Disclaimer: I don't own Cold Case or any of it's characters. Also the song, When Doves Cry doesn't belong to me.

Authors Note: It's really hard to write an LS pairing with all the angst between them on the show. Since when I started writing this story I had no idea about the Christina/Scotty relationship, I've decided to leave it out, as it didn't come up at all in the first story. In Australia we have one episode left of the second season, which they aren't showing us till next year! It's frustrating! Anyway, on with the story:

Chapter 7: When Doves Cry

How can you leave me standing alone in a world that is so cold?
Maybe I'm just too demanding,
Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold.
Maybe I'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied,
Why do we scream at each other?
This is what it sounds like when doves cry.
When doves cry- Quindon Tarver

"So why did you leave New York?" asked Dr. Bethany Luella.

Because I couldn't stand it there anymore, it was killing me, she thought.

"I left New York because I didn't want to live anymore. I knew some people out here in Philly so I decided that once I'd completed my basic training, this is where I wanted to be."

"Okay. So there was no other reason behind your moving to Philadelphia?"

'Yes,' she thought, but answered with a confident "No." She didn't need for this woman to know everything about her life.

Dr. Luella flipped through the file on the table. "Says here you're not married. Is there anyone in your life at the moment?"

"Well it's complicated," Lilly offered with a nervous smile. "Anyway," she said, her defensive side kicking in, "how's that going to help you assess my fitness for duty?"

"Lilly, please, I'm just trying to develop some background information so that I can understand you."

"Understand me?" Lilly thought, "I don't even understand me."

"So if you don't want to talk about your romantic relationships, we'll start with family. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, sure," she answered, feeling defeated.

"You have any brothers or sisters?"

"One sister, Christina. She's three years younger."

"Does she live in Philadelphia?"

"No, I think she still lives in New York. I haven't spoken to her in a while."

"Any particular reason for that?" she asked looking straight at Lilly with piquing interest.

"We didn't talk much after I moved out here," instead of waiting for another question, Lilly just kept talking, "we weren't all that close and we just grew further apart with I came to Philadelphia."

"What about your parents?" she asked, looking up from the notes she had been taking.

For Lilly, this conversation was quickly heading into uncomfortable territory. Maybe it would have been easier for her to stick with the relationship questions and try to explain why she thought that dating her partner was not a bad idea.

"My mother's back in New York," she explained.

"My parents got divorced when I was six, I don't know anything much about my dad."

"Liar," said the voice in her head. You just don't want to remember him. He was just another person who didn't love you enough to stay.

An hour later she was back in her apartment, feeling totally drained and close to tears. She had spent the last half hour of her session with Dr. Luella having to 'describe her childhood', 'explain her case history', 'why she chose that line of work' and all that rubbish. Sure, talking about these sorts of things might help in the long run, but right now it wasn't doing her any good at all. She might have only talked about the good and necessary things but it had succeeded in reminding her of all the bad words, fights, rejections, heartbreaks and the worst moments of the worst cases. All in all, it had left her feeling like shit.

She relieved some of the tension with a warm shower and changed into her pyjamas. She had just begun to pour herself a glass of wine when the doorbell rang.

She paused in the kitchen, ignoring the noise, hoping that whoever it was would go away, but they rang again persistently.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before slowly starting to walk towards the door. Just before she reached it, she heard the lock click and the door began to open. Lilly froze until she saw who was on the other side.

She looked inquisitively from the key in his hand to the open door. Noticing her confusion he said, "you gave me your spare key when you were in the hospital. I tried calling but there was no answer."

"I must have been in the shower," she said tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"So, can I come in?" he asked.

"Sure," she said moving aside so he could enter.

"I'm, uh, going to get a drink, you want anything?" she asked as he came in.

"Yeah, I'll have a beer if you've got any."

She went to the fridge and pulled out two can and then sat them on the bench. She took a deep breath and sighed before placing one of the cans back into the fridge. She might want to forget all that she had remembered, but not like that, not tonight. Instead she took a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water from the tap.

As grateful as she was to Scotty for wanting to check up on her, part of her wished he'd just leave. She was used to dealing with these things by herself, having someone else around now would make things kind of awkward.

She walked back into the living room, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch from Scotty and passed him his beer.

"So how was your first session?" he asked, not oblivious at all to how she'd been acting.

"It was fine," she stated simply. She picked up the glass of water from the table and took a sip.

"All right. What's bothering you Lil'?" he asked putting his beer on the table and moving closer to her.

"Nothing, I'm fine," she said, avoiding his eyes.

"Come on, you're not fine, I can see your lying. You can tell me what's wrong Lilly."

"Dammit Scotty," she said banging her glass onto the coffee table, "I don't need your help I'll be fine."

She stood up and walked over to the window taking a deep breath. She wasn't going to cry and she wasn't going to give in. She turned back to him; he had stood up and was making his way over to her.

"Maybe you should just leave," she said.

"Yeah, maybe I should, but I'm not going anywhere 'till you tell me what's wrong. You don't have to handle this all alone."

She looked up at him, her eyes full of sadness. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. At that moment, she caved in. This felt so much better than sitting alone staring aimlessly at the television screen or crying herself to sleep. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her closer. She couldn't be sure, but she would've sworn that he whispered, "Everything will be alright."

Now, seated on the couch, she told him things that she'd never spoken to about anyone before in her life.

"He just left one night. He couldn't take her anymore. Leaving us, Christina and I, it didn't seem to bother him. He just didn't care. He'd call sometimes, out of the blue there he'd be. And that made it so much harder. Because he'd come around and I just felt that I couldn't hate him. I didn't love him either, but I couldn't bring myself to hate him. It's hard to explain because it's an emotional pain, he didn't hit us, or abuse us, which is something people can more readily understand." She just sat there, eyes downcast, and so sad.

"Mum was drunk a lot of the time, but more so after dad left. She'd been through a lot and he couldn't help her, he couldn't stop her hurting. We didn't have much money and most of what we did have went towards supporting her habit. You know, I used to feel so guilty for despising her. I'd feel so bad because I'd remember what she went through with dad and then feel bad that I could ever get this angry at her." She took and deep breathbefore continuing and Scotty held her tighter, afraid that if he didn't keep contact between them she'd stop talking and withdraw completely.

"I looked out for Christina a lot. She's three years younger than me, which is a bit of a difficult age difference because we weren't close enough to be experiencing and understanding the same things at the same time, and we weren't far apart enough for her to look up to me or any of that younger sister stuff. She never liked that way that I was so serious about things, she wanted to have fun, and live her life. I did too, " she said looking into his eyes, " I wanted to be carefree and enjoy myself but I couldn't because someone had to be in reality when everything fell apart. I had to be strong whenever mum was acting like an idiot and saying horrid things to us both. I couldn't cry when she yelled at me, I didn't want Christina to know that I was falling apart. I had to keep myself together, be strong for both of us."

"Some days I'd felt like dying. I'd wished that everything would be all right and that I could be happy. When I was older, like fifteen and sixteen, I used to think about running away. Just packing up and leaving everything behind. But I couldn't. I couldn't leave her, I didn't know what would happen to if I left."

"Christina?" Scotty said softly.

"Yeah. So I stayed. Some days I felt pretty lucky actually. At high school I had some good friends, no one I was really close to, but they were good to me. When I was there, I could almost forget what was waiting for me at home, because we'd spend the whole day laughing and gossiping and everything felt all right."

"Maybe you shouldn't go to this counselling, therapy sessions. They only seem to be making things worse for you," Scotty suggested.

"I have too. Otherwise you'll be out there without a partner, and this girl and boy, they need my help now. It's not going to do me any good to be here."

"I understand that, really I do. But I just don't want you hurting. I really care about you Lil."

She looked up into her eyes, and saw tears in his eyes, and the way that he was looking at her, well; no one had ever looked at her in that way before in her life. She believed every word he said.

"I know," she whispered, as her reached out to her wiping a tear from her face.

He pulled her close to him and held her tightly. They stayed like that until she slowed stood up. She held out her hand to him and led him to her bedroom.

"Lilly…" he began.

"Please, just stay here with me tonight," she said her eyes still red with tears.

There was no hidden meaning behind her invitation and he understood that. She just needed someone there with her. Silently, he accepted with a nod of his and tightened his hold of her hand.