Its nearing Christmas. Happy Holidays, everyone! Here is a present from me to you. An update super fast. For all of my super fans out there. I couldn't leave you hanging like that : ) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! You make me so happy!
Chapter 8- Waiting Is The Hardest Part
"Yes we do," I agree. I can hear Kenny's heavy breathing on the other end.
"Look. I'm not sure right now. About us," he speaks with such dramatic emotion, you'd think someone died.
"I figured that much. What can I do to make things better?"
A pause on the other end. One of those really drawn out silences that make the situation even more uncomfortable. "Um…I don't think you should do anything. Just give me some time."
I sigh. "I can do that." I will agree to this, because I know that he is being truthful. Like I said before, Kenny will just need a few days to forget about it all. Then we'll be cool. He doesn't let hardly anything bother him.
"Alright, cool. Well, I guess I'll talk to you later then."
"Later, dude."
We hang up. And I am quite possibly more relieved now than I was when I found out that Shelly was moving away for college. Which was a joyous occasion, by the way. Kenny and I will be on good standings soon again. It's just going to suck waiting around for that to happen.
Getting through the week is going to be a bitch. I'll do my best to avoid Kenny. But I can't help but want to talk to him. I think I'll keep reminding him of why he is my best friend. Only best friend. Nothing else. I get up and sit at my computer. After staring at a blank screen for about fifteen minutes, the words begin to fly from my fingertips. I write the best damn poem I have ever written, titling it The Reason. It is paying homage to why Kenny is an incredible friend, and how I know that this will just strengthen our friendship. I kind of have that song by Hoobastank in my head as I'm writing it, hence the title. Kenny is aware that I write poems, but he's never read any. I'll send this to him and he can see. I think I express myself better in writing anyway.
Things are starting to look up for me. Now, if I can pound out one of these poems for Kyle and get enough courage to give it to him. Nah, that will never happen.
I push myself away from the desk and sit back on the bed. Visions of Kyle invade my head as I drift off into a peaceful slumber.
Sometime later, I open my eyes, noticing it is dark outside. I focus my eyes on the red blur of the numbers on my alarm clock. 9:15. Huh. Not sure why mom didn't wake me up for dinner. I'm actually really hungry.
I shuffle my feet downstairs, only to see my entire family passed out in the living room. Mom, dad, even grandpa in his wheelchair. I shrug my shoulders and walk to kitchen to retrieve some food. Opening the fridge, I see a container of left over dinner. I warm it up, and scarf it down, before going back upstairs. Should probably do some homework. I can use this week of school without my friends to catch up on some much-needed schoolwork.
About three hours later, I wake up in a panicked state. I jolt myself from the desk, where I must have fallen asleep. Darting my eyes around the room, I have this strange sense of paranoia. Like I'm not alone. Could have something to with the dream I just had. That there was someone out there…picking off the people I love one by one. And they were coming for me, allowing me to stay until the last one so that I would be afraid. But I tried my best to mask my fear. And then I was running…
That's when I woke up. I really hate my dreams. I don't know what that means. I should call up Kenny and get him to look it up on that dream book of his. He's got all sorts of that shit. His mom believes in karma and she arranges his room in something called Feng-Shui? I don't know, has something to with the spirits and object placement. If he tells me about it, I get freaked out. My room has the worst arrangement according to those standards. Maybe that's why I have such bad luck.
But I can't call Kenny. I got to let this whole thing play out without interference. I write my dream down instead, sending it to him on email. If he wants to respond, he will. If not, then I'll probably forget about it in five minutes anyway.
Do you think I'm too dependent on Kenny? I don't feel that way. He's just a huge part of my life.
---
I feel like I've had amnesia. This whole week has passed by in one big blur. I've tried hard to focus on my studies, asking for extra credit in all the places I need and continuing to avoid my friends. Except for Kyle, I have had no human friend contact since Monday. Kyle's been weirdly staring me down, acting all strange. He has briefly started up conversations, but they are muffled and jumbled and…he's just acting really odd. The way I look at it, he's fallen for Kenny, and Kenny told him that I kissed him and now Kyle is keeping watch on me or something. But if he listened to Kenny further, Kenny would have told him how this freaked him out and he didn't kiss back and they can be together happy. If Kenny was gay.
I feel bad for Kyle. Sucks to like someone that will never like you back.
But the truth is, at this point in my life I've forced myself to get over it. I don't need that added stress in my life. It was only bringing me down. After the Christmas parties, I made a solemn vow to myself to forget about him. For the most part, I've been doing just that. Keeping myself busy with other projects and various tasks. Jimmy called me the other day to hang out, and I denied him cause I had to finish my Geometry homework. Whoa.
I don't think I've EVER turned down hang out time with a friend to do my homework. Is this whole debacle turning me into a melvin?
Oh well. None of this matters. It is Friday, and the Christmas flowers are going to be delivered last period. Kenny will see my light-hearted gesture, and he will laugh at my misfortunes and all will be well again. I know him. I just know that to be the case.
I've been bombarding him with letters. I left a big container of my mother's homemade chunky chocolate chip cookies in his locker, cause I know how much he loves them. She rarely makes them, and she made like four-dozen for some reason, so I decided to give him a generous portion. I saw him eating one the other day in study hall. We're not allowed to have food, but he brought the cookie in, and when I looked over to see him chomping it down, he raised it to me like he was giving me a toast. I smiled, satisfied, and went back to working on my Spanish.
He's coming around. The nod of approval for the cookies means that he is grateful for what I've done. I'm sure he'll thank me when he gets the time.
I wish I had last period with him. I could see his face when he gets that stupid yellow flower, and it would be priceless. Instead, I'm stuck in Geometry with DJ, who keeps hinting that she wants to come over again. I'm not too fond about that idea. Nobody has found out about the last time, but if she does it again, its bound to make school headlines.
Football player Stan Marsh sacks school's leading whore, DJ Anderson. Whoa, shit, that was harsh. I'm sorry, but after she went back with me, she started spreading rumors about having sex with one of my friends, who I just happen to know has a girlfriend, is very happy, and would never touch her like that. Then she hit on Jimmy at another party, trying to get him to bed with her. I have zero respect for her, and am glad that I didn't mess around with her more than what I did.
Ten minutes until the bell. Teachers are scrambling around, trying to cover the last bit of information before we lose it all in our two weeks of vacation. I luckily had very little final exams to complete this year. Advanced Lit was an oral book review, which was unpleasant considering I fucking hate to read. Spanish was my hardest final, seeing that I know very little actual Spanish. Luckily, Mr. Jones felt it was necessary to tell the class about half of the answers, so I'm going to get a B in that class. Ask me to speak to you in Spanish? No way, dude. Don't know how.
We had our final in Geometry two days ago. Why, I don't know. But my teacher felt it necessary to cover two more days of useless information and not test us on it. Whatever, it means I really don't have to pay attention.
"What are you doing after this?" DJ asks me in a low, seductive voice. I can see that she is cold, and it makes me wish she wasn't such a slut. But I'm not about to go along with it.
"Well, I think Kenny and I will be back to speaking terms, so we're gonna probably hang out," I assume. Doesn't matter if its true or not, I'm NOT hanging out with her.
She frowns in disappointment and scoots her body next to mine so that her chest is resting against my elbow and upper arm. "You know, we can have a little fun of our own for a while if you know what I mean."
Did she really ask me if I know what she meant? Is there any other way to take that statement?
"Nah, I'm cool," I say casually. There is absolutely no use to keep up the flirty charade. I'm over her. I never was into her. It was all my stupid hormones. I sit up, removing my elbow from in between her chest. She, too, moves away in a huff. God, she's got to be like the horniest girl I have ever met. If she can't have me, and she can't have Chris (my friend she made up the rumor about), and she can't have Jimmy, she tries for me again.
My eyes light up with excitement as I see the door crack open, and that very same sophomore girl who I signed the flower order up from walks into the room, holding a bunch of red, pink, and yellow roses. I know what the red and yellow stand for, but I'm not sure what the pink is about. The little girl walks around, handing out various flowers to the many students in class. Not everyone gets one.
She walks up to me and blushes deeply. Her hand extends to mine, holding a single pink rose. I accept it graciously, returning her gesture with a warm smile. She bashfully smiles and then walks to the next person, handing them a yellow rose.
I look up and down the rose for some evidence as to who it is from, but there is no card attached. No signature, no nothing. DJ looks over me and giggles, and it makes me wonder.
"Did you send this to me?" I ask her, wanting to know. I hope she didn't.
"Are you kidding? Those stupid roses are so lame." I am relieved to hear her take on the subject, and my eyes search around for answers. The little girl keeps looking back at me, and I wonder. I wonder…did she send it to me? I want to find out.
After the bell rings a few minutes later, I gather my books and head in the direction of the Christmas Flower booth that has been up all week long. Sure enough, the little girl is there, gathering her last minute supplies and shutting everything down. The hustle of all my schoolmates makes it hard for this to be a private moment, but I try anyway.
As I approach her, I realize I don't even know her name. "Uh…hi." I say, unsure of how to act like I do.
She looks up from packing everything away and immediately snaps into the shy mode she's been around me all along.
"I just wanted to know if you know who sent me this flower." I pause, and then add, "Cause whoever did it is very sweet."
She looks away from my face, blushing at the tiled flooring. Is that my answer? I think I should try for more.
"I'm sorry," I confess. "I didn't catch your name."
Her eyes light up and she gazes dreamily into my eyes. This must be a big deal, a senior guy talking to her. But she's cute, so I don't see why that wouldn't happen anyway. "Mary," she announces loud and clear.
I give her a half smile. "Okay, Mary. Do you remember who asked to send me a rose?"
She looks deeply into my eyes when she says, "Yes."
I swallow hard, and the entire world is silent around me. I feel like I'm pulling her teeth to get a simple answer out. "Who was it?"
"Um…I was told not to tell." Okay, it is definitely her.
I lean into the desk, propping up my arms with my knuckles. "Look. Mary. I don't want to hassle you, but it is imperative that you tell me." I love when I use big words in my speech. Makes me feel important and smart.
She shakes her head slightly. "I promised I wouldn't tell."
"If you tell me who it is, I might return this kind person's gesture somehow. Like a date or something."
Her eyes shine with happiness. She smiles, but her smile quickly fades. "I promised."
I shake my head. This is getting nowhere. I have to be more blunt. "Mary, did you send me this flower?"
The look on her face is a mix of confusion and shock. What? I don't think it's too strange of a question. "It wasn't me," she speaks quietly. "Though I wish it were."
Whoa! Haha, the shy little girl is not so shy anymore. It is my turn to blush. "Thank you. So you're really not going to tell me, are you?"
"He made me promise not to tell." And with this, her eyes expand and she covers her gaping mouth with her hands. "I mean…I mean," she backpeddles.
I start laughing out loud. Kenny is amazing. Hahaha, he had the SAME EXACT IDEA as me. "Thanks, Mary. I know who it is now. You have a great day." I cheerily jog to my locker, where I spy Kenny on the opposite wall. He is holding a yellow flower and has a cookie in his mouth. He kept my container in his locker this whole time. He looks to be struggling with putting books from his bag to his locker as I walk up to him.
"Dude, that was incredible. How did you even know I was going to send you that?"
He turns to me, mouth full of cookie. His eyes look at me like I said something way out of line. "Huh?" he says, muffled by the baked good.
"The flower! How did you know? Nice touch, not sending the card. Let me guess who it was," I say in all smiles. Kenny and I are back to normal again.
He finishes the bite he is on and takes the cookie out. "Dude, I have no idea what you are talking about. But I did get your…uh…gift." He holds out the flower, as if to show me what gift he is referring to. My eyes grow dim and my smile turns into a frown.
"You…didn't send me a pink rose?"
Kenny busts out laughing. "No!" He laughs some more, bruising my ego. Is it that hard to believe someone would send me a flower? Wendy used to send them to me all the time. I didn't even think about her. But Mary said it was a boy. A boy…not Kenny…
"Oh," I say, a little delayed.
"Ha, you think I would be that gay?" he says, still laughing. I stand accused, pointing to the flower he held in his hand.
"Am I?"
Kenny stops laughing and just smiles. "I guess so." He shuts his locker. "If I didn't know any better, the dozens of letters, the poems, the cookies, this flower…I'd think you were trying to win me over," he says with a wink and grin. And like that, Kenny and I are cool again.
"Maybe I am," I say, with a hint of mischief in my voice. It's nice to have him back. Still, I'm curious as to who could have sent me that damn flower. I rack my brain for answers. Finally, it comes to me.
"Jimmy!" I say aloud. Kenny just looks at me strangely. We are walking out to my car—its implied I'm going to drive him home. "Uh…I mean, Jimmy's probably the one that sent it to me."
"Oh," Kenny replies, clearly uninterested. He walks beside me, buttoning up his coat and pulling a scarf over his nose. We walk to my car in silence.
"When will your car be fixed?" I ask as I open my car door, eager to catch up on our week without each other. He shrugs.
"Dunno. Whenever I get the money to pay for it," he replies bitterly.
"Fair enough," I state, and I drive Kenny to his house.
We part ways, making plans to hang out later on tonight.
Later comes sooner than later. As soon as I get home from dropping him off, he calls me up, asking me what I'm doing.
"Yeeees?" I sing into the receiver.
"Dude, come over now," is his simple reply.
I laugh. "I just dropped you off!"
"I know, but Mandy wants to hang out again and I don't wanna. If she sees that you and I are cool again, maybe she'll leave me alone. It's been hell this whole week trying to get away from her."
Ah, so I was wrong about Kenny stringing her along. Seems he really doesn't like her anymore.
"So you want me to be your ever-mysterious lover who is back after our quarrel?"
"Yes. But remember, Stan. This is ALL pretend. You don't actually get to kiss me."
I make a face that he can't see. "I'll be over in five."
Kenny greets me at the door, darting his eyes around the outside, and then immediately shutting it, as if he is trying to keep the enemy away. He pulls me over until we could no longer be spotted from outdoors. "Dude! She's insane! She calls me every fucking day, wanting to hang out, wanting to be together. If I knew she was going to be this bad, I wouldn't have slept with her to begin with! You're going to have to do something for me."
I nod. "Anything."
"Act like you're my boyfriend."
I blink to see if I heard right. "What?"
"Its so simple. She already thinks we are too close, so I can use this week as saying you and I had a fight because you don't see why we can't be together, but our relationship is secret and I can't handle going on with this act anymore. Its great. Totally freak her out." He smiles and waits for my approval.
"You think of this one all by yourself, did ya?" I ask in disbelief. Just a few hours ago we weren't on speaking terms because I accidentally kissed him, and now he wants me to pretend to be his boyfriend?
"Shut up, asshole. Its my only way out!"
"How about telling her the truth?"
Something about the pleading look in Kenny's eyes lets me know that isn't an option. "Its only when she's around! I don't want the world thinking we're together."
I sigh. I DO owe him for my stupidity. "All right, I'll do it."
Kenny looks at me with relief. "Thank you thank you thank you! Okay, so she is going to come over soon, and I told Kyle to come over too because I didn't know that you were going to be here and I know its going t-"
"WHOA!" I say, stepping back with my hands up in the air. "No fucking way, dude."
"What?"
"Kyle! He hates me! I'm not playing your boyfriend around him. No way. Find another boyfriend. Make Kyle be your boyfriend! He likes you enough for it."
Kenny looks at me puzzled. "Whatever, he does not. Anyway, Kyle can't be my boyfriend because Mandy already knows that we had a big fight and…dude! The plan is fool proof! You have to go along!"
"Um…count me out. I'm not going to act like your boyfriend around Kyle."
"Why not?" Kenny asks, finally. "You said you were over him, right? What better way to show you're over him than by snuggling up to another guy? Hey, it could actually help out with you and Kyle's relationship. He won't feel weird around you cause you don't like him like that anymore."
Huh. Never thought about that.
"But what happens when he finds out that you and I aren't really a couple?" I ask, making sure Kenny's plan will surely work.
"Then you can tell him the truth. It was all because of Mandy. But dude, he won't care because you'll have acted like that so he knows that you are comfortable with it and you are over him and shit."
At this point, the fact that his last sentence made absolutely no logical sense doesn't bother me. I'm excited for this plan to play out as well. Maybe, just maybe, it could give me the edge I need to overcome Kyle and I's fall out.
"Okay. I'll do it."
"GREAT! They'll be over here in like five minutes."
"Alright," I say, preparing myself. "Hey, Ken?"
"Yeah?" he says as he's busy messing his hair to I guess look like we just messed around and making the couch all lumpy and stuff. Ha, he's a funny guy.
"To what extent are we going to play this out? Last time our lips touched, you looked like you were going to hurl."
Kenny shudders. "Lets not think about that. We'll go where the night takes us. I bought a few beers so it will take the sting away."
I practically run to the fridge, pulling out the beers. His parents are nowhere in sight, and even if they were, they wouldn't give two shits whether Kenny and I got wasted on their couch or not. I crack open the beer, chugging almost the entire contents within a few seconds.
When I look back on it, I have no idea what possessed me to kiss Kenny. Thinking about kissing him doesn't appall me, but it doesn't make me feel all warm inside either. I'm impartial to the whole situation. If we end up making out in front of this chick, I better have a lot of beers under my belt. Beer always makes you do crazy things anyway.
The doorbell rings, and I take a deep breath.
"Lets do this!" Kenny says, kind of like a lame pep up talk, opening the door to an all-to-happy Mandy. That smile on her face isn't going to last very long.
The night starts off pretty well. Kenny is overdoing it, sitting too close to me, playfully nudging me, and at times leaning back to stare at my profile. Before Kyle even shows up, he plays with my hair and hugs me. Mandy is, needless to say, shocked and uncomfortable, but the poor girl sits through the whole ordeal. In the back of my head, I'm laughing the whole time.
By the fifth or sixth beer, Kyle shows up. Kenny doesn't even bother leaving my side to greet the new guest. He simply latches onto my arm with his, as if we are talking about our wedding plans. If he and I were truly together, he would be the girl. No questions asked.
"Hey Kyle!" he gushes, overly gay. "Take a seat next to Mandy over here. So happy to see you could make it!" I'm pretty sure he has adapted a lisp and sounds a bit like Big Gay Al.
I watch Kyle as he makes his way to the other side of the room. He looks at me with disgust. Probably because I'm in the room. I take another swig of beer, and remain attached to Kenny.
"What are you up to, tonight, Kyle?" Kenny asks.
"Uh…well…I've over here for now," he replies, but something is distracting him. His eyes are glued to Kenny and I's intertwined arms. Even when he speaks to us, he is talking to our arms.
"Any plans for later?"
"No…not…really."
"Oh, that's super!" Oh my God, Kenny did not just say that. I feel like covering up my face in embarrassment. He's only my pretend boyfriend, and he's already managed to embarrass me several times! "Stan and I don't have much planned either. We were probably going to stay in, rent a movie, you know."
"One of those gushy romantic flicks that Kenny loves so much," I add in. Making up this lifestyle is fun for me. I can make Kenny out to be a total fruitcake. I pinch his face and smile sweetly. He giggles like a little girl and tightens his grip.
"Anything for you, Stanny." Hahaha, wow. We are either really, really great at this acting out thing, or we are really horrible. In my opinion, we are overdoing it big time. But the look on Mandy's face is enough to keep Kenny going. He's relentless. I know this charade won't end until she walks out that door.
Kyle's stare remains fixed. "Yeah." His expression changes to confusion, and he looks up to our faces, namely me. "Wait. You guys are…together?"
Kenny and I glance at each other, our expressions dreamy. "I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't find the time," Kenny says, winking. The wink is probably to let Kyle know we are kidding, but instead Kyle shifts uncomfortably into the couch just like Mandy. I'm starting to think this isn't such a great idea after all. I could possibly further alienate him. He will find out we are pretending, and he could be offended. But I won't let Kenny down, and so we press on.
Kenny makes up this elaborate story of how after the Christmas party, instead of him catching up to me while I was in a rage and crying my eyes out, he caught up to me, and I confessed that I was sad that nobody wanted to kiss me with the mistletoe. And Kenny wasn't sure why I had left, but he was overcome with such emotion he broke down and expressed everything to me. Then, the whole time we weren't talking was because we weren't sure if it was a good idea to date and so we were taking time apart. But then I sent him the rose and he knew it was stupid to not try this out, so we've been too busy making out before they got here to even care how we look. We're just so happy together; it's like finding your soul mate.
His story is actually pretty believable. But it contradicts lot of what he told Mandy before Kyle even got here. So I just shut my mouth, making the appropriate hand gestures and nods when needed. Kyle looks on to us in shock. I think he's pissed that I "took" Kenny away from him. Mandy looks on the verge of tears.
I don't know why Kenny is going through all of this. Its almost as if he planned it all out, and typed it up and rehearsed it before I came over. I hope he didn't. My vision grows blurry, and I don't want to play this anymore. It's not fun. Not after seeing the look of devastation on Kyle's face. Probably mirrors the look I had on my face when he made out with Jimmy.
I feel bad about all of this. I'm sad that Kyle likes Ken so much that I am probably breaking his heart by stroking Kenny's arm. I can tell he is a little less than comfortable with this whole situation. I want to run over and tell him it's all pretend. Instead, I get up and head for another beer.
In the other room, I hear raised voices of Kenny and Mandy arguing. I hear her get up off the couch, and she walks out the door. Kenny follows her.
I hear angry footsteps behind me. Swiftly, I turn around to a furious Kyle. Oh God, is he going to beat me up for Kenny? My eyes are so glazed over; it's hard to tell what he's doing here.
"So you and Kenny, huh?" he growls. He is definitely very angry. And this is one of the first times he's sought me out alone to talk in like…a month.
I don't answer. I'm a little frightened by his behavior. I don't want to lie anymore.
Kyle slowly nods his head, takes a deep breath, and looks up to the ceiling. "I see. So I guess you never really did like me, did you?"
Whoa. I'm confused.
"I guess this whole time you never liked me as much as you thought, did you? I mean, if you can write letters and poems and give him a fucking flower, then I guess your whole liking me was just a phase, huh?"
What?
"A phase that was over after you kissed Kenny."
WHAT!
"You know, when I found out you liked me, it freaked me out a little, cause I didn't think of you like that. But then you fucking got me to fall for you, and it was all for nothing!"
Wait. What!
"I can't believe this. I'm out of here," he says violently, walking over to the single yellow rose in the vase on the table. "Enjoy your pink rose," he mutters with extra emphasis on the word 'pink', and storms out of the kitchen in a big huff.
Wow. Did that really just happen? I shake my head in disbelief. Did Kyle really just get that jealous? Did he really just tell me he has fallen for me? Holy shit, dude.
I find a chair quickly and sit down, trying to soak this all in. Okay, that plan sucked. Way to go Kenny. Kyle hates me now more than ever.
Only he doesn't. Matter of fact, Kyle doesn't hate me at all.
Kyle likes me. Kyle likes me a lot. I smile to myself. This is the best news I've heard in a while! Now all I have to do is explain to him that it was all just pretend and get him for my own.
Suddenly, the impossible isn't so far out of reach.