Ralph opened his eyes, wincing at the bright light, and tried to figure out what was going on. He remembered talking to Bill and trying to figure out something, but couldn't remember exactly what. He rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up, ignoring the small bout of dizziness he encountered. "Man, what did I get myself into?" Ralph thought muzzily. "Couldn't have been kidnapped, because I'm in the desert and Bill's car is here. Must have been knocked out, and Bill's waiting for the ambulance, but for how long? Whatever happended must have been something strong since I was wearing the jammies and my head doesn't hurt."
As he looked down at his watch, Ralph's foggy mind snapped into focus as he realized something was wrong. It wasn't his hands he was looking at, they were Bill's. "What. … Oh no," Ralph said as he got up and staggered toward the car to look into the rearview mirror. Instead of seeing his normal blue eyes and curly blonde hair, he was looking at Bill's hazel eyes and graying hair. He pinched himself just to be sure and gave a small yelp, realizing that this wasn't a dream. His memories came rushing back and he remembered everything except switching places.
Ralph turned and looked back to where he woke up. He saw himself lying on the ground, still unconscious. "Bill? Bill!" Ralph shouted as he tried to run to himself, tripping twice as he was trying to get used to being "Bill" right now.
When he got there, he turned himself - Bill, he told himself - over and checked the other's pulse and breathing. It was strong but slightly fast and his breathing was normal. He heard thunder and looked up, noticing the incoming storm, then looked back at "Ralph." "Well, partner, I don't know what happened, but we need to get out of the rain so 'we' don't catch pneumonia."
Ralph stooped over and proceeded to gather the other in his arms, hoping that he was strong enough to pick up his real self. He lifted, and found out that Bill was quite a bit stronger than Ralph gave him credit for. Still, he could not get rid of the weird feeling he had that he was literally carrying himself to the car.
Once he got to the car, he laid "Ralph" in the backseat of the car and proceeded to try and revive him. As he slapped his cheeks gently, "Ralph" began to stir and try to open his eyes. "Bill, can you hear me, wake up."
The blonde-haired figure decided it was best to keep his eyes closed, but the expression was a bit confused. "Ralph, come on kid, will you quit trying to pull that voice impression on me again? You still don't sound like me. How about I start trying to sound. …" he paused when he realized he sounded a lot like Ralph. Must be from whatever hit me, he thought dismissively.
"Now Bill, before you say or do anything, I'm not too sure what happened. Came to myself a few minutes ago and realized that we have a small problem." said his voice, but with more of Ralph's inflection. "Now, when you open your eyes, you need to stay lying down."
"Why's that," Bill said, sounding like Ralph but with his own inflection. This is too weird, Bill thought, maybe I'm still out and dreaming. Or this is one of the best practical jokes Ralph's pulled on me.
"So you don't faint when you see what happened," said the other voice, simply. He knew the potential consequences of this reveal, but heard the other man chuckle at the thought.
"Come on kid, we've been through enough scenarios with you and the jammies that nothing comes close to causing me to faint. All right, what's the problem."
"Apparently, you and I have switched places, Bill. Literally."
Bill opened his eyes and looked straight at his own face. Bill was shocked, and glad that the voice insisted he stay lying down. "What the hell is going on here?" Bill said in his odd voice. Still not believing, he sat up and turned to look in the rearview mirror. He saw Ralph's reflection looking back at him. Every facial expression he made matched the one looking back at him. He wasn't dreaming, he realized, they were each other.
"Ralph I don't know how you did it, but we've switched places," said Bill incredulously.
"Bill, I don't know how I did it, it must have been the suit," Ralph said. "Whatever happened must have switched our identities."
Bill got the shivers hearing his voice speak back to him. "Quit talking, you're giving me the heebie-jeebies."
Ralph glared back at him, because he felt the same way. "Lookit, it wasn't my idea to be 'Bill Maxwell-FBI' the agent with a taste for danger and dog biscuits."
"Real cute kid. Let's try to figure this out OK, before the Counselor sees us."
Ralph realized the potential problem with Pam seeing the two of them as the other. "You're right. Let's try to piece together everything up to being knocked out. I remember trying your scenario of running in the desert to build up static electricity to create lightning bolts. Then I tripped on a rock and started flying."
Bill jumped in. "Yeah, and as you were flying, there was a strange lightning bolt, come to think of it, it came out of the blue. It hit you, and you fell to the ground, and I drove over to where you fell to make sure you weren't seriously hurt."
"Well, I don't remember much about the fall itself, that bolt knocked me for a loop, but I felt as though I was the bolt, all full of energy but not the potency," Ralph said. "Anyway, I remember talking to you trying to figure out what happened, then touching your shoulder, then. … Well, nothing until I came to and found out I was now an FBI agent."
Bill grinned, causing his true self to cringe as he saw "Ralph's" reaction. "That's pretty much the way I remember it myself. I think the lightning must have at least partially caused the switch, but I don't think that was all though, given you've been electrified before. Do you remember thinking or saying anything before we blacked out?"
"Well, not really, except telling you that I wish you knew just how I felt wearing the suit. …" Ralph trailed off when he saw the look on his normal face.
Bill nodded. "I had that thought earlier, when you were on a tirade. The suit must have been involved as well. Anyway, that's beside the point kid, now, we're going to have to figure out how to get back to our normal selves."
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"Mrs. Hinkley, you're party is waiting for you," said the head waiter.
Pam turned around and blushed. "Sorry, I'm coming." She followed the gentleman to a table where one of her fellow partners and the witness were sitting. There were also several plainclothes policemen and federal agents around to make sure that they were protected from Sardonyx's hit men. Sardonyx was out on bail, and there had been reports that they were trying to poison the witness to keep him from talking, so they weren't taking any chances.
"Good afternoon, Pam," said Sam. He was a local law enforcement agent, but was pretending to be an attorney as well for Pam and the witness' protection. "This is Fred Chrysoprase, who will be testifying against Sardonyx."
Pam shook Fred's hand and sat down. "So, Fred, I'll get right the point. This case is very important in helping save a lot of lives. Why don't we start from the beginning?"
"Well, about a month ago, I was at a party at a friend's house. He told me about this friend of his who had some real good drugs," said Fred. "Now, I never had tried drugs nor wanted to, and he knew that, but he kept insisting I meet his friends. Well, I followed him to the kitchen, where I saw Sardonyx and another of his friends. And well, he showed me this little baggie with a bluish green substance…." he paused, his voice breaking a bit.
"Take all the time you need," said Pam. "It'll help our case if you tell us everything."
"Sorry," he apologized. "Well, anyway, I told them I wasn't interested, but my friend decided to try it and, well, he took a hit and then suddenly started gasping for breath. He fell to the ground, and stopped breathing, and I tried to revive him. I looked around and yelled for an ambulance, but while there was no one in the kitchen, someone called one."
He took a deep breath and continued. "Don't remember too much, except that I started feeling funny as I was giving him CPR, and then. … Well, I woke up in the hospital. Doctors said that I had been in a coma for about three days, but didn't think there were any lasting effects. My friend. … my friend had died on the scene. The doctors said the coroner reported that all he took was the one hit of sapphire comet. I ended up being affected by the drug when I was giving him artificial respiration. I want this creep to go to jail and rot for a long time."
Pam flinched inwardly, since she didn't know how seriously Fred had been affected. "I know, and we're going to do our best to do that. That's why we need your interview."
As they continued their discussion, a waiter came to take their order. All three placed their order and continued talking.
The waiter brought the order ticket to the chef and left to use the phone. He punched in some numbers. "Let me speak to Sardonyx," the waiter said. "Sardonyx, this is Jeff. Listen, he's spilled everything. No, I can't just knock him off, he's right smack dab in the middle of the restaurant and I know that he's got protection all around him."
"Well, use that poison I gave you," said Sardonyx. When you bring their orders, put the poison in the meal. Won't kill him right away, but it will confuse the doctors as to what's wrong. By the time they figure out, it will be too late. And without a witness, they can't convict."
"Will do boss," said Jeff, and he hung up the phone. "Well, it'll be a few minutes before the meal's ready, but since it's Fred's last meal, might as well be the best one he's ever had," he smirked.
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"Come on kid, we haven't got all day," said Bill with a slight cheer on his, well "Ralph's" voice as he walked. It had been trial and error teaching Bill some of the techniques Ralph knew with the suit, and in the end, Bill trashed his car himself.
"You're telling me," said his now grey-haired companion who was trudging along as fast as his legs would carry him. "At least this is the one time you cannot blame me for trashing your own car. Lookit, can't you at least slow down? I think you have a hyper-extended knee from when you collapsed."
"Sorry, I wasn't the one who decided to change identities," said the blonde figure. Before the real Ralph could retort, the other continued, "It's just. … Whoa."
"What is it Bill," Ralph said. Though he knew his normal self was fit, he wasn't sure if Bill was acclimated to his current metabolism. He was still adapting to Bill's physiology himself, and with some mild difficulty.
"I'm seeing some sort of wavy image with rainbow edges," Bill said. "I think it's a holograph. I'm not too sure because the ones I've seen where you touched my shoulder or the reverse didn't quite look like that to me."
"Sounds like one. Here, let me see," said "Bill" as he touched the other's shoulder. When he saw nothing, he implored, "Bill, you've got to pretty much tell the suit to let me see as well. At least that's how it works with me."
Bill let his mind relax and let the other see the holograph. "I see a waiter, and he's talking on the phone. Wait, I'm hearing something."
They listened in on the conversation. "Mission accomplished, Sardonyx. All we need to do now is wait for the right moment. …" The holograph shifted form and the saw Pam talking to a gentleman before fading.
"Who's Sardonyx, and what's he got to do with the Counselor," asked Bill.
"I read something about him. Sardonyx is one of the leaders of a drug ring," said Ralph. "Pam's law firm was working on the case, but. … You don't think that she was talking to a witness?"
"I think so kid, and we'd better get there soon in order to keep them alive," said Bill. He looked at his true identity, well Ralph right now, and said simply, "Well, I guess it's my turn to fly."
Ralph groaned. He never liked flying to begin with, and he knew this time he was going to be the passenger. "All right, we have no choice if we're going to save them."
"Ralph" picked up "Bill" into a fireman's carry and turned to face the direction they needed to travel. "It's three steps and jump right?" said the blonde-haired figure.
"Yes, just be careful. I don't want us to get hurt, if you know what I mean," said his counterpart.
"Yeah kid, I hear ya. Let's go," Bill said as he took the running steps and jumped. They were flying for about 30 seconds when Bill lost his equilibrium and they both crashed to the ground.
Ralph groaned and turned over to look at his true self. "Bill, remind me to never carry you this way again when flying. It hurts when you crash."
"Deal." he said. "But we're going to have to at least try to fly until we get to the main road, then I, sorry, you since you're acting FBI agent right now, can commandeer a car. Did you bring my clothes?"
"Well, their my clothes, but yes, I have them. Now come on, we need to get to Pam before it's too late. Now turn around and we'll try flying with me riding piggyback. I can do it pretty well, but now we'll have to see how well the gumshoe does it."
"Very funny kid, but you're right. Come on." Ralph got onto the other's back and they took off. They had better luck this time, and got to the road without too much of a wobble. There they commandeered a farmer's truck and they headed toward the restaurant at breakneck pace.