Se-verus…" Severus hummed and sighed—just like every other morning.
"Wakey-wakey Sevvy Baby!" Severus groaned and brought his arm up to cover his eyes.
"I despise that name." A soft giggle was his reply—same as always.
"I know…" The faint brush of lips on his face finally provoked Severus to move his arm and stare into shockingly green eyes—just like every other morning.
"It's far too early Harry." A small frown graced the other mans features before lifting to its normal brightness.
"Yet you always wake up." Severus hummed in agreement before sighing.
"Where are you going?" Harry smiled.
"Work silly—you know that." Severus nodded.
"Yes, yes of course. And will you be returning?"
"I always do Sev."
"Yes, yes of course you do."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Severus sighed—it was the same as yesterday morning and the morning before that and so on and so forth.
"Exactly as it sounds." It was Harry's turn to sigh and to try once more to brush Severus' hair behind his ears—once again completely missing.
"I love you Severus."
"You say that every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed." Harry grinned impishly.
"And I'm going to continue saying it until you return it," he returned. Severus couldn't help the small smile that crossed his features. No matter how many times Harry said that it never failed to make his heart feel just a little lighter. Harry smiled softly.
"I've gotta go Sev. Don't kill any kids today—all right?"
"I'll try, I can't promise that they'll remain unharmed though." Harry shrugged and ghosted his lips on Severus' temple.
"Good enough. See you tonight love." Severus nodded and Harry disappeared off the bed and out the door. Severus waited a few moments before exhaling.
"I love you too Harry." Just like every morning.
II
Severus walked briskly down the hallway towards the Great Hall. His thoughts raced through his classes that day and other such nonsense, occasionally brushing back to Harry.
"Professor Snape!" the shout interrupted his thought process and he turned to see the bushy brown mass of hair headed towards him.
"Miss Granger," he replied brusquely. Hermione sighed.
"It's been five years, you would think you could call me Hermione by now," she complained as the two started to the Great Hall together.
"I could say the same for your habit of calling me 'Professor Snape' all the time," Severus replied. Hermione flushed and stuttered.
"That's different!" Severus snorted.
"I fail to see how." They entered the Great Hall and Severus picked up his pace.
"Now if you excuse me, I'm rather hungry." Hermione grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Wait!" she cried. Severus stopped and turned to stare at her, as did a few of the extremely early students.
"Yes?" he hissed. Hermione had the decency to look abashed before whispering quietly.
"How was your morning?" Severus glared at her.
"The same as always—and I fail to see how that is any of your business Miss Granger," he growled before pulling out of her grasp and storming to the staff table missing the pained look on Hermione's face. Severus sat down and started to pile food on his plate when Minerva sat next to him. He sighed—once again he would not be given a moments rest this morning!
"Severus, how are you this morning?" the older woman asked. Severus growled. It was times like these when he wished Dumbledore hadn't gone and gotten himself offed for the "greater good"—he despised women.
"I'm fine," he managed to grit out. Minerva swallowed hard.
"And…and Harry? How is he?" Severus growled.
"He's fine! We're both fine! Will you please just let my personal well being and my partner's well being be our business and not yours?" he snapped slightly louder then he had expected. Minerva flinched before letting her hand rest atop of his.
"Severus, this needs to stop. I have to show you something. I already have someone covering your classes for the day. Please report to my office during your first class," she instructed before getting up and rushing off. Severus blinked at where she had been not two seconds ago.
"What the hell…" he muttered quietly before turning to glance at Hermione and Hagrid down the staff table. They were both looking down and seemed very sullen.
Severus shook his head and looked down at his plate before realizing he had lost his appetite. He stood and started out of the Great Hall and to his class to prepare for his substitute for the day. His thoughts were racing trying to figure out what could be bugging everyone.
About two months ago Severus had been woken up from a six-month coma to a routine very similar to the one that had happened earlier. Later when it was explained to him about how he and Harry had been attacked by a ragtag group of Death Eaters left over from the war, he asked for Harry and was told that the other man wasn't there.
Severus was naturally disappointed that the other man really did run off to work as he had said, but took it in stride with a few moments of logical thinking. That and the boy made it up to him a few nights later when he was released.
Since then though, Harry had started to work late and every one else started to treat Severus as a bomb just biding it's time before finally exploding.
Scenarios ran through Severus' mind as he started to stack and prepare papers.
Did Harry find a different lover during those six months?
No—that was far too trivial.
Perhaps Harry had some incurable disease and was dying? He didn't want Severus to know just yet so he stayed out late not working—but getting treatments.
Or maybe it was Severus who had the disease! Harry didn't want him to spend his last months on earth worrying though because he was out searching for a cure like the Gryffindor he was.
Severus shook his head—both of those sounded absurd.
Sighing as he passed students, Severus made his way to the Headmistresses office. He wasn't sure why he was worrying himself—he would find out soon enough after all.
He started up the stairs but was stopped by Minerva handing him a quill. He blinked and looked up at her.
"What—"
"Just take it!" Severus did and felt the familiar lurch of a portkey. He swallowed hard and stumbled as they landed. He quickly glanced around him as Minerva started off briskly down a row of tombstones.
It was a graveyard—Merlin, Severus hated graveyards.
"Min—"
"Come on Severus! This way!" Severus nearly tripped over his own two feet trying to follow her. He glanced at the tombstones not recognizing the names or not being able to see them due to over growth. Finally though he began to vaguely recognize a few of the names as names he had glanced over, perhaps in the newspaper or some other such nonsense, before he stopped dead.
James Timothy Potter
and wife
Lily Marie Evans-Potter
His final kills,
Our friends through it all.
"MINERVA!" he roared not liking his surroundings one bit. She turned and grabbed his wrist pulling him through the line of tombstones, no longer bearing just names—but names of people he recognized. People whom he fought with against Voldemort. The graves continually got newer as the a good portion of the original Order passed away until finally:
In Memory of Cedric Diggory
The first of the Second War
Forever in our hearts and memory
Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody
Keeping Constant Villigance till his Last.
Remus John Lupin
and his Life Partner
Sirius Orion Black
Godfathers, Monsters, Convicts, and Marauders
We won't forget our Padfoot and Moony
Nymphadora Tonks
Never without a smile
Always keeping life interesting for the rest of us
Even if she made a mess out of it.
And then finally…
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
Our mentor, friend, and guiding light.
There was only one tombstone left in the row and Severus had finally collected himself enough to pull out of Minerva's grasp.
"No," he hissed. She glared at him with watery eyes.
"You have to." And the worse part was—she was right. He let out a small choked noise of protest before stumbling forward enough to push back the fresh flowers just enough to see the inscription:
Harry James Potter
Our Savior, Friend, Life, Love, and Joy.
May he now find the peace he so deserves.
Severus stared at it blankly.
"How?" he whispered. Minerva looked away.
"He didn't survive the attack—we didn't think you would either. We were just about to give up on you," she whispered in reply.
"Why didn't you…you should've…" Severus took in a deep shuddering breath unable to find the words. Minerva kept her face turned respectively as tears streamed down her face.
"We've tried—you didn't listen. His ghost kept—and continues—visiting you. He has unfinished business, and you're the key to it. We didn't…we didn't know how to go about it until the Bloody Baron advised us to keep silent for awhile. But Severus, it's been two months! It's time to move on." Severus let out a quiet sob as he touched the cool stone.
"But this morning—"
"Was the same as every morning for over two months, correct? Just as tonight will also be the same. He's waiting for you Severus. Only you can let him go by—well Merlin only knows how, but you have to figure it out!" Severus bit his bottom lip as Harry's words rang through his head.
"And I'm going to continue saying it until you return it!"
Severus let his eyes slip shut. Minerva took a step towards him, lifting her hand to touch him.
"Just let me be Minerva," he commanded softly. She stopped and nodded backing off and turning away to let Severus mourn and think by himself.
III
Severus sat at his desk grading papers like every other night. He heard the door open and close but he didn't look up.
"I'm home Sev!" He still didn't look up as he made a particularly nasty mark on a first year's paper.
"Sev?" Harry walked into Severus' private study and chuckled.
"Ah, essays—of course," he commented, moving in front of the desk.
"So, I've decided to quit work. The people are all incompetent!" Harry joked like every other single night. Severus didn't reply and Harry frowned, finally putting his hands on the paper in front of Severus' face—just like every other night.
"Sev? Sev! Are you even listening to me you greasy git?" For the first time in two months Severus realized how translucent Harry was. He swallowed and looked up, tears streaming down his face. Harry smiled.
"There! Now you're paying attention!" he laughed. Severus couldn't help the sob that escaped his throat before he whispered three seemingly small words. A shudder passed through Harry and Severus looked at him with wide eyes. Harry gave him a small and sad smile.
"Say it again Severus," he quietly pleaded. Severus swallowed hard.
"I love you Harry." Harry smiled through ghostly tears and leaned forward to brush his lips against Severus' forehead. Severus shivered at the feel of a thousand buckets of ice water crashing over him. Harry pulled back and tried in vain to cup Severus' face and wipe away his tears.
"Thank you…" he whispered. Severus nodded as Harry tried to smile brightly.
"I love you so much. Thank you." Severus nodded as the tears fell more freely. Harry sobbed and shook his head.
"Oh Sev! I'm so sorry!" he cried. Severus shook his head.
"No, I am. I love you so much Harry." Harry smiled and sighed looking at him.
"I promise, I'll be watching over you, and I'll always be there when you need me," he whispered. Severus laughed.
"In other words you'll be bothering the hell out of me as I plan the murders of children. To be more precise—the future Granger-Weasley cult." Harry laughed as well.
"Yeah, something like that." They lapsed into silence and stared at each other a moment longer. Severus' smile disappeared and he shook his head.
"Do you have to?" Harry nodded mournfully.
"Yeah…look at it this way though—when you kick the bucket, we'll have all eternity together." Severus groaned.
"Merlin help me!" Harry chuckled.
"I'll tell him you say hi." Severus nodded.
"No visiting Rome without me." Harry made a motion to cross his heart.
"I promise!" They smiled before Severus broke down crying for the first time since he was six.
"I love you," he sobbed. Harry swallowed and put his cold hand on Severus'.
"Let's go to bed love," he whispered. Severus nodded and together they made it to the bed. Severus turned off the lights and couldn't help but smile at the soft glow that Harry emitted.
"I love you Sev," Harry whispered.
"I love you too Harry," he returned. His eyelids suddenly grew heavy and he panicked.
"No! No just a few more moments!" he begged trying desperately to reach his sleep heavy limbs towards Harry. Harry smiled at him.
"Hush love, hush…" he whispered. Severus let out a strangled sob.
"Harry…" Harry put his hand to Severus' heart.
"I promise you, when you wake up I'll be right here, ok?" he said tapping the other man's chest. Severus stared at him through half lidded eyes as tears fell down his face.
"I love you so much Harry," he whispered. Harry took in a shuddering breath.
"I know, I stayed just long enough every morning to hear you say it before leaving. I love you too Severus," he said trying to keep from breaking down. Severus nodded.
"I know you did…" he sighed before his eyes slid shut and he fell asleep.
IV
Severus woke up to the touch of phantom lips on his forehead. When he opened his eyes there wasn't a shock of green to greet him—he was alone. He smiled sadly before whispering softly.
"I love you too Harry." And just barely he could hear Harry outside of his door chanting.
"I love you, I love you, I love you Severus Snape!" Before he quietly opened the front door and walked out.
The End