New chapter, new song. That really has nothing to with the chapter but oh well. Um…this chapter really didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. It is somewhat of a transition into the next one. I think. Well, I have two weeks left of school, so this may be it for a while. Then again, I might go insane doing too much work and relieve myself. No one knows. I'm ever mysterious, like the wind!

Chapter 4- Its All In Your Mind

I had my first dream about Kyle last night. Yep. It was him. His voice, his eyes, his mouth, his hair, his body, his name, his EVERYTHING. It was Kyle. I dreamed about him! And I remember it like it really happened.

It was much like the scenario last night. We were at his house, at the party. Several people were there, but all I could see was Kyle. He looked like he did last night. Wearing the same green T-shirt and jeans. Such a simple outfit, but he wears it so well. He topped it off with a brown corduroy jacket. He looked at me, and it sent chills down my back. We were sitting together on the couch, and he leaned into me, breathing heavily.

"I know how you feel," he whispered in my ear, even though he was talking directly in front of my face. He pulled back so I could see his grin and seductive eyes. He stood up, motioning me to do the same. We walked up the stairs, which were no longer the stairs to his basement, but a spiral staircase to some unknown top floor. We passed people in a large hallway, and he ignored them. He just kept looking into my eyes, propelling me forwards as I walked backwards up the stairs, just inches away from him. He lunged at me at times, just close enough to my face so I could feel the body heat from his lips. He kept the very same grin I saw him have before.

"I thought you would never like me," I said, amazed at this forward gesture.

He tilted his head back slightly and laughed; only to return to that sexy gaze he had since we started climbing. "You thought wrong."

He pushed me into a bedroom, which we thought was vacant until we saw two people chatting it up near the twin bed. We muttered apologies, moving our way to the next room. His eyes remained glued to me, his mouth half open and tongue licking his lips as though he could take a bite out of my flesh at any time without warning. My favorite song was playing out as the beat of my heart, though I couldn't tell you what that "favorite" song was. I felt his hand reach beside me to open another door. This room looked dark and inviting.

He pushed me against the wall, reaching up to my face on his tiptoes. He was teasing me, flirting with the idea of kissing me. I closed my eyes, and I could feel his lips. They were there, they were touching mine.

I opened my eyes, noticing that another couple was in the same room. It was a big room, and they were on the couch, making out to a movie. This didn't bother Kyle, because he guided me to the bed, which was a mattress on the floor. He used all of his strength to push my shoulders. I fell effortlessly. He climbed on top of me, eyes burning a hole through the mattress behind me. Finally, he closed the gap between us, pressing his lips firmly down on my own eager, anticipating ones. He brought his hands to my face. We rolled onto the side, and he pulled away just enough to trace the outline of my lips with his tongue. My hands fell to his side, wrapping around his tiny waist. My heart beat faster with each move we made.

He smashed his face against mine once more, this time his kisses passionate and aggressive. He opened his mouth slightly, searching for my tongue. He found it.

Our tongues were battling against each other, and I felt his hands slide down from my face. I shivered as they made their way slowly down my neck…to my chest…to my abdomen. A jolt of electricity shot through my body when he slipped a curious hand under my shirt's end. He pushed at my side, feeling that bone that guys have at their hips. He then pulled it closer, lowering his hand to my ass.

Hesitantly, I pushed up his shirt, exploring the unknown territory of Kyle's bare skin. It was so soft, so smooth, so warm. I felt a little layer of fuzz that was invisible to the naked eye, but made him all the more lovable and touchable. My hands were so big and his waist was so tiny I could almost wrap my hand around half of it. I scooted him closer, and I felt his excitement growing. I rubbed that very same hipbone he was playing with earlier. I could feel his above his skin, and it turned me on even more. I love that bone. It is one of the single hottest things on a guy's body. And on Kyle? Mmmm…

And then, without warning, I woke up. Yep. I woke up, alone in my bed and horny as all hell. It WAS hell. It wasn't real. It was all in my mind. My dreams suck ass. The ones I want to be real never are. They are always so full of description and detail. They always play out as though I lived through that experience. You know the kind I am talking about. Then you wake up, sad, pissed, and alone.

Okay, so now I've experienced this. A dream about Kyle. What the hell does this mean? Kenny says that I take dreams too seriously. That I could have been dreaming about anybody. Well, I don't think so. You don't dream about just anybody like that. God, I want him so bad….

I'm standing over the toilet, staring at the insides where I just peed for the first time this morning. Thinking about Kyle. No connection between those two things, by the way. I just space out a lot.

What am I going to do? I can't ignore this feeling! And it's not going to go away. I mean, Kyle is constantly on my mind during my waking hours, now he's invading my dreams? When will this stop!

"Stan! Honey! Phone's for you!" I hear my mom yell from downstairs, loud enough that I could hear her from behind closed doors with a radio turned up moderately loud. She has this commanding voice that can rattle you in your sleep if she needs it to. Well, you know this. She is my alarm clock every morning. Except today. Today is Saturday. My day of play.

I flush the toilet, watching the swirls of yellowish water disappear, replaced by new, fresh water. I figure the phone call is Kenny, wanting me to do something random. Or eat lunch. Or maybe go to that movie that we were talking about. I wash my hands with warm, soapy water, and dry them. I check out the dark circles under my eye in the mirror, and then I casually mosey to my parent's bedroom, picking up the phone in there.

"I got it up here!" I yell down to my mom, who in return says, "okay" very clearly ON the phone. I hear a clicking noise.

"What's up, dude?"

"Hey, Stan," I hear a soft, cute voice on the other end. Wait a minute, this isn't Kenny!

"Kyle!" I squeal, a little too girly. See what he does to me?

"Hey, what's up?" he asks, and I melt. Kyle called me. HE called ME!

"Nothin' much. Just got out of bed." I peer down at my watch. Its fucking 3:00 in the afternoon. Note to self: seem less lazy in the presence of greatness.

"Dang, you sleep late." I hit myself on the forehead.

"Yeah, well, I didn't get to bed until real late last night," I quickly recover. It's partly true.

"Word." He pauses. I smile. "So what are you up to today?"

I scan over my day quickly inside my head. Wake up…eat lunch…sit around, sit around, sit around…

"Not much planned. What'd you have in mind?" Could this be it? Could he be asking me to do something alone?

"Well a few of us are going to North Park for a party. One of Emery's friends. It's supposed to be big. You wanna come?"

I almost jumped at the chance. But instead, thought about this situation. A party. With Kyle. With a bunch of people that I don't know. A bunch of people that know Kyle. That know Emery. That know everyone. And they'll all get into talking about things I don't know about, ignore me, and I'll wish I'd never gone. I may like Kyle, but I can't be comfortable somewhere like that. I need to see if Kenny is going.

"Um, I might meet up with you. I have to see what Kenny is doing. We were going to go see a movie today." No wonder Kyle thinks we should be a couple. No wonder people think we are a package deal! You're a fucking retard, Stan Marsh. Why did you say that? WHY!

"Oh," Kyle says, a little falter in his voice. Dammit. Son of a bitch dammit! "That's cool. You guys should come afterwards. It sounds like it's going to be awesome."

"Yeah, definitely!" I say, over enthusiastically. "Hey, if we don't get to it, we should definitely hang out soon." This is what I do. I secure another hang out date so that Kyle doesn't think I don't like him anymore.

"Heck yeah!" he replies. He is so cute when he is enthusiastic. Not at all dorky like me. God, I'm a nerd.

"So yeah, where does this kid live?" And Kyle gives me semi-directions, telling me to call him when we get there. I am making it a point to go there. I don't care if there is an avalanche or a volcano or a life-threatening meteor, I am making it to this party. Kyle has personally invited me. I hang up, immediately calling Kenny.

"Ken! Get your coat on. I'll be over there in five minutes, we are going to the movies and then we are going to a party that Kyle invited us to in North Park!" I cry breathlessly into the phone.

"Wait, what?" Kenny just woke up too, I can tell. This is why we are such great friends.

"I'm coming over, get your ass out of bed!" I repeat.

"Alright, dude, whatever. See you in a few."

I hang up, barely able to contain my excitement. I do a little dance on my way to my room, sifting through the piles of clothes that are piled on the floor, searching for just the right shirt. My body is going to go to shit once I stop playing football. For now, I've got to flaunt it. Even though I'll never be Kyle's perfect physical match, I can still look good for him.

And look good is what I do. In two minutes time. See, I'm not like Kenny. I don't take ten THOUSAND years to pick out a simple shirt and pants to fit my mood. Sure, I'm moody and have those days, but Kenny is quite possibly the girliest guy I know. In that respect, at least.

Kenny is not going to be ready when I get over there. I bet he won't even be out of bed yet. He might have fallen asleep again. I don't know why I rush around, only to go and sit at his house, and wait for him to get ready. When I tell him I'm getting ready and I'll be over, to me, it means "be ready when I get there!" To him, it means "I'll be over there to keep you company while you get ready." Grrr…

Kenny always looks good though. That's his forte. He's a hottie. I can say this comfortably because, well, he is. I tell him it sometimes. Only when it's just him and me. I've got nothing to be ashamed of. You want to blackmail me? Try and find something I HAVEN'T told him! You'll lose!

I don't try to look good. Not usually, that is. On a rare day, you'll see me in some nice khakis and a polo or something. That's me dressing up. Usually I'm in jeans and T-shirt. A lot like Kyle. But Kyle's got a style that I can't—and don't want to—copy. He's on his own level. Another reason I'm infatuated with him.

---

"Dude! GET OUT OF BED!" I yell as I barge through Kenny's bedroom door. I gave him a whole ten minutes this time. There should be no excuse. Much to my surprise, he IS out of bed. He's not even in the room. I spin around to see him facing me, standing in pajama pants and a plain black T-shirt. He pauses brushing his teeth to smile a big, toothpasty smile at me.

"You were saying?" he replies, words muffled by the red toothbrush occupying his mouth. He is obviously proud of himself for being up and getting ready. He knows how much I hate waiting on him. I nod my head in approval and apology, and watch him waddle back into the bathroom. I hear the sounds of spitting and water running, and then he reappears.

"What are we doing today?" he asks, obvious to me now that he was still asleep when I called earlier. "You look nice." He notices, and flips the collar of my green polo up. I let out a smirk. "Thanks," I mutter.

Kenny walks over to his closet, pulling his shirt off in the process. He examines the content of his closet, separating each and every hanger to see what each shirt looks like. He's had these clothes for a while now. Why does it take him so long to figure out what shirt it is? Like I said, Kenny's a girl. Total girl.

He pulls out a shirt, stopping in mid motion to look over at me. "Dude! We are going to see Kyle today, aren't we!"

I sigh, closing my eyes tightly. "Yes," I say, squinting through my right eye afterwards to see Kenny's reaction.

He chuckles, shoulders moving with his stomach. "I KNEW there was a reason you looked like that! I never see you dress up, Stan. Never."

Okay, lets point out something more obvious, jerk.

"Yes, yes, you've made your point. HURRY UP!" I yell, hoping to change the subject. Kenny likes to pick on me about my crush. Hell, I'd do it too if I were him.

Another ten minutes later, Kenny matches a blue zip up sweatshirt with some tan khakis and an undershirt. The color in his shirt really brings out the color in his eyes. He has eyes like the purest of seas. Crystal clear blue.

He spends another ten minutes on his hair, eventually settling on a messed up I-don't-care-but-spent-time-looking-that-way style. I sigh, looking at my watch. We are going to miss the 4:15 showing of the movie if he doesn't hurry up. Finally, he turns to me, signaling that he is finished. I've long been sitting on his bed, relishing in the comfort. If I could, I would steal Kenny's bed away and have it for my own. That's why when we have sleepovers; I refuse to give up a side of that bed. People can think we're gay, they can think we're together, they can think we're fucking each other, I don't care. I am sleeping in that bed.

Which is why waiting for Kenny isn't all that bad.

"You ready?" he asks me. As if I'm the one he's been waiting for.

I blink, shake my head twice, and raise my eyebrows. Duh, Kenny. "Yeah!"

"Alright, let's go!"

My thoughts exactly.

We run into Jimmy at the movies. Good thing too, I haven't seen him in forever. I guess he's going to see the same thing as we were going to, so we just sit together. Kenny and Jimmy get along pretty well too, I'd like to see us three hang out more often. His friend that he came with is pretty cool too, I guess. Though I don't know much about him, being that I just met him.

The movie wasn't as good as I anticipated, but then again, it's hard to please me anymore. I have my classic favorites, and for as many movies being produced these days, you have to comb through the shit to get to the gold. I'd say that this definitely wasn't shit, but it was no Old School or Wedding Crashers. I'm a big fan of comedy, and laughter is, as we've established before, a big part of my life. I love it, so a movie that can make me laugh until I cry is a good movie. Both of those did that too me. Hell, Finding Nemo made me laugh till I cried when Dory was speaking in whale. Now that's pathetic.

"What did you guys think?" I ask the guys as we make our way out of the theater. It is a little past 6 and the sun has begun to set over our hick mountain town.

"Hard to say," Jimmy offers. "Its no instant classic, but not too bad."

Kenny is dripping with excitement. "Dude, I thought it was AWESOME! Man, you guys don't know shit. Be a waiter and THEN go watch it and tell me its not fucking brilliant."

Kenny has a point. Once football was over, I would have to get a job. Probably waiting at some lame ass restaurant just like him.

"Well, fellas," Jimmy begins. "It was a pleasure running into you, like always. I do wish you a good night tonight," he said, directed more toward me than Ken. We told Jimmy about the whereabouts of our next rendezvous, and who would be there. Jimmy winks at me. "Be good, Stan"

I scoff at the mere thought of getting that choice to be good or bad. Never gonna happen…

"Bye, Jimmy!" Kenny waves, walking to the direction of my car. I nod and extend my hand out to the air to bid my farewell.

"Soooo…whadaya wanna do now?" Kenny says, swinging all of his words together. We pile into my still somehow working green car, and speed off in the opposite direction of Jimmy's nice, new silver Accord. Lucky son of a bitch.

"Don't care," I answer truthfully. We can't go to the party yet; it's still too early. "You hungry?"

"Always," Kenny replies with a slight grin.

"Okay, what do you feel like?"

"Food."

He's a quick one, that Kenny McCormick.

"Yeah?" I ask, laughing to myself. "What kind of food?"

"Good food."

Did I really have to ask? "All right. Glad we've figured that out."

Five minutes later, we settle on a local burger joint that has cute waitresses and a pinball machine. The waitresses are for Kenny, and the pinball is for me. I kick ass at that game. Both online and in real life.

I don't get that boy. I really don't. He spends the entire meal talking to me about how no girl likes him or thinks he's cute, yet its obvious to me that even our waitress is crushing on him. She lets her eyes drift to his side of the table more than mine. I catch her gaze drifting southward at times too, if you know what I mean. I don't think I've expressed to you how well endowed Kenny is. Seriously. I'm jealous as hell. Not only is that one of the things Kyle thinks is totally hot, but its also a super nice asset to have. He doesn't even like it either. Something about how girls don't see past it or something. Maybe it obstructs their view? Haha, I don't know. All I know is that if I had a package like Kenny, I would strip naked for Kyle and let him bask in all of my glory.

Was that a little much? Sorry.

Anyway, Kenny fails at the take-a-hint test. Our waitress might as well be sitting on his lap, she wants him that badly. She is pretty cute, I've decided. And the outfits they have to wear in this joint are awesome! You can tell exactly what kind of body she has and exactly what type of underwear she is wearing. Hot.

"Dude, ask her out," I coax to him. He needs to take this chance. It's not going to be a chance at all.

His eyes grow wide and he shakes his head vigorously. "No way, dude! She hates me. She's all about you."

I wonder if he really is that blind, or if he is just plain stupid. "Whatever, Kenny. I've asked a waitress out. Now its your turn." I'm referring to Lucy Tanner, quite possibly the hottest woman I have ever seen in my entire life. We're talking a bar above the rest, pinch me cause I must be dreaming type girl. It all started when Kenny got a job working at the same restaurant as her. He would come to school telling me about how beautiful she was, and how nice she was, and how amazing she was. He built her up so much that when I finally did see her, I was a bit disappointed. Then Kenny got fired for some lame reason, and he didn't want to go there for a while. Finally, we started visiting her restaurant almost weekly. And, I don't know, she grew on me. We made sure to sit in her section, and after a while, I found myself just as much if not more attracted to her than Kenny was. He dared me to ask her out as a joke, and I did. She said her boyfriend wouldn't be too happy if she agreed to it. We made a joke out of the whole situation. It goes down in the record book for ballsiest move EVER by Stan Marsh.

"She's no BLT," he points out. BLT is what we call Lucy. Big Lucy Tanner. And no, she isn't. But that has nothing to do with anything. Kenny is going to chicken out again.

I sigh, admitting my defeat. The only way Kenny is ever going to ask someone out is if that person asks him out first. That way, he'll know that she likes him.

"So should I expect to get a ride home tonight?" he says, obviously switching subjects. I smile at his half-retarded comment.

"Only if my car breaks down." Why am I so lame with everything I say? Why do my friends like me? They are all way funnier than me.

Kenny situates himself in his seat, elbows propped up on the table, hands folded directly in front of me. He looks like he is going to get serious for a minute. "If that's the excuse you give to Kyle, he'll give you a ride. He'll give you the ride of your life!"

I smirk. "Ha ha very funny, asshole." I don't know why he insists on constantly reminding me about what I will never have. I throw my straw wrapper at him, hitting him square in the forehead.

"I'm just sayin'!" he attempts to explain, hands up in defense mode, but we are cut off when the cute waitress hands us our bill.

"You two have a great night," she says, the word 'great' oozing with friendliness. I'd say "thanks, you too", but I think she was only wishing it to Kenny. He is in her direct line of vision. She sends a weak smile my way, then spins around on her heels, heading off to the kitchen. Kenny should tip her his number.

As we walk out of the restaurant, I peer down at my watch. Its almost 8:00, which means that a fifteen trip to North Park would put us there before 8:30. I'll give us another half hour because we'll get lost, I know it. Even then, it'll only be 9:00. I don't want to seem like a lame-o, so I'm not sure if we should even go. Kenny could go either way, I think. He doesn't seem too into it, so I think we might just hang out together tonight.

Okay, I know what you are thinking. If I like Kyle so much, why am I not taking every chance to be at his side so that he may see how much he means to me? And sometimes I wonder the same thing. But then there is this thought in the back of my mind that he might already know I like him, and I may look an obsessive compulsive stalker to him, so if I don't go tonight, it might be good for us.

Yeah, I know. Say what you will. Kenny and I will have a blast by ourselves.

And that is exactly what we intend to do. You know, sometimes, I have just as much fun just hanging out and watching movies with Ken than I do if I get all dressed and go out. Being eighteen, there are only a few clubs that we can get into, and Kenny and I usually end up somehow sneaking alcohol there. Sometimes we even drink a whole lot before we step inside the club. Whatever, its still fun. But lately, I haven't been in the mood to go out. Its not like guys are supposed to have fun dancing when they go out anyway.

I have a secret.

I love to dance! So does Kenny. So when we go out, we are two of the only guys out on that dance floor. If we get that far. It's not really highly accepted, you know for two guys to dance. And definitely not together. So the only time I get my fix is if there are girls there too. And, well, lately, I just haven't been that into girls. So you understand now why I don't want to go out.

Kenny keeps pushing it on me, and eventually I'll just break down and go out with him. I'd be much happier just chillin' inside with my friend, drinking a few beers though.

"Isn't that your phone?" I hear him ask me, and faintly, I hear my newly downloaded song, "Can't Repeat" by The Offspring, playing in my coat pocket. I flip up the pocket, checking my caller ID. It's Wendy.

"Hey girl, what you up to?" I say casually into the phone.

"Aye! STAN! Get your ass over hyah!" she screams, already drunk. Wendy is my party friend, and I love her for that. As much as we all hate Cartman, we all have adapted to saying words like him, especially Wendy. What? It's addicting!

I allow myself to laugh at her goofiness. Kenny's ears perk up, wanting to know what I'm laughing about.

"What are you guys doing over there?" I ask curiously. I have two main sub groups of friends. Aside from Kenny, who is usually part of these groups, there is Kyle, Emery, Jacob, and Bebe, and then there is Wendy, sometimes Jimmy, and anyone else in school. Wendy is pretty well liked as the fun party girl. Jimmy hangs out with whoever—he is pretty universal. I wonder if he'll be there.

"You know, the usual! It's just a bunch of the guys over here. You and Kenny should come over." I smile at her assumption that Kenny is with me. How well our friends know us.

That is enough convincing for me. I look at Kenny, and without verbal confirmation from him, tell Wendy we'll be over in five. We hop in into my car, and zoom off in the direction of her house. All the while, I forget, for a split second, that I have made a promise with myself to go see Kyle. Oh well. I probably won't miss much. Plus I'll feel more comfortable with all the guys from South Park. Where I know people. Where I am familiar with life. Where people like me. Where I don't have to think about impressing anyone.

Where I don't have to think about Kyle.

I happily drive to Wendy's, making a pit stop at the local grocery store for some Coke for mixed drinks. A night with the guys is just what I need.

---

Oh, for the record, "Can't Repeat" IS my newly downloaded ringtone. The Offspring is my favorite band. I heart them as much as South Park! That's A LOT of love : )