Chapter 5

Walter heaved a deep sigh and his eyes grew misty with memories; as though he was being transported from the present back to the world of 1926. Shivers galore for me.

"Jem and Faith were sweet on each other ever since they were at college together. Jem was never like me. He was handsome and energetic and popular, everyone liked him. Faith never looked at anyone else. And I…always loved her. But I didn't have a chance.

"When the war started, Jem was one of the first to enlist. I couldn't because I was still recovering from typhoid. I went to college with Faith – I can't talk about that, Part. Seeing her suffer…sometimes she'd meet me in the morning with swollen eyes and she'd pass it off as eyesore…and yet just being with her was a dream." He paused and swallowed…all this was difficult for him to say. "Later I joined up…and she came to see me off. I'll never forget standing on the train and watching her as I went away. She was so beautiful, in her white dress, curls falling over her shoulders, eyes shinning steadily, an angel in a bleak train station – I carried that image with me to war.

"A year or two later, Jem went missing. After the war ended I went to England to look up Faith, and saw that she was about to go back to PEI. She was working there as a VAD. So we both came back together, and on the way she fell very sick. She tried to dismiss it as food poisoning, but on her delirious nights she always called for Jem…she never stopped calling for Jem.

"She followed Una to Kingsport and worked there as a teacher. I had to finish my college course, so I went there as well, along with Jerry and Carl Meredith. We were together in Kingsport again, and we spent a lot of time together. I fell in love with her all over again. She was a truly – great person. She never forgot Jem, and she never stopped hoping that he was alive, but she took control of herself and went on with life. I knew she was suffering, we all did, but she didn't show any sign. Everyone else had practically given up hope on Jem ever coming back. Then…I finished college and went to work, and there I met you."

"Best thing you ever did," I interrupted, and saw his sad face wrinkle as he smiled.

"Well then. Nothing much to tell. I came back home. She was still unmarried, even though she had lots of men courting her. And she was different. She still kept up a cheerful façade, but underneath it I could sense her fading away. I felt she was dying inside, and I couldn't take it anymore. I asked her to marry me, and she said to give her one night to think about it. Eventually she agreed. I knew all along that she didn't really love me; not in that way...she couldn't, while Jem was still missing...but she gave me all she could. We had a happy quiet little home together on the edge of the Glen – the house was demolished five years ago. I was wrapped up in her, and she made life very sweet for me. Really, she was a good wife." He choked slightly and stared very hard into the distance, as though trying his best not to cry.

I wanted to tell him that it was all right, that I didn't need to hear everything if it meant him raking up memories that hurt – and indeed I didn't, but I could feel that he wanted to tell me this.

"Then she was pregnant – she seemed so happy that I was glad for her. One night when I came home early I heard her crying in the room, and calling Jem. I didn't disturb her – just went away and amused myself until it was time for me to go back. I didn't do much amusing, I'm afraid. I was so hurt – looking back, there wasn't any reason for me to be hurt. I knew perfectly well that she didn't love me...and she had never in the least given me any confirmation that she loved me – but then, of course, she was so good to me that I thought she must have had some feelings for me.

"She gave birth and at first we named the baby Cecilia. Then a month later, when Faith was well again, there came the news that Jem was in Holland and alive...seriously, Part, I thought my life was going to fall apart at that moment. I loved Jem, of course, and for a long time I wanted him to return, for Faith's sake if for nothing else; but he'd turned up just at the time when I didn't want him. We received a letter from him, too – or, more accurately, Faith received a letter from him. She didn't show it to me, but I found it later on when she was already dead." He paused again and had difficulty speaking.

"Faith wanted to see Jem, so the two of us went to Holland together with my parents, leaving the baby behind with Una. When we got there...we always told everyone that we found him dead, but that wasn't the truth. We wanted to protect Faith. It wasn't her fault, mind you. Jem was severely ill with pneumonia; my father knew immediately that he was going to die soon. So I let Faith attend to Jem...she spent all the time in the room with him...seemed to have forgotten all of us. I think she really did. Hardly a word she said to anyone else; it wasn't rudeness; it was just that she honestly didn't see us."

"Terrible for you," I murmured softly, full of sympathy for Walter.

Walter's face twisted into a smile. "It wasn't that bad, I suppose. He died happily, knowing that she loved him. I don't regret it. It hurt quite badly seeing her love for him, but ultimately it was alright. Little did I know what was going to happen afterwards."

A spasm constricted Walter's throat for a moment; it soon cleared. "Faith was...well, she was different after Jem's death. She didn't let me near her; she didn't let anyone near her. Faith wasn't like other girls, Part – she didn't cry aloud and wail when she was sad. She kept it all to herself. Stayed in her room, didn't make a sound. She was white, as though she was dying. Then she asked me to let her go out on a walk the day we were supposed to leave for the Glen. I didn't want to let her; but in the end I did. Oh God! That I had stopped her!" He covered his face and I heard a deep sob emitting from his throat.

"We found her there later, Part. Dead. She'd killed herself…and I hadn't been there to stop her. Perhaps it was best for her that she died; I don't see how she could have continued living after the episode with Jem – but when I found her lying there with that knife through her chest I thought I'd died too. She didn't love me – she never did – but I loved her – good heavens, I loved her…" His eyes were full of liquid fire, his face was flushed, his body trembling. For a moment he was transfigured; changed; from a person in his declining years to a young man full of pain and grief.

I had always known that Walter was intense and passionate, but I had never dreamt that he could be like that. It was giving me shivers up and down my back. "Why the inscription 'You'll Never Walk Alone'?" I asked him.

Walter made an effort to compose himself. "You'll know when I show you the letter he wrote to her. They didn't, you know. They never did. Walk alone, I mean. They always had each other."

"And...the baby?" I said softly, almost afraid of speaking aloud.

"I renamed her Faith. You can see for yourself how much she looks like her mother. She saved my life."

He stopped talking then, and we walked on in a pensive silence.