Chapter 14
Holding On, Letting Go
Celebnar perched on Legolas' arm, silent and unmoving. Legolas had found a place at the edge of the camp, not far from where they had laid Aragorn and Arwen, and was taking the role as the watchman. The twins kept close to the injured, at the moment refusing to leave their sides. Legolas assumed they could feel guilt as thick as darkness and were trying so hard to make up for the wrongs done to their family.
Arwen was improving very quickly, already attempting to throw the twins out of their mothering. She had already tried to sneak away on Asfaloth, just to ride free again, and nearly gave both her brothers heart attacks. Only with the threat of drugging her did the twins find enough control to keep her where she had been put. At the moment though, she was asleep.
Aragorn had not been as lucky in his hurts, nor as fortunate in his recovery. His body was pulling itself together slowly. His mind was taking longer. Often, he would waken from sleep. Confusing visions and unsettling, frightening memories would yank him away from once pleasant dreams. But it was not his constant waking that concerned Legolas, and the twins for that matter. It was the ranger's ever changing character. There were times when he would accept comfort as if it were the only thing keeping him alive, and other times he would flinch and shy away from any contact whatsoever as though he expected someone to hurt him. The latter was becoming more prevalent, ever since Ralorn had come into their midst. Aragorn had not yet laid eyes on the elf, but somehow, his mind could sense he was there and reacted accordingly. It was going to take a bit of time before Aragorn would be able to face his oppressor.
Celebnar ruffled his feathers and let loose a small whisper of a caw, reclaiming the elven prince's attention. Legolas looked at him and smiled, stroking the falcon gently. They had bonded rather quickly over the past few days. Celebnar was indignant to remain at Legolas' side now. It had been a hard lesson and there was no way the falcon was going to allow the wood-elf out of his sight again. He chirped gently, playfully nipping at Legolas' fingers.
The prince's attention however, was quickly drawn to another being in the clearing; a forlorn, still figure that had been bound to a tree at the opposite edge of camp. Ralorn had not moved or spoken since Elladan and Elrohir had secured him. He had been bound firmly but not painfully, elven rope twining around his body and hands so that he could move his arms if he so wished, but could not undo the knots or stand. Under constant watch, he wouldn't be going anywhere tonight.
It was late afternoon, the sky a blue-gold color, and they were some distance from the collapsed cave. The earth here was in less disarray, but there was evidence of the last earthquake. Yet here, they felt safe. Away from the unpredictable patterns of Mother Nature and her ways, away from the worst danger the elements could release. Roughly four days from Ilmgalad, the twins had expressed a desire to return home as quickly as possible. Legolas was in agreement. The injured were willing. Ralorn however, offered no opinion or desire. It was however obvious that he did not want to return to Rivendell.
Celebnar lightly leapt off Legolas' arm, calling out in a long, high pitched note as he flew steadily in a consistent direction. In a moment's glance Legolas discovered the source that had captured the falcon's attention. In a short chase and a sudden drop in Celebnar's flight, the falcon's deadly talons closed around a terrified rabbit's body. Once Celebnar was sure the little creature was dead, he cawed again, this time in satisfaction.
Legolas smiled. For just a moment, it seemed like everything was going to be all right. This setting could have been so different than it was – the twins talking, the injured resting, and the prince taking the position as the watchman. Cut Ralorn out of the picture and why Aragorn and Arwen were hurt, it may have been so. This could have been a regular hunting trip, or an exploration of this altered part of the Misty Mountains. It could have been so different, yet it couldn't be any different.
Legolas stood slowly, again checking the others before leaving to help Celebnar with his kill. Praising the falcon for his work, the prince picked up both the bird and the fresh carcass of the rabbit before turning around and heading back.
When Legolas looked back however, Ralorn was staring at him.
Or rather, what he was carrying.
Ralorn whistled suddenly. The note was clear and drawn out, consistent for several seconds before ending in a sudden high-pitched call. There was an odd glint in Ralorn's eyes as he did so. The whistle meant little to Legolas, but Celebnar tensed sharply and reacted immediately. Pushing off Legolas' arm again, this time so quickly that his sharp talons left barely noticeable scratches in the elf's flesh, the falcon flew right for Ralorn.
"Akieliatha mobweno oriath."
The language Ralorn spoke was not decipherable to the elf prince, Legolas had no idea what it meant, but Celebnar apparently understood it. The falcon screeched and landed right on Ralorn's knee, watching the elf expectantly. But if Legolas didn't know any better, he would have said Celebnar did not find whatever Ralorn had said something to rejoice in. In fact, the falcon looked down-right annoyed.
"Sodanlov ekaliue."
The falcon's entire countenance changed. Celebnar hissed, the feathers on his body sticking straight out and his beak opened wide as he huffed at the elf angrily. Ralorn's gaze was no less fierce.
"Sodanlov ekaliue!"
"Ralorn!" Legolas jogged up to where the pair sat and reached for Celebnar, who very obligingly stepped back onto the elf's hand. Ralorn did not object. He even seemed to welcome it. Celebnar was still hissing even when Legolas held him, growling deep in his throat.
"What have you done to him?" Legolas attempted to calm the falcon but Celebnar would have none of it. He snapped at Legolas' hand and was only content when the prince left him alone. "What did you do?"
Ralorn let his gaze wander up from Celebnar to met Legolas' unwavering gaze, and spoke for the first time since becoming a captive. "I have done nothing," he said deeply, his eyes locked onto Legolas'; his piercing, midnight blue eyes that at the moment would have frozen the sun. "It is you who has done something."
"And by that you mean what?" Legolas pulled Celebnar closer to his side protectively.
"That falcon was raised and trained to be a killer, to attack anyone and anything its master would request of it. He was taught to respond to a special set of commands in a forgotten language, a privilege given only to the very best. I know that falcon," Ralorn said, "and he knows me. He knows how to kill even elves. He knows to respond to my voice. But now he will not."
"What did you tell him to do?" Legolas' voice had deepened a notch, his anger level rising. The twins glanced up at him, but he did not respond to the confusion in their eyes for they were too far away and out of his line of sight.
"First, I told him to come to me. Then," Ralorn paused a moment, considering. "I told him to kill me."
Legolas froze and stared back at the elf in total confusion. Ralorn looked away, back down to the ground and back into a world that only he understood. As if there had never been a conversation at all, the elf paid Legolas no heed, as if he weren't even there.
Legolas looked at Celebnar. The falcon's outward appearance had calmed, but Legolas could sense some of the rage in Celebnar's eyes. Preferring a life he had known for only a few days and the change that had been wrought in him, any reference to the life that had once been made him angry and uneasy. But to be requested of to kill... it was something Celebnar knew he never wanted to do again.
"What was that about?" Elladan asked the prince as Legolas sat down next to them, placing his hand on Aragorn's forehead yet again. The touch was to calm him down rather than to check on the man, as he had been doing so many times over the day. It was the only outward gesture to how much that confrontation had upset Legolas. Celebnar's good mood had disappeared, and it wasn't long before Legolas sent him to Silme, unable to deal with the falcon now.
The prince shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure."
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Elladan did not sleep that night. When Legolas finally told both he and Elrohir about the confrontation with Ralorn, the elder twin found his mind jumbled with far too many questions to be worthy of rational thought yet.
So much of a mystery in this. So much unanswered. Why? Why had Ralorn just... given up? Quit trying? He had dedicated his life to this... but it had all died. The desire, the will, the maddening obsessive rage that drove him forward, to keep going... had fled, like a winter mist to the coming sunlight of spring.
Leaving the others not long after night had fallen, Elladan wandered down a small mountain path a short distance until he came to the edge of the mountain-side. And, under the light of the stars, he sat down in a cross-legged style and proceeded to sift through the wearying thoughts of his soul.
It was not for pity, nor for pride, nor for any failure he felt so deep in his heart for what had been done that Elladan had come here. He had come to find a solace of his mind, to find guidance to his own understanding. Oh, how his soul hungered for understanding! So much had happened and he knew it had, yet still... he did not understand it. He did not understand the things that had transpired. His eyes stared into nothing, absorbed in his thoughts.
He wondered... about what had come to pass and how it had affected all their lives.
He pondered... about what might have been, had he sought the truth, had reached out to someone in need with open hands... rather than fists.
Elrohir joined him not long after he had left. Stopping and sitting cross-legged by his twin's side, Elrohir didn't speak at first. He glanced at Elladan, and then let his eyes ride up to the stars. His gaze was thoughtful, as though he were reading something in the bright, twinkling constellations.
"It's Ralorn, is it not?" he asked Elladan after a moment. "That's who you're thinking about."
Elladan nodded heavily. "Yes."
"Why?" Elrohir looked at his twin again, his voice not cold or harsh, but patient. As though he knew what the answer would be.
"I wish I understood why he pains my heart the way he does."
"You mean, trying to find a balance between wanting to kill him and forgive him?"
Elladan sighed, but when he finally looked back at Elrohir, he gave his twin a small, sad smile. "I'm glad you understand."
§§§
"Legolas," Arwen's gentle voice touched the wood-elf's ears lightly, almost too low to be heard. Legolas turned and allowed the elf maiden to walk up to him, her arm set and bound, her shoulder cared for and wrapped tightly. She looked disheveled in her appearance when compared to what her stature would normally be, but it was overrun by the incomprehensible look in her eyes. A look that saddened the prince, though he knew not the reason.
"My lady," Legolas offered by way of greeting, inviting her with the tone of his voice to continue. Celebnar was on his shoulder, and the falcon chirped a greeting when the prince spoke.
"I need to ask a favor of you."
"What is it?"
Arwen sighed, her actions belying what she could not find words to express just yet. "Legolas, there is something that I must do. For the sake of another, I need to do it." She lifted her gaze and locked eyes with the prince.
"I wish to speak to Ralorn."
"Arwen," Legolas whispered, feeling a wealth of questions and emotions suddenly rise within him and no way to express them. "Why?"
Arwen closed her eyes. "Because he believes that all has left him. That I, once his only friend, betrayed him. I cannot linger here and do nothing for him. He was my friend once, and I must let that mean something. I have to try to help him." Arwen opened her eyes and again pleaded, "Please, Legolas, let me speak to him. I do not know if it will be of any worth, but I must try all that I can."
"But why him?" there was a flash of protection that flickered dangerously in the Silvan elf's eyes, just as it would when he was concerned about someone he cared about.
Arwen shook her head, considering. "Legolas, if Ralorn were Estel, as his friend you would do all you could to bring him back, wouldn't you?" When Legolas nodded, she continued. "I knew Ralorn before circumstances made him who he is now. I need to believe that I can find the bright, sensitive child I befriended when we were still young. He needs to know my story. For his sake, I owe him that much."
Legolas was still unsure. Arwen was not his sister, he could not tell her what to do, but he knew that her brothers would not take too kindly to what she was about to attempt. "The twins will kill us both... if they catch you talking to him..."
"Elladan and Elrohir have been gone for almost two hours; I know them well enough to know that they won't be back any time soon. They have much to consider, as do we all, and they prefer to do it alone, together." Arwen gently massaged the hand of her injured arm. "They will not catch me, nor will they find out. I do not plan to take very long." One last time, she pleaded with the older elf. "Please, let me do what I must."
Heavily, Legolas finally consented. "All right,"
Giving him a small smile, Arwen thanked him. "I thank you for your concern, but you needn't fear. Ralorn would never hurt me. If you remember nothing more of his heart please remember this – he is honorable, he does all that he says he will, circumstances willing. And he promised me that he would never hit me again."
Legolas grimaced. "Arwen, please..."
"He is out of your hands. He is out of my brother's hands. He trusted me once. I need you to trust me now. Perhaps I can teach him to remember that trust we once shared, among other things he used to know."
Arwen turned slowly and walked away, toward where Ralorn had been left. Legolas watched her go, and then walked over to where Aragorn lay.
'I may never understand why or how she chooses to look and try to find light in darkness such as this,' the wood-elf thought as he let her go, 'but it takes a strong will to be able to look into the eyes of one who has wronged another so deeply.'
The ranger was asleep again, however lightly, and at the moment unaware of the goings on around him. That was something Legolas was very grateful for. After a moment, Legolas again attempted to check the man's vitals but Aragorn shuddered in his sleep, unconsciously pulling away from the touch of his friend. Slightly unsettled, Legolas let his hand fall back and rest in his lap. Celebnar remained on his shoulder and for a long time the elf did not move, so long that the falcon turned his head around and fell asleep.
When Arwen stopped next to Ralorn's side, the other elf did not react right away. His gaze was riveted on the ground. He had barely moved in hours. If it were not for the irregularity of his breathing, Arwen would have assumed him already passed on.
But no, he was still within this world.
"Ralorn?" she whispered.
He did not respond.
"Ralorn, please..." Arwen knelt on the ground and did not break her gaze to anything else. "I want nothing more than to help you-"
"Then why do you not kill me?" his voice both a whisper and a hiss. He lifted his gaze, his eyes filled with anger, and for a moment, a flash of hurt. "There is nothing left for me here. I wish to die, and after all that I have done, even that I am denied."
"Ralorn I could never kill you, nor do I wish it. You were once my friend, and I want to help."
"The only way you can help me now is if you ended my life." He turned away from her again.
Arwen settled farther on the ground, her voice filled with concern. "Why do you wish only that?"
Ralorn sighed. He could never lie to her. And what was the point now? There was nothing, no desire left to hold it inside. The truth may as well be told to the one that used to be his best friend. "My life revolves around my past; unforgotten, unresolved, unforgivable after so many years of torment. I live only to avenge it." His voice was fierce, but there was no fire in his eyes. They were as black and cold as ever.
"Is that really all that matters to you, that life itself has no meaning anymore?"
"I do not seek revenge for pleasure but because it is all I have left. When my father died and you taken away from me, I had nothing, I was nothing. I have no desire to live, only to restore some piece of mind before I let go."
Arwen shook her head. "I cannot believe that. You must remember something more than suffering. Do you remember the trees and the song they sing? Or the stars and the hope they brought? Life and the joy that entwines it? We all suffer, but none of us need fall to despair. There is memory of good all around us, just look for it! There is always good left in the world."
Ralorn pulled farther away from her and broke the eye contact, staring at the ground. "I used to think that back in the beginning of my story, but I no longer can. I am dead to my race and to myself after so long and through so many dreadful deeds."
"You thought so once, you shall again." Arwen was trying so hard to restore some hope. "Do not think your future is lost. There is something more."
"No," Ralorn whispered, his voice now filled with despair. "There is nothing, nothing left for me here. The trees are dead, the stars veiled, life full of suffering. I hate this world, my heart no longer understands its song. I am nothing more than a shadow; a lurker of dark places for it is all I can lay claim to now. I belong to the race of elves by blood but no longer by spirit. I am beyond any healer's touch, beyond the threshold where I might have returned."
"No, you must listen, you must try! The trees still speak to you; they can help set you free again. Please, Ralorn, don't do this. Don't destroy yourself more. Let go, start again, and be free from your past. Forgive yourself and listen to me. There is so much more."
Ralorn shook his head again, but he lifted his face to the sky, a small flicker of longing passing over his eyes. "Almost... I wish I could believe there was still hope for me."
"Listen to my words with your whole heart... and you'll know that I speak the truth. There is always hope for you."
Ralorn placed his head in his hands and did not answer. Arwen sighed, and gently lifted his head to pierce him with her gaze. "Tell me, Ralorn," she whispered. "Are you proud of who you are?"
Ralorn's face crumbled slightly underneath her eyes and her touch, but most of all that question. "I despise who I have become."
"Then why do you continue to let it own you?" her face was full of sadness but her eyes were firm.
Ralorn became weary as he spoke of a truth he had known for so long. "It has taken over me, and what it craves I will never achieve. When your heart and mind lay claim to something, how can you do anything else but obey? What else can I do?"
"Let it go."
"What?"
"Let it go and replace it. There is no freedom in binding yourself to a black hole; you have become a slave to a being you swore many years ago that you would never submit to. Find something new to hold onto."
"How could I possibly let this go? My parents were taken from me! My life was scarred and destroyed! What can stop it now?"
"What are you fighting against?" now Arwen's voice was fierce. "Do you even know anymore? Someone like you can only come to this end by choice, but whatever your original intentions were; you have become truly lost in your fight for justice. The memory of your parents' deaths and the suffering and sacrifices you had to make are not events meant to haunt you forever, but now all the good you have once known you have forgotten and the memories of your loved ones have faded into your mind, now only poison in your veins. Your own losses have clogged your heart." The elleth's gaze bore right into Ralorn's. "You must let it go. It is the only way to be free."
"Should I just let the past die then, pretend it meant nothing to me?" Ralorn's voice was angry now.
"Pretend it meant nothing to you? Certainly not! Only realize that what is done is done, and the path your mind desires to take and has tried to walk down already has more injustice in it than any of the actions done to encourage that road." The elf-maiden did not back down, though her voice lost its fierceness. "There is good in you still. Set it free and know where your heart truly lies - not in darkness, but in light."
Ralorn shook his head. "I can't."
"Can't? Or won't?"
Ralorn dropped his head again, his hands clenching into fists against his bonds. "The night my father died, all hope was lost from me, even though it took weeks for me to realize it. I am not lost, Arwen." Ralorn lifted his gaze one last time, speaking slowly but intensely. "I... am dead... to me... and I have wished I was dead for a long time."
Arwen shut her eyes, attempting to restrain the tears. At one time, they had been such good friends, and that loyalty still was in her. "Oh, my old friend," she whispered. "What kind of life have you known, that you deny yourself of all that could save you?"
Ralorn was silent, but he wouldn't raise his eyes from his hands. A repressed shudder rippled through his shoulders, pulling his body slightly against his bonds.
Arwen reached forward and gently pulled his face out of his hands. For the first time in their lives together, she saw something she had never seen him do. He was crying, though softly, almost unnoticeable. It was perhaps the first time he had cried since he had discovered his father had died saving him. Tears tracked lightly down the worn lines of his face from under closed eyelashes, his eyes shut still in humiliation and despair. He wanted so much to let go, but he could find no way out.
Arwen pulled closer to him and touched his face with her left hand, encouraging him, for just a moment, to open his eyes for her. When he finally did, she let him search the depths of her own. 'Valar give me the strength," she spoke in the deep recesses of her heart. "To let him know..."
"You have never been alone," she whispered, and leaning forward further she kissed him gently on his scar-marred cheek for several moments, holding him close.
The feel of her hand on his cheek and the soft touch of her lips against the deformity of his face broke and shattered the dark resolve that had built inside his heart. Leaning his head slightly in her direction, Ralorn wept in her arms. The world faded from his senses. How long had it been? When was the last time he was held like this? The last time he had been held in his mother's arms. Foreign emotions came back to him, of love and tenderness.
Ralorn recognized the point when Arwen silently left his side but he did not stop her. All the desire he had had to take her away was gone. Despite all he had done, she still cared for him. She still cared. She still cared...
She still loved him for the friends they had once been.
All night, Ralorn did not sleep. The winds in the dark slowly dried his tears, but the ache in his heart didn't fade. She had saved his life before. If it had not been for her care and support when they were young, he would never have made it. He would have died shortly after his father's death, young... hurt... and alone. He would have died of a defeated, broken heart... but fate it seemed had other plans for him. Now she was saving him again, even though he had done less than nothing to deserve it. She was still saving him...
So he set her free. Under the light of the moon and the stars he set her free from his heart. He repaid her unshakable loyalty and unfathomable kindness - he let her go.
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Elladan and Elrohir did not return to the others until dawn was nearly upon them. The campsite was quiet; all but one being was asleep. The twins greeted Legolas and Elrohir offered to take over the watch, to which Legolas forfeited immediately. Despite the fact that he never would have said it out loud, he was ready to sleep... for a long time.
"Where did you go?" Legolas asked as he unrolled his sleeping mat close to the rest of the group. Elladan did not respond but Elrohir did.
"Up the trail a ways."
Legolas eyed his friend curiously. "Did it help?"
Elrohir quirked his shoulders and sighed. "Perhaps, but we will have to see what tomorrow brings."
Legolas nodded, and knowing further questions would not be wise now, he rolled over to face his ranger friend.
Aragorn's face was taunt in his sleep, attesting to his still worn down and frightened state. Caught in his dreams, he felt so detached from everything he had ever known, so alone in his fight to overcome his own mind. It was as if the world was moving ahead and he was trapped standing still. It was like he didn't belong in his own body. He didn't even know if he could ever feel the same around his friends, his family... or himself. Heart rent and torn, sometimes aching so deeply that he wished he would just die.
Yet he knew there was one who understood his weakness, one who had been there when he should have died. He needed that comforter again for he could feel his spirit withering, though there was the part of him that still yearned for a fulfilled life, not an unfinished one.
Suddenly, as though sensing his friend was near, he whispered, "Legolas..."
Legolas stopping moving, all his attention on the man. He wanted to hear whatever Aragorn had to say. A moment later, while struggling to form the words in a choked voice, hands reaching forward in urgency he whispered, "...Don't leave me..."
Memory returned to Legolas of the conversation he had had earlier with Arwen, bringing back no small amount of pain to his heart.
'If Ralorn were Estel... '
Overcome with his own weariness and biting back tears, Legolas leaned closer and took one of his friend's hands tightly in his own, nearly crushing the fingers so Estel would not need wonder if someone was there.
"I won't leave you," Legolas whispered fiercely, and the ranger relaxed when he heard the promise of his friend. "I will never leave you."
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The next morning, Aragorn woke up feeling as though he had really slept... as if an angel had watched over his mind during the night and kept at bay the frightful voices that had begun to house in his heart. Opening his eyes he discovered that he was surrounded by his brothers, still deep in slumber. Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir had encircled him and created a defense in which he did truly feel safe. All through the night, Legolas had retained a firm hold on the man's hand. The prince was still asleep, but Aragorn sensed he had not slept very long. A gentle luminance around the elf heightened his features, care-worn and worry lined. Then Aragorn saw something that made his heart swell. His dear friend had been crying. Crying for him.
Pulling himself forward until he was close enough, the ranger brushed the elf's blond hair back and gently kissed him on the forehead. Grief and gratitude filled his touch. His friend's selfless defense of love through the night had cured some part of his pain. Once again, he could really feel the desire to live. The willingness to try again. Though he was far from full recovery, the man was well on his way.
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When he woke, Elladan sat up, stretched, and pulled up against a thick tree trunk behind him. His gaze roved lightly over the clearing. Elrohir was at his feet, most definitely awake but as of yet had not attempted to move, and at his left side both Estel and Legolas lay on their sleeping mats. He knew the man had woken, but it did not look as though Legolas had.
"Estel," Elladan called out at one point, pulling the ranger out of whatever thoughts he had been entertaining. "Is Legolas still asleep?"
"Yes," Aragorn answered softly, again touching his friend's head with his hand and monitoring his light breathing. "He sleeps still, though lightly. He will wake soon."
"Most likely with the coming of the sun. Dawn will be upon us soon." Elladan stared out in the direction of the sunrise, watching the blackness of the night sky on the edge of the horizon fade to the coming of the sun. In a few minutes they would see sun bring more light into their world, just as it did almost every day.
Elladan looked back down at the man. Aragorn had left Legolas' side and was pulling himself toward his older brother. His face pinched in his effort, but he was much stronger, and the going was much faster. His tailbone ached but it was bearable now, and he could almost get up on all fours without his back seizing. He crawled up to where Elladan sat waiting for the sunrise and lay down at his side. Elladan smiled, and without even asking he gently lifted the ranger into his arms, holding him up so he could better see around the trees for the coming of the sun. Aragorn was slightly tense in his arms at first, fears that had faded for Legolas not quite yet faded for Elladan, but Aragorn fought them until he could relax. An almost overpowering sense of safety filled him. Together, they watched the sunrise.
When the sun had made it halfway, Elrohir turned over and smiled at them. "It's beautiful this morning, isn't it?"
He was right. Though the devastation around them was thick and horrible, trees and rocks shattered and twisted together, something as simple and familiar as a sunrise brought them all great joy. The sky began to explode in beautiful shades of pink, orange, red and eventually blue. It was good to know that in a constantly changing world, some things would never fade with time.
The sun had fully come out before Legolas woke. Aragorn sensed the moment when the elf let go of the dreams of night to greet the new morning. The man turned his face away from the brilliant sunrise and gave his friend a small smile. Shaking sleep out of his eyes, the prince smiled back and quickly joined the others.
Though they didn't know it, a figure not far from them had been watching this all unfold. Ralorn said nothing as he watched them interact. It was astonishing just how much the twins and the prince cared about this human. To one that never would have given any human such respect, it was confusing and even a bit mind-boggling. What had this man done, to earn such a place in all their hearts?
Eventually Ralorn had to look away. It pained him too much to watch them so content. Yet even as he did the image had burned itself into his mind. He couldn't get the image to fade. Sharp and piercing, it stayed with him. He bowed his head, taking in breaths long and slow.
However, the content scene didn't last long. Quickly, the group realized that someone was missing.
Elrohir noticed first. "Where is Arwen?"
All of them tensed as they looked around. Elrohir jumped up and more closely scanned the clearing. Arwen wasn't there. All her belongings were gone, and so was Asfaloth. Sometime during the night, she had stolen away without notice or warning.
"I don't understand. Why would she leave?" Elrohir murmured as he searched for any traces. He found them, leading out of the clearing in the general direction of Rivendell.
Legolas immediately became silent. The twins and Aragorn glanced at him. "Legolas?"
The wood-elf sighed. "I believe I know why she has gone. Last night, while you both were gone and Estel asleep, she went to go talk to Ralorn."
"What!" both the twins looked shocked. Yet they both knew it would have not been unlikely for Arwen to want to do such a thing.
"I tried to convince her otherwise, but she would not be moved. The conversation did not last long though, and I did not listen to it so I could not tell you what it was about. I – I had other things on my mind."
"Do not fear, Legolas, it's all right." Elladan placed a reassuring hand on the elf prince's shoulder. "I should have known that she would try something like this."
"Should we go after her?"
Elrohir shook his head and smiled ruefully. "She knows how to handle the wilds as well as any of us, and she's with Asfaloth. Don't worry, she'll get it when we get back," he and Elladan shared a secretive smile, "but she'll be fine."
Elladan looked down at the man in his arms. Eyes shut, the human looked peaceful. After days of darkness, it did worlds of good to his heart to hear his family speak and jest in a familiar way. He smiled. It was worth fighting death just to hear it again. The hum of conversation was almost rhythmic and he had quickly discovered his body fading away again. Aragorn had no desire to leave yet. The travel home was going to be rough at best until they got out of this deadly range where the earthquake had ripped up the earth, days minimum.
Not moving from where he lay, he asked the others a question they had been deliberately avoiding.
"What of Ralorn?"
They all looked over to the tree Ralorn still sat underneath, bound in the same way. The elf's head was bent down and he wasn't moving, an unnatural stoop to his shoulders that attested to something much darker raging behind a veil of obscurity. But at hearing his name, Ralorn looked up and gazed at them all. The look in his eyes was unsettling, like staring into the eyes of an injured black-eyed raptor.
"Why have you not killed me yet?" Ralorn asked, his voice filled with disdain. "It's what you want, isn't it? After all that's happened; all that I've done to you! You must hate me."
Aragorn reacted first, shaking his head to silence Ralorn and even Elladan, who was about to speak in protest. He turned cloudy silver-grey eyes to his one time capturer and spoke softly.
"If it would lift the curse in all the races of this world – the need or desire to kill in exchange for survival or pleasure, I would readily demand your blood. But that wouldn't stop the killing, now would it?"
With a sarcastic jerk of his head, Ralorn spoke again. "No, it wouldn't. You would have to kill us all to be at peace and even then there is no cure to the curse."
"Nay, there is a cure that is not death." Aragorn relaxed fully into the arms of his eldest brother, again reminding himself that he was not alone anymore, that no harm could come to him again like it had before. He sighed. "Understanding... and compassion."
Ralorn shook his head, his tone mixing with the sounds of regretful laughter. "Compassion? Compassion is warranted to some, not to all, and never from your kind to the likes of me. Haven't they taught you that yet? You never show compassion to your enemies." He glared at Elladan.
"No..." Aragorn turned his eyes to lock with the dark ones several feet away. "It is not lost to you, it has never been lost."
"Perhaps not to you, human," Ralorn shot back, a bit sharper than before, his dark eyes dancing angrily. "But I will die before I see a true act of compassion. No one will warrant it freely any longer." His gaze was so harsh, so cold... he had lost so much. "If called upon, could you find the strength to give where others cannot?"
Yet even as he said it his eyes flickered for a moment with uncertainty, and Aragorn knew what he needed to do. To unveil another side of life that was not built of age-old anger and pain, but of life-long conviction and hope.
Could you find the strength to give where others cannot? ...
Aragorn pulled himself out of Elladan's grasp slowly, and crawled weakly over to where Ralorn sat in waiting. Still bound tightly, the elf made no move and only watched while his face remained devoid of emotion beyond anger. Pulling himself along and discouraging all attempts Elladan made to dissuade him, Aragorn finally stopped in front of Ralorn and sighed deeply before lifting his gaze and leveling the elf with a calm glare he had not been capable of in the past few weeks.
"Legolas," he called behind him without breaking his gaze. "Please bring me a sword."
If Legolas hesitated Aragorn didn't know, but the trust between them was strong and the prince complied. He untied Elrohir's beautiful sword from Silme's side and brought it to the man, placing the weapon in the ranger's hands before slowly backing away.
Ralorn watched him curiously, wondering if the man was going to end his life. Not that he cared much – he wished for it more than anything else. It was either now in the forest or execution in Rivendell for his deeds. He did not want to go home; it brought painful memories to the surface. The first time was hard enough, and he had no desire to attempt it again.
Raspy, worn, and so close to giving in had it not been that his family were there, Aragorn spoke. "Ralorn, I cannot keep going like this. I cannot continue to fear this way. If you still wish to take the lives of me and my brothers, then I offer you this." The sword slid easily from its sheath, the metal ringing lightly as it was drawn. "Take this sword," he whispered, dropping the sheath to the ground by his side and cutting through the bonds that held Ralorn back, then placing the perfectly balanced blade in his upturned palms. "And if you still wish to command it, fulfill your oath... and take my life."