Chapter Twenty-Eight

The waiting room of Livia Frye Cudahy, Esq., was decorated in soothing blues and greens, populated by numerous flowering plants, and furnished with groups of wing-back chairs separated by end tables on which the most recent editions of weekly news and entertainment magazines were discreetly fanned. A credenza in the corner held an elegant coffee and tea service for those in need of caffeine. Kendall perched anxiously on the edge of her chair, staring straight ahead and feeling in need of a sedative.

Not even attempting to make an appointment first, Kendall had just shown up at eight forty-five a.m., prepared to make a scene if Livia couldn't or wouldn't squeeze her into her schedule. Fortunately, her receptionist confirmed that Livia did have a ten a.m. opening, which Kendall now awaited with every cell in her body holding its breath while her mind worked overtime. With her gaze locked permanently on the waiting room wall clock, her thoughts kept returning to the night before.

Once more she and Zach had been forced to ignore their most recent differences and, no doubt temporarily, align for their common benefit. Even though, for god's sake, he'd come home carrying Ethan—or rather, Ethan's ashes. As disconcerting as that discovery was, though, it had acted to somewhat help defuse her anger and hurt toward Ethan.

Ethan was really dead…and Kendall realized any negative impact from his faithless conduct needed to follow his pitiful remains into the grave. However she chose to move on with her life from now on, her own conscience could be clear: Ethan himself had guaranteed that. Had Zach not caught her in the act of tossing Ethan's belongings, she would have remained silent about it forever, but she'd been forced to explain. To Kendall's surprise, Zach had wanted to see the emails when she described them; she had told him to keep them.

Really, only one thing mattered now and that, of course, was the reason Kendall was camped out in Livia's waiting room. Miranda was all that could matter from now on. Because last night, after Zach had told her he still wanted her input, and they had sat down together in his condo and agreed to a quiet, private burial in the Pine Valley Cemetery for Ethan, Zach had then gently disclosed there was more news to break. "They've officially ended the search for your mother and sister and Jackson. I'm sorry, Kendall."

And Zach had sounded very sorry indeed…Kendall had never seen such genuine anguish cross his face, not even when Derek delivered the news about Ethan. Yet it didn't comfort her. Nothing else could have more unequivocally signaled the end of all hope.

After days of living with excruciating suspense it might even have come as some relief. After all, no rational person could have expected Bianca, Erica, and Jack to survive all those days and nights in the snowy wilderness, even if they'd survived the plane crash. But though Kendall had never been particularly rational, she had limits. The day had already seen her expend most of her energy on outrage at Greenlee, Ryan, and Ethan. Though this shock surpassed all else, Kendall had few resources left with which to absorb it before it began to crush her.

She had been virtually unable to voice any response, beyond an audible sucking in of her breath after the falling of the blow, as the walls of the room seemed to cave in slow motion in her direction.

"Kendall?" Zach had finally asked. "Did you hear me?"

She'd managed to nod.

"I know it's too soon now. But eventually plans must be made and carried out. I want you to call on me for anything you need."

The generous offer hadn't even surprised her. Nothing seemed real anyway. Again, she'd merely nodded, ending the discussion by default because there was nothing more to say.

Kendall hardly remembered returning home, except at some point she'd managed to arise from her seat and make her way across the courtyard to her own home. The rest of the evening was a blur. Only an awareness, at her most fundamental level, that consulting with Livia Frye as soon as possible was essential to her and Miranda's future, enabled Kendall to function at all.

The receptionist broke into Kendall's reverie. "Ms. Hart? Ms. Cudahy can see you now."

After giving Kendall a warm hug and expressing sincere sorrow at the loss of so much of Kendall's family, Livia was typically blunt and to the point about Kendall's immediate problem. "Are you telling me that Bianca didn't leave a will?"

Kendall shook her head. "Not as far as I know. I don't think the need for one ever even occurred to Bianca. She…she was so young."

"And it didn't occur to Jack once Bianca had Miranda? I just want to make sure this whole situation can't be resolved in a straightforward way before we're forced to go the custody battle route."

Kendall shivered. "I'm sure Jack thought if anything happened to Bianca, Erica would automatically look after Miranda, with me as backup. Nobody ever expected…and nobody ever expected Greenlee of all people to stick her nose into it."

Leaning back in her chair, Livia looked very sober. "You said Greenlee and Ryan were filing for temporary custody, but I'm afraid the stakes have been raised. Since it's become a matter of permanent custody, would you say it's safe to assume that's what they'll ultimately be going for?"

"Oh, yes, definitely. They think Miranda is better off with them, and maybe she is, but damn it, Livia—Bianca was my sister and Miranda is her child."

Livia's expression softened. "And I of all people certainly know how much you love your sister, Kendall. You were willing to give your life for her when you accepted the rap for Michael Cambias' murder. I can't imagine Bianca ever wanting Greenlee to raise Miranda unless there was absolutely no one else available. If Bianca couldn't do it herself, she'd want you to."

With great difficulty, Kendall held back her tears. "That's how I feel and also why I'm doing this, Livia. It's not just what I want; it's what Bianca would want. But is that enough?"

The attorney didn't pretend not to understand. "Kendall, I don't know. I don't need to tell you that in a custody battle, each side typically undergoes a potentially very bruising assessment by representatives of the court as well as by the judge to determine which is in the child's best interests."

Giving a bitter little laugh, Kendall replied, "And my assessment would be bruising, all right. I make Ryan and Greenlee look like Mike and Carol Brady."

"To be completely frank and honest with you, Kendall, because I've known you for a long, long time and I couldn't be anything less—I would expect your history to be used against you."

"But I've cleaned up my act, Livia!" Kendall said earnestly. "I was even friends with Ryan and Greenlee before this happened. I have a good career, I can afford to support Miranda the same way Bianca did, and my place isn't huge, but I've got things in place for a baby. I wasn't planning to live there forever, anyway. As soon as I could I'd move to a bigger place."

Livia sighed. "Kendall, all that would be taken into consideration, believe me. But as a married couple, the Laverys have a built-in support system you lack, and there's no question of a—well, of an inappropriate, shall we say, man spending the night under the same roof as Miranda, or—"

"Stop right there, Livia!" Kendall cried. "I would never do that to Miranda!"

"I believe you, Kendall. But if this turns into the court battle I expect that it will if the Laverys are as determined as you, it's not a matter of what I believe. Let me tell you right now, you must expect some very ugly mud-slinging about your past record and some very ugly innuendo as long as the possibility still exists."

Kendall looked at her beseechingly. "Then Livia, what can I do? It sounds completely hopeless already and I thought for sure you could help me."

"Few things are completely hopeless, Kendall," Livia told her bracingly. "I'm trying to prepare you for what you'll most likely be facing. Yes, it'll probably get mean. But trust me—I can be just as mean. So if you want me, you got me. I can file a competing motion today for Miranda's custody with the family court. We won't know where we stand until I do."

"What happens to Miranda then? I mean, she won't go to a foster home or anything like that while Greenlee duke it out, will she?" Kendall asked apprehensively.

"Not if you don't force the issue that far."

"Of course I won't!" Kendall shuddered. "But I do want them to let me see more of her before she forgets who I am."

Livia smiled. "I'll do my best, Kendall. I promise you that. As I said, I'll get on it today."

"Thanks. Thanks, I don't know what I'd do without you. One more thing, about…about Bianca and Erica. Not that I want to rush this but I—I don't want to put off asking about it either. I know it'll never get any easier. Since the search was ended and they weren't found…what happens next, legally, I mean?" Kendall felt as if each one of those words was dragged from her with fishhooks on it.

"Without signed death certificates, we'll have to petition the court to have Bianca and Erica declared dead," Livia replied in a businesslike manner. "Is that something else you'd like me to initiate?"

"No. Not—not yet." Kendall shuddered again. "I was just asking."

"All right. Let's focus on Miranda's custody right now. If it becomes an issue there, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Kendall left Livia's office feeling little better than she had upon entering it. Livia had not pulled any punches, and it wasn't very reassuring. It seemed that in fighting off the Laverys' bid for custody of Miranda, not only would all of Kendall's old chickens be coming home to roost again, but she would be facing off against the very two people who best knew how to make those chickens squawk loudest and longest. And while they were squawking, all her current flock of chicks would be placed under a heat lamp and encouraged to grow.

I can't do anything about my past. What's done is done…I can only show I'm not like that anymore. But they'll still get me on it…and they'll get me because I'm not stable…but just because I don't come complete with a nursery or a husband doesn't mean I can't be a good mother to Miranda. I finally had a good relationship with Erica. Look at Greenlee's relationship with her mother! The appalling Mary Smythe…but Kendall knew she couldn't use that against Greenlee; it wasn't Greenlee's fault her mother was a greedy, vain, shallow bitch. But if you don't use everything you've got, they'll back over you after running over you.

As she drove away from Livia's office building, Kendall found herself with no clear idea of where to go next. A report about the search ending unsuccessfully had been released; it was now a top news item, meaning she would be besieged by reporters again when she went home. She couldn't bear to go home to a fresh round of phone messages, anyway. Myrtle Fargate's compassionate face suddenly floated into her mind's eye. Of course! Where else would she go at a time like this but to her grandmother's and her mother's oldest, dearest friend? With a profound sense of relief that she wasn't as all alone as she'd felt, Kendall drove to Myrtle's boardinghouse.

"Kendall, darlin'!" Myrtle greeted her with the most unrestrained emotion and high-pressure hug Kendall had ever received from her. "I'm so glad you came to me. This is a sad, sad day for us all. One of the saddest I've ever seen."

All Kendall could say, brokenly, was, "I know, Myrtle. I know."

Finally ending the embrace, Myrtle sniffed loudly. "Come into the kitchen, honey. Opal just left. She brought some coffee cake, and I was just putting on a fresh pot of coffee." Myrtle's eyes were red and swollen, and she continued to sniffle after each sentence.

Kendall knew exactly how she felt.