Love and Marriage
Chapter Six

As Martin sat on the couch in Leslie's office, he grew nervous. Therapy was never something that he thought he would participate in, but here he was in therapy to save his marriage. But could it be saved? Or was this just a giant waste of time and energy—energy that he just didn't have anymore. Fighting with Sam so much was draining every bit of energy from him and trying to project that nothing was wrong in front of Claire was proving to be harder and harder with each passing day. He didn't want to get so pessimistic but he couldn't help thinking that maybe a divorce would be the best thing. It would definitely make Sam happier, and even though he didn't act like it, her happiness was important to him.

Leslie eyes Martin cautiously, noticing that he seemed to be deep in thought. He seemed like he was trying to avoid talking to her since it his session started five minutes ago and he still hadn't said anything. Her session with Samantha had ended an hour ago and during the hour between Samantha's session and Martin's, she had started planning her plan of attack for their joint session while also planning what she wanted to cover in Martin's individual session.

Not wanting to spend the entire session in silence, Leslie decided to ask the first question. "So Martin, how are you today?"

Martin thought about that question for a moment. Bypassing the normal 'I'm fine', he decided to be completely honest. After all, that's what therapy was about, right? Total honesty. "I'm actually not that good right now."

"Oh really?" Leslie asked. "Why is that?" She hoped that it was because of the fight that Martin and Samantha had last night. She hoped that he was feeling just as bad as Samantha was because that would mean that there was hope for their relationship.

"Sam and I got into an argument last night." Martin replied, looking down at the arm of the couch.

"I see." Leslie nodded, pretending not to know all about it.

"It was my fault this time." He admitted. "I said something that hurt her feelings."

"Why did you say something that hurt her feelings?" Leslie asked him.

He sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm not sure." He paused. "It's just that when I talk to her, I end up saying really hurtful things that I don't really mean. They just come out before I can stop them."

She wrote down a few notes. "How long has that been going on?"

He thought about it for a moment. "You asked us in the joint session to think about when everything changed between us. I'm not exactly sure when it was, but it was a couple of months after her miscarriage. So that would be about a year ago."

Leslie's eyebrows rose. "Miscarriage?" This was news to her. Neither of them had mentioned a miscarriage before.

"Yeah. Sam had a miscarriage." Talking about this was definitely going to be bringing up some painful memories but he talked about it anyway because maybe it would help.

"How far along was she?" Leslie asked, writing down a note and wondering why they hadn't told her that from the beginning. That would have helped her a great deal.

"She was almost out of her first trimester, so about three months." Martin replied.

"I see." She saw that talking about the miscarriage was deeply affecting him, and realized that she had definitely caught on to something here. She decided to press on further with this line of questioning. "I'm sorry to hear about that."

"It happens sometimes." He shrugged.

"At the time, were you two trying to get pregnant?" Leslie asked, realizing that was a very personal question and trying to ask it in a polite manner.

"No." He shook his head. "It just happened."

Leslie nodded. "And what was your reaction?"

He smiled. "I was overjoyed. I've always wanted to have a bunch of children."

"And what was Samantha's reaction?"

"She…wasn't as happy about it." Martin replied, the smile leaving his face. "She wasn't too thrilled."

Leslie noted that in her notebook. "And when you say she wasn't too thrilled, you mean…?"

"She didn't really want to have another child." Martin explained. "She loves Claire and I don't think she regrets having her, but she doesn't want any more children."

"She's actually said that to you?" Leslie quizzed him.

"Not in so many words, but yes." He replied. "Children have always been an issue for us. I thought that after Claire was born she would change her mind about having more, but it didn't."

"Was Claire planned or was she a surprise?" Leslie asked, trying to establish a pattern.

"She was a huge surprise." Martin smiled.

She had already pretty much guessed that Claire wasn't planned either, but it helped to have that be confirmed. "And did Samantha act the same way then when she found out she was pregnant?"

"More or less." Martin clasped his hands together in his lap. "But she was also afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Being a terrible mother." Martin clarified.

"I see." Leslie noted that I her notebook. "So was there any kind of conflict between the two of you the second time she got pregnant?"

"Yeah, we argued about it a couple of times."

"And what specifically were the arguments about?" Leslie asked.

"Just about having more kids. I wanted more and she didn't." He replied, and then realized he should clarify more. "When she got pregnant, she wasn't going to get an abortion or anything. She just wasn't as happy about it as I was."

Leslie nodded, making a couple of more notes. "What happened after the miscarriage? Did you two argue a lot?"

He shook her head. "No more than usual. It was slightly awkward at first, but it didn't get any worse until a few months later."

"Did anything important happen during those few months?"

"What do you mean by important?" He asked, confused by the nature of the question.

She decided to restate the question. "Did any major life changes occur for you or someone close to you, like a close friend or family member?"

Martin thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "Our best friend and godfather to our daughter, Danny, and his wife announced that they were having a baby."

Leslie nodded, smiling on the inside. It was definitely a good day. Not only had she managed to find a reason for Samantha's unhappiness, but she had also found a reason for Martin's unhappiness as well. "And how did you feel about that?"

"Happy." Martin immediately replied.

He replied to her question so fast that she had to question him further. "Is happy the only feeling you had about it?"

He looked down at the couch again. "I guess I felt kinda sad because they were going to be parents and it reminded me that Sam and I weren't going to have any more kids."

"So you felt sad and happy at the same time." Leslie repeated. "Anything else?"

After a few moments of reflection, he looked up at Leslie. "Maybe just a little mad at Sam."

"Can you explain that for me?" Leslie asked, giving him a small smile for encouragement.

"Well, I guess I just don't understand why she doesn't want more children. She's great with Claire. She's a great mother."

"Have you told her that?" Leslie asked.

"I used to, back when we were on good speaking terms." He replied, thinking back onto happier times.

"Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to tell her that more often." Leslie suggested. "Everyone likes to feel appreciated and complimented. It might help with the tension surrounding the two of you and lead to a civil conversation."

"That would be nice." Martin chuckled. "I can't stand fighting with her."

She looked at him carefully. "So why do you think you fight so much? What's changed between the two of you?"

He was silent for a few minutes, trying to figure out the best way to say it. "When I look at her, I see a woman who, for some reason, doesn't want to have any more of my children. And I'm left wondering why. Am I just not good enough or does she just not love me enough to want to have my children?"

Leslie sighed. So children were going to be a major source of conflict between these two. She made a few notes and then looked up at Martin. "Is that how she makes you feel? Like you aren't good enough and she doesn't love you enough?"

After another long pause, he slowly nodded his head. He'd never admitted that to anyone before, but he had to admit that it felt better to let it out.

"So do you think that part of your attitude towards Samantha could be a product of your own insecurity about how much she loves you?" She had to ask this question because it seemed like the answer was yes, but she needed to get him to admit it.

"It's possible." He admitted.

Leslie looked at the time and saw that their session was almost over. "For our next individual session, I want you to think about that. I want you to come up with a few ideas about why you think your attitude towards Samantha has changed and I want you to think about what we've talked about today." She paused before continuing to give him his assignments. She decided to give him the same task she had given Samantha earlier.

"Also, I want you to try and have a polite conversation that doesn't end in an argument with Samantha. If you find yourself getting ready to fight with her, I want you to count to ten before you say anything. During those ten seconds, I want you to come up with three reasons why you shouldn't be fighting with her. Once those ten seconds are up, calmly re-open the discussion. Any questions?"

"No." He shook his head and stood to leave. "Thank you Leslie."

She smiled and watched him walk to the door. As soon as he left the room and closed the door behind him, she placed her notebook on the table next to her and sighed. "Good luck."