CHAPTER FIVE

New York City. It was big, loud, and dirtier than Tokyo. The people weren't as polite either. Izumi found that they yelled more often than they spoke. Navigating his way from Customs to the sidewalk outside the airport was a feat in itself. His head was pounding, and he hadn't brought any aspirin with him.

Finally he found a taxi driver who could understand him. Izumi thought he spoke decent English, but everyone in New York seemed to mangle the words in that odd accent that they had. He gave the driver the address that had been on the last three packages Momma had sent him. The driver seemed impressed that the address contained the words 'Park Avenue'.

The building was massive. Large and ornate, it reminded Izumi a little of the building where Suzuya's father bought an apartment for them in Tokyo. They both reeked of money and privilege.

The doorman in his forest green uniform was helping a little old lady into a limousine when the taxi pulled up, so Izumi slipped in without him noticing.

Crossing the marble foyer, he found his way to the elevators and stepped in just as the Doorman returned to his post. It was a small victory, but it gave Izumi hope that things were at last going his way. He needed someone to talk to, and Momma was his last hope.

The elevator doors opened and in seconds Izumi found himself in front of his mother's apartment door. Taking a breath, he raised his fist and knocked.

A young girl, about twelve years old, opened the door. She had golden hair and big blue eyes, and was wearing a pink sundress with little white polka dots all over it. She was also chewing gum, a big pink wad of it which she snapped between her teeth as she stared at him.

It was Karen, his sister. She'd grown.

Izumi cleared his throat and tried to stop staring at her.

"Hello," he said at last. "My name is Izumi, I'm your brother."

Karen's eyes narrowed and she snapped her gum furiously. "Get lost, you weirdo! I don't have a brother."

She turned her head to yell back over her shoulder into the apartment. "Hey Mom, some guy's here claiming to be my brother!"

From over the girl's shoulder Izumi saw movement, saw his mother coming toward him, her head dipped to the side and her hands at her ear fixing an earring on it. Her golden hair was swept up and her makeup was perfect, but she was barefoot and wearing a silk bathrobe. As she came forward she said, "What did I say about yelling indoors Karen? You'd better not do that when my dinner guests arrive, I…"

She trailed off and came to a stop right behind Karen as she saw Izumi standing in the doorway.

Karen turned around to smirk triumphantly as her mother came up behind her.

Izumi saw the smirk turn to confusion as his mother put her hand on Karen's shoulder and pushed her away from the door.

"Go to your room, Karen."

Karen's mouth opened, and Izumi could see her wad of gum tucked between her cheek and jaw. "But why?"

"Just do as I say!"

Izumi winced, remembering that tone of voice clearly. When Momma used that tone, it was best to obey immediately.

Karen had evidently learned that, because she flounced her way down the hall. Before she went she gave Izumi a last glare and muttered, "I hate weirdos."

Izumi's mother came to the door, smoothing her robe over her stomach nervously. "Izumi, why are you here? Now's really not a good time. I've got guests coming."

"I'm…sorry." Izumi said, waiting for Momma to pull him into a hug, to ask him inside, anything to show that she was happy to see him, but all she did was stand in the doorway and keep talking.

"Why didn't your father call to tell me you were coming? We had an arrangement. It's just like him to decide to send you to me out of spite. This is the worst possible timing, my husband's law partners are coming to dinner in half an hour."

Arrangement? What arrangement would keep Izumi away from his mother, and why had she allowed his own sister to forget he even existed? Why didn't Izumi have any say in it? Probably because to Momma, Izumi didn't matter. He was a mistake in her life. She had Karen and her new husband now. What did she need with him?

Momma kept talking about how she was going to arrange things with him here. He let her ramble, listening with only half an ear. When he heard her say the word 'hotel' he put an end to it.

"I'll go," he said suddenly. "I can see this was a mistake. I am not wanted, so I'll leave."

He gave her a last polite smile, and turned to walk back to the elevator. He'd failed once again. Failed to make his father love him, failed to make Hitomi love him, and now he'd failed to make his mother love him too, and she didn't even really know him. There had to be something wrong with him for so many people to reject him.

He could hear Momma calling to him to wait, but he didn't stop. He knew somehow that she'd never humiliate herself by walking out of her apartment in a bathrobe, let alone try to follow him down the elevator in one. Part of him hoped she would, but she didn't.

He went down the elevator and out onto the pavement outside the apartment building. He had nowhere to go. Lifting his face, he felt moisture. It was raining again. Behind him, the doorman got out an umbrella and used it to usher a woman and child into the building when they exited a taxi. Izumi watched them. The little boy was clinging to his mother's hand. She smiled down at him as the doorman tilted the umbrella to keep them safe from the rain. The child giggled and ran ahead, pulling his mother behind him and forcing the doorman to jog to keep up. They were going home, where it was safe and welcome.

Home.

Izumi had no place to call home, not really, not if home was a place where you felt like you belonged, where people loved you and wanted you.

The rain continued to fall, dotting the shirt and vest Izumi had worn on the plane. It dampened his face and hair. Every bad time in his life began and ended in the rain. Momma leaving, Suzuya's death, Hitomi's betrayal, whenever he replayed the memories in his mind's eye they always came accompanied by the sound of water falling relentlessly, inevitably, to the ground.

Water.

Water was cold and hard, like the rain. It didn't feel; it just existed.

He'd heard New York had a river running through it. Perhaps he'd go find it.

o-o-o

He woke in a fog, not knowing who or where he was. All was white. He was lying on a surface that felt solid, but when he looked at it, it seemed like he could see through layers and layers, as if it were a cloud that had somehow solidified.

He got to his feet, and there, standing before him was a figure in a long hooded robe, tall and imposing.

"Your name is Izumi. For your crime you are sentenced to collect souls. Do you understand?"

Izumi shook his head wordlessly. Crime? He couldn't remember committing a crime. He couldn't remember anything. He hadn't even known his own name until the hooded creature said it to him.

"Collecting souls is a sacred duty," the figure droned on.

Izumi perked up. Duty? What could the past possibly matter when there was a job to do?

He smiled. "I will be happy to do my duty. Please, I want to start right away."

And so he did.

Time passed. Izumi collected souls ruthlessly and efficiently under the figure's tutelage. Some time later the figure appeared again, this time with a girl in tow.

"You've been given a partner. Her name is Meroko."

Izumi stared at the girl. She had pink hair and looked a bit confused. She wore a red skirt and top and had a hat with bunny ears on it. All the Shinigami had an animal persona. Izumi's was a dog.

The girl, Meroko, smiled at him.

Izumi stared back. Something about her…bothered him. Something in his heart told him not to trust her, that trusting was bad. He decided he'd be cold and professional around her. Meroko, however, never seemed to be bothered by his coldness. She was always happy, always telling him she loved him.

Izumi didn't believe it, didn't believe her. Something deep within warned him against it. Love was for fools. He didn't know how he knew it, but he knew it. The shinigami were forbidden to remember their past, so he never tried to. If sometimes when he visited the human world and hovered overly long above a river, and seemed to hear the strains of an ugly, discordant song with the words 'Love ain't fair' running through his mind, what of it? It didn't mean anything.

Izumi paused midair and stared down at the water rushing below him, green fields on either side. The river looked so peaceful, but Izumi knew it was a lie. Beneath the surface were strong currents that could drag a body under, make it feel like it was being ripped apart, crushed by the water's force.

"Izumi-kun!"

It was Meroko again, calling to him. She'd probably make another one of her absurd protestations of love. It was beginning to grate on his nerves. He'd been able to ignore her ridiculous crush on him easily at first, but now there was this odd little jolt in his heart each time she told him she loved him. Something would have to be done about her, and soon. Izumi had no time for love. He was busy being a shinigami, the perfect shinigami. He'd work harder and harder at it until…what?

Shaking away the niggling uncertainty, Izumi drew up and waited for his annoying partner to catch up with him.

He'd ask for a new partner soon. Nothing must interfere with his duty. Working to be the best shinigami came first. That was all that mattered, wasn't it?

END

A/N: From this point on, the events of the Full Moon Wo Sagashite anime series unfold. For the continuing story of Izumi, and to find out what happened to him after the anime ended, read the epilogue. Coming soon!