Wishing Only Wounds the Heart

A Tumnus and Lucy Romance

Notes: I own nothing.

Acknowledgements: This could not have been done without the great help from our very own in the Tumnus Fan Club, Sanaryelle, and my betas on livejournal and to also everyone's crazy love at this story. A great huge THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed! I am simply blown away!

Dedication: With love to those of you that ship Tumnus and Lucy with a passion.

Tumnus shivered for a moment despite the warm breeze that had just blown by. Upon hearing Fox's impatient clicking of his tongue, Tumnus feigned having been lost in his thoughts, and bid him good day before returning home.

The fire was still crackling, even though it had been burning for a long while and was almost out. As he set his scarf aside, he let out a breath that he had not realized he was holding. Sitting down in front of his chair on the carpet, he stared into the embers, trying his best to think of something other than what was presently plaguing his mind. With a sigh, he closed his eyes; but seeing her smiling face in front of him, he stood suddenly and upset a half-full teacup. Not even bothering to clean up the mess, he went to his bedroom, thinking that if he had a night's rest it would clear his mind.

Eyes snapping open, he realized that it must have been just a few hours since he had gone to bed. Thinking that maybe a cup of tea would help him sleep better, he pushed the blanket aside and made to get out of bed when something suddenly caught his eye. Something was dreadfully different about him, or rather, the lower part of him. His hooves weren't there; in their place were things he had only seen on Lucy and her siblings.

Feet. And at the end of them, ten little pink toes.

His breathing became unnaturally fast, and he frowned as if that would help to explain what he was supposed to do now. At another time, he would have ignored this as perhaps a dream, or maybe even hallucinations brought on by stress, and continued on with whatever he had been doing. But for today, his mind found this the solution to all his problems.

He was a Human. He was a Son of Adam.

A slight bark of maniacal laughter came from his mouth, and it seemed quite odd in the silence of his home as he swung his new legs and feet over the edge of the mattress. Resting his feet on the floor, he couldn't help but stare at them as he pulled on a pair of trousers that Lucy had given him years ago when they had celebrated some holiday that required dressing up in a costume. He ran a hand through his hair, something he often did to gather his thoughts, and found that his horns and ears were gone as well and now were smaller and flat.

This certainly was a change of things. Placing his hands on the mattress on either side, he pushed himself up, and immediately fell back to the bed. His balance was off a great deal with these new legs and feet, so much so that it took him a considerable length of time before he could properly walk to the front door.

Draping his scarf around him, he hurriedly made his way to Cair Paravel, with no other plan in his mind than to get there and show Lucy.

The sun was just peaking over the mountains as a weary but elated Tumnus made his way up the stairs of the great palace. Not knowing where to go next, he simply stood against a pillar inside the large main room that had held the coronation of the Kings and Queens of Narnia. His eyes wandered over the four thrones and he remembered that day and the joy that he had felt in sharing in such a grand moment. He noticed that someone was seated in the fourth throne and made his way towards it. No longer having cloven hooves to clatter against the marble floors, his new feet were silent as they helped him along his journey. Every once in a while he would stumble, still being slightly uncertain in his movements, and would rest against a nearby pillar. Casting his eyes down to his feet, he wondered in amazement before a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Who are you?"

Looking up quickly, he realized that it had been Lucy sitting in the throne. Dressed in her white nightgown with a silver crown atop her head, she wearily arose and walked from the throne to where he was.

"I ask again, who are you?" A sharp bite was in her voice, something that he had never heard before.

Tumnus frowned, confident that she would notice him. But he had expected this, and was far too happy to truly mind her not recognizing him.

"Dear Lucy, it's me, Tumnus."

The woman's eyes narrowed as she looked him over, "You are not. Tumnus is a Faun, and you are a Son of Adam."

"Yes, but I am Tumnus." He reached for her hand to prove it to her, only to have her back away.

"Leave. Can you not see that you are not wanted here?"

Blinking, he opened his mouth to say something only to have her walk briskly past him, the fabric of her nightgown brushing his shoulder.

"Do you not remember how I almost kidnapped you? And how since then we have been fast friends forever?" He heard her turn around and he faced her, pleased to see that she had comprehended the meaning of his words.

She took a step towards him, looking to his eyes, "You are Tumnus."

"Yes. Yes, Lucy. Now you see?" He took her hands in his own but again she pulled away.

"But you are not my Tumnus." She backed away slowly.

"I-"

Lucy's eyes were now swimming with tears, "No, you are not the one I-"

A crashing sound made Tumnus jolt, and he realized, with a start, that he was sitting up in his bed in his house. The door had been blown open by a sudden gust of wind, and for a moment he forgot exactly where he had been. Pulling back the blanket, he caught sight of his hooves shining dully. He put a trembling hand to his head, and felt his ears and horns.

He dropped his hand to the bed, and leaned back, gazing at the moon as it poured soft light through the window.

He was a Faun again. It had been a dream.